She clapped her hands and squealed with glee, excited to undertake yet another project toward me refinement. “She will be here tomorrow morning to fit you. Oh, Aislinn, it is going to be amazing! You will be the most stunning bride ever there was!” she beamed, her enthusiasm animating her into motion. “Well, with one exception . . .” she added vainly.
Already concerned with the monster I had unleashed, I decided I had better rein her in before this got out of hand overnight. “D-e-i-r-d-r-e,” I pronounced, grabbing her hand in an attempt to still her dancing. When I be certain that I had her attention, I bade me request. “Please! I do want to keep it unpretentious, as I wish to still feel as meself— the lass Donovan fell in love with,” I entreated her implicitly.
“Fine,” Deirdre groaned, her enthusiasm promptly swapped with a little frown. “Nevertheless, I do not see why you would want to look the same when you could be absolutely divine? After all, you get to look as you every other day,” she uttered, pouting.
I snapped me head round to look her way me mouth gaping. How could she utter such a thing? I be shocked by how utterly insensitive she could be sometimes!
“Well, heaps-o-thanks to you!” I barked at her, grimacing. Deirdre always did have just the knack fer making me feel small in her presence.
“Oh, Aislinn, do pardon me. I did not mean it like that,” she stated sincerely, grasping me by the hand gently and looking at me with her big blue eyes.
To me vexation, remain angry with her I could not. I smiled softly and leaned into her to offer a hug. The thing be, I recognised that do it intentionally she did not. Yet still, always she did manage to do it, nonetheless.
“I know you didn’t, Deirdre.” I offered in consolation. “Only please do allow me to contribute in the matter of selecting me own dress. I promise I won’t embarrass you.”
She cocked her head at me comment, looking penitent. “Naturally, Aislinn. I want you to have it just as you wish.”
Feeling contrite, I endeavoured to change the subject. I decided to broach something I had been intent upon asking her fer some time. “Deirdre,” I started timidly.
“Yes, Aislinn, what is it?” she responded openly.
I felt the heat flooding me face. Taking a deep breath, I whispered, “What it be like to be with a man . . . you know, in that way?”
Her eyes lighting up, a broad smile spread across her face. “Oh Aislinn! Absolutely wonderful ‘tis!” her voice took on a musical quality. “Believe me, it will change you forever, change how you perceive yourself. In the course of one night, you go from a lass to being a full-fledged confident woman!”
“Indeed, that does sound lovely. God knows I could stand to be more confident and less silly. Still, how does it actually feel, to have a man enter yer body?”
Now she be blushing. “Oh. Well, it is truly indescribable! The feel of it is amazing, to be certain. You feel as you never have before. You will discover for yourself soon enough.” She gave me a wink.
“Will it be painful?” I probed, never having given much thought to that aspect before then.
“Oh, I suppose the first time a bit uncomfortable it is. Naturally, that largely depends upon the sympathy of the man. And I’m sure Donovan will be most sensitive to you. I know how he loves you. Never would he willingly hurt you. And then, beyond the first, it is naught but spectacular; that is, if the man takes the pleasure of the woman into consideration, which again, I have not a doubt that Donovan will.”
I beamed at her appraisal of Donovan, as I knew ‘twas precise.
“Thank you, Deirdre,” I said sincerely.
“Of course, dear Aislinn! And so joyful I am for you, that it is finally happening!”
She gave me a brief hug and rising, walked toward the door. I smiled at her kindly as she left the room.
I must remember how much she has done fer me and be careful not to be too impatient with her overbearing enthusiasm.
I walked to me bed and plopped down with a cleansing sigh and began envisioning me gown and how I would appear in it. Never dreamt I would have these sort of choices before me, rather resigned to the thought of wearing me mother’s gown— as it be, a third generation hand me down undoubtedly.
I didn’t know where to start! I had not even attended but a couple of very modest weddings.
The wedding will take place in summer, so then perhaps I can bare me arms a bit. Something open in the back may be lovely; still, would that be too brazen? I scolded meself silently fer still allowing the ever present voice of me father to influence me thoughts and decisions. Already he has cast me out, what more can he do? Moreover, a grown woman I be now!
I fell asleep exhausted from the countless images of possibilities whirling in me head.
Beyond ready I be to become Donovan’s wife! Even still, nerves were beginning to get the better of me as I sat there upon me bed, thinking on what the next day would hold, the utter significance of it to me, to me life. Anxiously I fondled the exquisite— albeit still too extravagant— gown that Deirdre had had fashioned fer me, contemplating on the following day, all that I had planned to vow to him . . .
Each night when we are apart, Donovan, I pray that you be safe . . . I cannot imagine any greater fear than waking up without you here beside me . . . And though the sun would surely still rise anew each day, me whole world would be dark. On the other hand, were it merely the world that did end, disturbed in the least I would not be, if still near to me you be. Yer love be the calm within me, the place where I can freely breathe.
Donovan, our love be the truest thing ever I have known. The one thing that carries me so high, no fear have I at all to fall so deep and lose meself completely. Nothing, not even God above, could turn me away from yer love. Me love fer you, never could it grow cold. I vow to show you all that you make me feel.
Since you, I now see with clearer eyes. And in yer eyes there lives a smile . . . they see straight through me, and speak to me without a sound. Somehow, you view me in every conceivable light and still you think me beautiful. I only pray I will not disappoint you.
Enraptured I be by yer boundless grace . . . I love how you smile at me, the way yer hands reach out to hold me near. I rush to them, fer within yer warm embrace, all me pain evaporates. I believe you must be me angel, sent to save me from the darkness of this world! Yer love be the light of me soul! To me, our love ‘tis as the sea, deep and vast.
Where once me soul be naked and cold, now ‘swathed tis in the warm transparent garment of yer love. Once, a thousand desires I had. And then in me sole desire to know you, Donovan, all else melted away, leaving the one thing remaining which matters to me now.
You and I will be together ‘til the universe dissolves . . . Fer in the heavens I see yer eyes. In yer eyes, I see the heavens.
Since ever I can remember, when I be silent, I inevitably fall into the place within meself where everything be music. Beautiful music! Yet yer love be more than even the most beautiful music me soul has ever received.
Then me thoughts inevitably wandered to what at long last that night would hold. I drifted to sleep fantasizing of Donovan’s hands, his lips upon me, at last all over me completely uninhibited, as fer too long I had so yearned.
Gently Donovan pulls me into his arms, burying his nose in me hair. With the back of his fingers he gently strokes me cheek gazing into me eyes lovingly. Fer the first time, I can see he be holding nothing back, does not feel the need to restrain himself. His gaze it be utterly pure. Takes me breath away it does! Oh, how long I have waited fer this moment!
Our bodies unite in love and once again me whole world alters— solidifies, if that even be possible! This final element, merging our souls in this uniquely shared way fer eternity. Something utterly beautiful be happening within me . . . All feelings of emptiness inside of me fading away. Mesmerized I feel. . . I have truly found heaven!
Donovan moves within me, luxuriating in me, his eyes fixed into mine, transmitting naught, save the purest love
. Slowly he swivels his hips from side to side.
Oh! The feeling it be exquisite!
I tighten me legs about him, urging him deeper within me. Instinctually me eyes attempt to close from the overwhelming pleasure, but I inspire them to remain open, not wanting to disrupt the blissful spell he has upon me, not wishing to disconnect from this love in any possible way fer even a fragment of a second!
Reveling in his every thrust which fills the depths of me, me whole body moves to his rhythm, embracing the warmth of his skin, of his flesh within me. Each and every moment growing more unbelievably pleasurable, I feel meself spiraling up to some inexplicable heavenly sensation.
Feeling a delicious build-up, me body becomes only me sensations as I throw me head back, unable to maintain me hold upon his eye contact. Donovan lets his face fall into me, I feel his breath hot upon me as he nuzzles the curve of me neck, kissing the dew that be materializing upon me skin.
Within, I sense a vague and faraway quickening. As though somehow linked to me breath, it rises just as me each breath becomes more rapid. It be gaining beautiful momentum. Me insides commence to quivering and quickening. Pushing me higher, higher into the air, adrift from reality. I be losing meself, yet simultaneously found, truly alive fer the first in this glorious ethereal place which always I have sought out, yet never knew . . .
On and on as this it goes, cradling me in ultimate bliss, beyond the measure of time. Time it does not exist in this place. Our bodies blend blessedly together, lost I be in him. The only place I ever wish to be, this place I have yearned fer so long now . . .
Me dreams continued, but the fantasy became astonishingly beyond lifelike as though I actually felt his body moving against me, within me. Even as me body quivered with those gently rolling orgásams in me sleep, something seemed off. The bliss be interrupted by an unwelcome restlessness creeping into me soul.
Then me dreams did take a definitive unsettling shift. Suddenly Donovan not be the one making love to me. Instead ‘twas a man unbeknownst to me who be moving himself inside of me— though not gently, but rather forcefully. At that moment, and quite against me will, I felt me body being impulsively overcome with yet another orgásam. Refusing assent of it, I fought against it desperately, still reaching fer the place from which I had been ripped— fer Donovan— alas to no avail.
Heedless to me wishes, the fierceness of it quaked through me body violently, as though fully intending to crumble me apart. It took me to quite a divergent place than the heavens I had been floating upon. Thought to where I did not know, but the darkness of this place I could sense, me soul now shuddering violently in fear.
I compelled meself awaken, muddled and repulsed by it.
Chapter Fourteen
Alone.
Something . . . everything, seems strange somehow.
There be an extraordinary pull compelling me body. It does not feel right.
I do not understand . . . I cannot remember anything, though I distinguish that there be something of substantial significance I should remember . . .
Before even prying open me eyes, I discern I cannot be in me own bed. Beneath me, I perceive the coolness of smooth satin sheets, foreign and unwelcome against me acutely sensitive skin. ‘Tis then I realised I be completely nude. Not knowing why, suddenly I feel vulnerable, so ashamed.
What’s this? Certain I be that I retired to bed with me nightdress on . . .
Suddenly I felt completely disoriented, me head swaying.
I do not feel right . . . What hour it be? What day this be?
I blinked me eyes open and rather than the sleek white French inspired bed in me bedchamber at Deirdre’s home, I be looking up at a massive, dark wooden bed towering above me with its carved bedposts and crown. I shake me head and blink me eyes rapidly, and still it be all about me.
I be in it!
Panic gripped me as I speculated that which could be transpiring.
Why I not be in me own bed?
Clinging to me body the luxurious crimson satin bed linens, me upper half sprang up. Me eyes darting about, I discovered meself to be in a great chamber, the walls of obviously ancient stone.
Light poured in through the small opening of a window, signaling the arrival of a new day. Rising to an impressive height, the walls met the heavy wooden vaulted ceiling where a considerable candelabrum of black iron suspended at the centre from a heavy chain.
It be unlike anything ever I had seen before. It reminded me of many of the ruins I had stumbled upon while playing as a child, yet instead, it be in pristine condition.
This NOT be any room in Deirdre’s house!
I don’t understand! I don’t understand any of this.
I blinked repeatedly, anxious to wake meself from this peculiar dream.
The heavy door opened then and into the room strode a towering and rather handsome, yet formidable looking man. His eyes beheld a most unnerving expression. The unnatural shade of blue eyes light as that of ice stared from behind his otherworldly skin, so pale it glowed as if in the moonlight. The sharply angled facial structure be framed by the sleek, flaxen hair sweeping past his broad shoulders. A deep red glow of light surrounded him.
In a billowy shirt of white linen he be clad, tied loosely to reveal his muscular physique and black trousers.
Displaying a clear lack of discretion, he continued to walk toward me. Me eyes flared with dread as I gripped the sheets higher about me, feeling ever more vulnerable as nearer and nearer to me he drew. And as he did, I sensed a rather faint humming in the space about me.
Then all too soon he be standing right next to the bed where I still sat, naked and scared. The peculiar humming infiltrates me. Afraid I be to make eye contact with him.
“Ah, Aislinn. You have awakened!” he pronounced with enthusiastic reception, as though this not be a strange situation in the least. His voice ‘twas low and smooth, and under different circumstances I do believe I would have found it rather appealing. However, as I looked up into a pair of eyes which have been long frozen, I found there be not a sign of lingering warmth in them. Although quite warm I actually be, I feel chills rush up me spine.
Perceiving me trepidation, he reached out and stroked his finger down me cheek. Hot against me skin it be— even hotter than meself. The buzzing vibrated through me strongly, bringing with it a sense of disorientation.
“Shh. All is well, my child, you are safe now,” he murmured. “I trust you slumbered restfully?”
Safe now? Be I not safe formerly, in me own bed?
“Um, I . . . er, not entirely,” I stuttered confused, feeling meself unwillingly pulled into his trance. Determined to keep me head, I fought against it. “Tell me why I be here, and what be this place?” I queried, the panic rising in me throat.
“You must remain calm, Aislinn,” he says, his voice velvety, as he stroked me hair with his long fingers, causing me head to tingle with the buzzing sensation. His hand ‘twas very warm, abnormally hot actually, his touch heating me hair as would the sun. Nevertheless, I stiffened under his touch.
How does he know me name? And who be he? Why does he touch me?
“Calm?” I repeated, me voice becoming heated, as I tried to shake his hand from me. “You tell me to remain calm when I have awoken in a strange bed in a strange place and you will not tell me what be occurring . . . who you be?” I stared at him anxiously, waiting fer the rational explanation that could not be possible.
He merely continued staring at me tolerantly as though I merely be an errant child, amusement clear upon his face, and went on stroking me hair. I became quite irritated with his cool silence.
Instead of responding to me demands, he uttered, “Your hair is absolutely breathtaking, my beloved,” rhythmically stroking the length of it down me naked back to where it skimmed along me hips. The buzzing sensation grew stronger, really beginning to aggravate me. I clutched the linens to me tighter yet.
“Did we have . . .” I struggled to choke the words out pa
st me revulsion. “. . . Relations?” I demanded more audibly. The edge of his lips curled up into a devilish grin. Me hands flew to me mouth.
Oh me Dia, we did!
“No, love,” he whispered soothingly, bringing his hands to me face and lifting me chin. I stiffen, fearing he would kiss me. “I would much rather have you fully responsive when we connect in that way.”
When?! He trusts we certainly will?
“My deepest apologies, my Lady Aislinn. My manners have been atrocious. I have neglected to present myself properly. I am Voljidaar, master of this castle. Please tell me, is there anything I can retrieve for you? Anything at all?” he asked, ignoring me rant. “I know you must be famished.”
“Don’t you tell me what I be!” I yelled, just as me belly decides to betray me with an untimely rumble in protest. Feigning no notice of it, I continue, with as commanding a tone as I could muster. “I demand you tell me why I be here!”
Voljidaar sighed deeply, looking dis-genuinely contrite, and taking me hand, placed his finger to me lips. I attempted to pull away from him, but he calmly, yet firmly held it within his grasp. “I was hoping to avoid any of this until after you had eaten.”
Me eyes flashed to him, me heart stilling, imagining all of the horrible possibilities fer this strange turn of events.
What has happened? Be it Donovan? Me family? Deirdre?
“Shh,” he murmured in a calming tone, never faltering in his stride.
Fer reasons unbeknownst to meself, I allowed him continue without further objection.
Voljidaar mindfully placed his hands upon either side of me face, and gazed deeply into me eyes, clearly determined to make some connection with me. Powerless to resist his magnetism I be. Then, inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes and softly pressed his palms against me face. With his hands upon me he focused and at once I began to feel a faint humming sensation in me face. Entirely devoid of me own volition, from somewhere within me spirit I sensed a compelling force binding me to him.
Cailín (Lass) (Anam Céile Chronicles) Page 15
