by Jez Strider
“How do you like yours?”
“Black.”
Candice started to pour the drink with one hand and immediately had to steady it with the other. “Shouldn’t be a big deal to invite someone in for a drink, eh?” She tried to laugh it off, but the sound came out harsh and unnatural.
“I’m a friend.” He smiled, but continued with carefully chosen words. “I won’t tell you what to do, but maybe you should see a doctor. It’s been a long time since you went outside.”
“No, Jay. I may be all fucked up, but I don’t want some doctor screwing around in my head or doping me up with medication. Pardon my language.” She sat down on the barstool the greatest distance from him.
He sipped the drink tentatively. “Great coffee.”
“Thanks.” A vision of Logan in the kitchen, sharing a cup with her, and promising her the world filled her head. She had to look away and focus to block out the painfully sweet memory. “Let me write you a check for the yard work.”
“It’s a sweet offer, but I have nothing better to do anyway. Helping out someone in need makes me feel good.”
“Why aren’t you married yet?” She asked, once again thinking of Logan when she mentioned marriage.
Jay laughed uncomfortably. “Dangerous job, long hours, no available women.”
“All valid points.” She swirled the coffee in her own cup. The conversation lulled from there.
“Well, I should get going. Work tomorrow.” He started toward the door, but turned back when he placed his hand on the handle. “You did well today, Candice. Baby steps and you’ll get there.”
“I don’t think so, but thanks for the encouragement.”
“Sure thing. See ya next week.”
“Bye.” As soon as he was out the door, she crossed the room and checked every lock twice.
Three months after entering rehab, Logan walked into a halfway house. Almost everything he had was in a gym bag, including the uniform he was to wear to his first day of work at a pizza place within walking distance. He was terrified. Without a dime to his name, how would he even get to Candice? Money had never been an issue in his life before.
There was no other choice but to do the job well and save until he had enough money to go home. But, then what? He was someone else… a man with tattoos, a criminal record, and a recent stint in rehab.
Pull your shit together, Sawyer. You’re another step closer to getting back to her.
He’d quickly taken to calling himself by his new name. It made accepting the change easier.
The first few days at his new job were pure hell. He was a businessman with degrees that did little to help him with tossing dough and standing on a hard floor for eight hours a day. What he thought should be easy, was giving him a fit. As the week progressed, he began to learn and even excel at his everyday job. The first paycheck gave him even more motivation. It was the first wage he’d ever truly earned on his own.
“Hardest two hundred bucks I have ever made.” He told one of his coworkers.
“You got a car, man? I know you were in rehab and all. Gossip travels fast in this place.” Matt, the cashier on duty asked.
Logan shook his head. “No. It will be a long time until I can afford one. I walk every day.”
“My brother is selling his old car for five hundred bills. We need a delivery guy. You make more too because of tips.”
“Really? Sounds like what I need.”
“I ain’t gonna lie. It’s a piece of shit, but it does run. Hit me up when you get enough and I’ll take you to check it out.”
“Thanks, Matt. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Later.”
The bank was two miles away. Logan kept up a jogging pace all the way there. He needed that money. After cashing his check, he immediately called a taxi and told the cabbie the address of his old house.
“You know someone there?” The driver eyed him suspiciously.
“A friend, yes. Not that it’s any of your business.”
After eyeballing him and loudly smacking his gum, the taxi driver finally headed out. “So long as you got the cash, guess it doesn’t matter where you want to go.”
They arrived on the appropriate street and Sawyer’s heart began pounding in his chest. It was amazing how a heart that had once stopped could beat so quickly.
“Don’t get too close. Here is good.” A police cruiser was parked in front of the house and a man was knocking on the front door. Not any front door, though. That was Logan’s house! At first he started to bolt out of the car, terrified something had happened to Candice. Then, he saw the man had a paper bag in his arms.
Candice opened the door, flashed the man a smile, and let him inside. Tears filled Logan’s eyes when he saw her. Even from a distance, she was as beautiful as he remembered. Her hair was longer, too. He needed more than a brief glimpse, but it was impossible. Slowly, he slumped down a little in the back seat of the car.
“Your friend seems to have company.”
“Yeah.” Logan said. “Looks like she’s okay. I had to make sure.”
“Meter is running. We done here?”
Longingly, Logan stared at the house before looking down at his hands in defeat. “I’m done. Take me to the halfway house on Birch.”
Candice had been seeing more of Jay Kershaw. He was, after all, her only friend and the only person who had helped her deal with the tragedy that she still couldn’t speak to him about. What he said had been true. She was taking baby steps and in about a million years she’d definitely be back to normal.
A knock on the door surprised her one day. She wasn’t expecting Jay so she slowly crept up to a window and saw a pizza delivery car parked outside her house. A man about her age was standing outside wearing a cap with a logo that matched the sign on top of his car.
“I didn’t order a pizza.” She called out through the door.
“Are you sure no one in your house did? The address matches.” Logan called back. Hearing Candice speak and knowing only a door separated them overwhelmed his senses and his voice came out shaky.
“I’m the only one here.”
Why would I tell him that!? Stupid, stupid!
“How weird. Do you want to buy it? This is my last delivery before my shift is over and someone must be playing a trick on me.” He hated lying to her, but he had no idea how to effectively introduce himself back into her life.
For a moment, she teetered back and forth with the decision. She was hungry. “Probably those neighborhood kids who think I’m crazy. What’s on it?”
“Extra cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms, and olives.” He rattled off the toppings and pretended to be reading the receipt. “Wait. You’re crazy?”
“Kinda.” Candice grumbled under her breath. “I’ll drop a twenty through the mail slot and you leave the pizza on the porch. Deal?”
Logan adjusted his cap. His messy hair curled up under the rim. “Yeah, sure. This helps me out.”
“Be right back.” A few seconds later he heard her footsteps and voice again. “Step back and I’ll toss the money through.” The curtain shifted. She was watching to see if he was following directions.
There she was and it took his breath away. He barely noticed how messy her hair was or how skinny she’d gotten again. She was his girl, the love of his life, and always would be.
Something came over Candice when she was able to see the man better. She was sure she didn’t know him, but something about him was so… familiar. It was a strange sense of déjà vu. Their eyes were locked. The feeling scared her, the stirring of feelings that shouldn’t have been. She tore herself away from his gaze and shoved the twenty through the mail slot in the door.
“Keep the change.”
Logan stepped forward and picked up the money. “Thanks again for the help. Hope you enjoy it. I’m glad you like mushrooms. I hate them.” He turned and walked away with that.
Candice waited until he was in his car and driving away before opening the door to get the pizza. It smel
led divine and, by what she thought was a strange coincidence, had all her favorite toppings.
Logan wasn’t a man who shed tears easily. He was a go-getter. If he wanted something, he went out and made it his. After speaking with Candice, he had to pull his car over to the side of the road and bow his head. Even from his front shirt pocket, he could smell the scent of the perfume he’d bought her. She’d thought he would be furious when it leaked out in her purse and soaked the five thousand dollars. All he’d done was laugh. It was a classic Candice moment.
This is what Richard warned me about. Making someone love you once is hard enough.
He wiped at his eyes. At least he’d succeeded in the first part of the plan. The only problem… that was the only part of the plan he had so far. She was supposed to run into his arms, somehow recognize his soul. That was the hope he’d been clinging to.
Angrily, he shifted the car into gear and turned out of the neighborhood. Officer Kershaw eyed him as they passed. That bastard was going to his house to share the pizza Logan had brought with his fiancé! It was definitely time to step up his game. A sick feeling in the pit of his stomach told him he was running out of time so he drove to the grocery store. He counted out what little money he had left after purchasing the car and placed it on the floral department counter.
“Give me the prettiest flowers you can with that.”
The lady raised her eyebrows, but apparently noting the desperation in his voice, nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
“And make them all different colors, please.”
The pizza guy. He kept creeping into Candice’s mind. Even during dinner with Jay, she kept thinking about him. Her officer friend was a good-looking guy in his own right, especially in uniform. He was sweet and caring, but there was nothing there that made her obsess. And that was exactly what she was doing. Obsessing over a pizza boy who drove a broken down car that looked worse than her old one.
“You okay, tonight?” When she didn’t answer because her mind was distracted, he called out her name loudly. “Candice!”
“What? Sorry.”
“I want to know if you’re okay. You seem different today.”
“Different how?” She asked, genuinely curious.
“I don’t know.” He studied her for a moment. “Like your mind is further out in space than usual.”
Using her terrible, usual tactic she blurted out something uncouth. “Maybe the pizza is giving me gas and I’m stressing about it.”
Kershaw didn’t look amused. Candice knew Logan would have laughed. He always did when she said stupid stuff. Besides, at least it was a bit of humor.
“What happened today? I can usually tell when something is up with people.”
“Seriously, nothing. I ordered a pizza. I’m kind of proud of that accomplishment. I used the phone and everything.” She rolled her eyes, although she wasn’t quite sure why she lied and didn’t mention the pizza guy.
He nodded. “I’m proud of you, too. Listen, I hate to run so early, but I told one of the guys I’d take his shift.”
“Sure.” She stood to walk him to the door.
Then, Jay did something he’d never done before. He kissed her cheek before walking outside. Dumbfounded, Candice stood there for a moment with the door wide open. When at last she did notice, she ducked back. Freedom was out there and she was not ready to leave her personal prison.
Love made Logan reckless. He’d died, been through rehab, and was working for minimum wage. He needed Candice back. Needed her to at the very least sit down and talk to him. Maybe smile and say something off the wall. So, he put on his best t-shirt and jeans, gathered up her bouquet of multicolored roses, and headed to her house.
“Please let her like this and not think I’m a stalker.” He said softly when he’d arrived at the house and climbed out of his car. Lightly, he knocked on the front door, set the rainbow flowers down on the porch, and backed off the steps in hopes she might not feel threatened.
Candice checked to see who was outside, as always. From her angle, she couldn’t see the flowers. With her forehead already breaking out into a sweat, she unlocked the door. She opened it barely a crack before she saw the roses. Her heart lurched and she opened the door wider. Logan’s and her eyes were locked again.
“I hope you don’t mind the gift. I… I mean, it’s that you looked lovely when I saw you in the window yesterday.” Logan told her.
Today, she looked even better. She’d awakened with the motivation to fix her hair and even put on a little eyeliner. “I never thought I’d see you again.”
She placed one foot in front of the other, and for the first time in months, stepped outside. It was hard to pinpoint the exact reason she did it. Was it his uneasy smirk, inviting blue eyes, or the déjà vu? It seemed to be everything about him and she couldn’t resist the pull.
He moved a step closer. One foot was on the ground and the other on the bottom step. “I forgot to bring a pizza.”
The anxiety began to creep up on Candice when she reached the top of the stairs. Then, it was like a cloud of smoke choking her. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she fell like a brick. Logan stepped forward barely in time to keep her from busting her head against the deck. He scooped her easily into his arms and carried her into the house.
“I’m sorry, baby. I know you’ve been through too much.” Gently, he placed her on the sofa and fanned her with a magazine that was lying on the table.
“Logan.” She moaned out softly, struggling to open her eyes and surface from unconsciousness.
“I’m here.” He replied.
Officer Kershaw burst into the house with gun drawn. “Sawyer Verin. Put your hands over your head. I knew they’d given you too many chances.”
“Listen. We were outside and she fainted. I brought her inside.” Logan answered quickly and lifted his hands.
If I get shot and die again….
“I know that’s a lie. She hasn’t left this house since her fiancé was the victim of a shooting. I’m sure you knew that. Con artists and thieves stalk their prey.”
“I swear! It’s not like that.”
Candice drew in a sharp breath and opened her eyes. Slowly, she began to sit up, curling against the corner of the couch. “Stop yelling. I went outside and it was too much too fast.”
“This guy right here is an addict. His name is Sawyer Verin and he’s been arrested on possession and drug dealing charges multiple times.” Kershaw said, not lowering his weapon.
“Is that true?” Candice hadn’t looked at Jay. Her eyes were on Logan.
Logan cleared his throat. “I’m not that guy anymore.” It was the truth, more so than he could ever explain.
That’s when Candice’s attention went to Kershaw and she burst into tears. “A gun, Jay? Really? Get out! Both of you. Get out of my house and never come back!”
“Candy, I was trying to protect you. I know you hate guns.” Jay said.
“Don’t call her that. She’s not a stripper.” Logan yelled at the officer.
“Leave me alone. I said to get out!” Candice screamed at the top of her lungs.
Both men slowly moved toward the door. Officer Kershaw lowered his weapon.
“I’m sorry.” Logan softly told her as he left.
The men shut the door behind them. Kershaw spoke first. “I don’t know what you’re up to, but you’re not going to get away with it.”
“Are you dating her?”
“No. She is mourning her loss still.”
“Then stay out of it. I’m glad you’ve taken care of her, but she’s not yours.” Logan stalked off in anger.
Candice was a mess. Why did she have feelings for a man she didn’t even know? He was not her type of guy. Obviously, at some point he’d been in a bad state. Though, he appeared to be fine now. What would Logan say?
“Would you tell me to move on? Are you here somewhere?” She said and waited. No answer, as always. “I’m so lonely.”
The door had b
een unlocked, but she hardly even cared when she walked over and turned the knob. Her flowers were still sitting there, untouched on the porch. She walked outside, the second time in one day, and picked up the vase. With it hugged against her chest, she inhaled deeply the scent of the roses.
I’ll definitely never see him again now.
Across the street, she could see Jay Kershaw’s police cruiser parked. He was keeping watch. She turned her back on him and headed inside without even lifting her hand to wave in his direction. The entire situation had escalated because he pulled out a gun. Perhaps it was an overreaction, but the memories of the teenage shooter with the barrel in his mouth distorted any rational thought.
Jay had been protecting her. She knew that. Exhaling a long sigh, she walked into the house. The roses were placed on the dining table. Glass shards had long been swept away. Dried up daisy petals were still spread across the surface of the table. She knew they probably always would be.
Sawyer.
She sat down at her computer and with a few clicks found the local newspaper website. A full archive of older issues was available online. Several attempts were made before she finally spelled Verin correctly. There was an article about him dying in the hospital, but sitting up after he was pronounced dead. It had happened only a few weeks after Logan’s death.
“Weird.” A little more searching revealed a criminal record. Theft, possession, and resisting arrest. There was also a mug shot. Candice magnified the photo. It was him, but something was different. His eyes were so… cold. “Probably that it’s a black and white photo.” She frowned as she clicked the ‘x’ in the corner. She had to stop looking.
Jay Kershaw knew he was a good guy. As an officer, he hoped even better. Cat stuck in a tree? He was there. Crossing guard sick? Sure, he’d step in. Save an emotionally destroyed girl from despair? Now that would be his failure. Kershaw had tried his best. He’d had the patience of a saint, but there was something in the way she looked at that hoodlum. It was time to move on.
Candice told him he was welcome to stop by when he’d called the next day. She didn’t seem angry or upset. To his surprise, she had immediately apologized over the phone for overreacting the day before.
