All through this day, in me sleepy listlessness, I struggled so, still disturbed by it all: the trauma, the strange uninvited arousal I felt, the image of the creature which still I could not shake from me, still as though I can feel him inside of me, his teeth biting into me breasts.
I strove not to let me tumultuous distress be evident, hoping Donovan would not detect any dissimilarity in me. Nevertheless— he being so attuned to me— he did even so.
“Aislinn, you seem . . . quite not yerself this morning,” Donovan so kindly observed. “Have you the need to discuss something?” His face be full of compassion as he looked upon mine searchingly.
“Oh, Donovan, so dear you be! But, troubled fer me you needn’t be, me darling!” I answered, drudging up as much vivacity as I could muster. “’Tis only me restless nights slumber which has me thus unlike meself,” I assured him, yet not certain whether I would be able to successfully delude him.
He only eyed me skeptically, patting me knee, the concern upon his face still discernible. Though awful I felt fer deceiving him, how ever could I reveal to him such a thing? Even bear to repeat it, I could not. And that creature . . . fearful I be of engendering him into existence through me acknowledgment of him with me all too vivid memories.
“Alright, then,” he yielded. “You do know I love you?” he quizzed.
Now I felt just terrible that I had caused him to seek reassurance from me. “Of course I do, Donovan!” I assured him most ardently. “And know I love you, as well!”
The creases of his forehead began to ease, a smile spreading across his face. He squeezed me hand tighter and I burrowed under his arm to nestle against him fer the excursion.
“Won’t you tell me where ‘tis we be going?” I appealed to him in me most honeyed voice.
“Me most sincere regrets, dearest Aislinn!” Donovan taunted cheerily. “However, I may guarantee that you will indeed be pleased!”
“Hmm . . .” I said, meaning to return his taunt. But, instead, I replied, “’Tis plenty pleased I be now!” I lifted me head to eagerly smack a kiss upon his cheek.
“Why, thank you, darling. Nonetheless, you shall see that this be just the beginning of your best day yet,” Donovan declared self-assuredly.
“It cannot possibly be!” I countered. “Already had me best day ever . . . well, it be several I have had now, actually. You do persist in outshining yerself!”
Donovan looked to me puzzled, so I enlightened him, “The first be the momentous day you came to me in me dreams,” I started. His puzzled look became utterly perplexing, so I interrupted meself to explain that one, hoping he would not think me mad.
“Sometimes I see things … in me dreams … if you will fathom … that’ll happen soon after.” I looked to him to assess his reaction, and seeming quite intrigued, I continued.
“Dreamt of you I did, a full year afore I met you fer the first. I knew instantly that you were the one who was to be meant fer me. But me hope ‘twas beginning to fail me, I started thinking never would you show yerself. And then, on the very day I had avowed to meself to cease me perpetual dwelling upon you, there you be right in me father’s barn!”
‘Twas evident from his expression that Donovan be stunned by me revelation.
Perhaps now he will understand the depth of me feelings and devotion to him.
“Oh, Aislinn. I never knew ‘twas as that!” he responded, his eyes mesmerized.
“’Tis many a long year I awaited you, Donovan,” I expressed to him quite seriously.
After a long and thoughtful silence, he declared, “I spotted you once before our first tangible introduction, as well.”
“Come again?” I exclaimed in surprise. “You did not!”
“Truly I did, Aislinn,” Donovan confirmed, smiling. “And if I may be so bold, I thought you to be the cutest young lass ever I had seen!” He pinched me cheek in jest. Automatically me cheeks flushed in response.
“Cute?” I repeated incredulously. “Well, it could not have been me you saw, then. I actually be quite the ugly child.”
“Oh, it be you, I assure you of that. How could I ever forget this face, no matter your age?” Donovan cradled me face in his hands as if it were a delicate treasure. And then, as if seeking further substantiation, he went on to say, “Even moved enough I be to ask someone who the sweet little lass be with Farmer MacAuliffe. And sure enough, they replied, ‘Why that be young Aislinn.’ Smitten with you I be even then, Aislinn MacAuliffe!”
Silent I be, quite taken aback fer a long moment.
Could it really be true? Donovan saw me years before I saw him fer the first, before even I dreamt of him? And he thought me cute? When could this have been? And how could it be that I had not noticed him? Had I seen that face, those eyes, that lush hair, never could I have let it slip from me memory.
“So, when was this . . . that you believe you saw me?” I finally asked, intrigued by this new information.
“Oh, it must have been in excess of ten years ago, when I be a lad of eleven and began accompanying me father to town to fetch the monthly goods,” Donovan answered in thought. A smile crept upon his face as he reminisced. “You were probably not more than seven years. And cute as a button, I do say!” he thought another moment before adding, “You know, even then, I could distinguish that you be a feisty little thing!”
“I was not!” I pushed roughly at his shoulder feigning offense.
“Aye, and that you still are!” We both burst out laughing.
“Well, this hardly be fair now, is it?” I said sulkily, scrunching up me nose and protruding me lower lip.
“What isn’t?” Donovan asked bemused.
“Never had I the occasion to see you as a young lad, so as to convey to you how adorable you were!”
“And pray tell, how ‘tis that you allege that I be adorable as a lad? Perhaps a rascal I be,” Donovan suggested, throwing me a challenging look that made me want to leap atop him and restrain him so that I may have me way with him.
Hmm . . . The thought of it immediately sent craving to me insides. I shifted in me seat, trying to maintain me poise as a lady.
“Mmm, sounds delightful!” I retorted playfully, placing me hand upon his leg, just above his knee. “If that be the case, then I truly be sorry that I missed the opportunity to have been acquainted with yer younger self! Some engaging times we might have had!” Ever so slowly me fingers began to trace lightly up the inside of his thigh. Donovan inhaled sharply, apparently at loss fer words, so I continued on.
“Well, goodness, just look at you!” I said, eyeing him up and down hungrily whilst gesturing over him with me other hand gracefully. “How ever could you not have been anything less than absolutely adorable?” I communicated the hunger in me eyes through me fingers, still migrating up his thigh.
Ignoring me now, he rolled his eyes and snorted out a chuckle. “Aislinn, I do not know how ‘tis you perceive all that in me, but ’tis grand fer me that you do!” I saw his eyes nervously glance downward at me traveling fingers.
“And still you are ever adorable to me, Donovan.” I swooned, leaning in to kiss his neck, just below his earlobe.
“Honestly, Aislinn, perhaps I knew we were destined fer each other the way you say you knew. Never did I cease thinking of you, always kept me eyes alert every time we went back to town, hoping to glimpse you again. And still years later, knowing you would be older, I was anxious to see how you’d matured, if I were to see you again. Always did I wonder about the woman you would come to be. And now I have the pleasure of knowing her first hand.” He turned his face and beamed a spectacular smile to me.
“And ‘tis yer woman I be, Donovan,” I reminded him, snuggling in.
“That you are, Aislinn. Me woman.” Never had I heard him sound so possessive before. I loved it!
“Well, now I cannot resist asking yer opinion. What say you of the outcome?” I enquired, holding me head high and spreading me arms out to give him an unencumbered view of me. As
his eyes grazed over me appraising, and then appreciatively, the craving which had roused within me converted into an unbearable ache. I found it most difficult to remain still as I gazed back into his approving eyes.
“Mmm, never could I have imagined that cute little thing to develop into all of this!” His eyes roved over me a bit less gentlemanly this time, making me squirm with want.
Fancy that! I wish he would be much less gentlemanly with me more often . . .
With that, Donovan pulled up the horse and turned to take me small face in his large hands. Fer an extended moment he gazed upon me dotingly before placing his lips against mine and kissing them tenderly. At present being far beyond that, I returned his kiss, but with a great surge of passion. Stunned by me forthrightness, he stiffened momentarily in assessment, and then resumed our kiss, equaling me fervor. Elated I be at his response!
That fraction of hope prompted me mind to become carried away with all kinds of improper thoughts. When he relented, I think I must have been cross-eyed, fer Donovan chuckled and remarked, “So adorable you are, me Aislinn!”
A great many hours later finally we approached the cliffs. As soon as we did round the bend, me eyes amplified greatly at the most impressive sight before them. So adoringly appreciative I felt to Donovan fer thinking to bring me to see them. So attentive he be!
He drove the cart as close as allowable. I sprang out jubilantly, scarcely able to fathom that I actually be there! The rest of the way we had to trek in. Me hair whipped all about, fer ‘twas significantly more blustrey there than ‘twas farther below.
We finally mounted the plateau of rock and caught the first glimpse of the textured face of the rock that appears as though ‘twas delicately rendered by some ancient craftsman. The magnificent rock scape, cliff pathways with breathtaking views, thunderous Atlantic breakers and the unceasing fresh sea breeze altogether infused me with a heart-thumping, hair-ruffling, soul-soaring feeling which only be furthered by the shrewd awareness that at any moment, a sudden severe gust wouldst surely blow me over the edge toward certain death. Though no fear did I hold for such things.
The cliffs consisted of layered beds predominantly of shale and sandstone with the oldest rocks being found at the bottom. Rising to an elevation of over two hundred metres, the cliff edge then abruptly falls away into the relentlessly churning sea. ‘Tis something that truly amazes, no matter how long one gazes upon it. Possible ‘tis to discern precisely where three hundred million year-old river channels cut through the rock, forming aberrations at the base of the cliffs.
Not willing I be to permit the severity of the wind to dissuade me from getting as near to the edge as I could, to perceive all there be to see from there. Donovan, however, be somewhat reluctant to step much closer than where we stood presently. Surely, in an effort to protect me.
“Donovan! Let us lay down right upon the edge of the cliffs!” I squealed in me excitement. “Then, flattened out against the wind we’ll be, and we may peer over the edge all we like!”
From the expression upon his face, I discerned he still be rather disinclined. Nevertheless, he took me hand in his, and we lowered to our knees to crawl toward the edge. We pressed our bodies down to the ground, our heads hanging over the edge. Donovan trembled just a little; though, fer his sake, I did not let on that I had noticed.
The view ‘twas absolutely spectacular!
On a clear day as this I could see nearly forever: the Árainn Islands stood etched upon the peripheral waters of Galway Bay with all its curved beauty; beyond that, the hills of Connemara to the north, and to the south, the lunar-like loveliness of the Boireann. Aillte an Mothair be home to dozens of species of birds, including puffins. I witnessed their homes among the craggy cliff-faces.
Threatening to taint this once in a lifetime experience, thoughts of me dream came rushing upon me. Anxious I be that the creature would show himself to me again there, fresh out of me dream, I could not seem to shake it from me. Although intensely disturbing it be; moreover, I still felt strangely aroused from it, something that sickened me.
Oh, why must this repulsive incongruence exist within me?!
After what seemed much too brief a time, Donovan suggested we pick ourselves up off the ground and move to a more suitable position to enjoy the view . . . and each other. Upon attempting to rise, I stumbled from the shakiness me thoughts had muddled me with.
“Reach out your hands. A mere step away I be,” Donovan, ever attentive, offered to steady me with his hand.
In spite of the thoughts assaulting me mind, in that perfect world of the here and now, our love ‘twas raw and young, alive and real.
Ours be a love so strange and unreal, and yet at the same time, absolutely familiar and comfortable. I belong to you, and you belong to me, too. Before you, ‘twas as though I be blind. You opened up me eyes, removed me veil. I’ll live me life giving you the most in every way.
“Trust in me and you will find a heart so true,” Donovan promised. “All I wish is to give the best of me to you, be the man you deserve, if you’ll allow me to be by your side always.”
Beaming I be, as though ‘twas the first time I had absorbed the warm rays of the sun. Watching the sunlight dancing upon the water, the winds blowing through our hair . . . Beauty as never I had imagined . . .
Those were the moments I have remembered all me life.
I lifted me hands from touching him to feel the wind whispering through me fingers, leaning me head back to feel it brushing me hair back. His eyes still affixed upon mine, Donovan grasped the back of me head, bringing me face forward to meet with his lips fer a deep kiss. As always, me head set off spinning. Fervently I reciprocated his kiss.
Slowly, I lifted me lips from his, allowing me eyes gaze upon his divine face, tracing along it with me finger. “Here in this very moment, ‘tis exactly where I be meant to be, right here with you,” I confided to him. Still, I felt mildly frustrated
Will I ever find the words to completely convey me love to him? I feel as though no matter what I say, the words still do not come close to truly expressing the depth of me feelings fer him. I know now that nothing could ever take his place. I honestly do not know how I ever lived without him. Proper comprehension I had not of what it truly meant to be alive, to feel. I want to preserve these feelings deep within me. Curious how all this sentiment now be flourishing in me, blossoming where once not so much as a seed of something existed in its place. The love I feel fer him could amass the skies! How then, be it possible that it all fits here within me heart?
“Aislinn, your hair ‘tis magnificent with the wind in it, your eyes as bronze jewels, your lips a magical world, me escape.” Donovan’s blue eyes deepened so as he said that, ‘twas as though he presented me a glimpse all the way into his soul! “A goddess you be! And I cannot believe I be lucky enough to have you to love me!”
Me eyes were liquefying under the intensity of his.
That propelled me to find the courage to express what be in me heart, to make certain he knew just how ‘twas I felt about him.
“I want you infinitely within me heart, Donovan. When I look into yer eyes, I see all I need. The person I aspire to be is everything you are. I know this be all I need.”
“Oh, Aislinn! You be so much more than you know,” he told me, whispering the words to emphasise how they mattered.
Oh, only that you could peer into me . . .
“I’ll remain beside you ‘til the last beat of me heart . . .” Donovan affirmed.
Taken aback by his words I be. Rather than the heartfelt sentiment he intended, the utter significance of those words gripped me as a prophecy of heartbreak.
What be you saying? Last beat of yer heart? How ever can I wish fer that? Surely to be torn apart?! How ever would I go on living without you? Know you not how much I need yer love? Yer love ‘tis me religion; yer kiss, me prayer.
“If you were to cease to exist,” I stated clearly, “so would I.” Dreadfully serious I be!
<
br /> Donovan scoffed. “There be no if, Aislinn,” he stated plainly, his voice poignant. “Just when.”
“No!” I cried. “Together forever we must be!”
And fer the first time ever, I wanted to shake him, to scream at him fer uttering such wretched things. Instead, overcome with the harsh reality of his words, I simply buried me face in his chest, wishing to drive away the thought of such a horrid occurrence.
“We will always have forever in each moment we share together. Fer these moments are all we truly have. In the end, life ‘tis merely just a collection of moments, be it not?” he disclosed encouragingly, trying to rescue me mood from its descent, though fruitful in his attempt he was not.
“Aislinn,” Donovan said tenderly, lifting me chin to look at him. “There be something I need to say to you.”
I lifted me saddened eyes to his and waited.
The next day, Donovan returned me home.
Upon hearing our cart coming up the drive, Deirdre rushed out to greet us. I could hardly stand it; I had to tell her what had transpired during this significant voyage. I jumped out of the cart and skipped up to her.
Instantly sensing something extraordinary, her face became inquisitive.
“You shall never guess!” I pronounced through me giddiness.
Her eyes widened as she declared intuitively, “. . . No!”
“Donovan has asked me to marry him!” I announced elatedly.
“Aislinn!” she cried, embracing me snugly. “Oh my goodness! Congratulations to you both!”
Deirdre promptly grasped me hand to look at the ring upon it. “What sort of ring is this?”
Donovan walking up to meet us, rolled his eyes at me impetuosity. “’Tis called a Claddagh ring. They originated in the fishing village bearing the name, not far from here.”
Cailín (Lass) (Anam Céile Chronicles) Page 12
