‘What on earth–?’
He smiled. ‘I was passing and thought I’d drop by.’
‘My God … come in.’
He looked enquiringly at Nick as he stood aside to let him pass.
‘Nick Brandon,’ he said, holding out a hand. ‘Don’t mind me, I’m just leaving.’
‘Stuart Elton – nice to meet you.’
‘Go through into the lounge, Stuart. I’ll just see Nick out.’
On the doorstep Nick turned to her. ‘Old friend?’
‘Yes.’ She shook her head, bemused. ‘I haven’t seen him in ages. I can’t think how he’d even know I was here.’
‘It’s a small world around here – you’d be surprised how word gets out. Don’t let me keep you. See you around.’
She clicked the door quietly behind him and walked slowly into the lounge. Stuart was standing with his back to the window.
They stared at each other awkwardly. Grace didn’t know what to think – or how she felt. Her emotions had gone from whirling around like mad things, into freeze mode – and now she held them like that, not daring to release them.
‘How are you, Grace?’
‘Good. You?’
He nodded.
‘But, I don’t understand … how did you know I was here?’
‘A little bird told me – Lynette,’ he smiled, seeing her confusion. ‘She’s been keeping me informed of your whereabouts.’
‘Lynette?’
‘Yes. If you remember, when we split up I wanted to keep in touch but you said no. I managed to persuade her to just let me have an address each time you moved so I could keep tabs on you over the years.’
‘You’re kidding me!’ How come Lynette had never told her? ‘Why?’
‘Because you were special to me, and when it came to it, I couldn’t let you go just like that. I needed to know where you were. That you were safe.’
‘But … you never got in touch?’
His expression was pained. ‘No, because you said you didn’t want me to – and I was concentrating on my career in those early days. I did break the rules a few times, just to get a peep at you, but I made sure you never saw me – you’d made it pretty clear we were finished.’
Grace suppressed the automatic shiver that trickled down her spine at the thought of anyone spying on her. How often had he done it? Had it sometimes coincided with times when Rory was stalking them? Had she maybe even mixed the two of them up on occasions – thought it was Rory when in fact it had been Stuart watching them, Stuart following them? It felt creepy. It wasn’t natural, was it? She shook her head. She couldn’t go there. She wasn’t going to start suspecting Stuart of stalking activities now, for God’s sake.
‘And now you don’t need to concentrate on your career?’ she queried, bringing herself firmly back to the conversation in hand.
‘Not so much. I’m a Consultant in Orthopaedics – it’s what I always wanted. I applied for a job at Addenbrooke’s at a similar time to when you moved here. I’ve been in post a month now.’
‘Wow. Congratulations.’
She was floundering and was sure she must look an idiot. But she just couldn’t get her head around this. ‘I’m sorry; I must look a dimwit. It’s just been a shock.’
‘A pleasant one, I hope?’
‘Of course. It’s great to see you. Uh, can I get you a drink? Tea or coffee or something?’
‘Thanks, but no. I’m on my way into the hospital. How are you settling in?’
‘Good, thanks–’
‘Mum. I’m back.’
The lounge door was flung open and Ellie came to an abrupt halt in the doorway. ‘Oops, sorry. Didn’t realise you had company.’ She was looking at Stuart curiously.
‘Ellie. I’ve got a surprise for you. You remember Stuart? He just dropped by to see us.’
‘Hi, Ellie,’ Stuart said. ‘You’re looking a bit different to when I last saw you.’
Ellie nodded politely, her smile not quite masking the wariness that had crept into her expression.
‘She’s starting her new school on Tuesday,’ Grace said into the rather awkward silence that followed his greeting.
‘Looking forward to it?’ Stuart asked her.
Ellie shrugged. ‘I expect it’ll be okay. I’ve already met a couple of the others who go there, which will help.’ She turned to Grace. ‘Is there anything to eat?’
‘There’s some ham in the fridge or biscuits in the tin.’
They watched as she exited the room. ‘She doesn’t remember me, does she?’ Stuart said.
‘I’m sure she does but it’s been a while. She was only six.’
He sighed. ‘I’ve missed you, Grace. No-one’s come up to scratch since you.’ His tone was rueful. ‘I let you down badly not being able to handle all the Rory stuff. If you knew how many times I’ve regretted that.’
‘It’s history now, Stuart.’
‘I know, but … is it still too late for us, do you think?’
What was she supposed to say to that?
It was as if the intervening years had never been as she looked at him. He’d hardly changed at all – not even a sprinkle of grey in his sandy-coloured hair.
‘I’m not sure it ever works going back,’ she said. ‘We broke up for a reason–’
‘Because you didn’t trust me enough to confide in me, and thought you could manage better on your own. But if you’d told me earlier what Rory was doing, maybe I could have done more.’
‘Maybe you could have. I’m sorry – I was in a bad place at the time. I was just trying to protect you from it all.’
‘Which is the whole point. It should have been me protecting you. You were too independent for your own good.’
‘I know.’
‘Are you still the same?’
She smiled. ‘Probably.’
‘Well, I’m not giving up on you yet. Maybe one day you’ll realise that sometimes two is better than one. And when that happens … just remember I’m here for you.’
‘Stuart–’
He held up a hand. ‘It’s all right, I've said my bit and I’m off now. Can I call you?’
She hesitated. Part of her wanted him to but she wasn’t sure it was the wisest part. Wasn’t she meant to be putting her past behind her? Moving on?
‘I’m a bit tied up next week with Ellie starting school and stuff. After that, I’ll probably be starting a new job.’
‘Don’t tell me, Addenbrooke’s?’
She nodded. ‘I’ve got an appointment with HR on Monday.’
‘They’ll be lucky to get you. You know where to come if you need a reference.’
He took out his phone. ‘What’s your number? I’ll leave it a week or two before I ring – give you time to think about stuff.’
There was no easy way of escaping it and she watched as he tapped her number into his contacts.
‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘Maybe we can even make it dinner? Nothing heavy – it would just be nice to catch up.’ He pulled out a business card. ‘All my contact details are on here if you want to get in touch before that for any reason. It’s good seeing you.’
‘You, too.’
He hesitated, then dropped a kiss on her cheek. ‘Look after yourself.’
She saw him out, then sat down in a chair and stared out at the garden, still reeling from the shock of it all. He’d sounded absolutely sure about what he wanted – for them to try again. Could she do it? Would things be different – better now? They say you’re programmed to go with the familiar … what you're comfortable with and there was no doubt she’d been comfortable with Stuart.
She thought back on their relationship. When had it started to go wrong? It wasn’t something she’d given much thought to before. She’d taken the view that if the relationship was over, it was over. She’d been devastated but there’d been so much else going on she hadn't had time to dwell on it over much. But now she realised he was right. It had been a trust issue. Something had held her back from telling h
im about Rory and when she had and they’d had that confrontation in the flat with Rory …
She knew it had been the logical thing to do when he’d left her – after all, he could call the police that way – but on a different level she couldn’t believe he’d done that. What if Ellie had walked into the room? What if the police had turned up five or ten minutes later? She knew she could never have abandoned someone she loved like that.
So he was right – she did feel he’d let her down. Massively, when she added in how he’d ended things straight after the court case.
And she was probably being totally illogical, but it felt pretty fundamental. She wasn’t sure they could ever go back.
She looked up as Ellie re-entered the room.
‘Has he gone?’
‘Yes.’
‘Are you going to see him again?’
‘I might, but just as a friend probably. Are you okay with that?’
‘I suppose so. It felt weird seeing him. I don’t know why.’ She twisted her hair round her finger and nibbled at it, a sure sign she was unsettled.
‘You were quite close to him when you were little. He was very fond of you.’
Ellie shrugged. ‘I couldn't have meant that much to him; we haven’t seen him since.’
‘It’s never easy when people split up,’ Grace said. ‘And in fairness, I told him it was better that we had a clean break.’
Only it hadn’t been a clean break for him. The thought weighed on her heavily for some reason.
She waited until Ellie was watching television, before calling Lynette.
‘Grace! I was going to phone you. How are things?’
‘I’ve got a bone to pick with you…’
‘Uh oh, sounds ominous.’
‘Stuart turned up on my doorstep about an hour ago – I can’t believe you’ve been keeping him informed of my whereabouts without telling me.’
There was total silence down the line, and then Grace heard her sister sigh. ‘I’m sorry. I never felt comfortable with it, but he was adamant that he didn’t want you to know and I could understand him being worried about you. We all were. It put me in a difficult position, but I couldn’t see the harm in letting him know where you’d moved to. I suppose I hoped that maybe, when things settled down a bit, you might even … well, you know. I’m sorry if it’s upset you but I only ever sent him a change of address card – I never talked to him about you.’
‘You should have told me. I don’t like that he’s effectively been in our lives all these years, when it’s a chapter I thought was closed.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t think of it like that. I found myself saying yes before I fully had time to think about it. And once I’d done it once …’
‘Ellie wasn’t comfortable with him, I could see that.’
‘Well, that’s not surprising, it’s been a long time – and it’s probably her age as much as anything else. She probably wouldn’t be comfortable with anyone. You might need to prepare yourself for that if you start seeing people.’
‘Just as well I’m not planning to then.’
‘How did it feel, seeing him again?’
‘Unsettling.’
‘Maybe he was destined to come back into your life.’
She could hear the optimism in her sister’s voice and crushed it in its infancy. ‘In your dreams, Sis. I’ve got to go but please ... No more secrets.’
CHAPTER THIRTY
After the cat and the photo, there were other things over the next couple of weeks … so small some of them, that Grace couldn’t be sure if they were real or figments of her overactive imagination. But they were enough to feed the paranoia she was trying so hard to keep at bay.
‘Mummy, where’s my calculator?’
‘I don’t know!’
Grace responded to the irritation in her daughter’s voice with irritation of her own.
‘Well, I wish you’d stop tidying all my stuff away. I can never find anything! I know I put it on the coffee table last night. You must have moved it.’
She rushed frantically around gathering her school bits together and stuffing them aggressively into her bag.
Knowing that she hadn’t touched the calculator, Grace thought the better of making an issue over it. ‘You’d better go or you’ll miss the bus. I’ll see if I can find it for you later.’
‘Yeah, right. When you remember where you put it you mean …’
‘It’ll pass,’ Lynette laughed when they were talking on the phone later that morning. ‘And just remember what she was like back in Barnet. She’ll calm down over the next few months – you’ll see.’
Grace sometimes wondered if she’d last that long.
‘So what are you doing for your birthday on Sunday? Anything nice?’ Lynette asked.
‘You’re not going to believe this, but Will and Ellie are cooking me a meal. A really posh one apparently. Do you think I should write my Will now?’
Lynette laughed. ‘I’m sorry we’re busy, otherwise I’d pop up to see you, but you should get something through the post from me and maybe we can fix a date now for you and El to come to us for the weekend?’
‘I would if I could find my diary. God knows where that’s got to now – everything seems to be disappearing these days. I’ll give you a ring when I find it.’
‘Great. Love to Ellie.’
The trees were a picture driving through Cambridge – the leaves taking on that late summer glow that would soon be replaced by the differing hues of browns, reds and oranges that heralded the onset of autumn. In the town centre it was busy as always, cars and bikes weaving their way around each other as students made their way to the university and shoppers headed for the Grand Arcade.
Grace parked in the multi-storey and headed down to Carluccio’s for a pastry and coffee before tackling her list.
‘Grace … over here … come and join us.’
It was Keith, sitting at a table with a man she didn’t recognise. Her heart took a dive – no hope of avoiding them now and she didn’t have time to listen to all his woes today. Chiding herself for being uncharitable, she walked over and flashed him a smile.
‘Keith …’
‘I don’t think you’ve met Paul Carter, Nick’s partner?’
The older man stood up and offered his hand. ‘Nice to put a face to a name. I’ve heard about you from Nick. How are you and your daughter settling in?’
‘Well, thanks. The time’s flown by – I can’t believe she’s started school already.’
‘That should free up some time for you. Or maybe you work?’
‘I’m a medical secretary as it happens, and I should be working …’
She broke off at the gleam that had entered the other man’s eye.
‘A secretary, eh? Don’t suppose you’re looking for a job? Our secretary’s off on maternity leave and the temp we had has just walked out – said the travelling was too much for her. She’s really left us in the lurch.’
‘Sorry, I’d be happy to help out but I’ve just got a job as it happens working on the bank at Addenbrooke’s. I’ve got my training day on Friday and start on Monday.’
Paul shook his head smilingly. ‘Looks like I missed the boat – typical. All the Agency has been able to come up with is a bookkeeper who can’t type. Not much use to us at all.’
By the time she’d finished her pastry, she and Paul were chatting like old friends. Odd, she thought how you could just click with some people and feel as if you’d known them forever.
‘Look,’ she said impulsively, as he prepared to take his leave, ‘I’ve never worked for an architect, but if you’re really stuck, I could maybe do a couple of days a week for a while – just to help out until you find someone? The hospital could only offer me three days to start with, so I could potentially do Tuesdays and Thursdays, if that’s any good?’
Paul’s face lit up. ‘That would be fantastic, but I don’t want to feel I’ve pressured you into it?’
‘Of co
urse you haven’t. But you’d better run it past Nick first to make sure he’s happy with it.’
Paul looked mystified. ‘Why on earth wouldn’t he be? He’s as desperate as I am. Sorry – didn’t mean that to come out quite the way it did.’
Grace grinned. ‘No offence taken.’ She watched as he rose to take his leave.
‘Thanks so much for that, Grace – we’ll get back to you then. Cheers, Keith.’
‘That was generous of you,’ Keith said. ‘I didn’t mean to drop you in it like that.’
Grace sipped the final dregs of her coffee. ‘It’s fine. I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it. He seems a nice bloke, and the extra money will come in handy.’
‘Another drink?’
‘No, thanks. I’ve got a list as long as my arm of things to do.’
‘Me, too. It’s our wedding anniversary next week. I want to buy Amanda something really special but I’m struggling for ideas. Any suggestions?’
Her tone was dry. ‘I think that’s something you definitely need to work out for yourself, don’t you?’
‘I guess so, but I’m crap at all that stuff. It’s no wonder she’s given up on me.’
‘I’m sure she hasn’t, Keith.’
‘Maybe you’re right. Maybe she’s just waiting for me to do something properly for a change. Like choosing an anniversary present she likes – rather than one that gets taken back and swapped for something else.’
‘Oh, dear.’ Grace stood up to go. ‘All the more reason for me not to get involved. Good luck with that.’
An hour later, just as she was about to enter John Lewis, her mobile rang.
‘Grace? It’s Nick. Paul’s told me about your offer. That’s very generous of you if you’re sure you can spare the time?’
She hadn’t heard from him in a while and had taken it as a sure sign that he was backing off. She still cringed every time she thought of him walking in and overhearing her conversation with Marianne.
‘Well, I’m not sure how good I’ll be. Architecture’s a new experience for me but I’m happy to give it a go until you find someone else.’
‘That’s great. Er … any chance you could start tomorrow?’
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