by K'wan
Rita covered her ears. “I don’t have to listen to these lies.”
“The truth is always a hard pill to swallow.” Rhonda chuckled. “The saddest part about all this is that no matter what you did to me, or turned a blind to what other people did, I could never bring myself to hate you. Too bad you couldn’t feel the same way about me.”
Rita, too, was now crying and shaking her head. “You’re a liar and a thorn in my side. Get out of my house!”
“With pleasure,” Rhonda said, storming through the kitchen doorway. As an afterthought, she turned to Kelly and added, “When you bring your fake white ass outside, it’s on and popping.” Holding her head up triumphantly, Rhonda went outside to gather her children.
* * *
Rhonda shoved the door to her mother’s apartment open so hard that it chipped the paint when it bounced off. She frantically pressed for the elevator that seemed like it was taking forever to come. When she finally made it on, she broke down into a fit of crying.
Growing up in her mother’s house was like a living hell to her. Rita had never been the greatest mother to any of her kids, but she seemed to go out of her way to be mean to Rhonda. Maybe it was her rebellious spirit, or the fact that her father didn’t stick around for very long after her birth. Whatever the reason, Rhonda was always the object of spite. Nothing Rhonda did was ever good enough for Rita. The day she moved out on her own was the happiest of her life. She thought that it would finally free her from the tyranny of her mother’s judgments and the ridicule of her sister, but there was still pain by association.
Getting off the elevator, she paused in the hallway to gather herself before stepping out in public. Though she was no longer sobbing, tears still ran freely down her face. She couldn’t go out onto the stoop and appear weak to the other ghetto birds. She was mad enough to put her fist through the drywall of the lobby walls, but more hurt than anything. Her cell vibrating in her purse gave her something else to focus on.
“Hello?” Rhonda placed the phone to her ear. When she heard the voice of the caller, she started to make a snide comment, but her face went blank when she made out what the girl was saying. “I’m on my way!” Rhonda assured the caller and ended the call.
“Yo, Rhonda!” Kelvin called, bouncing down the steps. “I need to holla at you for a second.”
“Not right now, Kel, I gotta make a move,” she told him, tucking her phone back in her purse.
“Listen,” he began, “that thing with Mommy … well…”
“Kel, that shit has been going on since before you and your bitch of a twin came along, so I don’t know why I ain’t used to it. You were her favorite, so you couldn’t understand where I’m coming from, but that’s been your mother for a lot of years so you know how full of shit she can be. As far as I’m concerned, her and Kelly can both go to hell and I wouldn’t lose a damn bit of sleep.”
“Rhonda, I know you’re mad, but they’re still your family,” Kelvin told her.
“Kel, if that’s what family is like, then I don’t want no part of it,” she said seriously. “But it ain’t nothing, baby brother. We’ll always be cool.” She hugged him.
“I know that’s right.” He smiled.
“Baby brother, you wanna do your sis a big favor?”
“I knew you were being nice for a reason,” he teased her. “How much do you need?”
“I don’t need money, stupid ass. I just want you to take Pooh and Alisha to my house and sit with them until I get back.”
Kelvin wrinkled his face. “Rhonda, you know damn well I ain’t gonna baby-sit for you while you go out and shake your ass.”
“It ain’t like that, I got an emergency,” she said honestly. “Billy just brought Yoshi home from the hospital, so I’m gonna shoot over there.”
“Hospital? Is she okay?” he asked in a concerned tone.
“I don’t know the details yet,” she lied. “I’ll explain it to you when I get back.” Rhonda tossed him the keys and headed for the door. “Thanks again, Kel,” she yelled over her shoulder without waiting for an answer.
34
Jah had been calling Yoshi for the last day and a half and hadn’t gotten an answer. His emotions constantly bounced between anger and regret, knowing that he was about to pledge his heart to a stripper and she didn’t even have the common decency to call him back. To make matters worse, he found himself sitting across the street from her building, watching it like some crazed stalker. “Playing myself,” he mumbled, getting off the bench and heading up the block. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he literally bumped into Billy coming around the corner.
“Oh shit!” She jumped back, startled. “My bad, Jah.”
“Nah, it’s my fault. I should’ve been watching where I was going.” He smiled weakly.
“What’re you doing down this way?” Billy asked suspiciously.
Jah hesitated. “Ah … well, to be perfectly honest with you, I was looking for Yoshi.”
“Yoshi? Why are you looking for her?”
“It’s kind of personal.” Jah looked at the ground.
“Well, Yoshi isn’t feeling well, so you’ll have to see her another time.” Billy walked past Jah.
“I really need to speak to her,” he said and walked alongside her.
“Jah, I don’t know what kind of arrangement you and Yoshi worked out, but now really ain’t the time for that bullshit. Like I said, speak to her another time,” Billy said, marching up the stairs to Yoshi’s lobby.
“I love her,” he blurted out.
Billy froze in her tracks. She slowly turned around, knowing that she had heard him wrong. “You what?”
Jah put his head down as if he was ashamed of his feelings. “I don’t know how or when it happened, but I do,” he said softly. Jah couldn’t explain why he was about to jump out the window and expose himself to Billy, other than maybe he just needed to say it out loud. Love is a blessed thing, but it can also be a heavy burden to carry. Jah went on to tell Billy of their friendly flirtation that had become something more, not omitting a thing. He told Billy of his sleepless nights swooning over memories of a shared moment, which almost brought her to tears. When it was all said and done, Billy was in a state of shock.
“I’m not out here chasing, Billy. I just wanted to tell her how I felt, while I still had the nerve to do it,” he said sincerely.
When Billy looked at the fire in Jah’s eyes, her heart couldn’t help but go out to him. Here was a dude who she had never seen as more than a young reckless nigga who’d probably end up in jail sooner than later. Hearing what he had to say made her question her assessment of his character. When Jah spoke of loving Yoshi, his voice had the same passionate pitch that Sol’s used to. There was no faking that.
“Jah,” Billy began, “I don’t know if I should even be telling you this, but if you’re keeping it a hundred about what you’ve told me, you might just need to know. I just need your promise that you won’t wild out and make the situation worse.”
“Billy, what are you trying to tell me?” he asked.
“Yoshi was raped the other night.” Billy told him the full story of what had happened to Yoshi, just as she had told it to her, leaving out the names of the culprits. She had to stop a few times and compose herself, as even recounting it hurt. By the time she got to the end of the story, Jah’s face was stained with tears.
“How? Why?” he asked, barely able to get the questions out.
“I’m not gonna go into details with you, Jah, because I know how you are. Just know that the matter is gonna get handled.”
“Billy, can I see her … please?” he pleaded.
She thought on it for a minute. Yoshi was still broken up about the whole ordeal—physically and emotionally—and not really ready to receive anyone but her girls and her family. The only reason she even tolerated Marcus was because he was footing the bill. Still, Jah was a man in love and chances might’ve been that Yoshi felt the same. It was a good possibilit
y that seeing Jah might help with her recovery process.
“Jah, if I take you to where Yoshi’s staying, do you think you can keep from upsetting her?”
“Word to everything I love,” he said. “Yo, all I wanna do is make sure she’s okay. I just wanna see her for a minute and I’m gone, Billy.”
* * *
After grabbing a few things from Yoshi’s, Billy and Jah hopped in a taxi and headed out to Queens. Marcus had a two-bedroom apartment he kept out that way but hardly stayed in, and he’d offered it to Yoshi while she recovered. It was in a secluded area and the grounds were patrolled 24/7. Even if Marcus hadn’t been hovering over the girls like a mother hen, they would’ve been safe.
Billy paused just outside the apartment door to give Jah some last-minute instructions. “When we get inside, you don’t say a fucking word. I’m gonna go in the back and tell Yoshi that you’re here. Don’t get your hopes up, though, because there’s no guarantee that she’ll even want to see you.”
“If she doesn’t feel up to it, I’ll bounce,” he assured her.
Letting herself in, Billy led Jah through the foyer to a carpeted living room. There wasn’t much furniture in it, with the exception of a sofa bed and a large television that had an Xbox hooked to it. Marcus, who had been playing Madden, glared up at Jah. Billy tapped Marcus’s leg and led him into the kitchen, where they spoke in hushed voices. A few moments later they came back out. Billy’s face was indifferent while Marcus’s was just suspicious.
“Jah, I’ll be back,” Billy told him, disappearing into the bedroom and leaving the two men alone.
Marcus waited until he was sure she had gone before addressing Jah. “So you know Yoshi from the block?”
“Something like that,” Jah said. Though Marcus wasn’t coming at him sideways, something about his posture made Jah’s hand move closer to his gun.
“Listen, my dude, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I feel like I gotta say it. Billy says you’re good peoples, but I don’t know you well enough to go on the word of a female. Yoshi has been through a lot, probably more than you can imagine. She’s in a very fragile condition right now, so I would appreciate if you kept that in mind when you go back there. I couldn’t see her hurting any more than she already is, smell me?”
Jah peeped the underlining threat in Marcus’s statement, but forced himself not to try and tear the kid’s head off. “I dig where you’re coming from, so we won’t have any misunderstanding about that there. I got nothing but Yoshi’s best interest at heart.”
“Cool.” Marcus nodded and went back to playing the game.
Jah stood by the front door looking everywhere but at Marcus. Something about the man’s cockiness made him want to punch him in the face. Luckily, he didn’t have to wait around too long because Billy came walking out of the back, with Rhonda on her heels. Jah watched her face, trying to read it.
“I heard Billy say it, but I had to see it with my own eyes,” Rhonda said, giving Jah a pound. “What wind blew your ass this way?”
“I needed to see Yoshi,” he answered.
“For what? When did you two become all buddy-buddy?”
“It’s a personal matter,” Jah said, becoming irritated that Rhonda was keeping Billy from speaking. “So?” He looked at Billy.
“Okay, she’ll see you,” Billy said. Jah was so excited that he tried to go in the back, but Billy grabbed him by the arm. “Hold on, speedy. She still needs her rest, so don’t excite her and don’t stay long.”
“You have my word,” he said seriously, making his way down the hall. The walk was a short one, but it felt like the green mile. Jah waited outside the bedroom door, trying to figure out what to say. There was no scripted speech that he could give that would make the pain any easier to handle, so he opted to just speak from his heart. Jah slowly pushed the door open and went in to face Yoshi.
* * *
“Hey,” Yoshi said from her elevated position on the bed. Her face was black and blue and the swelling in her lips still hadn’t gone down. She tried to smile at him, but he could tell it pained her to do so.
“Oh my God,” Jah whispered.
“I guess I’m having a bad hair day.” She tried to joke, but her pain and embarrassment at her physical state was obvious.
Jah moved to the side of the bed and knelt beside her. The lump in his throat was so big that he almost couldn’t speak. Yoshi tried to turn her head away, but he gently turned her face back toward him. “What did they do to you?”
“Punk-ass niggaz got at me,” she said, trying to sound tough, but she was unable to hide the emotional turmoil. “I’m sure Billy already told you what happened, so there’s no need to go over it again.”
Jah felt like screaming, but didn’t want to upset her. “I’m so sorry.” He pressed his cheek against her hand and enjoyed the warmth.
“It wasn’t you fault.” She touched the back of his head. “It was my own fault. If I hadn’t—”
“You stop right there,” he cut her off. “No woman deserves this, I don’t care who she is or what she does. Them niggaz is wrong, and I’m gonna show them the error of their ways!” he said heatedly. “Just tell me who did this to you and I’m gonna smoke all they asses.”
“No, Jah,” she said, surprising him. “All that’s gonna do is make things worse. I don’t want you getting into trouble over a filthy whore like me.” She suddenly began to sob.
“Yoshi, you’ll never be anything other than an angel in my eyes.” He wiped the tears from her cheek, careful not to hurt her.
This brought another weak but genuine smile. “Jah, I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I’m not ashamed of what I am.”
“Yoshi, a whore is someone who sleeps with men for money with malicious intent,” he explained to her. “You’re just a girl that’s made some poor choices. Baby girl, you’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. Do you know how special you made me feel the other night?”
“Jah, everyone feels special when they’re busting a nut,” she said and turned away.
“Baby, a nut ain’t nothing new to me so I ain’t tripping over no pussy. That night was special to me, real special. That’s why I’m here.”
Yoshi looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “Jah, I know damn well you didn’t come here to crack for no pussy?”
“Hell no!” he said seriously. “I came here to tell you how I felt.” He lowered his voice. “I’ve never been the most emotional cat, but you stirred something in me that I didn’t even know was there.” He paused to compose himself. “Yoshi, I’m feeling you and that’s the real deal.”
“I’m flattered, but what exactly are you trying to tell me?” she asked, figuring she was reading the message wrong.
A million thoughts ran through Jah’s mind at once. He tried to speak, but the words came out tangled. Taking several deep breaths, he said finally, “Yoshi, when I say I’m feeling you, I mean I wanna fuck with you on some exclusive shit.”
The look Jah gave her when he said it took Yoshi’s breath away. Her state could only be described as speechless. Many a man had tried to acquire Yoshi as his main lady, but there was always something to be gained on his part, or something lacking. She didn’t see that in Jah. In his eyes she saw not a killer’s edge, but the gentleness and innocence of a child that the lonely side of her wanted so badly to cling to. At that moment, all she could think to do was hug him close to her and loose the floodgate of tears that she had been holding back, but she hesitated for fear of corrupting what was left of his innocence with her sin.
“Jah,” she said and looked down at her hands. “When I was a little girl I used to watch these TV shows and dream of the day when a guy would come along who would help me carry this pain around. When I got older and bore witness to my own truth, I realized there wasn’t no princes in the ghetto. I gotta get it how I live, same as you, because that’s the only way we know how.”
“Unless we find a different w
ay together,” he said.
“Touché,” she said and tried to smirk. “Seriously, though, I don’t want you talking out your ass because you see a bitch all laid up. I’m broken right now, and it ain’t nothing that won’t be fixed with time and work, so please don’t treat me like a charity case.”
“I wouldn’t,” he told her. “This is a sincere plea for some understanding.”
“We’ll see, Jah.” She patted his hand. “I’ve got a lot of self-repair ahead of me, so I’m not trying to rush anything.”
“And I’m not asking you to. All I want is to be your crutch, and eventually your strength,” he shot back. Against his better judgment, Jah leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. He tried to be as gentle as possible, yet still let her know how serious he was, through that one tender act.
* * *
“Where’re you going in such a rush?” Rhonda asked Jah, who was making moves toward the front door.
“Just need to get a little air,” he said over his shoulder.
Billy watched dumbfounded as the young man stormed out. Marcus caught the look in Jah’s eyes when he passed. He was no stranger to pain, so he knew Jah was going through a thing. Again, his thoughts went back to his sister and how he would react if something similar had happened to her. He had promised Billy that he wouldn’t get directly involved, but he never said anything about adding his two cents. Grabbing his cell phone, he excused himself to the kitchen.
Rhonda gave a cautious look around before following Jah out the door. When she got in the hallway, she was surprised to see Jah with his head leaning against the door. A deep sobbing erupted from the young man as his shoulders went up and down in tune with his grief. For as long as Rhonda had known Jah, she had never seen him this broken up. Though she hadn’t been in the room with them, she was still a woman and had an idea that there was more to him and Yoshi than people had picked up on.
“Jah,” she said and placed a hand on his back. To her surprise, his sobbing got worse. “What’s the matter, little brother?”
