by T. F. Walsh
Paulie backed out of the driveway, tooting once before driving away. Sam didn’t want to go back inside, to his lonely house that had been swept clean of all traces of life, love, and everything good that had, however briefly, been his. He wouldn’t be welcome at Riley’s. Not yet.
On leaden legs, he scuffed up to the front door. Until a few months ago, this house had been his sanctuary, a place designed to keep the past at bay. Now it was his jail, where he would do his penance, punished for daring to give love a chance. He’d barely gotten the door closed behind him before he slid to the floor, giving in to the tears that would no longer be contained.
Chapter 19
It smelled the same as she remembered. The dusty old books with an almost sweet undertone. The new books, just out of their boxes, the ink still fresh. Wynter walked slowly through the bookstore that had been a part of Scallop Shores since its owner, Ruby, had been her own age. She stopped, here and there, to brush her fingertips against a cover, or thumb through an old favorite.
Ah, it felt good to be back. Paulie had helped her move into the apartment upstairs. Ruby was more than happy to watch Charlotte while the other women had unpacked both Wynter’s meager belongings and her daughter’s vast mountain of baby gear. Ruby had offered the furnished apartment as part of a salary package. Wynter had to remind herself that this was the opportunity of a lifetime.
Returning to the front of the store, Wynter leaned her elbows on the counter and stared moodily out the window. Everything was falling into place. All her dreams were coming true. This was what she’d wanted. Why did she feel so miserable, then? Ungrateful. That’s what she was. An ungrateful leech.
The bell tinkled over the door and she pasted on a welcoming smile, standing up straight. Sam’s grandmother, Ruby, backed into the store, pulling Charlotte’s stroller with her.
“We’re back,” the older woman sang out. “This little gal is quite the social butterfly. She charmed everyone we met. Even that old fart, Tom Feeney, gushed over her.”
“Old Man Feeney’s still a grouch, huh? He needs the love of a good woman.”
“No good woman would have him,” Ruby scoffed.
“Seriously, though. What is that man’s story? Was he jilted as a young guy? Someone kick his puppy?”
Ruby shut the door behind herself and wheeled the baby up to the counter. She shrugged out of her long cardigan and turned to hang it on the coat tree near the door. Slipping behind the register, she sank into the rocking chair nestled in the corner.
“Oh, don’t get me started on that old coot. I think he came out of his mother’s womb grousing over the living conditions.”
“Still, I just wonder. Sam has this neighbor in Braeden. He was the biggest sourpuss when I first met him, really not pleasant at all. I think I grew on him.” Wynter’s smile was wistful.
“You miss him.” Ruby rocked in her chair, the statement thrown out casually.
“Riley? He’s a teddy bear now. Of course I miss him.” She busied herself undoing the straps, tucking Charlotte against her shoulder and swaying.
“I meant Sam, sweetheart. You miss my grandson, don’t you?” The old woman stopped the chair and aimed a steely look at her target.
Wynter turned away, swallowing hard against the sorrow that threatened to bubble up and over. She had no doubt Ruby would offer a friendly shoulder to cry on. She just wasn’t ready for that. It was too soon. Her wounds too close to the surface. Taking a moment to compose herself, she breathed in through her nose, let it fill her diaphragm before pushing it through pursed lips. Finally, she was ready to return her attention to the conversation.
“I wish things had been different. Yes. I miss him.” She’d been trying for composed, nonchalant. But her words had come out swollen, clogged with emotion. Every ounce of pain that she was feeling forced its way into the inflection. Please don’t offer me sympathy right now. I’ll lose it. I really will.
“Don’t give up on him just yet, love. Not too long ago, Sam would have kicked you out of his house. Politely, mind you. But he wouldn’t have allowed such a powerful reminder of his past to remain in his present.”
“That’s just it, Ruby. I didn’t give him a choice.” Wynter paced from one end of the counter to the other and back. “I called in the friend card, a promise he’d made to me when we were still kids.”
“Make no mistake, dear. He would not have honored that promise years ago. Even given how much he loved you.”
“Did everyone know about this, except me?” She wanted to snarl with frustration.
“Oh, Sam never told a soul how he felt. But I knew. His mother knew, too. We used to imagine what it would be like if the two of you got married. What your babies would look like.” She smiled gently at Charlotte, snoozing on her mother’s shoulder. “What he’d be like as a dad.”
“He’s an amazing dad.”
It didn’t even matter that Sam wasn’t Charlotte’s biological father. He’d helped her come into the world. He’d been there every day since, every day until she’d taken her little girl away from him. Oh, Sweet Mother Mary, what had she done?
“What am I going to do, Ruby?”
“Well, the front window display needs changing. I was thinking something with a Mother’s Day theme, but it’s your call. Have fun with it.”
“No, I mean, what am I going to do about Sam? I feel like . . . ” Hampered by the baby in her arms, she couldn’t throw her hands up in the air like she longed to do.
“Like you shouldn’t have left? Like you should have stayed in that podunk town in Vermont, no matter how bitter and miserable it made you?”
“It wasn’t that bad.” No, that was a whopper if she’d ever told one. Wynter couldn’t even stop the giggle that reverberated on her tongue. “Okay, it was bad. Oh, Ruby, it’s a horrible place to live. Think Old Man Feeney times . . . Well, whatever the population is. And the town, the architecture, it was lifeless. I expected everyone I ran into to be wearing drab, beige gunny sacks.”
“I know.” Ruby scowled. “Pauline and I drove out there shortly after Samuel bought the house. We didn’t visit him, didn’t want him to feel threatened in his new place, you understand? But we just wanted to know that he was okay.
“Braeden, Vermont.” She shuddered. “Well, that’s when we realized he wasn’t okay. The depth of his guilt, his powerful need to punish himself. I guess I hadn’t realized just how badly he suffered from survivor’s guilt.”
“I guess it’s pointless to ask if he ever sought help for it?” Wynter set the baby down on the polished honey countertop and tickled her tummy.
“Why get help for something you think you deserve?” Both women sighed and nodded.
“So, whatcha got planned for that window display? You’ve been itching to design one of those since you were ten years old.”
Wynter stared out the window at the town of Scallop Shores. This had been her dream for so long. Only now her dream had morphed to include Sam. Her little family, her life, would not be complete without Sam. But Sam was in Vermont and had no intention of ever stepping foot in the town that held his most sorrowful memories. She had left him to prove to herself that she would not settle for anything less than her heart’s desire. But wasn’t that exactly what she’d ended up doing?
• • •
“I’m selling the house,” Sam announced upon letting himself into Riley’s house—after the man had purposely slammed the door in his face.
“Running from your memories again?” Riley spun his chair around and glared at his best friend. “Where’s it going to be this time? Alaska? Siberia? How long are you going to keep running, Sam?”
“I’m not running from, buddy of mine. I’m running to.”
He ducked into the kitchen to help himself to a cup of coffee, decided his nerves were already shot, and opted for a glass of water from the tap. Riley appeared in the wide doorframe, a skeptical frown knotting his eyebrows together. Sam coated his parched throat before continuing.
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“I need to get her back, man.”
“There is only one way to get her back and you swore you‘d never go there.”
“That was before I thought I had a chance with her. Before I remembered how important family is.” He set the empty glass on the counter with a thunk, threading a shaky hand through his hair. “God, Ri, I could have hidden out here until Paulie called to tell me my grandmother had died. Seriously, what kind of grandson am I?”
“A crappy one,” Riley admitted.
“No doubt. And a crappy brother and a crappy uncle. A crappy overall person.” He resisted the urge to pound a fist into the nearest cabinet. It wasn’t his house, after all.
“Uh huh. And what makes you think Wynter is going to want this crappy person in her happy, shiny new life?”
“She’s not. I get that. She doesn’t want the Sam-with-baggage. But if I can prove to her that I’m ready to change.”
“Dude, I want to believe you. I do. But I heard her ask you, so many times, to join her in Scallop Shores. You wouldn’t even discuss it. You shut her down. And now that she’s called your bluff, you’re all ready to go racing after her and pick up where you left off. I don’t buy it.”
Riley clucked his tongue and frowned into his lap before looking up and spearing Sam with a sharp glance.
“What are you going to do? Buy a house in the next town over and try to coax Wynter to live with you there and still get to work in her dream town?” He sounded like he was trying to draw out a confession.
“Fine, don’t believe me. But I’m moving back to Scallop Shores and you’re coming with me.”
“The hell I am!”
Riley backed his chair up and sped down the hall to the living room, not stopping until he reached the furthest shelf of books. His back to his friend, he chose a book at random, plucked it off the shelf and pretended to get lost in a battle scene. Sam rolled his eyes.
“You have no ties to this place. We’ll find another place. Somewhere we can be together.”
“Dude, you want me or Wynter? ’Cause it sounds like you’re not sure which side of the closet you’re on. I think you’re trying to make me feel better about you taking off, but I gotta tell ya—just feelin’ a little squicky here.”
“Oh, shut up, already. I am moving to Scallop Shores. And like it or not, you are part of our family. You’re coming with us. End of story.”
“I’m a lone wolf. I don’t play well with others.” Riley slammed the book shut, heaved a sigh and turned around.
They eyed each other, neither one offering to back down.
“Besides, I just got this sweet new set up for my books. I’m not going anywhere without my built-ins. You can’t get my built-ins into a new house, I’m not budging.”
“You’re the biggest pain in my ass. You know that?” Sam slapped a hand against his denim-clad thigh.
“Wynter went to a lot of trouble to build these for me. They are custom made for a custom guy.” Riley ran a hand along one of the wheels of his chair.
“I bet if you ask nicely, she’d do it again. She seems to get a kick out of using power tools.” And he got an endless thrill out of watching her use them.
“You don’t need me around, mucking up your alone time. I’ll be fine here. I’ve got my nurse and my PT to check up on me, make sure I’m not dead.”
“God, you’re such a whiner!” Sam cuffed his friend upside his head and was rewarded with a nasty epithet.
“Truth be told, Wynter probably wouldn’t take me back if I didn’t have you in tow.”
At this, Riley snorted. “Heh heh. I can see that. I’m your ace in the hole. Oh, the power.” The resulting laughter sounded more like a deranged cackle. This time Sam smacked a palm against his own head. Pain in the ass, indeed!
• • •
His hands were fused to the steering wheel with perspiration, almost like a built in fail-safe to keep him in his SUV, driving toward his goal. He’d begun to mutter to himself somewhere between the NH tolls and the Welcome to Maine—The Way Life Should Be sign. He longed for a paper bag—whether to soothe his rapid breathing or to puke in, he wasn’t yet sure.
Riley’s voice was in his head, jeering and obnoxious. “You swore you’d never go back. You can’t do it. Not even for Wynter.” Sam’s muttering turned to swearing, railing at the friend who had stayed behind to deal with the sale of not one, but two houses. He could use a friend here with him now.
No! He’d brought this on himself, staying away so long it made it that much more difficult to come home again. He was right to come alone. No one knew he was coming. It was better this way. In case he chickened out. Sam sneered at the negative thought. He wasn’t going to chicken out. He was finally ready.
All too soon, the exit for Scallop Shores loomed in front of him. The urge to drive on by was strong and Sam had to give an extra tug on the steering wheel to nudge the car toward the off ramp. He was here. He was doing this. He felt like he was going to die.
It would be hell for a while. He hadn’t expected it to be easy, just because Wynter and Charlotte were here. He’d done some research before leaving and found a therapist in Scallop Shores who could help him process the mountain of emotional garbage that he’d managed to barricade himself behind for the last twelve years. He’d meant it when he told Riley that he didn’t expect Wynter to take back the old Sam. She deserved a new Sam. A Sam with his head on straight and no guilt or drama weighing him down.
The old Chamber of Commerce, a sad shack, really, had been torn down. It had been replaced by a much larger, more sophisticated building. Sam liked the row of Adirondacks on the porch. Welcome to Scallop Shores, they seemed to say. Sit a spell. He felt his blood pressure start to slow. Just a bit.
Turning left at the last stoplight before hitting the heart of the town, Sam drove down Main Street. Finding it remarkably unchanged, he wasn’t sure if he ought to feel relieved or anxious that it would stir up unwanted memories. The First Congregational Church, with its gorgeous white spire, was still the tallest building downtown. The Civil War statue still stood at attention, forcing cars to slow down and enjoy the scenery as they navigated that turn.
Coming up on the right was the historic residence that had housed his dad’s vet clinic. Sam’s eyes were drawn to the old yellow building. Heart thudding in his chest, he read the words on the sign hanging above the door: DENNIS VETERINARY CLINIC. Someone had taken it over, yet they’d still kept the name. Hot tears pricked at his eyelids even as he couldn’t stop the grin from sliding into place. His dad would have liked that.
Shops lined both sides of the streets. Some he remembered from his youth, others were new to him. Logan’s Bakery was still there. Thank God. He hoped they still made their killer bear claw pastries. Tiny Treasures. That was new. Sam scrunched his eyes, the better to peer inside the storefront window from the SUV. Baby stuff. Should he run in and get a gift for Charlotte before he arrived at the bookstore? Should he stop and pick up flowers for Wynter?
Yeah, he should do all of that. But, quite frankly, he didn’t want to put off seeing them a moment longer. His girls wouldn’t expect gifts. They’d just be happy that he was there. His girls. His family. Sam focused his attention on finding a parking spot. It was family reunion time.
He wiped his palms on the seat of his jeans, cracked the kinks out of his neck and willed his stomach to stop flopping around in his gut like a beached fish. He’d managed to park a few shops down and hadn’t run into anyone he knew on the short walk up the street.
Now he stood in front of The Book Nook. He started to turn the handle on the door but caught a glimpse of the window display and was drawn toward it. It was a cozy nursery scene, complete with rug and a rocking chair. Seated in the rocking chair was a male mannequin, the father, presumably. Only Sam felt like he was looking in a mirror.
The father held an infant in one arm and a tattered paperback in the other. The Hobbit. It was him and Charlotte. Wynter had chosen something very perso
nal for her first window display. Choked up, Sam reached out to touch the glass. Did she realize the depth of the love that was conveyed in this simple grouping of items?
“If you love something, set it free.” Wynter had snuck up beside him. She slipped her hand into his.
“I thought that something was you. And I didn’t see you coming back to me.”
“Nope. That something was you. And you did come back. It is meant to be.”
“Everything I could ever want is in Scallop Shores. Or will be soon.” Sam gave her hand a squeeze.
“Okay, now you lost me.” She tugged him inside the store.
“Riley. The grumpiest member of our strange little family.”
Wynter squealed then slapped his arm. “Our little family is not strange! It’s perfect.” She furrowed her brow. “How are we going to get Riley upstairs?”
“We aren’t. I bought a duplex out on Bartlett Road. They’ve agreed to make the whole thing ADA accessible. Riley would be able to come and go whenever he likes.”
“But, Sam, it’s so close to . . . ” She stuffed a knuckle in her mouth to keep from saying the rest.
“My parents’ old place? I know. And thanks for the concern. But if I’m going to live in Scallop Shores, I can’t exactly avoid that area for the rest of my life. I can do this, Wyn.”
“I’m so ashamed.” She cast her eyes to the floor. “I doubted you’d come back.”
“Don’t worry about it. I probably doubted myself a heck of a lot more.”
“I guess if you are facing your demons then I’ll have to face mine.”
“You mean the demons that live in Florida?” Sam chuckled. “Seeing them a time or two a year won’t be so bad. Charlotte should have the chance to get to know all her relatives.”
“Yeah, well I knew you’d find your way home. Now come over here and give your grandmother a long twelve years’ worth of hugs and kisses.” Ruby stood in front of the counter, hands on her hips.
“Just a minute, Grandma. There is something I have to do first.”
And he gathered Wynter into his arms, spinning them around until they were both breathless. Lifting her off her feet, he touched his lips to hers, pouring all his love, all his intentions, all his incredible joy into the kiss. He was home to stay.
