‘I brought it on myself, I know,’ he said, making room for the waitress to fill their glasses. ‘I should have realised she was feeling neglected, but so was I – and I had a lot of problems on my plate at work which she never really understood. I didn’t realise how bad things were until it was too late. It’s a mess, but where the hell do I go from here?’
‘Only you can answer that one,’ Grace said.
‘Yes, I guess so. I only wish I knew what the answer was.’
He took a sip from his glass and smiled ruefully at her over the rim. ‘Sorry, I’m banging on, I know. What about you? Things can’t have been too easy for you over the years, I’d imagine? I still can’t believe Rory never told me he had a child.’
‘Yes, well, he wasn’t the easiest of people to deal with. Even you must have found that?’
Keith nodded. ‘It was the drinking and drugs that did it for him. He should have given up years ago, like the rest of us. I used to envy him all the money he had back then, lucky sod, but it isn’t always a good thing, is it?’
‘Not for him it wasn’t. It gave him too much time on his hands.’ Grace hesitated. Somehow the fact that Keith had known Rory so well made it easier for her to talk about him; something she never usually did. For the first time she found herself touching on the stalking and how difficult he’d made their lives. At the end of it she smiled uneasily – on edge as she always was when she discussed Rory.
‘I find it difficult sometimes, believing it’s over. We’ve lived with him hounding us for so long, that I can’t get it out of my head that this could be another of his tricks and he’ll suddenly turn up on our doorstep again.’
There, she’d said it. ‘Stupid, I know.’
‘It’s not stupid at all. But I don’t think you need worry. Even Rory couldn’t pull that one off.’
She looked at him anxiously. ‘You won’t mention it to anyone? It’s all history now and Ellie seems to be adapting quite well – it’s just me who seems to be taking a bit longer.’
‘Of course I won’t. It’s no one else’s business, anyway.’ He sighed. ‘I wish I knew where my life was going at the moment. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to work things out with Amanda. She doesn’t seem to understand how isolated I was feeling.’
‘Keith …’
‘I know what you’re going to say, but I was going through a difficult period and she didn’t seem to realise it. I can’t see you neglecting your man at a time when he needs you.’
‘I’m no angel.’
‘But you’re a nice person – you always were. Far too good for Rory. I’m amazed no lucky man’s snapped you up.’
When his hand snaked out to cover hers, Grace was caught off guard and only just managed to stop herself from instinctively snatching it back.
‘Too much baggage,’ she said lightly, easing her fingers gently out instead. ‘I wouldn’t inflict that on anyone.’
‘You underrate yourself.’ His eyes drifted down to the cleavage exposed by her top. It was quite clear where his mind was beginning to travel. ‘I probably shouldn’t say this, but … you don’t fancy skipping coffee here and coming back to my place?’
The invitation in his eyes was unmistakable and Grace rolled her eyes, remembering the conversation she’d had with Nick.
‘I don’t think so, Keith. Coffee would be nice ... but here I think. We’ve got enough on our plates, and if you’re hoping to get back with your wife I’m not sure that would go down too well.’
He backed off straight away. ‘Sorry. You're right of course. It’s just been such a nice evening, and I don’t know about you but it’s been a while since … well, you know.’
He tipped his head to one side, smiling charmingly at her. ‘I thought there was a small chance you might feel the same. I hope I haven’t offended you?’
‘Not at all.’
She eyed him with a degree of amusement even as the thought occurred to her that she’d just had her opportunity for a spot of no-strings sex and blown it.
Keith waved to the waiter for the coffee. ‘And you’re absolutely right. I need to sort things out with Amanda one way or the other before I even think about getting involved with anyone else.’
‘I’m not looking to get involved, Keith – I don’t want you to get the wrong impression.’
His eyes twinkled. ‘What happened to the young girl who used to have a crush on me?’
‘She grew up. And it was only ever a mild crush.’
Keith laughed out loud. ‘I stand suitably put in my place. I hope I haven’t put you off coming out another night though? I’ve enjoyed tonight and I promise I’ll behave myself.’
‘Me too, but the next meal’s on me. I’ll cook if you like.’
By the time they stopped off at Nick’s it was nearly eleven o’clock. ‘I’ll give you a call,’ Keith said, dropping a quick peck on her cheek. ‘Do you want me to hang on and drop you back?’
‘No, it’s okay. We’ll probably be a few minutes and it’s only a short walk.’
She watched as he drove off, then braced herself for the meeting with Nick. She hadn’t spoken in any depth with him since the night of what she now termed ‘that kiss’ – having responded to his answer phone message with an equally brief one of her own about the babysitting – and she was irritated at the butterflies in her stomach as she knocked on his door.
It wasn’t Nick who answered however, but Suzanne.
‘Oh, hi …’ Grace was caught off guard. ‘I was just wondering how Ellie is, and if she wants to come back with me now?’
The other woman hesitated, and Grace looked at her sharply.
‘Is everything alright?’
‘Oh, fine – Ellie’s asleep now and was quite happy to stay until the morning. But I think Nick wants a word with you.’
Grace stifled a yawn. ‘I’ll pass on that if you don’t mind, and I don’t want to interrupt your evening. Just thank him for me, would you, and say I’ll catch up with him in the morning?’
‘He really wants to speak to you.’
There was something almost malicious in her tone, and whatever it was, it firmed Grace’s resolve. She wasn’t discussing anything in front of Suzanne.
‘I’m sure it won’t hurt to wait until tomorrow ... I’m tired and I need my bed. Goodnight.’
She was pleased that she hadn’t let Suzanne manipulate her. She couldn’t help it. She just didn’t like the woman.
The phone was already ringing as she inserted her key in the front door and a quick glance at the caller display confirmed who it was. She hesitated, then tossed the keys on the hall table and made her way up the stairs. She’d call him back after she’d showered and changed into the comfort of her dressing gown.
Ten minutes later she flicked the answer phone to listen to the message.
‘Grace, its Nick. I need to speak to you urgently and it won’t wait until tomorrow. Ellie knows about her grandmother. Suzanne’s here with the kids. I’ll be over in ten minutes.’
Her heart stopped.
No! How had that happened?
Then she looked at her watch. Ten minutes – he’d be here any moment and she was in her dressing gown.
She hadn’t even taken the first step towards the stairs before the shrill ring of the bell stopped her.
Drawing her belt tighter around her waist, she dashed a quick look in the mirror and unlocked the door.
‘You got my message?’ he greeted her.
She nodded, standing aside to let him pass. ‘Just now when I came down – but what happened? You promised you wouldn’t say anything.’ Shock was giving way to anger. How could he have broken his word like that?
‘Shall we go through to the lounge?’ Nick suggested.
She led the way, searching his expression as she sat down on the sofa and waited for him to speak.
‘First of all,’ he said, ‘it wasn’t me who told her – it was Suzanne.’
‘What!’
‘I’m sorry – I’d mentioned
it in confidence but evidently she let slip some comment to Will and Ellie about sharing the same grandparents. After that, of course, I had to explain the situation. They weren’t happy that we’d kept them in the dark and there was no way they were going to let it rest. I felt the only thing to do was tell them the truth.’
She could see the logic in what he was saying but even so, she stared at him appalled. ‘How did Ellie take it?’
‘Not well. I tried to explain that you’d done what you’d thought was best for her.’
Grace shook her head. ‘I wanted to try and protect her – nothing to do with that family has ever been good news. You might not believe me, but I was going to tell her. It just never seemed the right time.’
Nick sighed. ‘You know, it might help me understand better if you’d open up a bit about what went on? I don’t want to pry, but I find it very difficult reconciling the Evelyn I know with the picture you paint of her.’
She wanted to tell him – she really did – but how ridiculous was it that she was still scared to? As if by breaking all her taboos and talking about it, she’d be tempting fate.
Which was nonsense. Rory was dead. When was she going to accept that?
She drew a deep breath, fighting the paranoia that was doing its usual crippling thing, and started to speak. She didn’t hold back. She told him everything that had gone on with Rory and his father, skimping over the details of the rape – not looking at his face as she spoke for fear of what she might see there. She told him about Rory taking Ellie, the court case – the stalking after that.
‘We moved five times in all,’ she finished in a low voice, ‘but each time he somehow tracked us down and it would start all over again.’
‘What were the police doing while all this was going on?’
‘Rory was clever. And he had friends who stood by him – sometimes his alibis were so strong that even I began to wonder if I’d upset someone else, and there were two people stalking me. Which goes some way to showing you how paranoid I’d become. But without proof against him, there was nothing I, or the police, could do. I wasn’t going to risk putting Ellie through the trauma of another court case when I had no faith that we’d win. It was simpler to move on, try to build a new life. Only he always found us. And the last time–’ She took a breath.
‘Only tell me if you want to.’
‘We had a ground-floor flat with a garden. He broke in while we were sleeping. The first I knew of it was when I woke up to hear the television playing really loudly. I thought I must have forgotten to turn it off and I went into the lounge to investigate. He was waiting for me. He’d been drinking but he wasn't blind drunk. He started the usual rant about how I’d ruined his life and what a clever little bitch I thought I was. He grabbed me … tried to kiss me. But then Ellie came flying in and just launched herself at him. She was screaming at him, telling him to leave me alone – saying how we both hated him. I’d never seen her like that. Nor had he, and for a moment it stopped him in his tracks. The next thing we heard was banging on the front door. Ellie had called the police. They caught him red-handed and Ellie was adamant this time that we should prosecute. I knew she’d just had enough. He got six months because they found a knife on him; but they let him out after four. I knew we’d crossed a line going ahead with the prosecution – and the fact that Ellie was the one who called the police meant that she’d lost what little protection she had being his daughter. There was no other choice but to move again.’
She broke off and waited for Nick’s reaction. He shook his head. ‘I had no idea. How long ago was all this?’
‘Two years. Ellie was eleven.’
‘He was in prison for four months you say? That must have been when he told us he was heading off on a tour of Europe on his bike.’
Grace shrugged. ‘I haven’t told you all this because I want you to feel sorry for me.’
‘I know that.’
‘But maybe it’ll help you understand some of the reasons why we are as we are. Coming here to live has given us the first chance in nearly seven years to lead a normal life. You saw how I was the other night. I hated being like that because it took me right back to how I used to be – frightened of my own shadow. I’m scared now – I still half-expect Rory to walk through that door one day. I worry that contact with his mother will bring it all back … rob us of the peace we’ve found.’
‘But, you know, I believe her when she says she doesn’t know what’s gone on. Her reaction to the news that she had a granddaughter was so shocked that I’m sure she had no idea about your pregnancy, or the meeting between you and her husband.’
Grace sighed. ‘I don’t know what to believe any more.’
He was sitting next to her and she felt him take one of her hands in his. ‘You’ve had a rough time, Grace. It would take its toll on anyone. But I think for now you just need to think about how you’re going to tackle Ellie tomorrow.’
‘What can I say? I can’t stop her from seeing her grandmother if she wants to. All I can do is try to make her understand my reasons for not telling her.’
‘Well, I don't envy you that one, but if I can help at all?’
He squeezed her hand before releasing it, and just briefly Grace thought how nice it must be to have someone to talk to on a regular basis, to share your burdens with. Not for the first time she felt a pang of envy towards her sister, who had Leo, solid as a rock, always at her side.
She shook her head. ‘Thanks, I appreciate that, but it’s something I need to deal with myself.’
For a moment neither of them spoke. Then in a transparent attempt to lighten the atmosphere, Nick said, ‘So, how did the date go?’
She threw him a look. ‘It wasn’t a date.’
‘Oh come on, don’t tell me it didn’t get even remotely personal?’
He smiled at the telltale spot of colour in her cheeks.
‘Nothing happened.’
‘But it wasn’t purely platonic, right?’
‘It’s none of your business. I don’t question you about your relationship with Suzanne.’
‘Fire away. I’m an open book – as long as your questions don’t get too personal.’
His manner was teasing, carrying her a million miles away from the sober conversation they’d just been having. It caused an unexpected spread of warmth in her that reminded her only too sharply of the inappropriateness of her attire.
‘I don’t intend getting personal with you at all,’ she said.
‘Some might say it’s a bit late for that.’
The look in his eye transported her straight back to that kiss, but she held his gaze bravely. ‘That should never have happened. And wouldn’t have, if it hadn’t been such a … charged moment.’
‘It was certainly that. But while we’re on the subject, I’d like to apologise.’ He rubbed his cheek feelingly where she’d slapped him. ‘I think it was just shock reaction – I don’t normally grab women and kiss them like that. And I feel doubly bad now in light of what you’ve just told me.’
She shook her head. ‘We were equally to blame. It was nothing like what went on with Rory.’
She jumped up from her seat, feeling suddenly fidgety. ‘Thanks for coming and telling me about Ellie.’
He too rose. ’I’m just sorry she had to find out like that. Not ideal I know. Good luck with her tomorrow.’
She saw him out and shut the door. She felt unsettled yet strangely elated as she walked back into the lounge, despite her impending conversation with Ellie. She’d never talked to anyone about Rory and now she’d told two people. It felt good to be breaking her taboos.
But as if to knock her down again, the image of the cat and the wooden cross crept into her mind. She’d forgotten to ask Nick about that, and she didn’t like that there were still unanswered questions floating around.
She turned off the lounge light and headed for the stairs, dismissing her qualms. Life was too short. For now she needed to concentrate on what she was g
oing to say to Ellie.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Grace checked her watch for the hundredth time as she stared out of the window. Ten o’clock. Where the hell was Ellie? She’d tried phoning her mobile and Nick’s landline several times and had been pacing the house for the last fifteen minutes trying to ward of the anxiety that was getting the better of her. Of course Ellie was all right, she knew she was – but she couldn’t help it, the cat incident had unsettled her. She’d assumed Nick would drop her off on his way to work. She'd have to phone him.
She went in search of her address book and had just found his number when the phone rang. She raced back and answered it.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi, Mum, it’s me,’ Ellie’s voice was cool.
‘Ellie! Where are you? I’ve been frantic with worry.’
‘I’m at Grandma’s.’
Grace was thrown by the air of defiance in her daughter’s voice. ‘What? But you don’t know where she lives.’
‘Will brought me on the bus. It wasn’t difficult getting here.’
‘Well, you could have let me know – I’ve been worried about you and it would have been nice if you'd discussed it with me first.’
‘You didn't talk to me about it.’
Grace drew a breath and tempered her tone. No point getting into a row over the phone. ‘Is everything okay? Was Evelyn there and happy to see you?’
‘Yeah, she’s been great. It was she who told me I should ring you.’
Was she supposed to be grateful for that?
‘Well, I’m not happy that you took yourself off like that. You know how I feel about knowing where you are.’
‘Whatever …’ Her daughter’s voice was mutinous. ‘Grandma says she’ll drop me back in about an hour.’
‘Fine, we’ll talk about it then.’
But one look at Ellie’s face when she opened the door, confirmed her worst fears.
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ she said, stalking past Grace and heading for the stairs. ‘I told Grandma it was probably better that she didn’t come in.’
And a few moments later Grace heard the slam of her bedroom door.
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