by Tina Leonard
Abby shook her head. “There is something I need to discuss with you.”
“About my mental health?”
Abby laughed. “That came out awkward. No, you seem fine to me, Maddie. In the past several weeks when I’ve checked on you or seen you at Maitland, you’ve seemed no more stressed than any other new mother. And new wife, I might add.”
“I never thought about it that way, but I suppose I am a bit of a new wife,” Maddie said thoughtfully.
“It’s tough to adjust to each other after living apart so long. There’s a comfort level to be found, one that’s different from the old one before the separation, and sometimes the new rhythm can be hard to learn. Add in twins, unexpected on Sam’s part, and the rhythm most likely can be a bit bouncy. I kept waiting for you to call me with a major case of baby blues, but you came through the first six weeks with flying colors. Maybe having Sam around helped.”
“I do feel blue occasionally, but Sam makes me sleep whenever I get weepy. Or he does something kind, like run out and buy a watermelon, which he splits up into small chunks and puts in the fridge so all I have to do is go fill a bowl and eat it.” Maddie smiled. “If I even have to do that. Usually, he’s already brought it to me.”
“Good nutrition is important. As is having a support system.” Abby smiled. “It’s a wonder you two have managed to give your recuperation the full six weeks. Some couples can’t stand it and go ahead—”
“Oh, no. I might have sneaked a couple of days off the time frame, but Sam absolutely wouldn’t after you gave him his orders. Not that we haven’t been in bed together. We’ve slept together, we’ve jumped on the bed together. We’ve done everything but have sexual intercourse.”
“Good Sam.” Abby looked pensive for a moment. “I’m glad you have Sam to love you, Maddie. I want you to think about how much he must love you to be so caring.”
“He’s very caring,” she whispered.
“I sensed that.” Abby took a deep breath. “And you two are satisfied with the two children you have, and the family that you’re building.”
“Well, it’s been a miracle of course, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’m hoping for at least one more child.”
“I understand. Maddie, on that topic, Mitchell Maitland asked me to talk to you about something.”
The unease she’d felt a moment ago returned, though Abby’s smile was kind and soft. “Okay.”
“The procedure Maitland was able to perform successfully for you isn’t one that could be replicated in your case.”
Alarm jumped full-force into Maddie’s being at the doctor’s careful choice of words. “What are you saying exactly?”
Abby reached out to put a hand on hers. “Dr. Maitland would not perform the same operation on you a second time. It is his medical opinion that the risks in it would be greater than the possible positive outcome. I hope that this won’t disappoint you too much, Maddie. Indeed, I don’t even know if you’d considered the Maitland Maternity clinic in your future plans for pregnancy—”
“Of course I had! How else would I become pregnant?” Panic pressed at Maddie from all directions.
“Then this is what Mitchell wanted you to know, so that you could plan accordingly. I know you’re upset about it, but he really feels that with the successful birth of healthy, viable twins, to try the same procedure again is risking too much. You have Hayden, Henry and Sam to love, Maddie,” she said softly, handing her a tissue.
Stunned, Maddie took it, clutching the tissue in her lap as tears of astonishment streaked down her cheeks. “How else would I have another baby?” she said, repeating the same question she’d asked a moment ago.
“There’s always the possibility you and Sam don’t need any help,” Abby said gently. “It’s something no one can predict.”
Maddie bowed her head. “Thank you for telling me, Abby. I’ve been thinking that I had the safety net of Maitland whenever I wanted it. I’m glad I know.” She took a deep breath, wiping her nose, feeling her chest shudder with emotion. “I wouldn’t have wanted to go six or seven months thinking getting pregnant again was as simple as placing a call to Dr. Maitland. I’d rather deal with the truth.”
Abby patted her shoulder. “Maybe you and Sam can concentrate on your marriage, and the family you have.”
Maddie smiled through her tears. “Our babies sure bring a lot of happiness to us. Maitland did so much for us.”
“Good.” Abby rose and walked to the door. “You take as long as you need to compose yourself. If you need me, or have any questions, please don’t hesitate to call me. I’m always available for you, Maddie.”
“I know. Thank you.” She forced a smile to her face, though it felt like lifting stone to do it. “Abby,” she said suddenly, “why did Mitchell tell you to talk to me about this?”
“Sam mentioned it to him in the hospital, I believe, the day you were having the photo session with Megan. I suppose Sam said something to the effect that you two were hoping to build on your family. Of course, Mitchell felt the two of you should be made aware that the limitations for the clinic’s assistance in that matter had been reached, so you wouldn’t get your hopes too high.”
“I see.” The small hairs on her arms rose, but Maddie told herself it was the chill of the doctor’s office, not shock. Not panic. Not heartbreak.
“Naturally, Mitchell didn’t want to draw you aside and talk to you about the situation that day, Maddie. So he asked me to feel you out on the subject, and if in fact you were considering Maitland in assisting a future pregnancy, to let you know where you stood.” Abby smiled at her brightly. “From where you’re standing, it looks to me like a brand-new future for you and Sam. A rebirth of your marriage, with a bright promise of many years of happiness with those babies.”
Shrill agony streaked through Maddie. “Yes, it does look that way.”
“Remember you can call me anytime, Maddie.”
“Yes. Thank you, Abby.”
The doctor smiled and went out, closing the door behind her. Instantly, Maddie put her face in her hands and wept.
Sam had mentioned having more children to Mitchell Maitland.
She could not have another baby. It was a wall of finality, a dream lost. Most likely a period of her life passed by, like foam ebbing at the edge of the sea.
No, that wasn’t right. She’d known the joy of childbirth. The heavenly, miraculous experience of carrying a child inside her had not passed her by. She was no dry, unfulfilled husk. This joy had been hers.
I did not share it with Sam.
During her pregnancy, in the back of her mind, she must have thought that Maitland could work one more miracle for her. Or maybe she’d simply been too selfish to share with Sam, too afraid of his reaction to what she’d done. Her chest ached with the pain, feeling almost concave, like a hollow shell.
How could she share her heartache with him, considering his recent bout of angina? Sam, I can’t have any more children. We can’t have any more children.
She closed off her sadness, though she felt as if her heart had never hurt so much. Emptiness filled her. Strangling the thought that their family wasn’t quite complete without the little girl she’d dreamed of, Maddie forced herself to focus on Sam. He was supposed to rest and cut down on stress.
This news would upset him, for her sake. For her sake. With Sam, it was always for her sake.
No way would she risk setting off another attack like the one he’d suffered the other day.
“YOU’RE AWAKE,” Maddie said as she walked into the kitchen. Sam sat at the table, eating breakfast and wearing only boxer shorts. Her gaze roved over him quickly, but wistfully. The two babies lay on a blanket nearby. “I was hoping all three of my men would be snoozing.”
“Believe me, the boys and I had a great morning. We just got up and decided o.j. and cereal sounded like an eye-opener. For Dad, anyway. They had a bottle, which they seemed to like just fine because they pooped out right after playing wit
h their fingers for about thirty minutes.” He grinned at her. “So…are we on for a bottle of wine and some long-awaited lovemaking tonight? Not that I’m, you know—” he lowered his voice to a whisper in deference to his sons’ tender ears, in case they might be listening in their sleep “—that adjective that rhymes with corny or anything.”
She laughed as she set her purse down.
Sam came up behind her, scooping his hands around her bottom before holding her close against him. “How was the doctor visit?” he whispered in her ear, nuzzling her nape.
Instant fire poured into her veins. “Everything is just fine.”
He turned her to face him. “Fine for tonight?”
Slowly, she allowed her gaze to move from his broad chest down his tapered stomach—with the love handles he swore were there but she couldn’t see—to a major rise in his boxer shorts. “Can you…wait that long?” she asked, meeting his eyes deliberately.
“Can you?”
She gave him a foxy look. “I’ve been known to like early morning lovemaking.”
His eyes blazed with passion she remembered. She trailed a hand over his chest and down his stomach, to just above his waistband. “As a matter of fact, you’ve been known to be very virile in the a.m.”
“Beautiful lady, I can be virile at any hour of the day just by looking at your sweet body.”
She tapped his lip with a finger. “Impressive boasting.”
“Uh-uh. Impressive track record.” He kissed her neck, down along her collarbone, and slipped his hands up under her breasts. “Did the doctor give you the green light?”
“Maybe a yellow.”
He stopped kissing her to stare worriedly into her eyes. “Yellow?”
“Green to go, but yellow to proceed with caution,” she said, slipping her own hands inside his boxers so that she could feel his buttocks. “There may be some tightness at first since I had an episiotomy, which might be uncomfortable. In other words, go slow.”
He unzipped her sundress, letting it drop to the kitchen floor. She stepped out of her sandals. Gently, he unclasped her bra, taking her enlarged breasts in his hands. “You’re beautiful,” he said huskily. He bent to kiss each breast, tasting the nipples with his mouth before teasing them into hard puckers. She moaned, her hands reaching for his head to hold him closer to her. He licked her slowly as his hands moved down to slide into her panties.
She gasped from the feel of him cupping her mound. He pushed down her panties and she stepped out of them. “I’d forgotten how wet you make me,” she said breathlessly.
“I’d forgotten how hard you make me. I feel like I’m going to explode. But,” he told her, “I’m proceeding with caution. Doctor’s orders.”
He lifted her, carrying her to the sofa, which was on the opposite side of the baby blankets. “Privacy, first thing.”
“Definitely,” she agreed. “Second thing, let me remove those boxers for you. They seem to be in the way.”
“Not anymore.” He shoved them down, revealing stark evidence of his desire for her.
Maddie looked up at Sam with glowing eyes.
“Lie back,” he told her, pushing her gently into the pillows of the overstuffed sofa as he lay beside her. They stared into each other’s eyes. “I’ve missed you for far too long to rush this.” He slid a finger along her heat as he sealed his mouth to hers, kissing and sucking at her lips as he stroked her below. “I always liked how eager you get for me,” he murmured after a moment.
“Sam,” she moaned. She could feel his hard strength against her leg, and she wanted to feel it inside her.
“Not yet.” He pressed kisses to her lips. “I’ve missed your mouth. I’ve missed you kissing me. Kiss me, Maddie.”
She did, and he slid his finger inside her. She nearly fainted with the surprising pleasure of it. He caught her gasp of excitement in his mouth, sucking until she felt her breath might leave her. When he moved to kiss her chin, she strained up against him, but he said, “Relax. I’m not going to rush this. Remember, go slowly.”
“Not this slowly! I think I’m going to cry if you don’t get inside me,” she said frantically, taking him into her hands so that she could stroke him to the same fever pitch burning her.
He moved a second finger inside her, gently enlarging her, and Maddie moaned. “Please, Sam,” she begged.
“I want to please you. I’m going to please you. Relax.” He bent his head to lick at her nipples again, moving up over her so that he was poised at her entrance. Maddie reached for his hips to draw him into her, but he shook his head. “No. Let me do this.”
She groaned as he moved slightly inside her, his finger moving to caress the delicate skin just above. Tremors began to build inside her as he gently stroked back and forth, back and forth, just an inch inside her, letting her get used to the feel of him so there would be no pain.
“Sam,” she said, suddenly swept up on a wave of intense longing, “Sam, don’t stop. Don’t stop—oh, my—”
“Go, Maddie,” he encouraged her. “Let go. I want to feel you this way.”
Closing her eyes, she let herself feel the wave of cresting climax, grabbing at his shoulders so she could force him into her, but he held back until she felt the release. Then, when she thought the joy couldn’t get any more intense, he began moving deeper and deeper in the same back and forth motion until he was finally completely joined with her.
“Are you all right?” he asked, his voice raspy against her neck.
“I’m better than all right.” She wrapped her legs around his waist. “I want more. Take me, Sam. Do it. You’re not going to hurt me.”
He groaned, and she smiled, liking the passion she made him feel. Now that he was certain she wasn’t going to be hurt by him, he pumped more ardently, rocking her with the sensation she wanted so badly. Her nipples hardened again as she held on tightly to him, keeping herself clasped against him so he could find the pleasure she wanted to give him.
“Maddie,” he said between clenched teeth. “Maddie—I never want to be without you again,” he growled, throwing his head back as the climax rolled through his body. She could feel it resonating inside her like thunder.
He collapsed against her, his back sweat soaked, his breathing hard. After a moment, they moved so they could snuggle against each other. Sam reached to pull an afghan over her as he kissed her. “That was just what the doctor ordered.”
“Sam!” But she laughed, and as they fell asleep, wrapped in each others arms, she didn’t let herself think about what Abby had told her.
AFTER THE WONDERFULLY blissful morning they shared, there was no telling Sam what she’d learned. It wasn’t fair to burden him. Maddie wanted to make him happy, chase the stress away.
When she felt blues pressing on her, she went into the master bathroom and sat, staring at the fountain. The beautiful woman wore a long gown, exposing a bare leg as she poured water into a basin. It was an exquisite statue, and Maddie loved looking at it.
Even if it did spit instead of flow, it was a lovely image of womanhood. Maddie liked the rocks in the basin, the permanence below the crystal water. Water was a sign of life. She loved dipping her fingers into it, watching the ripples as she touched it.
“You are a treasure,” she told the statue. “I guess you know you seem perfect except for your obvious flaw.”
Sam came into the bathroom at that moment, seeing her looking at the fountain. “The boys are in their cribs. I was going to take a shower, unless you were about to….”
She shook her head. “No. Not yet.” She planned to bathe eventually and change into some stretchy shorts.
He came up behind her to press his face against her neck. “That statue freaks me out.”
Maddie smiled. “I don’t even notice her plumbing problem anymore.”
“I do.” He stepped around Maddie, leaning to look at the back and the underside of the basin. “I can’t figure out what our mothers did wrong. It looks to me like they did everything
just right.”
Maddie smacked his hand lightly. “Leave my statue alone, please. She doesn’t need to be fixed.”
He gave her a hurt look, which was so fake Maddie shook her head at him.
“I could fix her.”
“Leave her just the way she is, please.”
“Let me take her back to the store and get one that works properly.”
“Absolutely not!” Maddie was horrified. “She has a tiny defect. That doesn’t make her…less special.”
“No, it doesn’t. It means she needs to be stamped ‘return to vendor’ so she can be replaced.”
Chills swept Maddie’s arms. “But she’s mine, and I like her just the way she is. She’s a gift from our mothers. I wouldn’t dream of taking her back.”
He shook his head. “Suit yourself. Let me know if you change your mind.” Stripping off his shirt, he said, “By the way, Maddie, while we’re on the subject of gifts, I was wondering where your wedding band is.”
Chapter Sixteen
Sam knew from the suddenly wary look in Maddie’s eyes that he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear. She stared at him, her jade eyes wide with discomfort. Her full lips trembled ever so slightly.
So he waited for her to tell him. Maybe she would simply say that her hands were too swollen from the pregnancy to wear them. He would take them to a jeweler and get the band and the engagement ring resized at once.
“I sold them back to the jeweler we bought them from,” she said softly, “to pay for the operation.”
His jaw dropped. He’d never thought about the cost she’d incurred in the risky procedure she’d undergone. “Maddie Winston! How could you?”
“I did it in a heartbeat,” she stated firmly, “and I would do it again. The bills came after you’d moved to France, and I wasn’t about to call and ask you for money, Sam.”
“That’s not what I mean! How could you not…I mean, why wouldn’t you call and tell me…never mind.” He sank onto the edge of the tub, staring at her. “Maddie.” Dumbstruck, he shook his head.
