by Niamh Greene
‘I’d be happy to.’ Robert smiles at her and I slide down in my seat.
How can I escape without drawing attention to myself? Robert can’t see me now, because the lights are off, but when they’re switched on he’ll spot me for sure.
‘So, we were cognizant of the fact that the building had to sit comfortably in the landscape and we really feel we’ve achieved just that with this new design,’ Robert says.
An image of the reconfigured supermarket appears on the screen.
‘See here,’ Robert points to the drawing, ‘we’ve significantly reduced the size of this area, to rebalance the entire development.’
‘It looks great,’ Odette says.
‘It looks awful!’ someone calls. ‘Just as bad as it did before.’
I see Robert’s face twist faintly at this criticism of his work.
‘It’s not that bad,’ someone else yells.
‘What would you know?’ another retorts.
‘Order, everyone, please!’ Odette bangs her gavel on the table. ‘Are there any questions from the floor? Any practical questions?’
‘Has the construction contract been awarded yet?’ I hear Edward ask, and I shrink even further into my seat. Great! The man I love is speaking to the ex I abandoned. As the thought pops into my mind, I realize it’s true. I don’t just fancy Edward, I love him. Properly love him. I start to sweat as the truth hits me.
‘Not yet,’ Robert replies smoothly. ‘It will be put out to tender soon.’
‘Will any local contractors be considered?’
‘Like I say, it will be put out to tender,’ Robert says. ‘Then we’ll whittle down the applications and take it from there. We expect it to be a highly competitive process.’
Laurence winks happily at Odette as Robert says this – I get the feeling that he’ll take great satisfaction from getting the most value for his money.
‘I wish I could think of something to ask him,’ Betty hisses. ‘He’s such a hottie!’
‘What about traffic congestion?’ Odette asks, her head cocked to one side, as if she’s spent endless nights worrying about this detail.
‘That’s a very good question, Odette,’ Robert replies. ‘Under-and over-ground parking will be provided.’
‘Plenty of room for everyone, then?’ She giggles.
‘Oh, yes,’ Robert agrees. ‘And parking will be free, of course.’
‘All those extra cars in the area will do nothing but pollute our beautiful countryside!’ Peg is on her feet at the top of the hall. ‘You lot are trying to swindle us!’
Robert shoots a concerned glance at Laurence. He’s not quite sure how to handle Peg now that she’s left her seat – he thinks she’s a loose cannon, I can tell.
‘We’re not trying to swindle anyone, Peg,’ Laurence says quickly, in a soothing tone. ‘We’re trying to improve amenities for the village. Wouldn’t you like to be able to get some fresh coriander if you wanted it?’
‘I hate coriander.’ Peg snorts.
‘I love it!’ someone calls.
‘Me too!’ another voice shouts.
‘See? You can’t stop progress, Peg,’ Laurence says, his eyes like flint, ‘no matter what.’
‘Is that a threat?’ Ted is on his feet now. ‘Are you threatening my wife?’
‘Of course not,’ Laurence replies smoothly. ‘But she’s getting pretty heated. Maybe you should bring her home and give her a cup of tea. Calm her down a bit.’
‘You condescending –’ In the blink of an eye, Ted is scrambling to get on the stage. ‘I’ll have you for that!’ he roars.
‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph!’ Laurence sprints to hide behind Odette. ‘Lads! Lads! Get this lunatic out of here.’
Two burly men leap from the side of the stage and lunge towards Ted, who is now shadow-boxing at a quaking Laurence. Odette is flapping Ted away, like she might swat at an irritating fly, and Robert is looking on with an expression of sheer bafflement.
‘Let go of him, you animals!’ Peg screeches, launching herself at one of the thugs, who now has Ted by the collar and is attempting to haul him away.
Everyone is on their feet now and there’s pandemonium as the villagers swarm over the stage and join in the mêlée: fists are flying and punches are being thrown left, right and centre. It’s suddenly become a free-for-all.
I know this is my chance. If I act now, I’ll be gone before the lights come back on and Robert will never know I was here. I move quickly, pushing past Betty who’s yelling, ‘Get him, get him!’
I’m not sure which side she’s on, and I’m not waiting to see. I’m at the door, ready to dive into the night, when I hear Peg cry above the din. ‘Help! Somebody help!’ she sobs, looking helplessly around her. I glance over my shoulder and see Ted crumpled by the stage, deathly pale. Laurence seems to have been bundled from the hall.
Oh, no. Something has happened to Ted and people are too busy squaring up to each other to notice. If I go back now I’m done for – Robert will see me and the truth will be out. But Ted needs help and Peg is terrified. I’ve no choice. Pushing all thoughts of what will happen from my mind, I turn and shove my way through the crowd and back towards the stage.
‘Maggie!’ Peg sobs, when she sees me. ‘Maggie, help him, he’s having a heart-attack!’
‘I’m not having a heart-attack, Peg, don’t fuss,’ Ted says weakly.
‘Are you OK?’ I stoop to look at him.
‘I don’t feel so good, Maggie girl.’ He smiles wanly at me. ‘It’s nothing – I’ll be OK in a minute.’
‘Don’t worry, Ted, you’ll be fine,’ I say. ‘We’ll get you out of here.’
Inside, I’m panicking. For once, it seems that Peg isn’t exaggerating: Ted doesn’t look good. He needs a doctor – fast.
‘Sit with him, Peg,’ I say, my voice far calmer than I feel. ‘I’ll call an ambulance.’
‘An ambulance?’ Her voice shakes.
‘Just as a precaution.’ I hug her briefly. ‘I’m sure he’ll be OK, but we don’t want to take any chances, do we?’
‘No, no,’ she cries. ‘Oh, Maggie, if anything happens to him, I’ll die. He’s the love of my life.’
‘I know he is, Peg.’ I squeeze her tight. ‘Now sit and hold his hand – this’ll only take a second.’
I make for a quiet corner – there’s still bedlam in the hall and I need to make sure the emergency services can hear what I’m saying.
‘Maggie?’ Edward is at my side as I flip open my phone.
‘It’s Ted,’ I say, quickly dialling 999. ‘I think he’s having a heart-attack. Stay with them, will you? Peg’s in a state.’
‘Of course. Don’t worry, it’ll be OK.’ He briefly squeezes my arm, then disappears back into the crowd.
I’ve given the emergency services the details and am shoving my phone back in my bag when I hear the voice behind me. ‘Maggie?’
I don’t even have to turn – I know immediately who it is. The game is up.
‘Hi, Robert.’
‘What … what are you doing here?’
Confusion is written all over his face. He didn’t know I was in Glacken, that much is obvious. No one told him where I was and he hasn’t been stalking me. This is just one big cosmic coincidence – if God exists, she has a very strange sense of humour.
‘It’s a long story.’ I sigh. ‘I’m living here now.’
‘You’ve moved? Here?’ His voice is incredulous as he drinks in my appearance.
‘Yes, I have.’
I know why he’s so surprised. Notwithstanding that he never imagined bumping into me here, the last time he saw me I was groomed and polished. Now I’m standing in the middle of a remote village hall, dressed in an outfit I would never have left the house in just a few short months ago. I look like … like Claire did when she started her journey to her inner self. And Robert looks just like I did when I met her wearing her dog-eaten hoody: shell-shocked. I almost have to stifle a laugh at his expression. This
would be comical if it wasn’t so tragic.
‘But you hate the country!’ he says, astonished.
‘I don’t hate it,’ I say.
‘You do – you once said that –’
‘If I ever had to live beyond the motorway I’d go bonkers?’
That’s what Dom said when I told him I was moving to Glacken. I must have told Robert the same thing.
‘Exactly!’ He shakes his head, as if he can’t quite believe his eyes.
‘Well, I guess I was wrong.’ I smile sheepishly. ‘I like it here. In fact, I love it.’
As I say it, I know it’s true. I do love Glacken. It’s started to feel like home. These people have started to feel like a second family. There are a few mad relations in the pot, of course – Peg and Ted aren’t entirely sane – but I love them regardless.
‘But what are you doing for work?’ Robert asks. ‘Is there even an estate agency down here?’
‘Not exactly …’ I fudge. ‘I’m keeping busy, you know, with other stuff.’
‘Robert!’ Odette’s voice cuts through our conversation as she rushes to Robert’s side. ‘Thank God I got Laurence out of here safely. I’m so sorry about this calamity. It’s these villagers – some of them are barbaric. The sooner I get out of here myself the better! Oh, Maggie!’ She stops chattering when she notices me.
‘Hi, Odette,’ I say.
‘You two know each other?’ Robert asks.
‘Everyone knows everyone in a small village, Robert,’ I reply.
Odette looks from me to Robert, her eyes narrowed, as if she can’t quite figure out what’s going on. ‘Do you … do you two know each other?’
‘Yes, we do,’ I reply. There’s no point in denying it.
‘Maggie and I were together …’ Robert says, not elaborating any further. But it’s clear what he means.
‘What? You mean Robert is your secret boyfriend?’ Odette’s eyes widen.
‘You have a secret boyfriend?’ Robert asks, getting hold of the wrong end of the stick. ‘Wow – you have been busy, Maggie. Leaving the estate agent’s, moving here, getting a secret boyfriend … What else have you been up to?’
‘Estate agent’s?’ Odette’s mouth is hanging open. She has definitely had veneers – I’m sure of it now. Funny what you notice in a crisis.
‘Well, yes,’ Robert says, looking even more confused.
‘You’re not an artist, are you?’ Odette says accusingly. ‘You never were! You don’t paint under a pseudonym at all! That was all a lie! I knew it!’
‘What’s she talking about, Maggie?’ Robert asks.
I’m desperately trying to think of something to say. The only possible way out of this mess is an alien abduction. What are the odds of that happening? Slim to none, I should imagine, more’s the pity, because being snatched by evil alien life forms intent on using my brain for sinister experiments is far preferable to having to tell the truth.
‘Maggie told everyone in the village that she was an award-winning artist!’ Odette crows.
Now that she’s over the shock of the revelation, it’s clear that she’s thrilled by the news.
‘Well, I didn’t exactly say award-winning …’ I begin.
That’s true at least: technically it was Peg and Ted who spread that rumour, not me. I did go along with it, of course. I’m the one to blame for this mess.
‘An artist?’ Robert guffaws, slapping my back a little too heartily. ‘That’s hilarious!’
‘Why is it hilarious exactly?’ I feel the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. OK, so I may have lied, but why does he think the idea of me painting is so outlandish?
‘Well, you’re not exactly Van Gogh, are you, Mags?’ Robert chuckles.
‘That’s not what she told everyone,’ Odette says. ‘She led us all up the garden path about her career when she was really living a lie! She even told us she painted under another name – all so she wouldn’t be found out!’
‘Odette, this was a misunderstanding that got out of control,’ I say. ‘I never meant to deceive anyone.’
‘And we’re supposed to believe that, are we?’ she sneers. ‘When you told everyone you were an artist and all along you were an estate agent! You’re a joke!’
It’s as if the room has become suddenly still and deathly silent as Odette’s voice rings out.
I see past her to where Edward is standing, a look of horror on his face. I’m not sure about everyone else, but he has definitely heard every word – he knows the truth about me, that I am what he said he despises most.
I watch as Robert and Odette follow my gaze. There’s an undeniable flicker of recognition on their faces: they’ve seen how I feel about Edward; they know the full truth now.
It’s happened – just like I knew it would eventually. My pyramid of lies and deceit has finally come crashing down around my ears.
Rule Twenty-five: Your health is your wealth
Three hours later I’m sitting by Ted’s hospital bed, gripping Peg’s hand tightly as the doctor breaks the news.
‘Indigestion?’ Peg gasps. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes,’ the doctor confirms. ‘We’ve run all the tests. Your husband wasn’t having a heart-attack. He ate something that disagreed with him – it’s not uncommon. You can go.’
‘Oh, thank God, thank God,’ Peg cries. She throws her arms around me and hugs me tightly, then flings herself at Ted, who has closed his eyes with relief.
‘And what about his cholesterol, Doctor?’ she asks, through her tears.
‘Well, that is far too high. He needs to drastically overhaul his diet.’ He passes a healthy-eating diet sheet to Peg, who grabs it with both hands, like it’s the last lifejacket on a sinking ship.
‘I told you, Ted!’ she admonishes. ‘No more chocolate!’
‘Chocolate?’ The doctor is clearly appalled.
‘I have an addiction.’ Ted hangs his head in shame.
‘You’ll have to get over that pretty quickly.’ The doctor is unsympathetic.
‘He’s been told to cut down,’ Peg says. ‘He never pays any attention.’
‘Well, if he doesn’t start paying attention soon, he’ll definitely be on medication for the rest of his life.’ The doctor’s eyes are steely.
‘I will?’ Ted pales.
‘Yes, you will. Think of this little warning as your last chance to change your ways.’ He strides away, a nurse at his heels. There’s no time for any more idle conversation, not when he has patients who really are at death’s door to deal with.
‘It looks like you had a lucky escape.’ I smile at Ted as Peg sits stroking his hand.
‘Aye, it does that.’ Ted nods. ‘I thought I was a goner then, I really did.’
‘What could you have eaten that disagreed with you so much?’ Peg asks him, puzzled.
‘I had a few Mars Bars?’ he offers half-heartedly.
‘Yes, but you have half a dozen Mars Bars every day. Why would they suddenly cause this? What else did you eat today? Was there anything different? Anything at all?’ Peg can’t work it out.
‘I can’t remember.’ Ted seems anxious not to delve into it too much. ‘Now, let’s get out of here, Peg. The doctor said I could go.’
‘The nurse has to come back with the discharge papers yet,’ Peg says. ‘We’ve plenty of time to try to figure this out. You heard the doctor – this could be a warning. We have to take it seriously.’
‘Maybe I should go,’ I suggest. There’s something about Ted’s guilty expression that I don’t like – I don’t want to be here when he confesses to Peg what led to his ‘heart-attack’.
‘No, Maggie, stay.’ Peg has a death grip on my arm. ‘Let’s think. This is important. I thought you were dying, Ted. We can’t let this happen again.’
‘OK.’ Ted looks extremely guilty now.
‘So. You had scrambled eggs for breakfast, like always.’
‘That’s right,’ he agrees. ‘Then I had two Mars Bars at eleven.’
‘You had soup for lunch.’
‘Lentil. That’s right. And then a Mars Bar for dessert.’
‘You had chicken pasta for tea.’
‘And two Mars Bars after.’
‘So, just like every other day. Was there nothing else? Think, Ted, think!’
‘Peg, there was something else …’
‘There was?’ Peg is all ears. ‘You didn’t have a Moro Bar, did you? You know I can’t abide those Moros.’
‘No, I didn’t have a Moro.’ Ted’s nose wrinkles in distaste. ‘I wouldn’t touch one of those – nasty things they are.’
‘So, what was it then? A Lion Bar? A Toffee Crisp?’
‘No. It was …’ Ted gulps. ‘It was a sausage roll.’
There’s silence in the room as we all absorb this information.
‘A what?’ Peg’s voice is barely audible.
‘A sausage roll.’
‘Where did you get a sausage roll?’ Peg asks, her voice icy.
I want to be anywhere but here because I know exactly what’s coming next.
‘I’m sorry, Peg, I’m so sorry.’ Ted breaks down. ‘I forgot to bring my emergency Mars Bar to the meeting and then Betty passed by with her basket and I just couldn’t resist …’ He looks at me imploringly, as if he wants me to intervene on his behalf. I look at the floor. He would have been better having a fatal heart-attack and be done with it.
‘You – you ate one of Betty’s sausage rolls?’ Peg’s face is disbelieving.
‘Yes,’ Ted admits, his handlebar moustache quivering with remorse.
‘You – you traitor!’ Peg hisses, her face a fury. ‘How could you?’
‘I’m weak, Peg,’ Ted moans. ‘A weak man. Forgive me, you have to forgive me.’ He looks properly ill now. Worse than he did in the hall.
I shrink back against the wall, hoping Peg will forget I’m here. What if she asks me if I ever tasted one? I won’t be able to lie. I’ll have to tell her. What will she do to me?
‘I’ll never forgive you for this, Ted. Never!’ Peg cries, dabbing at her eyes. ‘There’s nothing worse you could do to me, you know that! That Betty will be laughing up her sleeve now, all right. My own husband – betraying me. I just can’t believe it!’
