“Tell me what happened.”
“That piece of shit Barker. He’s taking Rumiko to Switzerland until after the New Year. I won’t see her or the kids at all.”
Koji’s always smiling face grew dark with resentment. “Stupid bastard. You should fly to LA and kick his ass. I’ll fly to LA and kick his ass for you, if you want me to.”
Jun looked towards the door. “You would, wouldn’t you?”
Koji nodded. “Since you got that email from Rumiko, you’ve seemed happier than you have been in a long time. You don’t deserve this ‘change of plans’ shit.”
Frowning, Jun sat up “Maybe I do deserve it.” He held up his hand when Koji tried to protest. “Rumiko is the one who left. I’m the one who keeps trying to reconcile when it’s clear that she doesn’t want to. I’m not sure what went wrong between us, but I don’t think I can fix it. I don’t think she wants to even try.”
Koji stepped closer and gave his friend’s shoulder a comforting pat. He wanted to hug Jun and tell him that he’d always be by his side no matter what, but didn’t dare. He’d given up on having his romantic feelings returned years ago.
With a sigh, Koji dropped his hand away from Jun’s shoulder and pointed to the scarf wrapped around Jun’s palm. A dark stain was starting to show through the material as blood soaked into the fabric. “You should go to the hospital to get that looked at.”
“I guess I should. I think I need a stitch or two.”
“I’ll drive you.” Koji patted him on the shoulder again. “Come on.”
With a sigh, Jun stood up. “Thanks. You’re a good friend, Koji.”
Koji shrugged and forced himself to give Jun a small smile. “It’s nothing.” That was the problem ... it really was nothing. Jun’s eyes reflected none of the things Koji felt in his own heart ‑‑ none of the love or desire. Just the loneliness and hurt that came from missing his son and daughter, and even Rumiko.
“Some Christmas, huh?” said Jun as they made their way to the front door. “I don’t know why anyone makes such a big deal about it ‑‑ it’s a crock.”
“Yeah. I was just thinking the same thing,” Koji lied.
He paused, then abruptly turned to Jun. “So what did you get me?”
Jun stopped dead. “What?”
Koji offered him a lopsided grin. “Did you get me a gift? Or are you going to do the same cheap thing you always do and give me a gift voucher for a restaurant or music shop for the New Year?”
Jun laughed and punched Koji in the arm with his uninjured hand. “Idiot.”
Koji laughed back and handed Jun his leather coat. “Got your mind off the pain though, didn’t it?”
“For a nanosecond.”
“Yeah, sure.” Koji grinned, locking the front door behind them. “You just don’t want to admit it.”
“You’re just lucky my good hand is messed up.” Jun rolled his eyes, but the corners of his mouth were still turned up into a smile. A small one, sure, but a smile all the same.
They took Koji’s silver Mercedes ML55 to the Naritami Medical Center about ten minutes north of Tokyo. A light sprinkling of snow drifted from the indigo skies overhead as they parked the car just a few meters outside of the ambulance loading zone, Koji and Jun made a dash for the hospital entrance, hurrying to get out of the cold. Shivering and shaking off some of the snowflakes from his jacket, Koji went up to the nurses’ station and signed Jun in. There were fewer than five patients waiting, and a nurse called for Jun after only a brief wait.
Koji hung out in the waiting room. No one had recognized either of the two rockers, and Koji was happy to keep a low profile. As much as he loved talking with fans, tonight he wasn’t in the best mood and preferred not to disappoint anyone. He crossed the room and dropped down into one of the salmon-pink vinyl chairs in the back corner. Most of the magazines on the little end table beside him were about traveling or entertainment, so he just picked one at random and flipped through it without paying much attention. All the other members of ChildsPrey were doing something for the holidays with their lovers. The band’s singer, Imai, had run off to Paris with his latest fling, while Toru was in LA with Hideki on a movie set. Kyoru was in Hawaii with his actress wife again, probably sipping mai tais on the beach right now. Koji and Jun were the only ones in Japan, alone.
“You want to stay here the rest of the night reading that?”
Koji looked up from the page he’d been staring at for the past half hour and saw Jun standing there with a bandage wrapped around his hand, his arm in a sling.
Koji set the magazine on the table beside his chair. “Well, you know, it’s pretty interesting.”
Jun smirked as he looked at the cover of Modern Woman Monthly. “Did you pick it up for the make-up hints or the article on how to drive your man wild in bed?”
Koji stood and grinned. “The article, of course.” He helped Jun get into his jacket before slipping on his own. “I’m pretty enough, but you can never know too many bedroom tricks.”
“Idiot,” Jun said, giving Koji a playful whack in the head.
As they headed out to the parking lot, a blast of cold air hit them.
“Would it bother you?” Koji asked.
“What?”
Koji hit the alarm off button on his key ring. “Would it bother you if I preferred guys?”
Jun gave him a long, curious stare. “What did you do, get into the drug cabinet while they were stitching me?”
“I’m serious.” Koji opened the car door for him, then went around to the driver’s side. He slipped the key in the ignition, but didn’t turn it. “Would it bother you if I preferred guys to women?”
Jun gave his friend another long look. “Koj, we’ve known each other for half our lives. Back when we started in the business, we partied hard with women, other guys, even with each other. Why would I think less of you now?” He paused, his eyes growing a bit wider. “Did you finally find someone?”
Koji look down a moment, then glanced back up. “I found someone years ago, but the timing was never right to get together. But now it might be, and I’m not sure what to do.”
Jun heaved a sigh and leaned back against the headrest. “I’m the last person to give advice on that. Sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s okay.”
Koji started the car and pulled out of the lot. “You want to go out for drinks?”
“No. Home is good. The doctor gave me some shit for the pain, and I’m kind of sleepy.”
“Okay.” Koji gave him a small smile, wilting inside when Jun didn’t return it.
They drove the rest of the way mostly in silence as Jun dozed. When they reached the house, Koji walked Jun to the front door. “Want me to stay the night?” Koji offered, taking the keys from Jun’s hand and undoing the locks. “In case, you know, you need help with anything?”
“No, thanks.” Jun stepped in to the alcove. “I just want to be alone tonight.”
“Okay.” Koji’s shoulders slumped.
“Night.” Jun took back the keys and closed the door.
“Goodnight,” Koji sighed and made his way back to the car, his footsteps crunching in the snow.
* * * * *
After kicking off his shoes and hanging up his jacket, Koji stood in the small entryway and looked at his empty apartment. It was a nice place in a posh neighborhood, but it was so empty in so many ways. He went to the kitchen, grabbed a beer, then sat in his favorite chair and booted up his laptop.
He took a long drink of the beer, his gaze falling on the large framed photo atop the cabinet holding his stereo system. It was of himself and Jun last year in America, accepting an award from MTV for ChildsPrey’s first English language music video. They’d gotten so drunk at the party after that he’d almost told Jun his feelings. He hated himself for thinking it, but part of him felt glad Rumiko was out of the picture at last.
She hadn’t really been right for Jun, never accepting that so
metimes the band had to come first. But Koji understood the dynamic of ChildsPrey perfectly. In fact, that was why he’d been able to hold his feelings in for so long. He didn’t want to jeopardize his friendship or the band’s success by telling Jun that he was hopelessly in love with him.
Koji finished off his beer, then clicked over to a favorite pop culture message board.
He wasn’t surprised to find there wasn’t much going on. With everyone caught in the hustle and bustle of the holidays, traffic on the forum was slow. The navigation menu on the right side of the black, gothic-looking site showed only twenty-four of the site’s hardcore regulars lurking about.
Though the board originated in America, most of the threads focused on the Asian rock scene. Some of the recent posts included bitchfests over the weak guitars on the latest Mayazuki single or reports of the festival-style concert in Chiiba. One thread featured the header “ChildsPrey Kicks Ass!” with over a hundred comments on the band’s latest video. Koji smiled, but only skimmed through the fan notes, for he was too messed up inside to really enjoy the praise.
Lately he’d been spending more time in one of the side threads that had nothing to do with music. A lot of fans just talked shit up on the main forum, but here things were more personal. Folks talked about what was going on in their lives, the things that mattered to them ... their heartaches.
Under an anonymous username, Koji actually offered advice sometimes ... ironically, on love. He should be the last person talking about that, given how messed up his own heart was, but the words came easily where others were concerned. One girl had posted a message a few months ago about a boy she’d been crazy about since they’d started college together. Too afraid to say anything because they might go their separate ways after graduation, she’d told him that it was just getting harder and harder to go to school at all anymore.
Koji wrote, If you don’t say anything now, you probably will part ways after school. You say he’s kind to you and that you’ve shared a few meals and helped each other in class. Why not take that chance?
She’d taken his advice, and tonight she’d left a quick post to say that her friend had proposed to her.
Congratulations, he wrote back. You don’t need to thank me. It was you who took the chance and you who won his heart. He’s a very lucky guy, Annie-chan. I’m happy for you.
Koji looked around the forum a bit more and was pleasantly surprised to see he had a private message. It was from Annie-chan.
Thank you! I’m so happy! Don and I both are, and I do owe it all to you! *hugs* But ...
I know it’s crazy, but you seem so sad. You always make those silly smilies in your messages, but tonight, you didn’t. Are you okay? Can I help you? Please tell me what’s wrong.
Koji went and grabbed another beer from the kitchen, then settled back down with the laptop. He began to tell his online friend that he was just tired from work, but he erased it. I am down today. There’s someone I’ve loved for a long time. My friend was married, but is separated and will most likely divorce. I want to see my friend smile again, but I don’t know what to do. We work together, and if my love was revealed, and this person didn’t feel the same, it would ruin things between us and with our co-workers. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. You and Don enjoy your holiday from school!
A few minutes later, another response from Annie-chan popped up on screen. Of course, I’m going to worry about you, Kimi. Being lonely is the worst kind of hurt there is ‑‑ I know. You don’t want to ruin things with your co-workers, but if you don’t say anything and you still feel sad, it’s going to start affecting all parts of your life. You told me to take a chance, and I’m so happy that I did. You deserve some of that happiness, too.
Koji stared at the screen as he swallowed another mouthful of beer. Annie-chan was right. How much longer would he be able to keep everything bottled up? Maybe one day he wouldn’t be able to take it anymore, and he’d end up leaving ChildsPrey.
After that, he wouldn’t have his music anymore or Jun. He’d have nothing.
Annie-chan. You’re a wonderful friend, thank you, he typed out quickly before he could change his mind. I have some courage now to try, but where do I even start? How did you talk to Don?
We had a project due in Art History, and I asked if he wanted to walk over to the art museum with me to study. So I guess you could say I asked him out on a date.
Is there something going on at your work you need to talk over with him or her? *laughs* I never asked if you were a guy or a girl. ^__^
Koji found himself smiling just a little. Sometimes I wonder that myself. O_o Thank you. You have given me an idea. I hope it works out. Happy Christmas to you and your special someone. Koji sent the message, then clicked over to a travel site and booked a room for himself and Jun at an onsen.
The setting was perfect; the resort had a classic Japanese ambiance with just enough modern amenities to make one feel deliciously pampered. The onsen accommodated only a few guests at a time, so the place felt like a complete retreat from the chaos of life in Tokyo. Never mind that it also had the potential to be one of the most romantic getaways in the country.
Koji started getting some clothes together and packing them into a duffle. He gathered his sheet music, some notepaper, and a few CDs, tossing them in, too. Before zipping the bag closed, he hesitated and bit down on his lower lip. Something was missing, but the thought of bringing it along almost felt like an invitation to be let down.
“What the hell,” he breathed.
Koji went to the nightstand and opened the bottom drawer. He pulled out the tube of lubricant and then almost dropped it back into the drawer. It’d been a while since his last lay, but the thought of the man he loved rubbing the creamy lube on his throbbing cock made him ache with more than just the need for sex.
Koji slipped the tube into his duffle and zipped it.
Now all he had to do was convince Jun to go to the hot spring.
Chapter Two
Jun rolled over to face the back of the couch and picked up the phone with his good hand. “Yeah.” He yawned, still groggy from the meds the doctor had given him the previous day.
“Hey, Jun,” Koji’s voice came through the other end. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like shit.” Jun buried his face in the sofa cushion. “In more ways than one.”
“I’ve got an idea to change that,” Koji said. “Remember that new song we were writing for the band’s concert tour after the New Year? We should try and finish it.”
“Not in the mood.”
Koji clicked his tongue. “That’s the whole point, man. To distract yourself from everything.”
“I don’t want to be distracted,” Jun mumbled, his lips pressed against the suede. “Seriously, Koj. I’m not feeling the music right now.”
“Seriously, Jun ‑‑ if you don’t make yourself do this now, when will you start feeling it again?”
Koji held his breath as the line went dead. He waited and chewed his lower lip. “Jun? You didn’t pass out, did you?”
“Yeah, all right.”
Koji’s heart skipped. “All right?”
“Yeah. I’ll work on the song with you. Come on over when you’re ready. You have a key. Let yourself in if I’m in the shower.”
“No. Don’t get a shower ‑‑ just throw on some clothes or shoes.”
“What?”
“I booked a room at an onsen inn. No phone, no distractions. Just us, snow, a hot spring, and the music.” Koji held his breath again, exhaling when Jun chuckled on the other end of the line.
“You’re weird, Koji. Really weird, you know that?”
“That’s why you all love me, right?”
“Right. I’ll see you in a bit, then.”
Koji clicked off his cell phone and closed his eyes. If only he could get Jun to really love him ...
“Well, this could be my chance,” Koji thought aloud. He stuffed the phone into his jeans’ pocket and pulled so
me clothes from the dresser. He shrugged into the shirt and coat before taking a second to give himself a confident nod in the mirror hanging on the wall. “Just don’t fuck it up.”
On the way out, he grabbed his car keys and guitar, along with his duffle. A few minutes later, he pulled up at his friend’s house. Jun stood out on the front curb, already waiting with his guitar in hand.
“I knew you were more excited about this idea than you let on.” Koji grinned at him as he climbed in. “Once you’re at the inn, you’ll feel even better.”
Jun looked out the window as they drove off, his house disappearing as they drove down the curving hill it was built on. “Maybe I have been hanging around this place too long.”
“The extra room at my place is yours anytime you need it.” Koji bit his tongue too late to keep the words in check. He glanced over at Jun, who was busy fiddling with the CD player and hadn’t paid much attention to the comment.
“That’s okay.” Jun finally settled on one of the Buck-Tick CDs and sat back as the guitar lead-in to the song Romance vibrated in the speakers. “I’ll work something out.”
Koji licked his lips and cleared his throat. “I know you take your role seriously as leader for the band. Without you keeping everyone under control, Kyoru would’ve shoved his drumsticks up Imai’s ass a long time ago.”
That managed to get a short, dry laugh out of Jun. “That’s the highlight of being a part of ChildsPrey ‑‑ playing den mother to a bunch of bad little boys in grown men’s bodies.”
“But it’s not just that, Jun.” Koji glanced over to the passenger side before quickly turning his attention to the road. His friend looked mildly amused, with one eyebrow quirked in a don’t-shit-with-me kind of way.
“You keep us together, you know?” Koji added. “A lot of other bands haven’t lasted as long we have, and that’s because of you.”
“I just couldn’t do it with my marriage.”
“Oh, damn, that’s not what I meant!” Inside, Koji kicked himself hard. He could be such a shithead, talking without even thinking first.
Winter Song Page 2
