I was getting another cup of coffee when I saw her come back to the room. But as she did, Art called her back in the direction she came. He was with a woman I hadn’t seen before. The three gathered by the doorway, standing very close to one another and speaking intently. I figured this was my cue to leave. As I passed Iris, I caught her eye and waved to her. She tilted her head and mouthed the word “sorry,” to which I responded by raising my hands in a gesture that I intended to mean, “No problem.”
I drove through town and onto the highway without music. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed with the way the evening had turned out. Clearly, Iris was besieged and at least some of this seemed unexpected to her. But at the same time, she hadn’t given me any indication at all that she was glad I’d made the gesture. I concluded that this meant one only thing: that what I saw as a growing friendship between us meant far less to her than it did to me. I felt stupid for having let my guard down.
I didn’t want to be in that position, especially with Iris. To me, it was far better to scale back my perception of our relationship – perhaps completely – than to feel like a footnote in her life. I decided to give myself some time before I called on her again.
The road was open and dark. I reached for the iPod. I wanted something loud. I scrolled down to a Korn album and let the thudding rap metal lead me back to Amber.
The next night, Tyler and I closed the store together. Thursdays were always considerably busier than Wednesdays and this one was much more so. Though it would be a month before the real peak season began in town, the days had been clear and warm for the past couple of weeks, and this meant people started coming to Amber earlier for long weekends. Progress on the repairs continued to slog along, but even this didn’t seem to deter the customers. I was thankful for the activity and its ability to take my mind off the night before in Lenox.
As we walked toward our cars, I asked Tyler if he wanted to get a drink and we drove over to the Cornwall. He ordered a Danish pilsner and I got a deep red Irish.
“Home stretch at school, huh?” I said after the drinks arrived.
“Yeah, if I survive. I thought I was coasting with this independent study project, but it’s turning into something like a Master’s thesis for me.”
“You gonna make it?”
“I’ll definitely make it. I’m thinking that next Monday might be the last night of sleep I get for the next couple of weeks, though. You’ll be okay if I pass out on top of the cash register every now and then, right?”
“No problem as long as we can reach around you.”
“Thanks.” He took a drink of his beer. “I had a great trip into the City a couple of days ago.”
When people in Amber talked about “the City,” they could as easily be talking about Boston as Manhattan. New Yorkers found this hilarious. In Tyler’s case, though, I knew that the only city that mattered was Manhattan.
“Job interview?”
“Exploratory stuff. I talked to someone at Pfizer, though I can’t really imagine working there. I had another conversation with that nonprofit organization I told you about, which was actually interesting. I never considered myself an NPO kind of guy, but a woman I saw there got me a little intrigued. My best meeting, though, was with the president of an independent marketing firm. Relatively small shop but with some decent-sized clients. I think I’d like something like that. Not getting lost in a huge corporation but still getting to work on some big stuff. I told the guy that I would be going back to school for my MBA in about two years and he couldn’t have responded better. He told me that he had set things up with other employees so they could go to school mostly full-time and still keep their hands in the business. I could definitely see myself working for someone like him. Not that he had any job openings.”
“Never know, though.”
“No, you never know. But you know what the best part of the trip was for me? The same thing that happens every time I go there. I just totally get into the feel of the City. I mean the second I get into Grand Central Station I just know that I’m in the right place. It’s funny because a lot of people I know around here feel kind of intimidated by the size of it all. But I just love it. I can’t wait to move in.”
I’d never really had that feeling about Manhattan. We didn’t go there very often when I was growing up and my visits since had been enjoyable, often even exciting. But I never once thought that I’d want to live there. It just had too much of everything. I could understand how some would see this as a huge opportunity, but to me it just suggested chaos.
“How have things been with Richard this week?” Tyler asked.
“Nothing new. Lots of sitting around in his robe. Gotta get him some new ones. He stopped wearing slippers this week, though. I’m not sure whether this is progress or not.”
Tyler winced. “God, I hope he gets past this. I really miss him.”
I shook my head. “This heart thing has really thrown him. Way beyond what I thought.”
“This is such a shitty thing for him to be going through. He’s such a good guy. And he was a great boss. To tell you the truth, I’ve been comparing all of the people I’m meeting to your dad. I’d really like to avoid going from working for someone as smart and inspiring as Richard to working for someone really lame.”
I laughed. “You think my father’s inspiring?”
“Yeah, of course. You don’t see that?”
“Well, I know he’s a nice guy.”
“A great guy. But inspiring, too. He’s been a real mentor to me. Shown me all kinds of things about how to make decisions, how to analyze information, about caring about what you do. I had a much more jaundiced view of the public – and about working with the public – before I started working for him.”
I nodded. “That’s nice to know, I guess.”
It was so interesting to hear Tyler talk about my father this way. I don’t know if it was just a wave of sentimentality lapping up against me because he was sick now, but I found myself warmed a little to think that my dad had an impact on someone as together as Tyler. I’d never seen him this way. I knew my mother was totally dedicated to him and that Chase was always “on” around him. And I knew that he had that incongruous track record of finding conscientious college-age kids. But I never considered him the catalyst for any of it.
“Do you two not get along?” Tyler asked.
“No, nothing like that. We’ve always gotten along fine. You know, playing ball, going swimming, that sort of thing. I just never considered him to be my mentor, so it’s a little funny hearing someone else refer to him that way.”
“Well, you’ve kinda made it obvious that the store isn’t exactly your thing.”
“I just never really got it, you know? I could never understand how this would be enough for a grown human being. You stand behind a cash register while a customer tries to decide whether ‘to my dearest husband’ or ‘to my darling husband’ sends the right message and some orchestra plays embarrassing renditions of rock classics.”
Tyler chuckled and took another drink. I wasn’t sure whether he was laughing because he agreed with me or because it had become evident to him how little I understood what my father did.
“It just wasn’t where I was going,” I said. “By the time I was old enough to be obligated to work in the store, I had much bigger things in mind. Even before I knew the term ‘multimedia,’ I was envisioning a future in that world. Television, radio, computers, movies, I was going to work in all of those platforms. I was going to assimilate serious intellectual thought into material for the masses. A stationery store seemed like ridiculously small potatoes by comparison. I was majoring in communications with a minor in philosophy at Emerson.”
“So how come you didn’t do anything with it?”
I looked around the room. Phil the pirate was attempting to intimidate some guys at a table on the other side of the bar while they laughed loudly and ignored him.
“I don’t know; the thing with Cha
se sorta threw me, I guess. By the time I got myself back together, I’d lost a lot of credits and I couldn’t get the energy up to start in the middle again.”
“It’s too bad. It sounds like you had some cool ideas. But life is long, right?”
“Something like that. Anyway, that was all a roundabout way of saying that I always thought my father was a good guy. Just not particularly relevant, if you know what I mean.”
“I guess I do, sort of. Most families are complicated, though.”
“Yeah, complicated pretty much describes it.”
“Must be tough losing a brother.”
“Killed me.”
“I can imagine. It sounds like Chase was a cool guy, too. I’ve heard a lot of stories. I’m not sure there were two days in a row that went by when Richard didn’t at least mention his name.”
“He took it pretty badly.”
Tyler gestured for another beer. “Sounds like you took it pretty badly, too.”
I nodded. “Yeah, having that car accident was a pretty shitty thing for him to do to all of us.” I turned to get the waiter’s attention for another beer of my own.
Once the second round came, we switched subjects. We discussed our joint befuddlement with women for a while and then spent nearly an hour talking about music. Tyler had varied and mostly sophisticated tastes and we agreed on enough that when he recommended an artist I didn’t know, I wrote the name down on my napkin. He had some holes, though. He truly believed that Robert Cray was in the same league as Jimi Hendrix and completely missed the significance of the No Depression movement. I made a note to myself to show him the error in his ways while we were still working together.
Another beer later, we headed out the door. It was good having Tyler around. It was nice to know that I’d at least have one interesting colleague to help pass the hours during my incarceration at Amber Cards, Gifts, and Stationery.
Two days later, Iris called me at the store.
“It’s good to hear you survived opening night,” I said. “It seemed in doubt for a while there.”
“You’re not kidding. They’re always bad, but this one was worse than most. The reviews, of course, were great and ticket sales are strong, so I think we’ve managed to fool everyone again.”
“I genuinely thought it was a good show.”
“It probably is a good show. I usually can’t appreciate them until six months later. Anyway, I wanted to thank you again for coming up.” She hadn’t thanked me a first time, but I let it pass. “I got a little bit of a funny feeling when you left the other night and I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay.”
I wondered if I should be impressed with Iris’ sensitivity or embarrassed that I’d shown my irritation so easily. My feelings that night were all very complicated and I certainly didn’t want Iris to think that I was angry with her for not paying attention to me when her world was boiling over. At the same time, I was touched that, regardless of the reason, Iris had taken note and thought to call me about it. I’d been irrationally upset with her for the past couple of days because she hadn’t leaped into my arms when she saw me there. But I didn’t want her to know this.
“Yeah, everything is fine,” I said. “I’m not sure what you were picking up. Probably just that I don’t like hanging out at parties.”
“So you’re okay?”
“Completely.”
“It really was incredibly nice of you to drive all that way for the opening.”
“You made it sound too good to pass up.”
“Well, I’m really glad you came – even if I didn’t do a very good job of showing that to you.”
“Don’t be silly. You were crazed. I just wanted to see the show and then use my connections to sneak backstage afterward. I just love throwing my weight around. You’re probably a little jaded at this point because these productions have become old hat, but you should be very happy with what you put on there. The entire organization should be.”
“Thanks. It means a lot to hear you say that and it meant a lot to see you the other night.”
A customer came to the counter and I gestured for Carl to take care of him.
“I loved doing it. And I really don’t need a major excuse to get the hell out of here.”
“No luck on the sale yet?”
“Does bad luck count?”
“Sorry. And you’re really stuck there until the place sells?”
“If I ever want to set foot in my parents’ home again. I didn’t think this through well enough at all. I was certain I’d be gone by now.”
“Well listen, if you think you’re still going to be around in a couple of weeks, I’m coming down for a few days starting on the fourth. Do you want to get together then?”
“Yeah, that would be great. Maybe we can do something during the day. The weather’s been amazing here.”
“I’d like that. Can we plan on the fifth? My mother would collapse if I went out for the day right after driving down.”
“You got it. I’m sure they’ll get by without me here. They can close the freaking store for the day if they want to.”
CHAPTER TEN
Working toward Something
A little more than a week later, Tyler graduated from MCS. The Monday after, I was in the store with the relentless Tab and a guy named Craig who didn’t work a lot of hours but who we’d pressed into duty to take Tyler’s shift and help with some shipments. A little before 11:00, Tyler walked through the door.
“What are you doing here?” I said.
“I’m on today, right?” he said, looking a little confused.
“You’re on, yes, but I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”
“Did we talk about this?”
“No, we didn’t talk about this, but I’m assuming you did some major partying last night.”
Tyler rolled his eyes. “Man, you have no idea.”
“Then what the hell are you doing here?”
“I’m on today, right?”
“Never mind.”
“Hey, I’ve got other stuff I can do if you don’t need us all here,” Tab said.
I turned to Tab and smirked. “That’s really selfless of you.” I looked back to Tyler. “You sure you’re okay to work? I have Craig here. I sort of assumed you weren’t going to answer the bell.”
Tyler did a quick bit of shadowboxing and said, “Yep. I got three hours of sleep. I’m ready to rumble.”
He walked behind the counter and I sent Tab off to reorganize the stationery section. With the school year over and the summer coming on, my father always reduced the space he gave to notebooks and three-ring binders and increased the space dedicated to water guns (new shipment arriving Wednesday), Frisbees, and other plastic toys. Tab responded to this merchandising task with the same ennui she afforded all other responsibilities in the store. While I could hardly blame her for expressing boredom at her job, I wondered if anything ever excited her.
When Tab skulked off, I shook Tyler’s hand. “So, congratulations.”
“Thanks,” he said, smiling. “You know, it’s not like I won some big championship or something. I mean, it was inevitable. I knew I was going to graduate. But yesterday still felt really good.”
“It should.”
“Yeah, I guess it should. I just didn’t expect the little jolt I got when I went up to get my diploma. It’s only MCS and everything, but it was summa cum laude and, I don’t know, the whole thing just got to me a little bit.”
I patted him on the shoulder. I knew that he took his schoolwork much more seriously than he needed to in order to get by and I was glad that he wasn’t taking this accomplishment nonchalantly. “That’s good. You should be proud of yourself.”
“Yeah, I am.”
A customer came to the counter and I rang up the sale before turning back to Tyler. “And then you had a killer party?”
“Killer parties. My parents held this bash for me right after the ceremony. Lots of relatives and a bunch o
f friends and my father running all over the kitchen.”
“Your father cooks?”
“Only special occasion stuff. It’s a thing with him. And yesterday, he made all of his classics. I think he was excited about the event.”
“Yeah, I know what you’re talking about. Before his heart attack, my father was an artist with a box of Raisin Bran.”
“Then my mother made this insane speech that might have been the single most sentimental five minutes ever experienced in human history. It was like she edited together all of the gloppy messages in all of our cards. I kept waiting for ‘Sunrise, Sunset’ to blast out of the CD player. She started crying and that made me start to cry and, oh . . .” He waved his hand to shoo away the memory. “It was pretty cool, actually, though it convinced me that if I ever get married, I’m going to elope.”
Tyler leaned against the wall behind the counter and looked off for a moment. The speech obviously meant a lot to him, as did his father’s frantic efforts to make him several of his favorite dishes. I could only imagine that it would.
“Anyway,” he said, looking back at me, “this went on until the early evening. I’d been planning on hanging around until everyone left, but when it became clear that my Uncle Richie wasn’t going until all of the food and all of the scotch was gone, I decided to make my exit. That’s when things got a little crazy. I hooked up with a bunch of other people who graduated with me and we went to Blum’s. You ever been there?”
I shook my head.
“It’s right on the water and they have this back porch on the dock. The guy who owns the place is the father of one of the guys I graduated with. He closed off the porch for us and gave us total access to the bar for as long as we wanted. Once the restaurant closed, the music got extremely loud, the drinks came a lot faster, and the rest was kind of a blur. There was something that went on with whipped cream and I had this really profound walk down the beach with this woman I’ve been trying to talk to since my sophomore year. I think she’s leaving for Seattle this afternoon, but at least I got to talk to her. Mr. Blum paid his staff to stick around and drive everyone home and I think I crawled into bed around a quarter to seven. I remembered to set my alarm, though.”
Crossing the Bridge Page 11
