“That’s a good point, Stephen.” Josie stepped into the barn and joined the boys. “It’s really difficult to do right the first time. At least, in life it sure is. I know I usually mess up before doing something right. I don’t know about all of you, but I’m really thankful that Jesus has grace on us when it comes to our lives.”
She draped her arms around two of the shorter boys’ shoulders. “But that’s not what Heath is talking about. He’s talking about using your God-given gifts and talents to bring glory to God. By Heath doing his best to get everything right and not miss a thing when he first arrives at a crime scene, that’s a form of worship for Heath. He’s honoring God. See, God cares about justice. God cares about what Heath does...about what you guys do in your lives, too. I hope y’all understand that.”
A couple of the boys nudged each other and looked back and forth between Heath and Josie, but Heath couldn’t pay too much attention to what that meant yet. Josie’s words thundered through him. Was she right? While he had been raised in the church, Heath had intentionally distanced himself from God after his father’s murder. What else could he do? As a young man, he’d pleaded with God to bring about justice for his father and it never came.
Because God didn’t care. Not about his family. Not about him.
But deep down, Heath had decided that he could make God care. If he caught enough wrongdoers, if he solved enough cold cases, if he served enough victims...perhaps then God would care about him, perhaps God would answer his prayers.
A foolish notion, but he’d held on to it for so long.
Was it possible, like Josie said, that his police work—the normal tasks he did every day—brought glory and honor to God? If so, it made all the late nights and striving worth it. Maybe he wasn’t as far from God as he thought he was.
It was something to think about.
The kids were staring. Waiting for him to say something.
Heath found his voice. “When we find deep shoe prints, we always try to make a cast of it as quickly as possible.” He explained how they used a mixing powder called dental stone. “It’s the same stuff the dentist uses to make impressions of your mouth.” He eyeballed the amount of powder and then had his two helpers measure water into the pail. “Looks great.” Heath rose to his feet. “Stir it until it looks like pancake batter. It’ll take about five minutes. Take turns. Believe me, that’s a long time to stir something.”
He handed talcum powder to another student. “Dust this into the shoe prints. Go ahead and do all of them and we’ll pick the best one to cast.”
When the dental stone was ready, he helped them pour the plaster-like substance into three of the best prints and then gave his helpers high fives. “Well done. We’ll let those set until tomorrow and then we’ll pull them up and try to find the shoes that match them. Normally I’d photograph it all first, and if these were muddy prints indoors on carpet or hard floors, the process would be a little different.”
He was losing the younger ones. Too many details. He had to remind himself these weren’t recruits. That was who he was used to training. Heath roped off the crime scene. “That’s probably enough for today. You guys are dismissed. We’ll start back here tomorrow and solve this crime.”
Josie chatted with a couple of the boys, ruffling their hair and laughing with them, while Heath packed up his things.
Stephen found him a few minutes later. “I wanted to tell you that I really like your class. I’m learning a lot.”
“Knowledge is great, son. But more important than learning something is using the information for good. Will you promise to do that, Stephen? Use this training for good?” Heath hooked his hands on his belt. “Someone who wanted to commit crimes could learn how police investigate in order to do things without getting caught.”
Stephen’s face fell. “You think I’d do that?”
“I didn’t say that. Not at all. But you have a responsibility, everyone in our class does, to use what you’ve learned to help people.”
“I plan to.” Stephen nodded solemnly. “I wish... I mean, it would be so cool if I could be like—” He shook his head. “I look forward to whatever we’re doing tomorrow.” Stephen hurried away, almost as if he was embarrassed.
Josie wandered over to Heath. “They like you and I’m starting to think the feeling’s mutual.”
Heath could say the same thing about whatever was happening between him and Josie. He cared about her—that was undeniable. But what did that mean? He knew it was stronger than his normal desire to protect those when his station demanded it. With Josie, he wanted to protect her. If someone else offered to, he’d argue with them for the right.
He swallowed hard. “I’m still keeping my radar up around Stephen.”
“He didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about.”
Her face dropped. “Heath.”
“Josie. You realize what I do for a living, correct? Sometimes the least likely person is the guilty one. Some people are good at hiding their real self. I’ve seen a lot of really bad...really messed-up stuff. Okay?” He hated bursting her bubble, but he’d seen too much in his life to think otherwise. “All of these boys here are capable of the worst sins imaginable. We all are. That’s the hardest part in law enforcement. Crime isn’t one size fits all. Have a little faith in me? In my process?”
“These boys are here to heal.” She placed her hand on his arm. “Are you? That’s the entire purpose of this place.”
He pressed his teeth together—wanting to fight what she was implying but finding himself at a loss for words. He wanted answers about his father’s death. He wanted to write Case Closed on the file. Would doing that heal him?
He sure hoped so.
Chapter Five
Sunshine blazed through the wide front windows in the waiting room of Josie’s doctor’s office. She narrowed her eyes and adjusted how she was sitting, fighting nausea. Sometimes the oddest things—like bright light—could make her feel sick since becoming pregnant.
The receptionist at the front desk tapped away at her keyboard. It sounded unnaturally loud. A nurse in scrubs behind the front desk was taking a personal call, arguing with someone about how expensive her daughter’s orthodontia was.
Josie ran her fingers over her forehead.
Heath rose from his seat beside her and crossed to the windows. He adjusted the blinds so the light didn’t hit them in the face any longer and then came back to his seat. Josie’s heart tightened at his ability to read a situation and take care of needs without asking questions. Heath Grayson was a man of action.
Too bad action often led to danger.
Josie swirled the sticky orange drink around and around in her cup. The nurse had explained that she had five minutes to down the highly sugared liquid and then they’d have to wait an hour. After the hour, the nurse would do a blood draw and they’d be free to go. A normal test for gestational diabetes, everyone assured her.
Even still, Josie couldn’t help but worry. If the test came back positive... No, she couldn’t think about that right now. She couldn’t take one more disappointment this year or one more setback on her dream. All of Dale’s life-insurance money had gone to paying off his debts, leaving her and their child with nothing to live on. If she was told to stop working, her ranch would go belly-up and she’d have no way to provide for her child. The only job Josie had ever worked was as a nanny while she and Dale dated, but he’d wanted her to stop after their wedding. And she wouldn’t be able to take on a nanny position with a newborn in tow, now, would she?
She wrapped her free hand over her stomach.
Lord? I know I don’t have much to give in return. Less than much. I have nothing to offer You. Nothing at all other than a heart that wants to learn to trust You. I’m penniless and in need and I don’t like b
eing like this. But...please take care of us.
Heath laid down the magazine he was flipping through. “Feeling any better?”
Josie swallowed another gulp of the horrible orange liquid. “Yes, thank you. The sunlight’s intense today.”
He chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “You could sure say that.”
The air-conditioning kicked on, swirling the leaves of the potted tree in the corner of the office.
A nurse in maroon scrubs popped her head through the door near the reception area that led to the exam rooms. “Jenny Price?”
There were three other ladies in the waiting area. The one wearing purple, who looked like she might be past her due date or possibly carrying twins, slowly got to her feet and headed into the back area.
“Listen, Heath.” Josie laid her fingertips on his forearm. “They said this’ll take an hour. I’m sure you have better things to do. Thank you for the ride, but you don’t have to wait here. I can call you when I’m done.”
He traced a finger over the design on the side of his boot. “I don’t mind waiting.”
“It’s an hour.”
“I’ve sat patiently at stakeouts that lasted for ten. No worries.”
She should know by now how stubborn this man was. Besides, it was nice to have company in the waiting room, even when they weren’t talking. Simply knowing someone else was there with her was enough. She’d attended every other appointment alone. Not that Heath would come into the room for the blood draw or to listen to the heartbeat. She wasn’t about to let that happen. But still...he was here and he didn’t have to be.
Josie forced down the rest of the drink and then brought the cup to the front desk so they’d know to start her hour. She eased back into her seat and rubbed her palm back and forth over the fabric covering her thigh. “So, stakeouts? Those are dangerous, aren’t they?”
Heath shrugged. “Only if they spot you before you spot them. Which doesn’t happen often. Not being seen...that’s the nature of a good stakeout after all.”
Sure, but every stakeout carried the possibility of being seen. Being ambushed. Being murdered. “Do you have to do them much?”
He nodded. “More now as a Ranger than I did when I was a trooper.”
Josie sighed and moved to lean away from him. She needed the few inches of distance she could get in the chair. It was far too easy to start depending on Heath. Come December she’d miss him, miss the breakfasts they shared as they discussed ways to improve her ranch, miss the sweet way he equipped the boys and made them feel capable, miss how he read her mind when she needed something and seemed all too willing to put her first.
Pain radiated underneath her collarbone. She pressed her fingers into the spot. Heartburn. Probably just heartburn. That happened these days.
Heath angled toward her. “Did your husband— Dale, right?”
She nodded.
“Was he an investigator? Or...?”
She allowed a moment before answering to take a few deep breaths while the pain in her chest subsided. “A sheriff’s deputy. On their truck-enforcement division.”
His eyes went to her stomach and then came back to meet her gaze. “I said it before, but I’m real, real sorry for your loss.”
They fell into silence. Heath flipped through a magazine about birds and Josie had to bite her tongue because she wanted to ask him if he was a nature-lover. Did he enjoy camping? Hunting? There was so much about Heath she wanted to know, but she swallowed down the questions. Knowing him would make her care more.
Still...the quiet felt too heavy. Perhaps it was the glucose drink she’d just put into her body, sending her heart into overdrive, but she couldn’t sit without fidgeting and wanted to talk.
Josie cleared her throat. “The boys ranch has a huge Thanksgiving dinner buffet that a lot of the families come out and attend. Most of the boys and the staff will be there.”
Heath set down the magazine and rested his elbows on his knees. “I know about the Thanksgiving celebration.”
“Oh, that’s great. So will you come?” With me? “Katie—she works in the front office—asked me if I knew if you were going to attend. She needs a head count.”
“I...ah.” Heath pressed his hands together and touched the sides of his pointer fingers to his lips, deep in thought. His gazed was fixed on a carpet stain shaped like a running dog. “Thanksgiving...” He sat up slowly. “I don’t know. Thanksgiving’s not a good time for me.”
Her heart sped up and her gut tightened. Or maybe the baby kicked? “Are you planning to leave before then?” Why did her voice have to go up like that?
He shook his head and pulled his phone from his pocket. “I’m here until the end of the month.” He got up. “Will you excuse me?” He started backing toward the door. “I’m late returning a call.”
Josie watched him walk out of the lobby and stand outside the front doors. She’d scared him off by inviting him to the Thanksgiving meal.
“He wants nothing to do with the boys ranch,” she mumbled to herself. How had she forgotten that? A week with the boys hadn’t changed his opinion. Not if Heath couldn’t even stand the thought of sharing a holiday meal with them.
With her.
Josie fanned at the burn in her eyes.
“Dumb hormones.” She blinked away her tears.
It would be silly to cry over Heath, a passer-through who had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t respect the boys ranch and, come the end of November, had no intention of staying involved in anyone’s life beyond his friendship with Flint.
What did she even want from the poor man? For him to attend the Thanksgiving dinner and decide he wanted to move to Haven and keep doing her chores and driving her around for the rest of his life?
Even if—it was outlandish to entertain the thought—he developed feelings for Josie beyond friendship, she wanted nothing to do with a lawman. So picturing a friendship lasting past November was foolishness on her part and she only had herself to blame for these emotions, because Heath had been up front with her from the get-go.
No more letting her hopes get out of hand.
* * *
It was in the low fifties outside. Heath felt ten times better with the sun on his face, away from the freezing-cold office. He knew medical offices were purposely kept cold to discourage germs from multiplying, but running the air-conditioning in November felt like a stretch.
Things had gone topsy-turvy in the past week. He wanted to keep the boys from the ranch at a distance, but then again, each one of them made him smile in their own unique ways. So far he’d found them to be good kids, respectful and hardworking. But that didn’t fit with the image in his head. Fifteen years ago they’d found his father bleeding out near the barn after he’d taken on an assignment to protect one of the residents. Heath had always secretly assumed the youth turned on him.
Still believed that was the case.
He let out a long sigh. Trying to solve his father’s case was foolish. Every night, he’d gone over the paperwork in the files, looking for a clue the investigators might have missed, but he found nothing new. Nothing besides plummeting hope. But that wasn’t new, either.
Beyond all that, confusion reined in his thoughts for another reason. Heath had long ago decided he would never marry. Never get involved with a woman because he wasn’t about to leave a family in the same position his father had. Heath couldn’t do that. It was easier to care about no one than to start to care and realize the best thing for them would be for him to fade from their life.
He was playing with fire when it came to his friendship with Josie Markham. Hopefully, neither of them would walk away at the end of the month burned. Then again, it might be too late for that where he was concerned.
Advice. That was what he needed. A voice of reason.
Heath leaned against the brick building, pressed the button for his saved contacts and pulled up the first number. Nell.
She answered on the second ring. “Long time, no hear, big bro.”
“Sorry about that. The last few months have been busy.” Heath pushed away from the building and paced the length of the parking lot.
“Last few months?” She laughed. “Don’t kid yourself. You’re always too busy.” Her voice was warm, kidding, but her words hit a soft place in his heart. They stung with truth.
He bunched up his free hand and glanced back through the front doors at Josie. So small and fragile and yet brave despite it all. So alone.
His throat went dry. “Nell? I’m sorry—all those years ago when Bill left— Would you forgive me for not being there for you?”
“Where is this coming from?”
“Just thinking.” He ran his hand over his hair. “I wished I’d been there for you.”
“It wasn’t your responsibility.”
He hooked his free hand on his belt. “Doing something out of love is more important than out of responsibility, don’t you think?”
“Don’t beat yourself up about it. You were stationed out of Lubbock at the time. That’s a five-hour drive, Heath.”
For Heath’s entire career, he’d thought himself selfless—spending his time helping victims, seeing that justice was served—but in reality, he’d been selfish. He’d used his positions as soldier, trooper, investigator, Ranger...all of them to feel like he mattered. To convince himself that he was a good person. All the while, not investing in the people who actually knew him, like Nell and his mother. Never going out of his way for them.
When was the last time he’d called his mom?
He paced down the parking lot again, his boots clicking over the pavement. “I should have taken a leave from work. I had the time. But it never even crossed my mind to do that. It was selfish of me not to. I see that now.”
“Heath. Seriously. Stop. I’m fine. Carly’s fine. There’s nothing to forgive.”
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