by Louisa Neil
“I’m not looking for sex, Alice, but thanks for the thought.”
“You asshole. This isn’t about sex. This is about a friend in pain.” Alice thought to leave but decided to give him a bit of rope tonight. She continued to sip at her chocolate, watching him over the top of her cup. He sipped at his chocolate while she waited. It seemed like forever to her but was probably only five minutes before he finally turned to look at her.
“The thing is, Alice,” he said, his eyes cast down, “I’m not that upset.”
“But in a day or two it will hit you. You loved this woman enough to propose to her, to make life plans with her. Even if you’re just stunned now, it will catch up. I get that you’ve been shell-shocked by the whole thing and finally it’s hitting home. Go ahead. Yell, scream, break something. Let your feelings out. Bottling them up will just make your heartbreak worse.”
“Alice, I love you to death, but you’re wrong.” Jeff stilled and finally looked directly at her. “So wrong. See the thing is, I’m actually relived.” He let out a sigh. “I’m so relieved that I’d like to dance and sing. This is the first time since I proposed that my stomach hasn’t hurt.”
“What do you mean?” She was perplexed by his statement. Occasionally she’d hoped he’d change his mind but discounted the idea each time. She’d had her chance to be with Jeff and let it go. Granted, she was young, but she always understood he was a man she would have liked to meet later in life. Then he was there, with this wonderful business plan. She’d been so excited about the project and the prospect of working with him again. Alice decided if it was meant to be that they got back together, it would work out. Of course, Naomi’s arrival shut that down immediately.
Had she been jealous? Yes, a bit. But knowing Jeff the way she thought she did, she understood he was instantly enamored with Naomi, and she’d lost her second chance. Now he was telling her he’d been having second thoughts about his fiancée. In that instant, she wanted to jump and dance with him, but restrained herself, wanting to hold some bit of decorum and make sure she wasn’t missing a bigger picture.
“I’m saying, between us, that I’ve know it was a mistake from the start. I was looking for something permanent. I felt at this time in my life I should be married and looking forward to the future. But when it came down to it, every morning when I woke up, I knew it was wrong. I just didn’t have the balls to do anything about it.” He strolled over to the table and refilled his mug. “I’d prefer this not to go any further. Nobody else needs to know about my poor choice. But right now, I feel like I’ve been given a reprieve.”
“Well, then if that’s truly how you feel, you should enjoy this new freedom.”
“I plan to,” he said. “I feel like I can’t stop smiling and have to hide it.”
Alice sipped at her cooling chocolate. “Remember the winter break we stayed in because of the snow, and all we had in the apartment was peppermint schnapps?”
He smiled and then laughed. “I’ll never forget that weekend,” he paused and added, “and I’ll never do it again. I’m too old for a lost weekend like that. It would take a week to recover.”
“That was the first time you let me penetrate and fuck you with a toy.” She gave him a sly smile over her mug. “Good times.”
“That was the first time you let me tie your hands together, although it was in front of you, not behind your back. What a weekend.” He shook his head at the memory.
“Well worth it, from my perspective. I have fond memories of those rainy days and cold nights.” Alice studied Jeff’s expression. “What is it, Jeff?”
“Since we’re being brutally honest, it’s just that you were the best time I ever had with a woman.” He let out a sigh. “Maybe that’s why Naomi never lived up to my preconceived notions of what sex should be like.”
“Oh no you don’t. I’ll not accept that kind of pressure for the rest of my life. We’re very different women, and those were very different times back then.”
“I agree. It’s just easier to push the blame on you than to accept I chose poorly.” He walked back to the fireplace, grabbed the iron, and stirred the ashes before dropping two more logs on the top. “This was a good idea tonight, Alice. Thank you. For now, I think I’m going to settle back and relax. I’m sure with a little time this will all hit home. But for now, I’m just going to go with it and accept the emotions when they come.”
He stilled when there was a knock on the door. “Come in.”
Mason opened the door and glanced in. Alice spoke first. “Come in. We’re having hot chocolate.”
“Great minds think alike.” Mason entered, holding up a bottle of brandy. “Are you sure I’m not interrupting?”
“The hot chocolate has peppermint schnapps in it. Would you like some of this or the brandy you brought?”
“Who made the chocolate?” Mason didn’t hide his smile.
“Cook made it. I just added the schnapps and carried it up.”
“I’ll have the chocolate, then.” He put the bottle on a side table and walked toward Alice. He accepted the mug she handed up to him. “Have I interrupted a personal conversation?”
“No. Just a confession.” Jeff finally laughed aloud. “I was just confessing to Alice that I’ve known my relationship with Naomi wasn’t right. But I didn’t have the balls to stop it.”
“Still, you must be upset to a point.” Mason seemed confused.
“I thought the same thing,” Alice added.
“I suppose maybe it will sneak up on me eventually, but right now I’m just relieved. I just told Alice this is the first day my stomach hasn’t hurt since I proposed.”
Mason lifted his mug in a mock salute. “To calm stomachs and new beginnings.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Alice agreed, lifting her mug.
“I’ll drink to it, too. But if the situation hits me later on, I’ll let you both know so we can all get roaring drunk.”
“I guess that’s all we can ask for.” Alice put her mug on the tray and stood. “I’m going to sleep.” She paused beside Mason and kissed his cheek. Then she walked to Jeff and kissed his. “You let me know when the anger hits and you want to get drunk. Then we’ll all enjoy trashing her. For now, I’m glad your stomach is feeling better.” She walked to the door and paused. “Good night, guys.” Alice closed it softly behind her and walked toward her room. She smiled when she realized she’d left the tray in the room. “It was heavy, anyway. Let one of the men carry it back downstairs.”
Back in her bedroom she snuggled under the blankets and smiled. She’d wanted to stay with the guys, but figured if she did, she might do something stupid, like try to maneuver them into a three-way. She’d told Jeff her intentions weren’t about sex. But as he confided in her, she’d felt a glimmer of hope this might be her third chance to be with Jeff. And if she could maneuver Mason into the same scenario, life would be very interesting. “Don’t push them,” she told herself. “Give this some time and see what unfolds naturally.” That didn’t mean she couldn’t think about how they might be as a threesome. They’d joked they’d be the Hudson Three and had used the name for the corporation they’d formed when the move was set. Yes, they’d be the three partners in the company. Now she wanted them to be together after work. At one time she’d teased about it, but hadn’t pushed the issue. “Time will tell.”
* * * *
Mason looked to Jeff. “You sure you’re okay with all this, or was that for Alice’s benefit?”
“No, honestly. I’d tell you if I was upset. I’m only upset that I’m not upset. And that tells me more than anything else. It was wrong, I shouldn’t have proposed. I deserve to be beat for the ring money. At least she didn’t get her claws in the house.”
“Okay, I believe you.” Mason finished his chocolate and put the mug on the tray. He laughed, and Jeff gave him a quizzical look. “She left us with the tray to clean up.”
“That’s our Alice,” Jeff said. “Leave it. I’ll bring it down i
n the morning.”
“You sure you want to be left alone?”
“Yeah, I’m fine really. A bit buzzed from the schnapps, but I just feel relieved right now. When the anger and frustration hits, you’ll know. Then we’ll get drunk and bash Naomi.”
“You let me know when you need me. I’m going to bed, too.” Mason headed to the door and paused when he got there.
“Really, Mason, right now I’m okay with this. I’m going to get some sleep, too.”
“Let me know if you change your mind. I’ll see you in the morning.” Mason left, wondering if Jeff was telling the truth and he was relieved, or if it was all for show. Either way, Jeff wasn’t going to mourn tonight. “Might as well get some sleep,” he said, walking toward his bedroom. He paused outside Alice’s bedroom but pushed himself to his own room. Just because he was horny didn’t mean he should take advantage of Alice. He realized nobody took advantage of Alice. But he didn’t think it was the right time to attempt to start an affair with her.
Back in his own room, he pulled off his clothes and dropped onto the bed. He stroked his cock a few times but wasn’t really in the mood to masturbate. “Just go to sleep,” he told himself and punched his pillow until it molded to his head. “Jeff will fall apart in his own time. When he needs help, I’ll be there for him.”
* * * *
Jeff spent two weeks wondering what had happened to his proposed future. At first he decided his words of not being depressed had been for everyone else’s sake. Then realization dawned, and he felt nothing but relief. He no longer carried any angst where Alice and Mason were concerned. While both had gone out of their way to not interfere in his relationship, he knew they were relieved they wouldn’t have to deal with Naomi. He woke one morning and felt like his old self. He no longer worried about how Naomi wanted to change the old house or how much money she’d spend without considering his budget constraints.
There was a renewed enthusiasm in the lab. They’d finished the last contract ahead of time and deposited a nice fat check for their work. He finally understood they were working as they had before he met Naomi. Production was up, as well as their moods. He heard laughter in the lab, most of it his own. While it wouldn’t do to make a big deal about it, he acknowledged to himself he was relieved on many fronts that Naomi had jilted him. In reality, Naomi’s betrayal was the best thing she’d ever done for him.
Now he was free, which led him to the one major decision that he’d have to deal with. He’d always been infatuated with Alice. Even years ago when she was a student he’d been enamored with her. She was so free and easy to be with. Her mind was a sponge when it came to knowledge. All she had to do was read something or hear something, and it was embedded within her forever. He smiled, remembering he’d never won any argument with her, mainly because of her incredible memory.
Even now in her thirties, she was still a woman he all but idolized. Her straight blonde hair was always pulled back. Her eyes were a piercing blue color. Her heart-shaped face completed the package. Alice was a beautiful woman who accepted her looks with ease and didn’t need to enhance them for public consumption. She didn’t feel the need to wear makeup, preferring her natural appearance. She’d once told him that if people didn’t accept her because of her clothing or hairstyle, she didn’t need to be around them.
She wore worn jeans to the lab every day and a T-shirt. She wore clunky clogs because she said they were easier on her feet. He didn’t know if she even owned a pair of high heels before they formed the business. He liked seeing her dress to impress a client on occasion. And none of it mattered to him. With Naomi gone, he’d have to be careful not to let his true feelings for her show, or it would blow their company to bits. It was another realization that made him accept he’d always been in love with her on different levels and used Naomi as a buffer to keep his feelings hidden.
Jeff had known his marriage to Naomi wouldn’t last, which was why he’d had an iron clad prenuptial agreement drafted. He didn’t picture her as his wife of a lifetime, only a stopgap measure to keep him from hitting on Alice. Now that the engagement had crashed and burned, he’d have to remember that Alice was his friend and business partner. Drawing her back into a sexual relationship wouldn’t be productive for any of them. On a side note, they’d made promises not to fall back into old patterns because it would be easy.
Jeff decided at this time in his life, he needed to be alone for a while. He also knew some work had to be done on the old place. It was assumed by Naomi that she’d be in charge. Now he’d find a local architect and contractor to make the necessary updates, all of which could be dealt with down the line. For now, he needed to focus on work.
There was one other defining thought that he couldn’t push away about his friends. He’d known about their past relationship before they agreed to the partnership. What if Alice and Mason were together? If they were, they were discreet, but he didn’t know if it had become something he ignored because of his own relationship with Naomi. What would he do, and how would he feel if the two of them were together? Nothing! He’d had his chance with her, and now she was free to love any man she chose. He hoped it wouldn’t be Mason. He didn’t want to feel like the third wheel in his own home and lab. He tried to push the idea aside, but it nagged in the back of his brain.
* * * *
Alice was having trouble concentrating on the problem before her. She should have been able to work out the equation and been long done by now. She wasn’t. Instead, she was sitting at her desk and stealing glances at Jeff and Mason. It had been two months since Naomi had eloped, and their business was thriving. Yes, Jeff seemed distant at times, but she didn’t take offense. She knew if she loved someone enough to marry them she would be devastated if it didn’t work out. Just because she disliked the woman didn’t mean Jeff’s feelings weren’t valid.
She noted Mason was quiet lately, too. They always had supper together, Marilyn all but forcing them from the lab to sit at a table and eat a real meal like people were supposed to. Lunches were brought to them. They’d grab something from the tray and eat with one hand while keying in information with the other. The system worked for them, so she didn’t see a reason to change it.
Except she was horny. In the beginning when they’d made the move, everything was so crazy she hadn’t time to think about sex, let alone do anything constructive about it. Then there was the Naomi incident. Now with weeks behind them, her mind was calm, work within reason, and her body was telling her it had needs. Needs that her toys weren’t satisfying. She glanced out the window and saw the leaves on the trees were beginning to turn. Fresh greenery was turning to brilliant reds and golds. She instantly knew if she touched them they’d make a crunching noise. Having grown up on the West Coast, this was the first fall she spent on the East Coast. Watching the change of season was becoming a hindrance to her work. She often found herself gazing out the window, fantasizing about sex with Jeff and Mason.
With no forethought, she closed her program, stripped off her lab coat, and mumbled she was going for a walk. Jeff acknowledged her with a wave of his hand and Mason a grunt, neither taking their eyes from the screens. She headed to her room, grabbed the new down vest she’d ordered online, and pulled it on over a zip-front hoodie. She left her clogs near the closet and pulled on the new walking boots she was still trying to break in.
Outside, the first breaths of fresh air all but caught in her throat, the difference in temperature startling. How many days had it been since she actually left the house? Two or three, she wasn’t sure. What she knew was she would have to start forcing herself outside at least once a day. When they lived and worked out west, their commute forced them from the lab each night. It was too easy to closet herself away in the lab without thinking of the outside world.
It was cool but sunny. Alice knew she should take advantage of these days while she could before it turned to winter and she wouldn’t venture outside at all. She paused to pick up a bright-red leaf, exam
ining it in the afternoon sunlight. She wandered through the gardens, now put to rest for the winter. Standing on the cliff with the Hudson River below her, she just took in the sights and sounds. This was what she was missing, she decided. She was missing being outdoors on occasion. She hadn’t surfed or swam in ages. Even before they discussed the move, she’d been busy, pushing aside her water sports. Having grown up with the ocean just a short ride away, she’d taken it for granted. In a passing thought, she wondered if Jeff would consider having the pool heater repaired so she could swim. She understood it would be expensive, but it would make her happy. Maybe tonight after supper she’d ask him about it.
She sat on the ground and just took deep breaths of the cold air. “This isn’t helping,” she said. Alice glanced around her to see if anyone was within sight. She was alone and, with a resigned sigh, dropped her hand to her crotch. She rubbed her clit through the denim, but it wasn’t working. If anything she was just becoming hornier.
As she sat, trying to figure out whether she wanted to start dating, she realized the two men she’d enjoyed sex with the most were literally in the house. It would be dicey if she went to one or the other of them, even if it was just sex for relief. She knew Jeff was getting over Naomi. Mason hadn’t had a sexual partner that she was aware of for the same amount of time she hadn’t. What was he doing for relief?
Images of both men in her bed swam through her mind. Could she chose between them and not alienate the other? No. As she stood with a disgusted sigh and wiped the dirt and leaves from her buttocks, she acknowledged a startling idea she’d been trying to repress since the day Naomi’s telegram arrived.
What if she did them both? Could she talk them into sharing their toys, namely her? She was still laughing when she made her way back to the house. She imagined how the men would look at her if she approached them with her idea. From her perspective, it was the perfect solution, but she doubted they would agree, at least to start with.
