by Josh Lacey
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Wednesday, October 26
Subject: Please call us!
Attachments: Mess; Feathers
Dear Uncle Morton,
I know you’re not supposed to talk till Friday, but please could you call us?
Today is even worse than yesterday.
The dragons have been fighting all morning. The big one broke down the back door and rampaged through the house. He knocked over the TV and broke our kitchen table in half. Also, he knocked almost all the pictures off the wall.
We had to lock ourselves in the bathroom.
We finally came out when the house was quiet.
Ziggy had chased the big dragon into the yard. I don’t know how she did it.
She and Arthur are lying on what’s left of the sofa. Every single cushion has been burst open. There are feathers everywhere.
Emily is very upset because we’ve got nowhere to sit.
I’m more worried about what the big dragon will do next.
Mom just called the retreat and spoke to Swami Ticklemore. He said you couldn’t be disturbed.
Mom said it was an emergency, but Swami Ticklemore wouldn’t change his mind.
If you get this, please call Mom ASAP.
Eddie
From: Morton Pickle
To: Edward Smith-Pickle
Date: Wednesday, October 26
Subject: Re: Please call us!
Attachments: Meditation
Hi Eddie,
I’m very sorry, but I can’t leave the retreat early. Swami Ticklemore says I would do permanent damage to my inner peace.
I shall hurry out of here at dawn on Friday and come straight to your house.
I don’t know exactly why the big dragon is bothering you, but I should imagine he is no different from any other proud father and simply wants to meet his son. Maybe you should let them spend some time together?
If that’s not possible, why don’t the three of you go and stay in a hotel?
You can tell your mother that I will, of course, pay for the room.
M
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Wednesday, October 26
Subject: Hotel
Dear Uncle Morton,
Mom didn’t like your idea about staying in a hotel.
She looked at me as if I were a complete idiot. Then she spent about fifteen minutes saying why, oh why, was she surrounded by such stupid, selfish men.
I think she means you, Dad, and the dragon.
She might have meant me, too. I’m not sure.
Anyway, Uncle Morton, couldn’t you talk to Swami Ticklemore again and ask for special permission to leave early?
Otherwise, you might have to pay for more than one night in a hotel.
If the dragons carry on like this, you’ll have to buy us a whole new house.
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Wednesday, October 26
Subject: Flying
Attachments: Up, up, and away!
Dear Uncle Morton,
You won’t believe what just happened.
I was in the living room with Arthur and Ziggy when the big dragon appeared at the window. He started breathing fire and making those strange barky noises.
Obviously, I didn’t know what he was saying, but I could see Ziggy listening to him. Then she seemed to be talking to him. Finally, she went to the door.
She looked at me. I knew what she wanted. I opened the door. The three of us walked outside—Ziggy first, then Arthur, and finally me.
The big dragon started flapping his wings, slowly at first, then faster and faster.
Arthur hopped onto his back.
They took off.
I thought that would be the last time I would see them. I wished Mom and Emily were there to say good-bye. Then I turned to look at Ziggy and saw she was lowering her neck down to the ground.
There was a strange expression in her eyes.
I realized it was an invitation.
I’m so glad Mom and Emily were upstairs, because if they’d been watching, they would have screamed at me to come back inside.
But I was alone. So I could do what I wanted.
I lifted my leg over Ziggy’s neck and climbed onto her back. As soon as I was settled, her wings flapped and we went up—past the trees and up above the roofs and up, and up and up and up and up and up.
I was flying!
I knew I shouldn’t look down, but I couldn’t stop myself. The yard was already tiny.
I could see the other dragon above us, his huge body silhouetted against the sky.
Higher and higher we went, till we were swallowed by the clouds. I couldn’t see anything except whiteness. It was really chilly, too. If Ziggy hadn’t been so warm, I would have been frozen solid.
Suddenly, we broke through the top of the clouds, and we were in sunshine. The big dragon was just ahead of us. With a few flaps of her wings, Ziggy was alongside him.
I could see Arthur hopping around on his dad’s back, but I held on as tightly as I could, wrapping my arms around Ziggy’s neck. I didn’t have wings to save me if I slipped off.
Suddenly, the big dragon flipped over. Then right side up again.
Ziggy did it, too.
For a moment I was upside down!
Next, they both looped the loop.
Three times.
It was like being on a roller coaster.
Up and down we went. Around and around. The two dragons took turns doing tricks as if they were saying to each other, Look at me! Can you do this, too?
I thought I might be sick, but actually, it was Arthur who was.
I suppose he is only four days old.
The others must have thought he’d had enough then, because suddenly we were diving down, heading for the ground.
We were going so fast, I thought we’d crash through the house. But at the last moment, the two dragons pulled back, and we landed gently on the patio.
The three of them are dozing now, but I wanted to come inside and tell you all about it.
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Wednesday, October 26
Subject: He’s gone
Attachments: Quiet time
Dear Uncle Morton,
Don’t worry about leaving the retreat early. You can stay as long as you like. That big dragon has gone, and I don’t think he’s coming back.
Mom says he probably has another girlfriend somewhere, and maybe he does, but I’m sure that’s not really why he left.
I think he came here to see his son, and now he has, so he could go.
Taking Arthur into the air must have been his way of saying good-bye.
I suppose it’s the same as Dad taking me to the movies before he drives back to his house.
Everything is very peaceful here, now that it’s just the five of us.
Mom and Ziggy are watching a black-and-white movie on TV.
Arthur and Emily are playing Monopoly. Neither of them knows the rules. They’re just pushing the pieces around the board and making a mess of the money. Emily keeps giggling, and Arthur is blowing little spurts of smoke through his nostrils.
I hope you enjoy your last day at the retreat, and see you on Friday.
Eddie
From: Morton Pickle
To: Edward Smith-Pickle
Date: Saturday, October 29
Subject: Re: He’s gone
Attachments: Home, sweet home; Article
Hi Eddie,
We are finally home after an endless train journey and a stormy ride in Mr. McDougall’s boat. The house feels much smaller with two dragons, even if one of them is only a baby. When Arthur grows up, I’ll have to build him and Ziggy a home of their own.
I want to thank you again f
or looking after them so well.
Please tell your mother that I really am very sorry about all the trouble that they caused.
You probably won’t like my saying this, but I do think she was right about Arthur. Having a pet is a serious responsibility.
If I were you, I would accept her offer. I know gerbils aren’t exactly exciting, but you can always get something bigger when you’re older.
Will you please also tell your mother that I was entirely serious about the retreat? I could see how stressed she is. Nothing would make her feel better than a week of silence and yoga.
While she is with Swami Ticklemore, you and Emily could stay with me. I know Ziggy and Arthur would love to see you, as would I.
Lots of love from your affectionate uncle,
Morton
P.S. Did you see this?
Photograph courtesy of Annabel Birkinstock
Passengers on a British Airways flight to Paris were treated to an extraordinary spectacle when two enormous green creatures flew past their plane.
Neither the pilot nor the air traffic controllers noticed anything unusual, but at least a hundred passengers are convinced that they were visited by dragons.
Fashion consultant Annabel Birkinstock
Fashion consultant Annabel Birkinstock could hardly believe her eyes. She flies from London to Paris at least once a month, and has seen everything from David Beckham to the Eiffel Tower, but she was astonished when she looked out the window and spotted a dragon flying past.
“At first, I thought it might be a huge bird,” said the shocked twenty-seven-year-old. “But I’ve never heard of birds breathing smoke from their nostrils.”
Aviation expert Graham Tulse has examined photographs taken by passengers on the plane and said the “dragons” were probably just an illusion caused by sunlight and cloud cover.
“One of the passengers even claimed there was a boy riding on a dragon’s back!” he scoffed.
Annabel Birkinstock doesn’t agree. “I know what I saw,” she told us last night. “Those weren’t rainbows or shadows. They were undoubtedly dragons.”
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From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Monday, December 26
Subject: Look who’s here
Attachments: Unexpected guests
Dear Uncle Morton,
I just tried calling you, but the phone made a funny noise. Have you changed your number?
I wanted to tell you your dragons are here. They must have arrived in the middle of the night. When I came down for breakfast, Ziggy was sitting on the patio, peering through the window, looking very sorry for herself.
I didn’t even see baby Arthur. I thought Ziggy had left him at home. Then I realized he was tucked under her tummy, trying to keep warm.
They’re feeling better now that we’ve given them some toast and let them sit by the radiator.
Have they come to say merry Christmas? Are you coming, too? I’m afraid we didn’t get you a present, but there’s lots of turkey left and about a million brussels sprouts.
Love,
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Tuesday, December 27
Subject: Collection
Dear Uncle Morton,
Your dragons are still here. They have eaten the entire contents of the fridge and most of the cans in the cupboard, too.
Arthur also swallowed three spoons and the remote control.
Mom says they will probably come out the other end, but I’m not really looking forward to that.
She wants to know when you are coming to collect the dragons.
We’re leaving first thing on Thursday morning, so she asks if you could get here by Wednesday afternoon at the latest.
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Wednesday, December 28
Subject: Please call us!
Dear Uncle Morton,
Your phone is still making the same noise. Mom says you’ve probably been cut off because you haven’t paid your bill.
Does that mean you didn’t get my e-mails, either?
So, what are we supposed to do with the dragons?
We’re leaving first thing tomorrow morning.
Mom has to catch the 9:03 train, or she won’t arrive in time for the meet and greet with Swami Ticklemore.
She is going on that yoga retreat like you suggested. She says she deserves it after the year she’s had.
I asked if the dragons could stay here without us, but she said no way, José, which you have to admit is fair enough after last time.
Emily and I are going to stay with Dad in his new house. He says it’s a castle, but Dad’s always saying things like that.
I called him and asked if we could bring the dragons.
He said no, because his new girlfriend, Bronwen, is allergic to fur.
I told him dragons don’t have fur, but he said even so.
So please come and get them ASAP.
Eddie
P.S. I’ve been waiting with my rubber gloves, but there’s still no sign of those spoons or the remote control.
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Thursday, December 29
Subject: Where are you????
Dear Uncle Morton,
Mom says if you’re not here in the next ten minutes, she’ll leave the dragons in the street and they can take care of themselves.
I said you couldn’t possibly get from Scotland to here in ten minutes, and she said worse things happen at sea.
I have literally no idea what she meant.
Now she and Dad are shouting at each other just like they used to when they were still married.
If you get this in the next ten minutes, please call us!
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Thursday, December 29
Subject: Don’t go to our house!
Attachments: Car; castle
Dear Uncle Morton,
I hope you haven’t left already to pick up the dragons, because they’re not at our house anymore.
Dad said they could come to his castle after all.
I don’t know what changed his mind, but he did say the Welsh have always had a soft spot for dragons.
Luckily, Bronwen had stayed behind, so there was room for all five of us in the car.
Dad was worried about his seats, but I told him dragons can be very careful with their claws if they want to, and I’m glad to say they were.
We got a lot of strange looks on the highway, and there was a nasty moment when Arthur flapped his wings and almost got sucked out the window. But we’ve now arrived at Dad’s new castle, and we’re all fine.
It really is a castle!
There’s a moat and half a drawbridge and a rusty old cannon by the front door.
Dad bought it cheap because the previous owner had lost all his money.
He is going to convert it into apartments and sell them off and finally make his millions.
Our bedroom is in a turret. There’s a little wooden staircase that goes to the top, and you can see for miles.
The only problem is it’s freezing. Dad says that’s the price you have to pay for living in a historical building, but I don’t see why he couldn’t just buy some heaters.
Here is the address:
Manawydan Castle
Llefelys
Near Llandrindod Wells
Powys, Wales
Dad says please come and pick up the dragons ASAP because he and Bronwen are having a party on New Year’s Eve, and they want everything to go perfectly.
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Thursday, December 29
Su
bject: Flu
Attachments: Achoo
Dear Uncle Morton,
I forgot to say: Please bring some medicine for Ziggy.
She’s got a terrible cold.
When she sneezes, little jets of fire come out of her nostrils. I hope it’s not contagious.
Eddie
From: Morton Pickle
To: Edward Smith-Pickle
Date: Thursday, December 29
Subject: Re: Flu
Attachments: Snow; McDougall to the rescue
Hi Eddie,
I’m very sorry that I haven’t replied before, but my communication with the outside world has been severed for more than a week by the thick layer of snow smothering my island. I even had to dig a path from my back door to the shed so I could bring back some dry logs for the fire.
My boat was frozen solid, so I couldn’t possibly get to the mainland, and I spent the festive season alone, reading several excellent books and eating my way through whatever I could find at the back of my cupboard. Luckily, I had stocked up during my last trip to France, so I spent a very happy Christmas eating duck paté and drinking some wonderful red wine.
The dragons weren’t so content. They huddled by the fire for the first couple of days, then disappeared. How very sensible of them to come and find you.
I polished off the last of my food last night and raised a red flag. Luckily, Mr. McDougall saw it first thing this morning and came to rescue me in his boat.
I’m now checking my e-mails in his house. He sends season’s greetings, by the way, and hopes to meet you soon.
I’m sorry to hear that Ziggy is unwell. Please try to keep her and Arthur comfortable until I arrive. I wouldn’t want them to fly any farther south. They’d only get lost.
