by Tina Leonard
She sat up. “Really? Supposedly talking is good for unburdening the soul.”
“Maybe, but it opens up a whole new nest of problems that have to be talked about. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”
“That’s funny. I feel a lot better knowing what you’ve been keeping locked inside that hunky body of yours.”
He opened one eye to stare at her. “Please, no flattery. I prefer my bad news without sugar, so shoot while I’m too worn-out to do much protesting.”
Maddie took a deep breath, hating to have to tell him. “Thank you for sharing everything you just said. It means a lot to me, Sam.”
He waited.
She shook his hand, and as he had, pressed a kiss to his forefinger. “Let’s go back to point number four. About you being angry with me when Joey told you we’d had twins.”
A brief nod was all the encouragement she received.
“Martin knew, too,” she confessed in a broken whisper.
“Martin? Martin knew you were pregnant?” Sam sat straight up in the chair.
Her shoulders slumped. “Sam, I had to tell him. If anything had happened to me, well, you were still my husband legally, and—”
“Yes, damn it, I am! I was then and I am now.” He stared at her. “My parents knew. My in-laws knew. And now you’re telling me that my best friend and lawyer knew! I’m going to sue him. Heck, I’m going to kill him! I’m positive that’s a breach of some kind of lawyer-client confidentiality.”
“Actually, I told him as a friend, Sam. But I made him promise he wouldn’t tell you.” She stared down at her hands. “I wanted the chance to…”
Sam stared at his wife. Misery was etched on her pretty face. Her sable hair glistened in the light from the porch fixture and the candle she’d lit on the table. He could see tears shining in her eyes. But darn it, how could she be so sneaky? “The chance to what?” he demanded.
“I wanted you to have the chance to come back to me, Sam,” she whispered. “Without feeling like you had to.”
He felt as if he were carved from unyielding marble. Only his heart beat in his chest, a painful rhythm reminding him that he was flesh and blood. Capable of pain.
As she was.
“It’s terrible when your husband leaves you,” she said miserably. “My heart broke when you walked out the door. I never knew I could hurt that bad.”
Their glances held in the shadowy light. He didn’t know what to say. He was angry all over again, and the betrayal rubbed raw over the not entirely healed wounds of his heart.
She glanced away from him to stare down at her fingers, which she’d locked together. “As hard as it was having to face that I couldn’t have children, it was far worse losing my husband. I think I froze inside. It was too many losses to deal with all at once.” She took a deep breath, exhaling heavily. “Sometimes I wondered why God was so unfair. Why I had to be crushed and torn, lose everything I’d dreamed of. To say that I fell into a depression is putting it mildly.”
He’d known she was in pain. He’d been heartbroken, too. The misery their marriage had become had nearly made him crazy.
She looked at him, her face crumpled with doubt and regrets and painful memories.
“The only thing that gave me the strength to pull out of the black hole I’d fallen into was Dr. Maitland’s phone call to tell me there was one more chance. One more chance to get everything back I’d lost.”
Sam knew exactly the gut-wrenching fear she was talking about. But that didn’t dilute the fresh pain he felt at her description. “I can’t trust my wife, my parents or my lawyer,” he said numbly. “You all ganged up on me.” Pulling her chin so that she’d meet his eyes, he said, “Martin always says I’m his only honest client. But he wasn’t honest with me.”
“I’m not a client. I went to him as a friend I’ve known since high school. I went to him because you needed to know if something went wrong.”
“But he’s been lying to me.” Sam shook his head. “I sent my deceitful lawyer over to France to run my company in my place. So I could be with my family. But he’s disloyal. I can’t trust him, and I can’t trust you.”
Tears slipped down Maddie’s cheeks. “Don’t say that, Sam. Martin loves you like a brother. He was terribly worried about how I was handling it. He never agreed that my way was the right way.”
“Why did he fake it, then? Why did he suggest I have the babies tested for paternity?”
“He’s your lawyer, Sam. He was advising you as he would any client, in case there had been a mistake.”
“He should have told me, especially after Joey let the cat out of the bag. Martin could have mentioned that he’d known all along.”
She wiped at her face, brushing at tears that kept coming. “This is my fault. Please don’t blame him for something I did.”
“And you want him to be the godfather to my children!” Sam said in a fresh burst of anger.
“Well, he and Vivi would make excellent godparents. All of our interests are tied together now, in the company, and after all the years we’ve been friends.”
Sam shook his head. “I can’t. I can forgive you because I understand why you did what you did. But I can’t trust Martin now.” He gritted his teeth, thinking. “I just realized I have six unscrupulous conspirators in France, supposedly guarding my best interests in a company I paid several million dollars for.” He stared at her. “I’ll have to fire Martin from Jardin. And switch my business to another lawyer.”
“Sam!” Maddie sat up in his lap, her eyes pleading. “You can’t be any less angry at me than him. He only did what I asked.”
“I’m not,” Sam said grimly. “I said I could forgive you, Maddie. I didn’t say I have.” Gently, he scooted her off his lap and stood. “I’m going to have to think about this. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll say good-night.”
“Where are you going?” she asked, rising too.
“Next door. I’ll be over in the morning to relieve you from the babies.”
He left quickly, leaving through the gate in the fence between the two houses. She heard the door slam at his parent’s place. Panic washed over her. It had been wrong of her, she knew. At the time, she’d thought she was doing the right thing. She’d wanted to keep her pregnancy to herself, unable to bear the thought of getting excited about it, only to have her hopes dashed. And then she’d waited too long, unable to breathe normally until she saw the two wonderful babies her body had actually been able to grow. Martin had pleaded with her to tell Sam.
Her fear had been too great. She was positive that if Sam wanted her, he would have returned to her. To their marriage.
Damn it, he wasn’t going to walk out on her again, leaving her holding the pieces of her torn heart.
Chapter Twelve
Maddie stood for an indecisive moment. What was clear to her was that, this time, she was going after Sam. She would carefully explain to him in no uncertain terms that he could not walk out on her. “He has to come back,” she muttered. “I’m not going to sit around and wait like I did before.”
But she couldn’t leave the babies. And she wasn’t going to snatch them from a sound sleep to drag them next door. Her romantic nightgown and robe weren’t appropriate attire for dragging a furious husband back—nor for letting off her own steam. If the neighbors saw her standing on his front porch in her nightgown, banging on the door, they would certainly wonder about her sanity.
She pulled off her robe, jerked off her gown and reached for a pair of jeans. The sliding glass door opened abruptly.
“Aiiee!” she gasped, whirling around, the jeans pressed to her chest.
“Where are you going?” Sam demanded.
He came back! her heart sang. “For a walk,” she hedged.
“Oh.”
He took that in for a second before crossing his arms over his chest. His gaze scanned the blue jeans and the skin they didn’t cover. A blush sizzled over her nearly nude body. “If you could give me a moment,” she s
aid, her tone cool.
“Certainly.”
He turned away, but it was obvious he could see her reflection in the sliding door, since the lamps were on inside the bedroom, highlighting it against the darkness outside.
She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Marching into the bathroom, she slid into her jeans and snatched a top from the master closet. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she walked back into the bedroom. “Was there something you came back for?”
“I’m sorry,” he said simply.
Her anger at his retreat began to fade with those words.
“I shouldn’t have walked out. I am upset. I will kick Martin’s butt over this, eventually. But I was the one who suggested that you and I needed to talk, and I shouldn’t have lost my temper.”
“I knew you’d be mad,” she admitted. “I’m sorry, Sam.”
“No. The truth is, I’m not upset with you for confiding in Martin, because that’s what I would have wanted you to do for the sake of the children we were expecting. I’m not angry at Martin for keeping your confidence, because I know he wanted us to get back together as much as our parents did.” Sam took a deep breath. “To be honest, I’m irate with myself, because you couldn’t tell me what you told Martin. And that’s no one’s fault but mine.”
“Ours,” she reminded him.
An instant passed before he nodded. “Okay. Ours.”
They looked at each other for a long moment, and Maddie could feel her heart squeezing with joy that he’d come back, and that they’d made it over a very painful hurdle.
“Even more humiliatingly honest, I had a gut reaction of jealousy,” he admitted.
Her eyebrows shot up. “Of Martin?” she asked incredulously. “I’ve known him since he was a skinny high school geek wearing horn-rims.”
Sam snorted. “Don’t remind me.”
“There’s nothing to be jealous of, Sam.”
He looked shamefaced. “I know. As I said, it was momentary, blind and stupid. Martin adores you, but as even he has said, it’s in a little-sister fashion. I guess that’s hard for me to relate to, since there’s nothing about you I find little-sisterly.”
“Trust me, if Martin and I were stranded together on an island for five years, all we would do is play chess with seashells and checkers with coconuts. That’s it.”
He smiled ruefully. “I knew that. I realized as soon as my front door slammed that the feeling I had was ego-driven. And selfish.”
“So?” She slanted an eyebrow at him.
“I came back.”
With a smile, she went into his arms. “Good thing, too, because the destination of my walk was to drag you out of your cave. The neighbors would have gotten quite a show.”
He looked down into her eyes. “I wouldn’t have had to be dragged. Well, I might have put up a little resistance just so I could enjoy the knowledge of you wanting me bad enough to…you know. Come after me. Fight for me.”
She glimpsed the pain of their separation in his eyes. “Did you want me to come after you when you were in France?”
Breathing in deeply through his nose, he said, “Yeah. After a while, I wanted to be rescued from my pride.”
Maddie nodded. She knew how that felt. Laying her head on his chest, she held him closely for a long time.
Upstairs, a baby’s cry erupted.
She smiled at the shattering sound. “Night duty, after all.”
Sam followed her up the stairs. “We’ll have to ask them to sleep without a wake-up call Saturday night. I want you to myself.”
Maddie laughed. “I heard a rumor that children never do what their parents want them to do. It’s something parents fight against until the kids turn about…oh, thirty.”
“Don’t tell me any more,” Sam said with a groan. “I just know my boys will be sympathetic to the night their father has been impatiently waiting for.” He caught her hand before she picked up an infant. “I’d like to do this again tomorrow night.”
“We’re doing it for a week.”
“I mean talk. I think we should make a date to talk every night until the big night. As if we were simply dating again.” He kissed her hand. “I want our marriage to work.”
Her heart thundered in a new, hopeful beat. “You were a pretty decent date once upon a time.”
“I was a great date! You liked going out with me.”
It was true. Sam had been the only man she had enjoyed dating. She gave him a coy smile. “It was better than washing my hair.”
He grinned at her. “Tomorrow night, I’m going to make you take that back and admit that you couldn’t wait for me to call.”
She pulled her hand away and scooped up Henry, who had quieted momentarily when they’d walked into the room. Sam picked up Hayden, who seemed content to suck his fist for the moment. Sam and Maddie sat next to each other in the bentwood rockers.
“It wasn’t your phone call I couldn’t wait for,” Maddie said softly. “It was your lovemaking that kept me on pins and needles for our next date.”
“Shh!” Sam said. “Not in front of my sons!” He held Hayden close, kissing his forehead. “What would you think about your mother and father enjoying the fruits of marriage before we visited the altar?” he asked the baby. “Especially when we’re going to tell you to wait. And wait. And wait. But if either of you boys finds a woman like your mother,” Sam said to his sons, “I’ll completely understand!”
SAM THOUGHT ABOUT what Maddie had said as he made certain each baby was covered with a light blanket. Making love with Maddie had been excellent. They were totally in tune with each other’s desires and needs, like perfect reflections.
It was beyond him, and it always would be, how two people who enjoyed the passion that they’d known were unable to produce children the old-fashioned way. When he made love to Maddie, he’d felt like every part of his body exploded in a breath-stealing, soul-stopping current of endless pleasure.
“It doesn’t matter,” he whispered to his sons. “Your old dad just needed a little help getting you here. But every time I made love to your mother, I was making you. Every single time.”
He was telling them the truth.
There was one overwhelming thing he had to tell Maddie before the big night. It was very important, and it had to do with future babies.
“I DON’T THINK I’m going to get my prepregnancy figure back like this,” Maddie groaned, eyeing the bedside clock, which read an unfortunate 6:00 a.m. “I’m too exhausted to exercise!”
Both of them lay flat on their backs, staring at the ceiling after falling across the bed. The babies had awakened every hour on the hour, restless in their cribs. One would wake and cry, and that would get his twin started.
Maddie didn’t think she could make love right now if her life depended on it. Physically, she felt like she couldn’t walk.
“Your prepregnancy figure will come back in time,” Sam said, a dead weight beside her. “It’s my forty-two-year-old frame that would retaliate if I asked it to jog today.”
She rolled her head to look at her husband. “You’re in pretty good shape for a middle-aged guy. I’d still pick you up at a bar.”
He laughed at the stock routine they’d repeated many times in the past. “Maddie, you’d have to. I’m your husband. Anyone else would merely be a cheap imitation.”
She covered his hand with hers. “But did you ever think we might find other loves?”
This was a deviation from the routine. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she raised hers back in challenge.
“No,” he said definitely. “Even though our marriage fell apart, I never stopped loving you. I couldn’t have remotely allowed my brain to think about you with another man. In fact, the thought of it is paining my gut right now. Can we change the subject?”
“I guess so. If you’re uncomfortable.” She winked at him.
He wrinkled his mouth before sighing heavily. “Maddie, one of the reasons I liked France was because I wouldn’t have
to deal with some schmuck realizing what a great woman you are.”
She stared at him. “You went to France for the wine.”
“Yes. And I stayed because I knew I couldn’t handle anyone else…being with you.” Clasping her fingers between his, he said, “It would have happened eventually. What could I do? Drop in every once in a while and pretend like we were friends? Live down the block and try to tell myself I didn’t want to hold you at night?” He snorted. “I’m only so much man.”
“You be lotsa man, ba-bay,” she teased.
“Not enough, it seemed at the time.”
She rolled over and placed her head on Sam’s chest. “We got what we wanted, Sam. Those little babies upstairs that kept us up all night, remember?” She smiled. “Adorable, and a little more than we bargained for.”
“With you, that has always been the case. I’ve always gotten just a little bit more than I bargained for.”
She slapped at him before getting up and pulling him down to the floor. “It’s time to work out. Nearly six weeks after birth, and I’m still thirty pounds overweight.”
“I can handle the extra load. Forget about it. Anyway, if you’re packing that much extra, I don’t know where it’s hiding.” He ogled her deliberately. “Except of course, your breasts. Now, I can definitely see that my sons are being fed well—”
“Sit like this.” She spread her legs and reached for his hands. “Put your feet against mine.”
“This is not the way I want my feet against yours,” he grumbled, but he complied anyway, clasping her hands and forming a diamond shape with their legs.
“Now rock,” she instructed.
“Band on the run,” he sang, bobbing his head to imaginary music. “Band on the run!”
“Not Beatles. Rock yourself.”
“Can I rock you instead? You like that, you know.”
She narrowed her gaze on him. “Sam, pay attention. We rock that way Saturday night. But for the moment, rock back and forth on your admirable buns, and pull me forward gently when you do.”
