“I remember when we were at sleepovers in high school, you would fall asleep before any of us, and we would draw all over your face with markers. We’d draw the most ridiculous things. Hearts, clouds, sayings, and still you’d never wake up. The next morning, you’d be awake hours before any of us and, instead of retaliating like you should have, you’d just keep the marks on your face the whole day as if you were making some kind of fashion statement. I remember, when I moved to Iowa, you were the only one who would write to me or call me to see how I was doing. You were the only one who didn’t see me as damaged goods. Oh, God, Luce…I’m so sorry. I wish I…I wish I could have seen you again. I wish that I could have said goodbye to you properly, face-to-face instead of by letter. I don’t know who did this to you, but I swear that I’ll find out.”
I looked up to the sky, wiping the tears from my eyes, wishing I could have had just one more moment with her to tell her how much her friendship had truly meant to me, that I’d taken none of it for granted.
“Celaine?” The familiar voice caused me to turn around in surprise, wiping my face once more.
“Ian,” I sniffed.
Letting the grief consume me, I walked toward him, falling into his arms amongst the field of graves. Human contact was something I sorely needed at the moment. Stunned, Ian’s body went rigid in my arms, relaxing after a moment as he wrapped his arms around me tightly as if he, too, had finally received the nourishment only the touch of another person gave to the soul.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into my ear, rubbing my back.
I pulled away from him, but he kept his arms firmly around me as if letting go would snap him back into a form of dismal reality.
“How did you find me?” I asked.
“It wasn’t hard. I just followed the trail of tears and skid marks from the suicide mission you went on to get here.”
“She was my best friend and I never got the chance to say goodbye to her. She’s gone. It’s as if someone was stalking her and found just the right moment, when she was the most vulnerable, to strike. I’m supposed to be saving people, but I can’t even save my best friend.”
I felt my eyes watering again, a single tear falling down my cheek.
Ian leaned in, wiping the tear from my face. “We’ll find the people responsible for this, I promise you.”
His smooth, velvety lips caressed my forehead as his arms unleashed me from their grasp. I looked up into his emerald eyes seeing, at last, what scores of other women had already discovered.
“Let’s go. They’re waiting for us back there.”
I nodded. Following him as he led the way out, he put his arm around my back. As we walked back up the hill out of the valley, I felt the sudden urge to turn back around as though there was something behind me I was supposed to see, something that was pulling me toward it. Turning my head, I saw a male figure with his back turned walking in the opposite direction. He wore jeans and a grey hooded sweatshirt with the hood pulled over his head. I stood at the top of the hill, inexplicably mesmerized by the figure that was growing less and less discernible by the second.
“What is it?” Ian asked.
“Nothing. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
I turned back around to follow Ian out of the cemetery.
****
Chase hadn’t been able to visit Lucy since attending the funeral, where he stood on the sidelines with Luke and Trey who, like him, were uncharacteristically quiet.
“Have you heard anything from Celaine?” Lucy’s mother had asked him between tears.
“No, I haven’t.”
“We’ve done everything we could think of to find her.” She looked solemnly at an unseen entity in the distance, at something only she could see. “Her aunt hasn’t even heard a word, or so she says. It’s just tragic. She was Lucy’s best friend, for heaven sakes. The police found flyers in Lucy’s kitchen and multiple searches for Celaine on her computer. She never gave up on Celaine. It’s a pity Celaine gave up on her.”
“Do they have any leads yet?” Chase was quick to change the subject.
“None…absolutely none. They’ve questioned poor Luke like crazy because, as you know, after a woman is killed, the ex-boyfriend is the prime suspect. I know he didn’t do it. He loved Lucy more than life itself, even though they weren’t together anymore.” She turned to face him, her eyes heavy and glazed. “I’d like to think that maybe it was just a freak accident, that whoever pulled the trigger didn’t mean to shoot her. I’d like to think that somebody didn’t hate her that much. But I know that she was the target. Someone wanted her dead, and that someone is still walking the streets with us today.”
****
Chase locked his car door as he walked through the path of stone monuments with flowers in hand. Lucy’s death had been like losing Celaine all over again. She’d been the last link he had left. After a couple of dates with Paige, Trey was able to convince him to throw away the box of mementos he’d kept tucked away in his closet, and even that wasn’t good enough. If Trey had his way, his mind would have been wiped completely of all memories of Celaine, but try as he may, Trey couldn’t stop his heart from thinking about her and wishing that she would find her way back to him.
His love for Celaine had kept him from allowing Paige to enter his heart or his bed. Meaningless, empty sex did not appeal to him, and it would be unfair to Paige to allow her to think that it would hold any meaning for him right now.
He walked up the hill overlooking the newer section of the cemetery. Stealing a glance at the intricate carvings on each of the stones, he found himself taken off guard when his eyes drifted to Lucy’s grave site. Taken aback, his body was rendered breathless as though someone had punched him square in the gut. There she was, just as beautiful as ever. She was slimmer, that he noticed right off the bat. And there was a look of intensity now that surrounded her as though she’d been through twenty years of pure hell. Still, in his eyes, she remained breathtaking.
His heart pounded and his feet, no longer at a standstill, were moving towards her. He moved along the stones, cutting through a cluster of trees at the bottom of the hill, keeping just out of her sight. He was unsure of what he was going to say to her, if he even was going to say anything to her at all. He’d just walk up to her and let the words come on their own. But, just as he was about to emerge in full view of her, he saw another sight he hadn’t expected.
He was tall, muscular and headed straight for her, clearly concerned. Taking refuge behind a tree, Chase watched her as she turned around to face the man, wrapping her arms around him in a warm, almost loving embrace; the kind of embrace he’d only been able to long for during his many sleepless nights. She let go of him, but he kept her in his arms, prompting his heart to sink from his chest to the pits of his stomach. He knew he should avert his eyes, for whatever was transpiring between the two of them was private and clearly not something he was going to want to see. Besides that, she looked completely comfortable with him, almost as if she’d known him for quite some time.
Is this why she left? he thought. Was he why she left?
A sick, saddened rage overcame him that intensified with every second the man’s arms were around her. There was a part of him that wanted to confront her, to see how long this had been going on and why she hadn’t had it in her to tell him instead of stringing him along for two years. And the only thing preventing him from acting on his thoughts was the thought that occurred to him next: Was she happy?
That was all he’d ever wanted for her and, now that she may finally be, he didn’t want to get in the way of it. So, he stood watching them, hidden behind the tree, watching as his replacement leaned in and kissed her tenderly, watching as he guided her away from Lucy’s grave back toward the front entrance of the cemetery. Dizzy and still sick, he decided he couldn’t go through with visiting Lucy, he couldn’t stand where she had just been. Turning back the way he came, he pulled his hood up over his head in the offhand chance she would turn
around and recognize him.
Upon reaching the top of the hill, he looked back at her, watching her for what he realized may be the last time as she left the cemetery with the other man. Shuddering in the cool air, he turned back around and disposed of the flowers he’d brought with him in the nearest trash can along with the note he’d attached to them:
Lucy,
I just want you to know that I never blamed you. I believe you and I promise that I will find her and bring her back home.
Before today, it hadn’t been absolutely certain to him that there was no hope of him ever seeing Celaine again. It hadn’t been clear to him that they couldn’t be together and that their breakup wasn’t forever. Now he knew that hope was useless and he’d truly lost her.
****
The door to Paige’s apartment flung open as she greeted his arrival later that evening.
“Chase! Hi…”
Before she could finish her sentence, his lips were on hers in a passionate embrace. Trying to forget, trying to move on, trying to feel life within his soul again, he tossed all of his convictions aside that night and gave into his most primal of needs, with Celaine not far from his thoughts.
Epilogue
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
~Kahlil Gibran
I was here again, at my permanent place on the ledge five months after I left. In the past five months, I’d experienced more raw emotion than I had in the last ten years, and I knew that there would be more to come. Overhead, lights from a jet flew freely across the sky. If ever I was jealous of an inanimate object it was now. In exchange for being put in the position to be able to carry out my lust for vengeance, I’d given up my freedom. Was it a fair trade? It was a question I was still asking myself five months later.
In the cold, moonless night, I saw him walking down the street. The pediatrics department of Hope Memorial was back up and running. Instead of driving, he’d opted to walk the nearly half mile to work. Chase had always been the health nut, even in the coldest of temperatures. He opened the door to his building, disappearing into its depths. Near where I sat, I heard the sound of footsteps, causing me to spring to my feet, poised for attack.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. It’s just me,” Ian’s voice appeared within the depths of the darkness.
“What’s with your strange preoccupation with stalking me?”
“It’s not stalking, it’s curiosity. I’ve learned to walk that tightrope well through the years. Besides, why can’t I know where my partner disappears to night after night?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Oh, a boy, huh? Is that him right there?”
I swung my head around to see Chase’s window aglow from his lamp on the nightstand in his bedroom. He was getting ready for the next day, rummaging through his closet for his clothes while making sure his clock was set.
“Yep, that’s him. I’d recognize that look from anywhere,” Ian commented, sitting down next to me. “You’ve got it bad.”
“Would you please not talk.”
“Someone woke up on the wrong side of adrenaline hell this morning.”
“And yet, you still continue to run your mouth.”
“Seriously, what did you ever see in him anyway? I wouldn’t have pegged him as being your type. He’s too gangly and…pale.”
“Oh, really? So who would you peg as being my type? You?”
“No,” he laughed. “You couldn’t handle a guy like me.”
“I think it’s more like I wouldn’t handle a guy like you.”
“Hey…” he sprung to his feet to get a better view of the street, “who’s the hot blonde?”
I glanced down at the street just as she entered the apartment building. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, perhaps I’ll just have to join you up here more often. Maybe I’ll even become a peeping tom like you.”
“You’re funny.” Chase left the room, creating what I was sure to be a look of disappointment on my face.
“You regret leaving, don’t you?” Ian’s voice became strangely consoling.
“I have my days.”
“Why did you leave, then? If you honestly had something worth living for, why would you choose to cease existing?”
“It was something I had to do. I can’t explain it, but I feel as though I would have been letting them down had I chosen differently.” I stared blankly at Chase’s empty bedroom, hiding the tear forming in my eye from Ian. “This is the only thing I can do to get justice for them. Once The Man in Black is gone, then I can go on living again, but until then, I feel as though I don’t deserve to exist.”
Ian sat down on the edge of the rooftop in the hopes of catching another glance of the mystery woman. “There wasn’t anything you could have done to help them. Celaine, you deserve to be happy. Don’t you think that’s what they would have wanted? You…oh…shit.”
“What?”
He stared in the direction of Chase’s window, eyes wide with surprise. That alone should have told me all I needed to know. But, my gaze, nonetheless, shifted from Ian’s shocked expression to the glow of Chase’s bedroom. A gasp escaped my lips, cutting through the still night air. At that moment, I truly felt the pain of my heart being ripped from my chest.
Chase reentered his room, but this time he wasn’t alone. The mystery blonde from the street was with him, and it was obvious that their relationship wasn’t platonic. My whole body stiffened, stuck to the ledge as though it were adhered to its very surface, as though roots had sprouted from my boots and attached themselves to the cement. Like happening upon a horrible car accident, I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t, and my body didn’t release itself from its mysterious hold on the ledge until after the light disappeared from Chase’s bedroom.
The cool, damp air cut through me. My body shook. Ian put his hand on my shoulder, not knowing what to say. The only thought crossing my mind was that I needed to get away as fast as possible. With a running start, I flung myself from the roof of the dance studio, my body arching into a dive. And as the roadway below appeared closer and closer, I debated whether or not I would deploy the grappling hook or simply allow myself to slam into the pavement to my death. Even if the fall didn’t kill me, I was sure that the pain from my body slamming against the pavement wouldn’t even come close to the pain I had just experienced on the rooftop.
In the midst of my freefall, their faces flashed before me, projected onto the pavement as though from an ethereal projector. They stared at me accusingly. There were the usual faces of my family—my father, mother, and Jake—that flashed through my head at every pivotal point in my life. But interspersed amongst the usual images were those images of Blake and Lucy both with “get a grip” looks on their faces, ensuring that I would keep my heart beating until every promise I’d made was fulfilled and every question I had was answered.
I flicked my wrist, releasing the hook from my arm. The rope coursed through the air until locating a light pole to cling to. Safely, I glided down into an alleyway, feeling my feet scuff against the pavement. Releasing the hook, I slumped over as I began to violently dry heave, causing me to fall to the ground. Lightheaded, I took off my helmet to allow the cool night air to hit my face. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the image of Chase and the mystery blonde out of my head.
“Ugh!” I yelled, punching a hole in the bricks of the building that ran along the alleyway.
“I’ve never seen you like this before.” Ian appeared in the alley. “I must say, it’s kind of hot.”
I shook my head without looking at him. “I wasn’t expecting that…I mean…I was…but not this soon.”
Ian entered the alley, taking a seat on a discarded plastic bag next to me. “He was your first love, wasn’t he?”
“How could you tell that?”
“Let’s just say the suicidal roof jump kind of tipped me off a little. That, and the fact that, had anything like that happened be
fore, you would have reacted more indifferently than you just did.”
“Indifferently? What difference would it make? First love, second love, tenth love…its still love. If there was an ounce of indifference in your heart during the relationship, then it really wasn’t love at all.”
“Interesting point. All I know is that after my heart was shattered the first time, no other woman was able to fully fit the pieces of it back together again. Maybe that’s the reason I am who I am. I’m just searching for that loving feeling again, trying to replicate the unique. Going from woman to woman, to woman, to woman, to woman, to woman, to…”
“Okay. I get the point.”
“Well, that’s a good thing because we’d be sitting here for at least another couple of hours had you not gotten it.”
“You’re quite the scoundrel.” I managed a smile at him through watering eyes.
“I’m not good with this emotional stuff.” The plastic bag rustled as he adjusted his body to put his arms around my shoulders. “I’m used to dumping girls via text message, third parties, strategically placed post-it notes on pillows…you know, the usual.”
“And to think you’re still single…shocker.”
“Hey, so are…” he paused, correcting himself.
“So am I? You can say it.”
“I’m sorry, Celaine.”
“It’s fine. I know it. I know that once The Man in Black is gone, I’ll have nothing to come back home to, but there’s still this crazy little voice in my head that tells me there’s always hope.”
“Really? I usually just tell that voice to shut up because it’s usually somewhat of a buzz kill.”
I felt around my neck until I located Chase’s necklace, rubbing it between my thumb and index finger.
“Are you going to get rid of that?”
Enigma Black Page 34
