by James Joyce
Wherfor I will and firmly command, as I willed and firmly commanded, upon my royal word, and cause the great seal now to be affixed, that from the farthest of the farther of their fathers to their children’s children’s children they do inhabit it and hold it for me and my heirs, unencumbered, firmly and quietly, amply and honestly, and with all the liberties and free customs which the men of Tolbris, a city of Tolbris, have at Tolbris, in the county of their city and through whole my land. Hereto my vouchers: knife and snuffbuchs. Fee for farm. Enwreak us wrecks.
Struggling forlongs I have livramentoed, milles on milles of mancipelles. Mined outskirts benlewd, men breaches portpoinsed: in morgenattics litt I hope, in seralcellars louched I bleakmealers: on my siege of my mighty I was parciful of my subjects, but in streetwauks that are darkest I debelled em superb: I deemed the drugtails in my pettycourts and domstered dustyfeets in my husinclose: at Guy’s they were swathed, at Foulkes’s slashed, the game for a Gomez, the loy for a Lynch: if I was magmonimoss as staidy lavgiver I revolucanized by my eructions: on hye and bye wayseeds I scattered em, in my graben fields sew sowage I gathered em: in Sheridan’s Circle my wits repose, in black pitts of the pestered Lenfant he is dummed. Hearts of Oak, may ye root to piece! Rechabites, obstain! Clayed sheets, pineshrouded, wake not, walk not! Sigh lento, Morgh!
Quo warranto has his greats my soliven and puissant lord V. King regards for me and he has given to me my necknamesh (flister it!) which is second fiddler to nomen. These be my genteelician arms. At the crest, two young frish, etoiled, flappant, devoiled of their habiliments, vested sable, withdrewers argent. For the boss, a coleopter, pondant, partifessewise, blazoned sinister, at the slough, proper. In the lower field, a terce of lanciers, shaking unsheathed shafts, their arms crossed in saltire, embusked, sinople. Motto, in letters portent: Hery Crass Evohodie.
Idle were it, repassing from elserground to the elder disposition, in so and such a matter as me it so besitteth, to inquire whether I, huddled til summone, be the massproduct of teamwork or I, draggedasunder, the forced generation of group marriage or carried of cloud from land of locust, in ouzel galley borne, three surtouts wripped up in itchother’s, two twin pritticoaxes lived as one, troubled in trine or dubildin too, for, holocryptogam of my essenses, abram nude be I or roberoyed with the faineans or Feejeean grafted ape on merfisch, surrounded by obscurity, most surely I pretend and reclam by my virtus of creation and by boon of promise my naturalborn freeman’s journeyman right and my Other Church’s inher lights to opt for simultaneous. Till daybow break and showshadows flee. Thus be Hek! Verily! Verily! Time, place!
— What is your numb? Bun!
— Who gave you that numb? Poo!
— Have you put in all your spare pennies? I’m listening. Sree!
— Keep clear of propennies! Fore!
Mr Televox, Mrs Taubiestimm, and invisible friends! I maymay mean to say. Annoyin part of it was, had my faithful Fulvia, following the wiening courses of this world, turned her back on her ways to go on uphills upon search of louvers, brunette men of Earalend, Chief Nightcloud by the Deeps and Chief Goes-in-Blackwater and Chief Northpaw and Chief Brown Poole, or, again, had Fluvia, amber whitch she was, left her chivily crookcrook crocus bed at the bare suggestions of some prolling bywaymen from Moabit who would have abused of her, the foxrogues, there might accrue advantage to ask wher in pellmell her deceivers sinned. Yet know of old it was vastly otherwise which I have heard it by mmummy goods waif, as I chiefly endmost hartyly aver, for Fulvia Fluvia, iddle woman to the plusneeborn, ever did ensue tillstead the things that pertained unto fairness, this wharom I am fawned on, that which was loost. Even so. For I waged love on her: and spoiled her undines: and she wept. O my lors!
— Till we meet!
— Ere we part!
— Tollollall!
— This time a hundred years!
But I was firm with her. And I did take the reached of my delights, my jealousy, ymashkt, beyashmakt, earswathed, snoutsnooded, and did raft her flumingworthily and did leftlead her overland the pace, from lachsleap up to liffsloup, tiding down, as portreeve should, whimpering by Kevin’s creek and Hurdlesfjord and Gardener’s Mall, long rivierside drive, embankment large, to Ringsend Flott and Ferry, where she began to bump a little bit, my dart to throw: and there, by wavebrink, on strond of south, with mace to masthigh, taillas Cowhowling, quailless Highjakes, did I upreize my magicianer’s puntpole, the tridont sired a tritan stock, farruler, and I bade those pollyfizzyboisterous seas to retire with hemselves from os (rookwards, thou seasea stamoror!) and I abridged with domfine norsemanship till I had done abate her maidan race, my baresark bride, and knew her fleshly when with all my bawdy did I her whorship, min bryllupswibe: Heaven, he hallthundered; Heydays, he flung blissforhers. And I cast my tenspan joys on her, arsched overtupped, from bank of call to echobank, by dint of strongbow (Galata! Galata!), so streng we were in one, malestream in she-gulf: and to ringstresse with iern of Erin I thumbed her and tradesman-marked her lieflang mine for all and singular, iday, igone, imorgens and for ervigheds (base your peak, you! you, strike your flag! what screech of shippings! what low of dampfbulls!): goosegaze annoynted uns, canailles canzoned; from Livland, hock zivios, from Lettland, skall vives! With Impress of Asias and Queen Columbia for her pairanymphs and the singing sands for herbrides’ music, me to she her shyblumes lifted and I pudd a name and wedlock boltoned round her the which to carry till her grave, Appa Lippia Pluviabille, my durdin dearley, whiles I herr lifer amstell and been: I chained her chastemate to grippe fiuming snugglers, her chambrett I bestank so to spunish furiosos: I was her hochsized, her cleaveinto, her everest, she was my annointed, my laurelled, my proved: who cut her ribbons when nought my prowes? who expoused that havenliness to beachalured ankerrides when not I, freipforter? in trinity huts they met my dama, pick of their poke for me: when I forgether ’twas my sumbad, if I farseeker itch my list: had I not workit in my cattagut with dogshunds’ crotts to clene and had I not giftet of my coataways, constantonoble’s aim? and, fortiffed by my right as man of capitol, I did umgyrdle her about, my vermincelly vinegarette, with all loving kindness as far as in man’s might it lay and enfranchised her to liberties of fringes: and I gave until my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hardware (catalogue, passim) and fine ladderproof hosiery lines (see stockingers’ raiment) and cocquette coiffs (see Agnes’ hats) and pennigsworths of the best of taste of knaggy jets and silvered waterroses and geegaws of my pretty novelties and wispywaspy frocks, trancepearances of redferns and lauralworths, such as women cattle bare and peltries piled and samite supple, rosselling gowns, the peak of Pim’s and Slyne’s and Sparrow’s, loomends day lumineused, luxories on looks, La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sourire d’Hiver, and a crinoline, wide a shire, and pattens for her trilibies that know she might the tortuours of the boots and bedes of wampun with to toy and a murcery glaze of shard to mirrow for all daintiness by me and theetime, the cupandnaggin hour: and I wound around my swanchen’s neckplace a school of schells of moyles marine to swing their saysangs in her silents: and, upping her as king’s count, her aldritch cry oloss unheading, what though exceeding bitter, I pierced her beak with order of the Danabrog (Cunnig’s great! Soll leve! Soll leve!): with mare’s grease cressets at Leonard’s and Dunphy’s and Madonna lanthorns before quintacasas and tallonkindles spearhead syngeing nickendbookers and mhutton lightburnes dipdipping-downes in blackholes, the tapers of the topers and his buntingpall at Hoist, for days there was no night for nights were days and our folk had rest from Blackheathen and the pagans from the prince of pacis: what was trembling sod quaked no more, what were frozen loins were stirred and lived: gone the septuor, dark deadly dismal doleful desolate dreadful desperate, no more the tolvmaans, bloody gloomy hideous fearful furious alarming terrible horrible mournful sorrowful frightful appalling: peace, perfect peace: and I hung up at Yul my duindleeng lunas, helphelped of Kettil Flashnose, for the souperhore of my frigid one, coloumba mea, frimosa mea
, in Wastewindy Tarred Strate and Elgin’s marble halles, lamping limp from black to block, through all Livania’s volted ampire, from anodes to cathodes and from the topazolites of Mourne, Wykinloeflare, by Arklow’s sapphire siomen’s lure and Wexterford’s hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kinsella: avenyue ceen my peurls ahumming, the crown to my estuarine munipicence? three firths of the sea I swept with draughtness and all ennempties I bottled em up in bellomport: when I stabmarooned jack and maturin I was a bad boy’s bogey but it was when I went on to sankt piotersbarq that they gave my devil his dues: what is seizer can hack in the old wold a sawyer may hew in the green: on the island of Breasil the wildth of me perished and I took my plowshure sadly, feeling pity for me sored: where bold O’Connee weds on Alta Mahar, the tawny sprawling beside that silver burn, I sate me and settled with the little crither of my hearth: her intellects I charmed with I calle them utile thoughts, her turlyhyde I plumped with potatums for amiens pease in plenty: my biblous beadells shewed her triumphs of craftygild pageantries, loftust Adam duffed our cousterclother, Conn and Owel with cortoppled baskib, Sire Noeh Guinnass exposant of his bargeness and Lord Joe Starr to hump the body of the camell: I screwed the Emperor down with ninepins gaelic with sixpenny-hapennies for his hanger on: my worthies were bissed and trissed from Joshua to Godfrey but my processus prophetarum they would have plauded to perpetuation. Moral: book to besure, see press.
— He’s not all buum and bully.
— But his members handly food him.
— Steving’s grain for’s greet collegtium.
— The S.S. Padraic’s in the harbour.
And after these things I fed her, my carlen, my barelean linsteer, upon spiceries for her garbage breath, italics of knobbylauch and the rich morsel of the marrolebone and shains of garleeks and swinespepper and gothakrauts and pinkee dillisks, primes of meshallehs, and subtleties in jellywork, come the feast of Saint Pancreas, and shortcake nutrients for Paas and Pingster’s pudding, bready and nuttalled, and potted fleshmeats from stove dampkookin and the drugs of Kafa and Jelapa and shallots out of Ascalon, feeding her food convenient herfor, to pass then into earth: and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid, the skinsyg, I gave Biorwik’s powlver and Uliv’s oils, unguents of cuticure, for the swarthy searchall’s face on her and handewers and groinscrubbers and a carrycam to tease her tuzzy out, the brown but combly, and a mopsa’s broom to duist her sate and clubmoss and wolvesfoot for her more moister wards (amazing efficiencies!): and for my shopsoiled doveling, when weeks of kindness skinly civicised, in our saloons esquirial with fineglas bowbays, draped embrasures and giltedged librariums I did devise my prizeless telltale sports at evenbread to wring her withers limberly, wheatears, slapbang, drapier-cut-dean, bray, nap, spinado and ranter-go-round: we had our lewd mayers and our lairdie meiresses kiotowing and smuling fullface on us out of their framous latenesses, oilclothed over for cohabitation and allpointed by Hind: Tamlane the Cussacke, Dirk Wettingstone, Pieter Stuyvesant, Outlawrie O’Niell, Mrs Currens, Mrs Reyson-Figgis, Mrs Dattery and Mrs Pruny-Quetch: in hym we trust, footwash and sects principles, apply to the overseer, Amos five six: she had dabblingtime for exhibiting her grace of aljambras and duncingk the bloodanoobs in her vauxhalls while I, dizzed and dazed by the lumpty thumpty of our interloopings, fell clocksure off my ballast: in our windtor palast it vampared fore elenden, we lubded Sir Gudd for the sleep and the ghoasts: she chauffed her feusies at my Wigan’s jewels while she skalded her mermeries on my Snorryson’s sagos: in paycook’s thronsaale she domineered: lecking icies off the dormer panes all admired her in camises: on Rideau Row Duanna dwells, you merk well what you see: let wellth were I our pantocreator would theirs be tights for the gods: in littleritt reddinghats and cindery yellows and tinsel and glitter and bibs under hoods: I foredreamed for her and, more than fallmaked, I prevened for her in the haunts that joybelled frail light-a’-leaves for sturdy traemen: Pelves ad Hombres Sumus: I said to the shiftless prostitute, Let me be your fodder; and to roadies and prater brothers, Chau, Camerade! Evangel of good tidings, omnient as the Healer’s word, for the lost, loathsome and whomsoever will: who, in regimentation through liberal donation in coordination for organisation of their installation and augmentation plus some annexation and amplification without precipitation towards the culmination in latification of what was formerly their utter privation, competence, cheerfulness, usefulness and the meed, shall in their second Adams all be made alive.
My tow tugs steered down canal grand, my lighters lay longside on Regalia Water: and I built in Urbs in Rure for minne elskede, my shiny brows, under astrolobe from my upservatory, an erdcloset with showne ejector wherewithin to be squatquit in most convenience from her sabbath needs, when open noise should stilled be: did not I festfix with mortarboard my unniversiries, wholly, rational and gottalike, sorefister agen sowfister, life sizars all? was not I rosetted on two stelas of little egypt? had not I rockcut reders, hieros, gregos and democriticos, tricastellated, bimedallised? and by my sevendialled changing charties Hibernska Ulitzas made not I to pass through twelve Threadneedles and Newgade and Vicus Veneris to cooinsight? my camels’ walk, kolossa! kolossa!, no porte sublimer benared my ghates: Oi polled ye Many but my fews were chousen (voter, voter, early voter, he was never too oft for Old Sarum): terminals four my staties were, the Geenar, the Greasouwea, the Debwickweck, the Migreawis: and I set up twinminsters, the pro and the con, my stavekirks wove so norcely of peeled wands and attachattouchy floodmud, now all loosebrick and stonefest, freely masoned, arked for the covenanters and shinners’ rifuge: descend from above on us, Hagiasofia of Astralia, our orisons thy nave and absedes, our aeone tone aeones thy studvaast vault! Hams, circuitise! Shemites, retrace! horns, hush! no barkeys! hereround is’t holied! all truant trulls made I comepull, all rubbeling gnomes I pushed, gowgow: Cassels, Redmond, Gandon, Deane, Shepperd, Smyth, Neville, Heaton, Stoney, Foley, Farrell, Vnost, with Thorneycroft and Hogan too: sprids serve me, gobelins guard! tect my tileries (O tribes! O gentes!), keep my keep, the peace of my four great ways! oathiose infernals, to Booth Salivation! arcane celestials, to Sweatenburg’s Welhell! and thirdly, for evigs, I did reform and restore for my smuggy piggiesknees, my sweet coolocked, my auburn coyquailing one, her paddypalace on the crossknoll with massgo bell, sixton clashcloshant, duominous and muezzatinties to commind the fitful: doom adimdim adoom adimadim: and the oragel of the lauds to tellforth’s glory: and I added thereunto a shallow laver to slub out her hellfire and posied windows for her oriel house: gospelly pewmillieu, christous pewmillieu: ze zackbutts babazounded, ze ollguns tararulled: and she sass her nach, chillybombom and forty bonnets, upon the altarstane. May all have mossyhonours!
— Hoke!
— Hoke!
— Hoke!
— Hoke!
