by Dee J. Stone
“Why the hell are you calling me?” the girl demands.
Crap. Clearly, this person is not Erica’s best friend. I clear my throat. “Uh…this isn’t Erica. She’s at a party and she’s drunk as hell. Someone needs to pick her up.”
“Screw you.” She hangs up.
That went well. I scroll through her contacts and pick a random person. This time, a guy. He answers right away. “Erica?” his voice is hesitant and wary.
“Not Erica. Can you pick her up? I don’t care who the hell you are, but someone needs to pick her up and take her home. She’s drunk as hell.”
The guy’s quiet for a bit. Did he hang up on me, too?
“She’s okay, though, right?” the guy asks.
“If you call alcohol poisoning okay,” I mumble.
“Fuck,” he says. “Is she drunk because of me? I told her to stay away from that shit. She does crazy things when she’s drunk and regrets it the next day.”
Yeah, like try to hook up with a guy who has a girlfriend who possibly hates his guts. “Are you her ex-boyfriend?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he says softly.
I rub my hand down my face. “Look, Erica’s drunk as shit. Can you take her home?”
“Okay. Give me the address.”
Sitting here with Erica, watching her make a fool of herself because of a guy who broke her heart, it puts things in perspective. I need to get to Lex and make up. I need her. Being in a fight sucks. Being lonely sucks.
When Jose finally comes, I leave. Screw Jackie and her lame party.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lex
My family and I are playing a board game in the living room. I suggested it an hour ago when it occurred to me that we haven’t done this in a while. Before the accident, we used to have family days, where we’d go on a trip, or to a movie, or play a game.
Jamie’s surgery is in a few weeks. He was over yesterday and was gushing all about it. The prospect of him walking again is surreal. Both he and Rosie remember what it’s like to walk, unlike other kids their age who have been wheelchair-bound all their lives. Jamie’s still too young to be sensitive enough to another person’s feelings. He didn’t realize how his excitement was hurting Rosie.
Unfortunately, the game is not going as well as I hoped. My parents don’t seem to be into it. There’s something between them. I don’t know what, but it’s like there’s a thick wall keeping them apart. I suspect Mom wants to start saving up money in case Jamie’s procedure is a success. Dad got so stressed the whole last year when Mom lugged Rosie from one doctor to another. It was great to see him relaxed, without having the worry of money over his head. Now with this new procedure, I fear what it will do to my parents’ relationship.
And then there’s me. I wanted to use the game as a distraction, but it’s not exactly working. I don’t know what came over me earlier tonight. The things I said to Cruiser…I didn’t mean any of it. Seeing Erica with him brought me back to a month ago when they hooked up. It hurt me so much when I saw them together. I had such strong feelings for him.
I totally lost it.
I love Cruiser so, so much. The thought of losing him makes me feel like someone’s ripping my heart out of my chest. I screwed up everything, all because of my stupid insecurities. I overreacted and blew things out of proportion. It’s not Cruiser’s fault Erica wants to work at Juice Me. He handled the situation really well. I’m such an idiot.
Rosie shoves the game aside, yanking me out of my thoughts and making me jump. Tokens and cards fly everywhere.
“Rosie!” I say.
“This game is dumb.”
“You love this game.”
“No, I don’t. It’s dumb.”
I turn to my parents for help, but they look burned out, as if they’re too tired to deal with this anymore.
Rosie wheels herself toward her room. “If I were able to walk, I would run away and slam my door shut!”
Dad falls back on the couch. Mom bends forward, sliding her fingers though her hair. “Mom, Dad,” I say. “Why don’t you say something?”
“What exactly are we supposed to say, Lex?” Mom rubs her forehead. “Do you know what it’s like to see your child suffering and be powerless to do anything?”
I bite my lip. She’s right. Since the accident, I’ve been accusing them of not being there for Rosie, for treating her differently when they should have embraced her new life. But I’m not Rosie’s parent. I love her to death and I would do anything, absolutely anything, to help her. But I don’t know what it’s like to be in their shoes.
“I’m sorry. I just…I wish we could do something.”
Mom pats my hand. “I know, sweetie. We’ll just have to wait it out for now. We’ll deal with whatever happens after that.”
I nod. “I’ll go check on Rosie.”
When I walk into her room, I find her reading a book. I sit down on the bed. “Hey. Reading? That’s a first.”
Rosie shrugs. “Jamie told me it’s good.”
“I know it’s hard, sweetie. But you have to try and be a good friend to Jamie. He’s going to go through a major operation. Recovery will be very hard. And if the procedure is not a success, he’ll need you.”
Rosie glances at me for a second before returning to her book.
“It’s hard when someone has something you desperately want, especially when he’s your best friend.” I run my hand through her hair. “But being a good friend means being happy for the other person, even when he has something you want.”
She closes her book. “Why do Jamie’s parents love him more than Mom and Dad love me?”
I stare at her. “Who gave you the idea? That’s not true, Rosie. Of course that’s not true.”
She bends the paperback. “It is true. I’m not stupid.”
“Come here.” I help her out of her wheelchair and gently lower her onto my lap, squeezing her close and kissing her cheek. “Mom and Dad love you so much. So much, Rosie. They would do anything for you.”
“I’m such a pain. They fight all the time.”
“They don’t fight anymore. They’re okay. We’re all okay. We’re—”
“No. They’re fighting again. You’re not home as much, but they fight all the time. And they canceled their date for tomorrow.”
My eyes shut. I don’t want her to confirm my fears, that Mom and Dad are having major problems. Tears are about to enter my eyes, but I force them away. I can’t deal with it.
“They hate me because I can’t walk.”
“No, that’s not true. They’re just very stressed. They want to help you, but they don’t know how.”
She turns her head and buries it in my shoulder. “I want to walk again.”
The tears I was fighting rush into my eyes and spill down my cheeks. I tighten my hold on her and dig my face in her dark hair, rocking back and forth. Her hands slowly come around me as she lets me comfort her. “You’ll be okay, Rosie,” I whisper against her head. “I’ll make sure. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“You’re gonna move away to New York for college,” she sobs. “Jamie’s gonna walk. Mom and Dad will always be fighting.”
I continue rocking her. “I still have a whole year and a half before we have to worry about college. And Mom and Dad won’t always be fighting. It’s normal for parents to fight every so often. And Jamie will be your friend. He won’t forget about you. I swear he won’t.”
“You can’t know that.”
I kiss the top of her head and squeeze her even tighter, wishing I can suck out her pain. After a few minutes, she straightens up and tells me she wants to continue reading the book alone. I lay her on her bed and get her comfortable, kiss her forehead, and leave. I’m a complete mess as I climb the stairs. My tears just won’t end. I stop by the bathroom to wash my face before going to my room.
I fall down on my bed. More tears beg to roll down my cheeks, but I push them back. My heart stings. Poor Rosie. She thinks she’s the cau
se of my parents’ unhappiness and that they don’t love her…how could a little girl deal with that? She’s so strong. Much stronger than I am.
Wiping my eyes, I sit up. I want to be more like her, to have her inner strength. Just like I told her to be understanding when it comes to Jamie, I need to be more understanding of Cruiser. He’s such a good guy, and I don’t think I deserve him. Do I think so low of him, that he’ll run off to Erica if he and I fight? Of course he won’t. What’s wrong with me? I need to apologize.
I grab my phone and call Dani. “Hey,” she says.
“Hey. Do you mind coming with me to a Juice Me party?”
“What for?”
I tell her about Cruiser’s boss’s party and how he’s forced to go and how he invited me. She knows about the fight we had earlier—I told her when she picked me up from Juice Me. “I just want to apologize,” I say. “I can’t wait until he comes home. Can you take me there, please?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks so much.”
After fifteen minutes, she pulls up in front of my house in her convertible. I give a million thanks before climbing in. She’s such a good friend. I don’t know if anyone else would put up with me.
We drive to Juice Me and get out of the car. I hear the music blasting from inside the shop. Dani smiles wryly. “Sounds like they know how to party.”
We open the door and walk in. The place is so packed I can hardly see anything. I squint, searching for Cruiser. Maybe he already left.
Dani clutches my arm. She squeezes me so tight I cry out. But as my eyes sweep the area, I falter back. Tears blur my vision. She squeezed my arm because of the sight she saw. Of Cruiser standing there, his arms wrapped around Erica as they sway to the music. Erica leans forward and kisses him. She pulls him into Juice Me’s storage room. They don’t come out.
I whirl around and storm out. I hear Dani’s footsteps as she runs after me. Then I feel her arms come around me. “I’m so sorry, Lex.”
It can’t be. It can’t. Cruiser would never…he wouldn’t…
“He kissed her,” I cry. My knees cave and I slide down, taking Dani with me. We fall onto the cement.
“Maybe it’s not what it looks,” Dani says.
“You saw it, too.” I slowly raise my gaze to hers. “You saw it, right?”
Biting her lip, she nods.
I bury my face in my hands and sob. “He cheated on me.” My stomach is spinning so fast I think it’ll catapult out of my body.
“Lex—”
I roll onto the ground. Right now, I don’t care that it’s dirty and gross. I rock back and forth as I continue to sob into my hands. I don’t feel anything, not my fingers or toes.
She rubs my back.
“He really cheated on me,” I mutter, completely in a daze. “He cheated on me. He did it again. He broke my heart a second time. It wasn’t my fault. It was just an argument. I said things I didn’t mean. But he cheated on me.”
Dani lays her head against mine. She doesn’t say anything. She can’t possibly say anything that will make this better. Cruiser cheated on me. My Cruiser. My Cruiser…
“Hey,” she says. “We’ll get through this. Forget about him. Push him out of your life. You’ll meet a great guy one day.”
I try to give her a thankful smile, but I can’t lift my lips. She’s great for trying to make me feel better, but nothing will take away this burning ache in my heart. It feels like Cruiser took a saw and sliced off a large chunk of it, leaving a hole that’s sucking in all the positive energy from around me.
“Take me home,” I say. “Please.” I shut my eyes and tears surge out. “I just need to be alone.”
“Of course.”
I don’t remember her helping me to her car. I don’t remember the drive home or how I got into the house and my room. Somehow, I find myself on my bed.
The picture floats in my head. A yell collects in the pit of my stomach, growing bigger and bigger, traveling up my chest, my arms, until it clogs my throat. It pushes against my lips, bursting to come out, but I clamp my mouth shut.
I see his face before me, his genuine brown eyes, his soft smile. I hear the romantic things he whispered in my ear, the promises he made. I feel his gentle hands as they touched me, his warm lips as they trailed down my neck.
Then I see his arms wrapped around Erica Sandford. Those gentle hands touching her. Those warm lips glued to hers. My hands slap at the air, like I’m chasing away the images. I don’t want it to be true. I can’t stand it if it is.
But it is. I saw it with my own eyes. My Cruiser. My stupid, cheating, man-whore Cruiser.
I rip the necklace and bracelet off and throw them into the garbage bin.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cruiser
I park my bike in the garage and head into the house. Mom’s at the kitchen counter, working on dinner. She looks up when I walk in. “Hi, Elvis.”
“Hey,” I mumble.
All that crap with Erica. I didn’t need it. Now I’ve got a headache and the memories of how she was all over me. The feel of her hands on my body. Shit, it was so familiar. I don’t want it to be familiar. Don’t want to be reminded of my past or any girl. I want my T. Rex.
Glancing at Mom, I see she’s hurting. From Dad, Rey. Probably me, too. She’s always been a strong woman. I don’t like seeing her break down like this. “Need help?” I ask. In the past, I would have never offered. Spending time with Mom always led to arguments. She’d demand answers, like why I wasn’t trying hard at school. Why I wasn’t practicing the violin. Why I didn’t bring home friends like Rey did. But I’m not that person anymore. So much has changed over the past year and a half. I have changed.
Mom’s face brightens like I told her I’m on the honor roll. “Thank you, Elvis. I’d love the help.”
“Isn’t it a little late for dinner?” I ask.
“I’m preparing this for tomorrow. I need to work late and won’t have time to make dinner.”
I’m not much of a cook. The only things I can make are mac and cheese and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The meal I made for Lex and my anniversary doesn’t count because Gran helped a lot. Lex. Thinking of her is like a punch in my heart. I need to go over there and patch things up with her, but I wanted to check in with Mom and Rey first. I’ll go as soon as I’m done helping her.
She puts me on chopping duty while she takes care of the meatloaf. We work in silence for a while, ‘til Mom says, “How are your meetings with the school guidance counselor going?”
I feel a breach of my privacy. But Mom’s asking because she honestly wants to know. Because she cares. I shut my eyes and lower my defenses. “All right. Tomorrow we’re gonna discuss some clubs I should join.”
She nods. “What are you interested in?”
“Not sure.” I slice a carrot. “Maybe orchestra.”
Her eyes widen.
“Yeah. Turns out I kinda like the violin.”
“That’s great.”
“Yeah. But I don’t want to play professionally or anything. Just for the club.”
She nods. It’s nice to see her actually listening to me, as opposed to years ago when she’d tell me what to do without even asking my opinion.
“Not sure what else.”
“What about the debate team?”
I wave my hand. “Nah. Doesn’t interest me.”
This is probably one of the longest conversations we’ve had. It’s nice. Though a part of me feels this could go to hell any minute. Maybe we’ll be at each other’s throats by the time the food’s done. But I’m not going to walk away from this.
“What about theater?” Mom asks.
I stop chopping. Theater. Never considered it. I’m not one to go on stage in front of hundreds of people, but working backstage doesn’t sound too bad.
“And there’s always yearbook,” Mom says.
“I might give theater a try.”
Her whole face changes. Less worry lines, more light
in her eyes. It feels good for her to be proud of me for a change. I always wanted that growing up.
The front door barges open. Rey marches in. He doesn’t say anything. Heads straight for the stairs.
“Reagan,” Mom says.
He stops. Doesn’t face us. “What?”
“Come here, please.”
“I gotta go upstairs.”
“Reagan.”
With a groan he storms toward us. That’s when I see it. A piercing on his eyebrow.
Mom gasps. “Reagan! A piercing?”
“Relax. I didn’t kill anyone.”
“Rey,” I say. “C’mon.”
He glares at me. “What’s the matter, Elvis? Don’t you like it?”
There’s so much I want to say. Do. Smack him in the head to knock some sense into him. My hand squeezes the knife. “I actually do like it,” I say. His face fills with surprise. “Maybe for Halloween.”
He rolls his eyes. “Why don’t you just put a halo over your head?” He charges toward the stairs.
“Reagan,” Mom says in her authoritative tone. The one that scared us like hell when we were kids. It still shakes me a bit when I hear it. Seems like the same is for Rey, because he freezes. Then he squares his shoulders and climbs the steps.
“Get back here, Reagan Dalton!” Mom yells. “You come right here!”
He continues climbing.
“We don’t get piercings in my house!”
He doesn’t say anything.
Her eyes are full of rage, but there’s something else there, too. A whole lot of hurt.
I touch her arm. “I’ll go talk to him.”
She nods. “Thank you.” Before I turn to leave, she grabs me. Next thing I know, I’m in her arms. I stand there, stiff as a board. A hug. From Mom. Can’t say I remember the last time she did something like this. Years ago.
I head upstairs. Rey’s pacing around, squeezing his stress ball. Standing out here, studying him, I don’t know who that guy is. Because he sure as hell isn’t my twin brother. I miss Rey, really miss him. I wanted him to come back home so bad. But not like this. This…I don’t know what it is.
