by Candice Dow
I stormed into my bedroom. He followed. “Just leave. Leave my house.”
Bruno ran into the room and began to bark. He could tell that I was very upset. Thorne grabbed me and put his arms around me. “I’m sorry, London. Maybe I do that to protect myself. Maybe it’s me that never wants you to fall for anybody.”
I asked him what I’d wanted to ask for nearly a year. “Would you ever see me differently?”
He hung his head as he pulled me to him. “I don’t know.”
It stung me deep but I knew he was being honest. He had feelings for me that he couldn’t understand. He knew better than to be spending time with me the way he had been. I was supposed to just make money. I was never supposed to become his mistress.
24
By the time I arrived in Australia I’d gone over a million different scenarios in my mind. What if Thorne left his wife and we lived happily ever after? Or what if Clyde fell deeply in love with me? Though I tried to live my life without feeling too much, those suppressed emotions slowly began to creep up and tap me on my shoulder. I wanted to feel special to someone too.
When I arrived in Sydney it was the crack of dawn. I saw the sun rise over the plane as we landed. I was completely exhausted from twenty-three hours in the air. By the time I made it through customs it was just a little after seven, but you couldn’t tell by the refreshed and rested look on Clyde’s face. He was waiting for me and showing every single one of his sparkling whites. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone greet me this way every day? But this was only a temporary fling that I would be compensated for. I had been doing this for so long, I didn’t know what it felt like to go out with a man without calculating how much I’d earn, without knowing this man wanted nothing more from me than a couple of hours or days of my time.
Clyde wrapped his short arms around me and kissed my cheek. “London, I’m so glad you’re here. This place is beautiful.”
“I bet. I can’t wait to see it.”
“I can’t wait for you to see it. Where we’re going, from what I hear, is unbelievable.”
We headed to check in with Jetstar Airways to get our flight to Hamilton Island. Once we finally boarded the plane I was done with the small talk. I wanted to go to sleep. Every muscle was achy, and before we took off I was out. A few hours later we arrived at Hamilton Island. There we boarded a helicopter to take us to our final destination. The Coral Sea looked like it was dyed the most perfect aqua blue. I wanted to jump off the helicopter and just dive in. I joked with Clyde about the thought and he suggested we try skydiving. I’ll pretty much try anything once, but that wasn’t something I was interested in.
When we flew over the Great Barrier Reef, the largest coral reef system in the world, I was anxious to put on my wet suit and let the diving begin. All the beauty below made me forget how tired I was when I arrived in Sydney. Finally we landed on Hayman Island. The resort was breathtaking. I looked at Clyde and he smiled. “Nice, huh?”
“This is beyond fabulous.”
The Hayman staff greeted us at the helicopter and we stepped into paradise. Our bags were carried away and would meet us in our suite. After we’d checked in we headed to the first-level suite. The private balcony hovered over the resort’s pool. The architecture was futuristic. White tailored bedding and geometrically designed honey oak furniture accented the sleek and contemporary décor. I stepped onto the balcony as Clyde tipped the bellboy, who arrived almost immediately after we did. I stood there alone, soaking up the beautiful scenery. It was something from a dream. I had visited many places and very few had taken my breath away. I was at a loss for words. I looked out into the sea and reflected on what I had been thinking about earlier. I still wasn’t sure if this life was worth it, but damn, how else or when else would I be able to see the world in this fashion? I may as well do it while I’m young. I lifted my shades to fully absorb my surroundings. I sat down on the patio chair and Clyde came out with a chilled bottle of champagne and two flute glasses.
“This is the way to get the party started,” I said, laughing.
He popped the bottle and the bubbles poured out into my glass. I slurped the edge of the glass so it wouldn’t spill over. Clyde sat down beside me.
“Do you love this place or what?”
“I think I do.”
“My only gripe is that you don’t see any of us walking around here.”
I laughed, because I’d had the same thought when we flew into Sydney. I felt like a zebra walking through the airport and people were looking at me like a damn exhibit. I said, “This is quite a homogenous society.”
His eyebrows wrinkled and then he said, “Oh yeah, I forgot you told me you were a biology major.”
“Uh, and what does that have to do with anything?”
“Regular people just don’t use the word homogenous like that.”
“Maybe most people are in diverse surroundings and they don’t have to use the word, but when you come to a place like Australia and everyone has blond hair and blue eyes, you can’t help but say it.”
“I guess, London.” He lifted his glass as if to signal a truce. “I’m glad you could meet me here. I’ve been planning to dive here for some years now. My schedule never permitted, though.”
I touched his hand. “Well, I’m certainly glad we were able to coordinate our schedules.”
Looking into his eyes, I leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. Though money for him was no issue, I wanted to thank him for bringing me here.
“So is there anything particular you’d like to do today?” he asked.
“Sleep.”
“I’ll let you rest and I’ll meet you for dinner. What do you think about that?”
It was a wonderful idea. Although I’d been reinvigorated by the sights, my body was tired and I needed to rest comfortably for a minute. I went into the bathroom to turn the shower on and came back into the room to grab my toiletries out of my suitcase. Standing in front of a long mirror, I pulled my hair into a ponytail. Clyde walked up behind me and put his arm around my waist. He kissed softly around my neck and shoulders. I reached up to wrap my hands around the back of his head.
“Can I take a shower with you?”
“Of course.”
I came out of my clothes and Clyde miraculously was out of his in a matter of seconds. He said, “I forgot, you like your water super hot.”
“There’s a double-headed shower in here so you can have your water however you like.”
“Perfect.”
Adjusting his showerhead, I asked, “Is this good?”
He stuck his fingers under the water and nodded affirmatively. I stepped in and he followed. We kissed slowly and he held me as the water poured down our backs. We stood there clinging to each other for almost five minutes. Finally, he began to wash my back and I did his. We both lathered up and washed off a few times. His penis was poking straight out at me. He’d placed condoms right outside the shower and he reached out to grab one. After sliding it on, he asked me to bend over. He entered me from behind and slowly began to grind. I sighed pleasurably. As the water continued to rain down on us, we made slow love until he climaxed. We both did another rinse-down and by this time I was totally ready to pass out for the rest of the day.
I dried off and lay in the bed naked. Clyde came over to kiss my forehead. “I’m going out to see what other excursions are available and make reservations for dinner. Then I’m just going to lounge around the resort. I’ll wake you up around six.”
“Sounds good to me.”
My head hit the pillow and I can’t recall anything in between that and Clyde tapping my shoulder. “London, were you able to rest?”
Yawning, I asked, “Is it already six?”
“Actually, it’s seven.”
“Oh my goodness. I must have been really sleepy.”
“You were.”
“Good thing we’ll be here for seven days. I don’t feel so bad about losing an entire day.”
I sat
up in the bed. Clyde said, “We have reservations at eight.”
“Okay, let me get myself together.”
Clyde and I went to dinner at Azure, a restaurant on the resort. We had a candlelight dinner on the water. Though we’d been away several times before, maybe it was Thorne planting the seed in my mind, but I began to wonder how it would be to be with Clyde seriously. It was obvious we had a lot in common. He loved adventure just as much as I did. He loved to travel and eat different foods. We were compatible. I wondered if he’d ever see me differently. He certainly treated me like a lady whenever we were together. I’d never had the desire to do this, but I asked, “Clyde, do you still think you’ll be single forever?”
He nearly choked on the roll he was eating. “I don’t know.”
“You’ve never had the desire for something more real?”
“Sometimes, but then I just give you a call.”
“So do you feel like what we’re doing is real?”
“For the time that we do it, yeah.”
“So why don’t we talk in between times?”
“London, that’s why I pay you.”
My neck snapped back. “Huh?”
“I pay not to be questioned.”
I’d definitely slipped momentarily. He was right. It was inappropriate for me to be asking these types of questions. Clearly I’d gotten too comfortable with our relationship. I began to understand why Thorne didn’t recommend having regular clients for too long. Unconsciously, women slip into relationship mode when they see too much of one guy.
Clyde had drawn the line and I was back in working girl mode when we woke up at six in the morning to board the boat for our diving adventure. We both reluctantly rose to slide into our wet suits. Grabbing our equipment, we rushed out the door. I wasn’t even sure I’d gotten all the sleep out of my eyes.
We hopped in the boat with almost ten other couples and we were headed to the Great Barrier Reef. As always, inquiring minds wanted to know if we were honeymooning or dating and how long we’d been together. Clyde and I had a script that we followed. We’d been dating less than six months, we’d met in Vegas and discovered that we both enjoyed diving. It always seemed to generate a bunch of oohs and aahs. We had become good at smiling the adoration off and turning the attention to something else. This morning was no different. The diving coach gave us basic instructions like always. I was just anxious to get twenty feet below sea level so I could clear my head.
Finally it was our turn to climb into the small boat and sink into the water. I went first and Clyde followed. Watching the fish in the deep blue sea usually took all my pain away. As I sank deep alongside Clyde, the weight of my lifestyle was still heavy. I regretted it. The peace that I usually felt underwater was gone.
When we got back to the room Clyde walked out onto the patio and I sat in the room. He hadn’t said much to me since the interrogation. I wanted to rewind my actions but it was too late. I walked onto the patio and stood behind Clyde.
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable yesterday.”
“Oh no, it’s not heavy.”
“I know you and I could never have anything serious and I should have never questioned why we don’t talk in between times.”
“I know you didn’t mean it, London. I ask myself all the time why we don’t talk in between times, but it just would never work. I’m a bachelor and you’re a prostitute.”
I gasped. I couldn’t believe he’d said it so bluntly.
Raising his hands in a defenseless manner, he continued, “No offense, but as compatible as we are, what we are makes us incompatible.”
“What are we outside of these self-imposed labels?”
“These aren’t labels. They are traits. I like a variety of women. You obviously like a variety of men. So why should we waste our time trying to pursue something deeper?”
“I don’t like a variety of men.”
“Look, London. Maybe you don’t, but clearly you are not a monogamous person.”
“I could be.”
“And you could not be too. So, like I said, why would we even waste our time?”
It hurt to hear how he viewed me. I was completely capable of being monogamous but I figured trying to convince Clyde of it was a losing battle. So I simply agreed. I remained in business mode for the rest of our trip. If I was going to be with someone, it definitely wouldn’t be with someone I had met this way.
25
I decided to stay overnight with my mother during my layover in San Francisco on my return from Australia. When I called to let her know that I’d be there, she sounded almost like she wanted to see me. It was close to midnight when I came in from flying all day. My mother pulled up to pick me up in her brand-new Lexus. Her hair was pulled back in a bun and she wore khaki pants and a peach short-sleeved sweater. She had accessorized with gold costume jewelry, a necklace and clip-on earrings.
We hugged when she stepped out of the car. It had been a long time since we’d spent any quality time together. That was by design on my part. Not sure exactly what she felt. She always told me how much she missed me, but I had mixed emotions about her. While I was grateful that she had raised me and given me a quality education, I didn’t know if that gratitude translated into love.
When I sat in the car, it felt like she was a stranger. And I sensed that she felt the same about me. She looked at me strangely and said, “London, you look so gorgeous.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
She touched my arm and stroked it as we drove off. “London, you look so good.”
While I appreciated her compliments, it made me wonder what she’d imagined I’d look like. I repeated, “Thanks, Mom.”
“So tell me all the exciting things you’re up to. What were you doing in Australia?”
“Well, I’m doing what I love to do. Taking care of dogs.”
“So that’s working out well, I see.”
“Yes, extremely well.”
I spoke with arrogance because she had tried her best to change my mind. She hadn’t wanted me to be a vet or even work with dogs. She’d made it clear that she’d paid too much for me to go to school for me not to get a return. She would shoot herself if she found out what I really did for a living, which is why I kept my distance.
My mother lived in a high-rise condominium. We pulled into the building’s garage and we headed up to her condo on the sixth floor. I said, “Wow, I never imagined you to live in a condo.”
My mother had loved her house in Arlington. It was a large four-bedroom Colonial and she’d kept it meticulous. I would never have thought she’d leave, but I assumed she loved her job a little more. We entered her place and it appeared she’d settled in well. The place was contemporary and inviting. The smell of candles lingered. She walked me to the room where I would be staying. It was decorated almost like my room in our home in Arlington. It startled me and made me wonder if this was her way of feeling close to me.
“I’ll let you get settled in. If you want, I’ll make some tea.”
“That’s cool.”
I was really in no mood for tea. Really, all I wanted to do was sleep. But it would be unfair to say that. So I changed into my pajamas, washed my face, and headed into the kitchen. The kettle began to whistle just as I walked in. She smiled at me, still seemingly cautious and distant. As she poured the water into the mugs, she placed her hand on my shoulder. “Do you still like a ton of sugar in your tea?”
She had always tried to restrict my sugar intake, but I still found ways to get it. My metabolism was like a damn race car. Everything I ate was burned up in a matter of minutes. I don’t know why, but I always felt like my mother envied that. She stayed on a diet, always watching her weight, and I ate whatever I wanted and never gained an ounce.
“Yep, I’m still a sugar junkie.”
She grabbed the sugar canister and sat down beside me. “You know, London, I’m glad you called.”
“Oh, Ma.”
“You get the st
ubbornness from me.”
“What do you mean? I wasn’t trying to be stubborn.”
“No, I was. So many days I think about how torn our relationship is and I think about calling you to help you but I just don’t do it.”
“Help me?”
“I know it’s hard out here, being young and trying to make your way. And I’ve just left you out there.”
“I’m fine, Mother.”
“Walking people’s dogs? Is that really what you want to do for the rest of your life?”
It was interesting that even in her attempt to make peace, she couldn’t resist being condescending. I shook my head, thinking, This is exactly why I cut her ass off in the first place. But I was glad that I had come here, so that I could finally get over the guilt I felt from time to time for wanting to disown her.
“Yes. I only have upper-class clientele. They pay me a lot of money to look after their dogs.”
“So you’re kinda like a dog nanny. These people take you on trips with them, in somewhat the same way.”
Usually when I travel I tell her that I’m going with one of my clients. I just shook my head. I began to believe that I shouldn’t even have made this stop. When I didn’t respond, she continued, “Is this what you want to do forever? You’re so smart. You could run a real business.”
Little did she know I was running a business—a very lucrative one. I said, “Listen, I am very happy. I can afford to take care of myself and I don’t understand why you can’t understand that I’m doing something that I love.”
She raised one eyebrow. “Do you really? Or are you afraid of real work?”
“Actually, I do. I’m content making six figures walking dogs and running a kennel.”
