REDNECK TALE
Naughty Shorts
Published by Hennessee Andrews at Smashwords
Copyright 2015 Hennessee Andrews
Blurb: Being a bridesmaid for the ninth time wasn't exactly what Vicki would like to do, but a cousin in the south desperately needs help. Duty calls and Vicki treks to Arkansas for a hillbilly wedding. If the humidity and the heat isn't enough to ruin her day, discovering her dress is hunter orange will.
Hanging in there and traveling down the aisle the ninth time proves to be a decision she won't regret. Hooking up with two hot country groomsmen for an outdoor rendezvous is one hell of a bonus.
**This tale is 7400 words. It includes anal sex and double penetration.
*This book was previous published as India Maddox, entitled City Bridesmaid, Country Groomsmen.
A Note from the author: This is a work of fiction. The characters and events described herein are imaginary and are not intended to refer to specific places or to living persons alive or dead. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher except for brief quotations embodied in critical reviews.
Warning: This short story is 7400 words. It includes anal sex and double penetration.
License Notice: This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment. This ebook may not be sold, given away, or transferred. Thank you for respecting the author’s work by purchasing additional copies if you would like to share.
This book is entirely fictitious. Any resemblance to actual places, people, characters, or incidents is coincidental, and entirely of the author’s imagination.
COPYRIGHT © 2015
HENNESSEE ANDREWS
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
ISBN:
Message from Vicki:
In the last five years I’ve been a bridesmaid eight times. Eight! Always the bridesmaid and never the bride. Pretty pathetic, considering I’m nearing thirty. My mother believes I’m becoming a spinster, and I already have two cats.
It isn’t because I don’t get out there and date. I do! All the time. There’s something about me that doesn’t convey the message of a forever kind of girl. I can’t say that I’m the type of woman someone would want to take home to Mom either. No, I’m too outspoken and opinionated. On the flip side, I do get my fair share of one-night stands, which in reality, is a really good thing for me.
All in all, I think I unconsciously sabotage relationships before they can get started. I have no desire to cook, clean, or become a man’s mother. I love men, but I love them in my bed, and when they’re done, I want them to leave.
I’ve met all kinds of men over the years. The lonely. The too good to be true. The clingy. The overbearing. The jerks. The psychos. The list just goes on and on. Each date I accept is like picking up the dice at a craps table. I’m gambling. Secretly, I don’t want to roll the dice and win. Sure, winning once is great, but then life tends to happen, and I’ve seen it hundreds of times. The fabulous guy, the last of a dying breed with a great job, insurance. Those dreams and hopes for the future keep women wound up into a state of euphoria. Then they land the “great guy” and set out on the journey to their happily ever after.
Ick. At first the relationship is fantastic. The couple gets engaged, and oh geesh, the wedding plans! The big day comes, life is just fucking fabulous. A honeymoon that lasts anywhere from six months to a year plays out. The bride is tickled pink. Then life happens…
A few years later they wake up and wonder what in the hell happened. Instead of waking up next to Mr. Charming, romance-their-socks-off, they wake up to the asshole, the cheater, the liar, the gambler, the wife beater, the… you see where I’m going here. I’ve witnessed it too many times. Out of the eight weddings I’ve been in, two seem to be working out, and by working out, I mean they’re sticking it out. The other six have become a nightmare. Each and every type I mentioned are currently married, separated, or in the process of divorce. Call me a pessimist, but the odds aren’t in my favor.
And here I am. I just got off the phone with my mother. A cousin down in Arkansas is getting married in two weeks and one of her bridesmaids just eloped and ran off to California. Sammy, my cousin that I haven’t been around since we were nine, is in desperate need of a replacement. As it would seem, there aren’t a lot of candidates she’ll consider. Given that my mother is the helper of the family, she volunteered me.
I’m not happy about it. In fact, I’m downright pissed off. I have a job, a life. Well, I have a job, a great job, and I love it. Taking off to be a bridesmaid for the ninth time isn’t something I want to do. I have an advertising spread due in a little over a week, and the thought of attending one more wedding and boring reception is bothering me. I’ve attended extremely religious ceremonies and didn’t so much as get a drink for my services. There have been the fairy tale weddings with doves being released as a sign of the couple’s love, yet the DJ at the reception sucked so bad I ended up chugging a bottle of champagne to dull my misery. And then there have been the regular, no frills affairs, which equaled no fun at all.
Nevertheless, I can’t say no to a bride in need. Add to it the fact Sammy is family, and I’ve become the sucker. Plus, I can’t say no to my mother. Pathetic. The good news, courtesy of my life giver, is that there will be a bluegrass band, banjos and all! Dinner will be a feast of roasted hog, properly smoked in the ground, of course, and a potluck of sides provided by the guests. My mother also mentioned something about moonshine and kegs. I must admit I’m intrigued, because this will be a first for me.
Growing up in NYC, I can’t say that I’ve ever eaten a pig that had been cooked in the ground. And moonshine, well, I’ve watched a few documentaries, but have never tasted it. Oh, and the bride’s dress is camo. I can honestly say that’s something I must see before I die. In order to get past my hang-up of being a bridesmaid again, I’m calling this trip a learning expedition. I will be traveling to parts unknown with customs I’m sure I won’t understand. Wish me luck.
Chapter 1
I arrived in—whoa, where was I? I grabbed my cell phone I’d been using for GPS that gave me turn by turn directions to my aunt’s place. I had to blink and double check the address. Winding dirt roads crisscrossed me through the wilderness and over low water bridges. A couple of times I had to stop and make sure I was heading in the right direction. I ended up at an old farm house with a long, covered front porch surrounded by trees. A couple of rusted vehicles sat off to the right, tall weeds reaching up to the door handles.
Holy shit! Deep howls and barks wailed out as a swarm of dogs surrounded my rental car. Damn, there must have been ten, twelve. Long ears and drawn faces stared at me, offering sporadic wolfs. Yikes, I was not getting out of the car. No way. Surely I was at the wrong place. Before I could dial my aunt’s number, a man walked out of a dilapidated garage and started shouting at the dogs. He was holding something in his blackened and greasy hands. I eased the window down as he started to approach, but just a crack.
“Git!” he shouted at the dogs as they jumped and ran around his legs. “I said git!”
Through the grease and grim covering his face, hands, and arms, I recognized my uncle Jimmy. I guessed I was at the right place after all.
“Is that you, Vicki?” Uncle Jimmy asked and grinned with a wide smile, showing off his missing front tooth. “Well, I’ll be. Get out and come on in. Your aunt is inside making a pitcher of sweet tea.”
Hesitantly I opened the door. “Will those dogs bite?” I asked. That was the last thing I needed.
“Nah, they just get excited when company shows up.”
“Oh, okay.” I stepped out and glanced around again. I hadn’t been here since I was a kid, but then, I don’t recall it looking so, so rundown?
“Vicki!” A shrill woman’s voice called. “Oh, Lordy, Vicki!”
The woman sprinted down the stairs, big blond hair bouncing up and down. She rushed to me and pulled me into a hug.
“Hi, Aunt Sadie.” It had taken me a second or two to recognize her, but I could have sworn she'd had brunette hair before.
“Oh, let me look at ya!” she said and held me at arm’s length. Bright blue eyes with too much eye shadow and mascara stared at me. Her lips were glossed over with hot pink lipstick and she popped her chewing gum every few seconds. “Girl, you have grown up into a beautiful woman. Look at her, Jimmy. Hasn’t she become a gorgeous girl?”
Jimmy grinned real wide. “Sure did.”
Well, this was uncomfortable.
“Come on, let’s go have a glass of tea and catch up. Jimmy, please get Vicki’s luggage.”
“Oh, no, that’s okay. I just have a little bag and I’ll come back out for it. It looks like you’re pretty busy, Uncle Jimmy,” I said, because I didn’t want his greasy hands grabbing my new and expensive luggage.
Jimmy shrugged. “I suppose I am.”
“Come on.” Aunt Sadie tugged my arm. “You need to try on your dress.”
“Oh, of course.” Another bridesmaid dress. I couldn’t wait. I surveyed the place further as I walked and ended up tripping over a floppy-eared dog that ran right in front of me.
“Bubba, get out of here!” Aunt Sadie shouted. “Damn coon dogs,” she mumbled and we walked up the rickety steps. “Anyway, you look like the same size as Becky. That crazy girl.” She shook her head. “She picked a fine time to elope and run off. No matter, you’re here and we’re going to have one heck of a hootenanny.”
“Hootenanny?”
“Yeah, big shindig,” she said and waved her hands like I was the crazy one. “Y’all don’t have big shindigs in the city?”
“Yes, we do. I just—” I paused. We don’t call them hootenannies or shindigs though. I didn’t want to sound stuck up, so I didn’t bother to finish what I’d been asking. I was without a doubt way out of my element and really beginning to reconsider agreeing to this.
Inside, cool air blew, but it leaned on the humid side. A rumbling squeal echoed throughout. “What’s that noise?”
“Noise?” Aunt Sadie asked and scrunched up her brows. “Oh!” she said at once and laughed. “That’s just the swamp cooler.”
I was afraid to ask, so I continued to follow her down a hallway to a bedroom.
“You’re gonna love this!” Aunt Sadie sounded proud as she opened a closet and pulled out the most god awful, prison orange dress. “Well? What do ya think? Hunter orange!”
My heart stopped momentarily and I fought to smile. “Yeah, I mean… Wow, that’s some dress.” I nodded. “Camo and hunter orange. Can’t have one without the other. Right?”
“I knew you’d love it!” she said and handed it to me. “Well, try it on, hun. I’ll go get you a glass of tea.”
After Sadie left I frowned and sighed. I’ve worn a lot of crappy dresses, but this one would go down in the record books as being the worst. Does anyone look good in orange anyway? Besides criminals? On the brighter side, it was a size 6. I quickly undressed and stepped into the strapless dress from hell. On the opposite wall was a mirror, but I was too afraid to look.
“Oh, my,” Aunt Sadie said as she entered and sat down the glass of tea on a dresser. “Orange is your color. Let me zip that up for ya.”
I turned and held up my long brown hair. Sadie zipped it up and I nearly lost my breath. I’m pretty chesty in the front. Apparently the other bridesmaid wasn’t. My boobs more than filled the average cups and spilled over the top. “Um, it’s pretty tight in the chest.”
“Nah, that’s how it's s’pose to fit,” she said and beamed. “What I wouldn’t give to have a rack like that.”
My cheeks heated up. How in the hell was this woman related to me? I knew she was supposed to be my mother’s sister, but I had my doubts. The two were as different as night and day. My mom leaned on the sophisticated side and didn’t use words like hootenanny or shindig. They did look a lot alike, minus the Tammy Faye Bakker eyeshadow and mascara, that is. My mother said Sadie met my Uncle Jimmy on spring break, got knocked up, quit college, and completely embraced hillbilly living. I understand my grandparents weren’t pleased. That may be why I’d rarely seen her.
“Won’t you be the belle of the ball? Yep, you’ll have plenty of beaus chasing you around, I suspect. Who knows? You may meet Mr. Right.”
“I sort of doubt that,” I said and finally turned to look in the mirror. “I’m not the marrying kind. I enjoy my independence.”
“That’ll all change when you meet the man that turns your stomach inside out. I said the same thing before I met Jimmy,” she said and grinned as if reminiscing.
Dear god, if Jimmy turned her stomach inside out, she had issues. I stared at my pathetic reflection and reminded myself that I’d only be here for a couple of days. Surely two days in Redneckville wouldn’t kill me? I mean, I’ve survived worse. But still, orange wasn’t my color, and this dress screamed to be burned in a pit, along with the hog.
Satisfied the dress fit just fine, Aunt Sadie ushered me out the front door after I changed. “You simply must see the woods all decorated up.”
“You’re right,” I said and plastered a smile on my face. “Camo and hunter orange dresses deserve a special place in the woods.” I didn’t add that I believed with a torch and a shovel, though.
The wedding was to be a late afternoon affair, on account of the heat and humidity. I wasn't sure how anyone coped with the unbearable temperature here. The humid air was a special kind of hell for me and I fanned my face immediately as I walked out of the house and into the sun.
“We can take the cart,” Aunt Sadie said and pointed to the biggest wreck of a golf cart I’d ever seen.
Spray painted camo in browns and greens, the artwork lacked considerably. In bold letters on the hood, the beast was proclaimed Deer Slayer. The old leather seats had rips and tears, stuffing poking up here and there. On the back was a gun rack with fake leaves hanging from it.
As we took off, the cart stuttered and hesitated.
“Come on, Deer Slayer. Don’t fail me now,” Aunt Sadie coaxed with a thick drawl.
Putt, putt, putt. The beast jerked and hummed before really getting going. Aunt Sadie beamed and stroked the cracked dash. “That’s it, baby.”
I suppressed a sigh and hung on. Every once in a while the cart missed and backfired, lunged forward at a fast pace and then slowed back down. We got on a trail that wound back and forth between large trees. Brush and limbs smacked against the Plexiglas windshield and occasionally slapped my arms. I rubbed the stinging sensation away and clutched the seat for fear of falling out when Sadie took a sharp turn and hollered for me to, “Hang on, Sloopy!”
Entering a rough patch of the trail, the cart bottomed out a couple of times and I bounced on the crackling seat, scratching the backs of my legs. How far was the spot? I wished I knew. My brain jumbled around inside my skull and I could feel a headache coming on.
“Almost there, girl!” Aunt Sadie said and cut hard to the left into a clearing. She stomped on the brake and my body lunged forward, head smacking the plastic windshield.
I can’t be sure, but swore I saw stars.
Aunt Sadie got out and beamed. “Well, what do ya think?”
Hay bales were lined up, row after row for seating. Camo streamers outlined the walk of forever and ever, I friggin' do. At the end of the last walk of freedom, an altar made up of tree limbs and a mesh that looked similar to netting one would see on army transports stood prominently. Instead of a candelabra, Mason jars were hung with wire, a candle in each. Off to the rig
ht, tables were set up, all covered in the same bright orange fabric, decorated with jars full of flowers and camo bows. It wasn’t the most unfortunate looking setup. Somehow it had a hometown, country feel, and even I had to admit, it was really kind of pretty.
“Wow, was Martha Stewart here?” I asked and Aunt Sadie beamed. I had to smile at that. She was a sweet woman, even though she was a little off.
“I wouldn’t want to brag,” she replied and tugged me along. “Now over here is where the band will be. Jimmy is bringing up some flood lights, 'cuz it gets pretty dark out here at night. And over there will be the dancin’ area. Oh, and the kegs will be set up over here.”
“What about a bathroom?” I asked.
Aunt Sadie gave me a quizzical look. “Honey, child.” She waved her hands toward the trees. “There are plenty of places in the woods to do your business. Don’t tell me you ain’t ever peed in the woods.”
“Uh, no,” I replied and cringed at the thought.
“Well, be careful where you squat so you don’t get into poison ivy, and you’ll be just fine.”
I closed my eyes and tried to erase the image from my mind. I had no damn idea what poison ivy even looked like. A night from hell awaited me.
Chapter 2
“Oh, my god!” Sammy shouted and ran through the living room toward me. “Vicky!”
I wheezed when she hugged me and gave her a little pat on the back. She was squeezing the life out of me. “Congratulations,” I said and was thankful when she let go of me.
“Wow, Vicky. I wouldn’t have ever believed it was you,” Sammy said and looked at me from head to toe. “How many years has it been?”
“Around fifteen, I think.” She had changed a lot, too. No longer was she the freckly faced blonde with a dirt covered face I remembered from our childhood. Sammy had really grown into a beautiful woman. “Are you nervous?”
“Me?” Sammy asked. “Nah, me and Bo have been together for years. 'Bout time he proposed anyway.”
Redneck Tale - Naughty Shorts Page 1
