I gaze into Keagan’s troubled eyes. “Don’t watch it,” he begs. We have been through so much together, and even though I know hedoesn’t feel the same as I do for him, I trust him. Therefore, I decide to do something I keep telling myself not to do… I run.
I don’t breathe until I reach the safety of my room ; the laughter that followed me up the stairs still has me cringing. Leaning against the back of the door, I slide down it untilI’m sitting and resting my head in my hands. I’m close to tears, but hold them back.I don’t want to cry. I feel like I have been doing so much of it lately. Those people don’t deserve my tears, I realize. I will not cry for their amusement.
Getting up, I run to my closet, quickly picking out a pair of comfortable jeans and a Rise Against T-Shirt. As I walk pastmy mirror, I’m completely taken by surprise when I notice the black streak in my otherwise red hair. I completely forgot about it until now.I’m surprised that no one mentioned it, but I guess that everything else was more important than my new hairstyle. I don’t really know if the darkness has had any effect on me, but with my crazy life who knows what is normal and what isn’t. After running a brush through my hair, I re-apply another layer of mascara and eye-liner.
I want to make a point. I haven’t been in my room long, there is no trace of tears on my face anymore, and I know that staying strong and not backing down from the bullies will discourage some of them. I feel ready—especially with a new coat of war paint on—and make my exit out of the room. With my head held high, I walk past all of those that are trying to bring me down. There are snickers and cat-calls coming from all corners. I try not to let them faze me, but it’s hard to hold it together… especially when I notice Keagan and Porsche in a corner in full make out session. Don’t let it get to you, I tell myself, trying not to notice how their bodies are mashed up against each other so tightly that a penny would have a hard time getting in between the two of them.
However, I can’t help but be hurt. Keagan holds my heart, and he’s been putting it through the meat grinder for the last few days. It’s hard to believe that until recently, I was the one whose lips he was kissing, whose hair he was running his hands through, and whose attention he was trying to get regardless of what it took. My heart feels heavy as I exit the dorms.
Chapter 10
A Touch of Keagan I watch her make her way across the room through half-closed lids. I can tell by her body language that she’s trying really hard to hold it together. This probably isn’t helping, but it achieves two things. First,it’s fun to make out with Porsche. Second, I wanted Porsche distracted from Trish. What better way to accomplish both? I continue holding Porsche pressed against me, kissing her passionately. It’s nice and feels good,but it doesn’t feel right. Porsche is aggressive and is running her hands all over me, which doesn’t stop my mind from wandering. This situation sucks! How in the hell did that video get out? I know Trish is going to freak when she sees it. I reallyshouldn’t give a shit about her feelings, but I do like and respect her. I don’t want her hurt, especially because of me. Not only that, but from what everyone tells me, I owe her big time.
Porsche finally pulls back from me, and she licks her lips, which I usually find really hot. All I want to do right now is wipe the spit, which is all over and around my mouth, off. I heard once that spit is supposed to be the number one aphrodisiac, but I gotta say itisn’t working for me right now.
Porsche gives me a once over, like I’m a piece of steak that shecan’t wait to sink her teeth into, and runs her hand up my arm in a seductive gesture. All of a sudden, she yanks back and punches me in the arm, surprising the crap out of me. “You are trying to distract me, aren’t you,Keagan.” It’s not a question and we both know it.
“What’s your game, Keagan, whoseside are you really on?” When I just stare at her, she decides to continue,“I used to know who you were and what you believed in, but I’m not so sure that you even know anymore. I understand it’s really hard to choose between your family and the Guardians, but that is what you need to do, Keagan… you have to choose. You can’t constantly jump from one side to the other, picking and choosing some things that you agree with and others that you don’t. You know that I like you and want to be with you, but there is only so much a girl can take. And, Keagan, I’ve about had it.” She crosses her arms in front of her ample chest, displaying all of her cleavage, which my eyes momentarily get distracted by. However, her words quickly bring me back to her face. “I know you like what you see, but you can’t have me and still stick up for her.” She sneers the last. “She is the reason that we exist and I don’t care how much she is trying to convince everyone that she is good, she’s not. Trust me, the day will come where my sharp knife will sink deep into her heart. Then, I will look you in the eye and tell you I told you so.”
“I get that you don’t like her because she is a Young Creator, but do you think that humiliating her and making her life miserable is helping the situation?” I ask, trying to be logical.
Porsche lets out a high-pitched, wild laugh. “Come on, Keagan, you’re smarter than this. This is personal and I will do everything I possibly can to destroy that girl. She came between us and almost took you from me!I’m just glad you finally came to your senses and realized we are made for each other.”
I stare at her. All I want to do is back away, turn on my heel, and run as far as I possibly can to get away from this crazy chick. What happened to the sweet little girl with the pigtails that I used to play chase with, who would sneak me black licorice because she knew how much I loved it? Porsche used to be my best friend, but she sure has changed into a complete psycho. I have no idea what she is capable of. Putting on my game face, I give her my sexy smirk and lean in, giving her a quick kiss on the lips.
“You are so sexy when you’re all possessive. But you do realize that you have nothing to worry about when it comes to the Young Creator, right? Guardians are not meant to be with Young Creators, even I know that it’s wrong,” I tell Porsche hoping that she will back up from tormenting Trish.
“Really ? Then can you please explain to me why you were dating her here at Dalton, and then protecting and taking care of her when we were all at the rebel camp,” she challenges me.
“Honestly , Porsche, I have no memory of that girl before I woke up on the bridge after we faced the Fury and all of her minions. Ican’t explain to you why I did what I did before then when it comes to her because I don’t remember. But you can trust me when I tell you that I have no feelings for that girl whatsoever. I know my duties toward her, and I will make sure to do everything within my power so that shedoesn’t turn to darkness. You have to believe me, Porsche.” I beg the last part because I want her to believe me, and not only that but I think I want to believe myself. The visions keep coming more and more frequently, and I also have flashes of memories of the two of us together. I don’t understand why she is missing from my memories, but it is driving me crazy. I could never be with one of them, but my flashbacks seem to tell me otherwise.
I decide that I’m tired of thinking and worrying about all of this stuff. What better way to do so than hit the punching bag?“I’m going to head over to the gym and get a good workout in. I’ll see you later.” Porsche barely acknowledges me since she is already in a deep conversation with Eddie. I walk out of the high tech common area where everyone hangs out, and head over to the gym. I have to walk past the pool, which is situated right smack in the middle of the dorms. It works out pretty well for us guys when the chicks are sunbathing in their skimpy bikinis. I notice a couple of girls that I know are doing exactly that and nod to them when they wave.
I’m already in some loose basketball shorts and a black wife beater, saving me a trip to my room. I increase my pace, and once I hit the trails I start jogging, warming my body up slowly. The gym is only about a quarter of a mile from the dorms, which takes me no time at all. The campus has two gyms, but this one is the further one from the main campus and less used, which suits m
e just fine. I’m not in the mood to deal with people right now.
I walk through the main door and head over toward the locker area where I keep extra tape and gloves. I know how important it is to wear proper protective equipment while boxing. Boxing utilizes very forceful strikes with the hand, and since there are many bones in it, striking surfaces without proper technique or equipment can cause some serious damage. I always use hand wraps, which are used to secure the bones in the hand, and the gloves are used to protect from blunt injury, allowing me to throw punches with more force.
I position myself with my legs shoulder-width apart; my right foot a half-step behind the left foot. My left fist is held vertically about six inches in front of my face at eye level; my right fist is held beside the chin and the elbow tucked against my ribcage to protect the body. I start off with a few jabs and then transition into an uppercut. I work my way through my normal routine, which takes me about an hour. After finishing off my punching routing, I jump rope, do pushups, and then abs. I like to keep it pretty basic on boxing days.
I usually run every morning, but since I didn’t get a chance to this morning, I decide to do three miles. I don’t mind the dry heat that Northern California is known for and easily finish my run in less than twenty minutes. I feel pretty great; the workout really cleared my head. It was a nice distraction fromall the drama that’s going on. I don’t think I dislike anything more than drama, why do women always seem to be smothered in it? If drama were a perfume, I think it would be a best seller … at least then you would know who to avoid. Smell the drama and walk the other way. Speaking of drama, I need to go see my crazy psycho girlfriend, and figure out how to cut that girl loose.She’s hot, but she is not worth this headache. Plus, I was just using her to show everyone that I’m not interested in the Young Creator, but Porsche has been more trouble than I feel like dealing with. Let’s just face it and get this over with.
I arrive at her dorm just a few minutes later. I don’t even bother changing, and in a way I hope I smell just to keep her at a distance. I throw open the door and barge into her room, not caring that I didn’t knock. However, I definitelydon’t expect to walk in on Porsche and Eddie. She’s pushed up against the wall, legs wrapped around his waist, and both of them are sweating from exertion. “What the …”
We have all known each other since we were kids, and the three of us were always inseparable. Eddie and I have been best friends forever and this just doesn’t make sense. Porsche has never shown the least bit of interest in Eddie, and the same can be said for him. The strangest part of all is that itdoesn’t bother me that Porsche is with Eddie. What does bother me is that Eddie, who has been like a brother to me, has gone behind my back. I haven’t told him that it’s over between Porsche and me, so he has definitely betrayed me. How long has this been going on? These two are supposed to be my friends.
My words have alerted both Porsche and Eddie to me being there, and it’s as if time stands still. I can see the shock and panic cross Porsche’s face when she sees me standing in the doorway, and her eyes flicker from my face to Eddie’s. I’m a man and not a wimp, so I walk into the room, close the door behind me, and lean against it. “Seems I’m interrupting something. You guys want to explain what’s going on and how long this has been happening?” I stand my ground, waiting and watching as Porsche and Eddie get untangled before awkwardly putting themselves back together. Then they face me.
“I’m so sorry, Keagan! I never meant to hurt or lie to you, but my dad asked me to get close to you. When you asked for us to join you in the rebel camp and me to be your girl, I took the opportunity.” Gone is the cocky, self-assured girl that I’m so used to. Red colors Porsche’s checks and she is wringing her hands nervously in front of her.
“Why?” I ask, wanting to know why her father would want us to date.
“I didn’t ask. He told me to, and … well, look at you. Why would I even bother questioning him? But Eddie and I were something else and it wasn’t supposed to be like this. It
just kinda happened. I’m really sorry. I know that you’re upset, but—” I don’t really know what to say or think at this point, but I know one thing … even though this is not how I expected it to play out between Porsche and me,I don’t have to break up with her. Solves that problem.
“It’s cool, don’t sweat it,” I say, cutting her off. With an‘I don’t give a crap’ shrug, I stroll out of the room, closing the door behind me to let them figure everything out.
Chapter 11
Touched by Doubt The rest of the day passes by in a blur. I have an awesome time with my friends in Sacramento, enjoying a great dinner at a little Japanese sushi place, which is my first experience with the food. Then, we walk around in downtown Sacramento, window shopping. Something interesting I find out about the town is that its nickname is the City of Trees … the only problem is I barely saw any. Californians are so strange.
It’s pretty late by the time that we get back , and as I change into shorts and a T-shirt, I smile at the thought of the awesome friends I have. I don’t think I could go back to the lonely existence I had before attending Dalton Academy. Not that I don’t love spending time with my mom,but I enjoy our time together so much more now that it’s not just the two of us. As I crawl into bed, I wonder if she’s going to come visit me or if she’ll be too busy at Haven and the Rebel Camp. Wiggling my way under the covers, I appreciate my bed; it’s so nice and warm after sleeping in so many uncomfortable places. The girls really wore me out, and sleep overcomes me as soon as my head hits the pillow.
When I wake up the next morning, I feel pretty great. The night out with the girls really put me back on track. I get up early enough for a run, so I throw on my favorite pair of running shorts, a black T-shirt, running shoes, and pull a hoodie over my head. Putting my hair up into a ponytail, I grab my beloved iPod, which I plan to never again be without, and head out the door. Plugging my ear buds in and scrolling through my play list, I smile when I find all of my favorite songs. I’ve really missed it;it’s so nice to have the simple comforts back that make life so much easier.
I jog down the stairs and out through the common room. When I finally hit my running path, I choose“Nightmare” by Avenged Sevenfold to really get me going. I love that band, and the heavy bass sets a great beat for me to run to. I have to say that I’m surprised I’m not having a harder time running my three miles, but I guess all of the recent events have kept me in shape. With the music in my ear, I loose myself in my thoughts. I run away quite a bit when things get hard, but I guess when it really counted I stood my ground. I think I’m going to have to set a new goal for myself and not let mean, spiteful girls make me flee. I especially have to learn not to run away when those that are importantto me tell me things I don’t want to hear.
My three mile run passes by way too quickly. I feel like I could keep going, but know I’m short on time; I still need to take a shower and get ready for class. Stepping through the door into the common area, Ialmost collide with a couple of girls coming out. “Watch it, reject,” she snaps as we cross paths.
“Excuse me?” I stick by my goal, deciding to confront the rudeness from these girls that I ’ve never talked to and really don’t know. Why in the world are they being rude to me? “You heard me! What are you not only a reject, but a tard, too? Want me to speak slowly
so you can understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?” the leader of the pack, a
really pretty girl with shiny chestnut hair, snarls at me.
“I think you must’ve me confused with someone else. Regardless of who you think
you’re taking to, you shouldn’t be saying things like that. Rude much?” I stare straight into her
eyes, meeting the challenge in them and not backing down. This girl is clearly a bully, and for
some reason I’m her attempted victim for the day. Well, she’s about to learn that I will not be
bullied by her.
“Whatever,ta
rd!” With those words, the cluster of girls continue on their way, giggling. I have no idea what any of that was about, butI’m not going to let it ruin my day. Why
would I let girls that I don’t even know make me feel bad about myself? Totally not worth it. I smile to myself as I race up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I justcan’t wait to get
back into a regular routine, be a normal teenager again. I have to admit, when I first heard that
we were to return to school versus help out in Haven with everything that is going on, I was
really disappointed. Now that I’m here and realize I get to be a normal teenager again while the
grown-ups worry about all of the hard things in life, I’m happy they made the decision for me. The confrontation at the front door cost me, so now I only have fifteen minutes to make it
to class. Deciding that cleanliness should be my first priority, I jump in the shower. When I get
out, I towel dry my hair and throw on some clothes. In my haste, I pull on the first uniform I see,
which is bundled up on the ground. There’s now only five minutes before class, so I grab my
bookbag and rush out the door.
I barely make it to my seat before the bell rings. Looking around, I spot Kristina, Lexi,
and May already in their seats. Kristina and May wave to me and Lexi wiggles her eyebrows,
whichmakes all of us crack up, reminding me of the sleepover we had for May’s birthday. “Quiet!” I turn around in shock to find out who shouted at us, and find a man instead of
Mrs. Z at the front of the room. The man has his arms crossed in front of his chest and is glaring
daggers at the class. “Now that I have everyone’s attention,let’s begin today’s lesson,” he tells
us, and then turns to the board, pushing up the glasses that are perched on his nose and grabbing
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