by Candice Dow
“I’m so thankful for you.”
I wanted to erase my past and just be with Ramon. What had seemed like an easy way to make a buck was now haunting me big-time. I wanted to call my mother, but it was too late. I felt lonely and sad and all the things she’d warned me of had come to pass. She’d said money rules the world. You have to figure out how to make some money. But why had I found this to be the best way to do it?
I hated Thorne for recruiting me into the business. I wished I could go back to my small apartment. When he proposed this to me I should have spit in his face. I never imagined I’d be in so deep that I couldn’t see a way out. I was faced with prison time and/or the option to destroy my clients’ lives. I just couldn’t do it. They had just been looking for an outlet and now the authorities expected me to betray them and be the tell-all girl. It was not in my character. As I expressed my fears to Ramon, I guess he didn’t want to lose me. He suggested I offer a few names and see what they’d be willing to do.
“I can’t.”
“London, sometimes you have to do things that you don’t want to do to preserve yourself.”
“I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I did that.”
“And you still won’t be able to sleep if you’re in jail.”
“I guess you got a point.”
We were cuddled up on the couch when a big rock was hurled through the window. Ramon pulled his gun from his waist and motioned for me to get on the floor. With his back against the wall he peeked out the window. We heard car wheels peel off. Ramon went out the front door and checked around the house. He came back and leaned over me. “We need to go to a hotel. It’s not safe for us to be here.”
We went upstairs and grabbed some necessities. I thought it would be best if we left the area altogether. We drove closer to BWI Airport. I wasn’t sure if we were going to have to skip town or not.
When we got to the hotel Ramon continued to try to convince me that I should tell. I couldn’t even believe he’d think that was a safe thing to do. My head was spinning. I didn’t know what to do, I was just thankful to have my personal bodyguard lying beside me.
35
I woke up the next morning convinced that in order to save myself I would have to expose a few people. They would get a slap on the wrist, but I would take a big fall if I decided to accept the charges. I tried Thorne’s cell phone and the number had been changed. I called him at work and he picked up.
“Thorne, I’m sure you know but I’m in big trouble.”
“I’m not exactly sure who I’m speaking with.”
“It’s London.”
“I’m sorry; I don’t know anyone by that name.”
Of all the events in the past twenty-four hours, that hurt the most. Thorne acted as if he didn’t know me. He was the only person I had truly trusted. I didn’t know if Ramon’s advice was right, but I had known that Thorne would lead me in the right direction. Instead he pretended I was a stranger.
I was stunned, and the last seven years of my life flashed before my eyes. I couldn’t believe he’d lured me into this and could just hang me out to dry. I knew he had to protect himself, but his voice was so cold and crushing that I felt like nothing. It felt like all I’d ever been to him was a dumbass hooker. My eyes filled with tears and I tried to fight back the emotion. I bit my lips to restrain the pain that was dying to spill out. When I could no longer resist, I yelled loudly and finally broke down into tears. I screamed, “I hate you!”
Ramon ran out of the bathroom. “What happened?”
“I just called Thorne and when I said ‘This is London’ he said, ‘Sorry, I don’t know anyone by that name.’ ”
Ramon tried to hug me and I pounded on his chest. I had to release my anguish on someone and he just let me. I’m sure that my punches didn’t faze him, though. I yelled, “Why me?”
All my anger was directed at Thorne. I felt used, abused, and led astray.
“You’re in the type of industry where no one can be trusted. No one is going to step up and claim to know you.”
When he said that, a weird chill ran up my spine. I began to wonder if he could be trusted. I just wanted to run away. I looked at him. “Will you claim to know me?”
“Of course I will, but I can’t confirm or deny anything about your business. I really don’t know anything.”
Who was I really protecting? Not one of those men would protect me. I didn’t want to go to jail, especially for a group of people who didn’t give a damn about me. I went into the bathroom and slammed the door. I called the agent and said, “I’m ready to talk.”
I called my attorney, gave him the rundown, and asked him to meet me at the FBI office. When the investigator came into the interviewing room he had a smirk like he knew that I would eventually talk. I was fine with that but I wasn’t talking unless I knew it was worth it to me.
I said, “I’ve gotten a lot of death threats.”
“Understandably so.”
My attorney spoke. “What’s the deal if she talks?”
The agent said, “Five years’ probation.”
“What about protection?”
“We can offer witness protection.”
“For how long?”
“A year or as long as she needs it.”
“Are you telling me that I may have to live with an alias for the rest of my life?” I asked.
My attorney said, “It’s possible.”
I wasn’t sure what was worse. Didn’t know if it was wiser just to see what kind of sentence I would get or live in fear for the rest of my life. I wondered if Ramon planned to be by my side through all of this. There were so many what-ifs circulating through my mind.
My attorney said, “So is there anyone in particular you want?”
“No, we just want to know who her clients are.”
“So you are asking me to admit that I even have clients.”
“Look, Ms. Reed. We know you have clients.”
“Because of Ervin Calhoun. That doesn’t mean anything. I hooked him up with a friend.”
He laughed. “Ms. Reed, the evidence from the Ervin Calhoun case is pretty incriminating.”
My attorney said, “Tell us what you have.”
The agent stood up. “I’ll be right back.”
He left the room and I couldn’t imagine what he could have. I wondered if Taina had sent them some evidence, because she had gone a lot more quietly than I had expected. Here we were a year later dealing with this bullshit.
The agent came back in the room and popped a CD into his laptop. It was my voice talking to Taina. We were in her apartment and I was explaining to her that men who pay for sex aren’t going to make you their woman. I explained that Ervin Calhoun had threatened me and it was my responsibility to protect the girls who worked for me. I took a phone call in the middle of the conversation with Taina. I arranged a hookup. My entire body was trembling. It had to be Taina. She was the only one there that night. I said, “Where did you get this?”
“An undisclosed source tried to sell this information to a tabloid last year, but Calhoun wasn’t in the position he is in at that time. They tried again when Calhoun got the job, and there was a bidding war. They got off with a lot of money.”
“And how did you get it?”
“The Internet, where we get most of our evidence nowadays.”
“You can’t believe everything on the Internet.”
“Voice recognition. Are you telling me this isn’t you?”
“No. It’s not me.”
He showed me pictures of me walking out of Taina’s place carrying her bags. “So is this not you too?”
My chest caved in. Since all this had been leaked, a piece of me had assumed it was Taina, but if she was in the pictures, who had taken them? My head was pounding. Ramon had been around through that whole situation, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe that he was a part of this. I tried to focus my attention on what the detective was talking about but still I couldn
’t help wondering who had sold this evidence. Thorne couldn’t have done it because it could take him down too.
My attorney looked at me and whispered, “We should take the deal.”
I didn’t know what to do, but I wasn’t ready to talk. At least not yet. I wanted someone’s advice and not just Ramon’s. I wasn’t sure about him either. The detective said the offer wouldn’t be on the table long.
“How long do I have?”
“Maybe until the end of the week. That’s if I’m in a good mood.”
“I hope you are. And one more thing, how can I protect my business?”
“I don’t know, that’s something you’ll have to figure out.”
My attorney and I left the building. We spoke outside about the next steps and he inferred that it would be in my best interest to tell everything. My stomach was in knots because I really didn’t want to do it. I stood there after my attorney pulled off, staring aimlessly, thinking no one understood. Finally, I got in the car with Ramon. He put his hand on my thigh and I pushed it away. He said, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just not in the mood.”
I called the manager on duty at Unleashed. “How are things there?”
She said, “Pretty hectic. We’re getting a lot of calls. There are no dogs here today. We’ve been getting threats.”
“Why don’t you lock up and go home?”
“How are you?” She spoke with such empathy.
“I’m holding up.”
“You’re strong. You’ll come out of this even stronger.”
“Thank you, Bethany.”
“Whatever you need, I’m here.”
“I’m not sure what’s going to happen with the hotel now that all of this is going on. Hopefully we can ride the wave.”
“I hope so. I really like working for you.”
She had been one of those to answer my ad on Craigslist. When I saw how frumpy she was I knew she could never work in the business. So I hired her to do what the job specified.
“And I really like you. I may have to sell the hotel. I’m not sure, but go ahead and close up. Let the other employees know that we’re going to be closed for the next seven days. That should be enough time for the dust to settle.”
“I hope so.”
I prayed so, but I knew better. I knew this was much larger than that. Ramon looked at me. “Where to?”
“Back to the hotel.”
“So what did you tell them?”
“I didn’t tell them anything. I needed to see what they could offer me. They are asking for my entire phone book and I just don’t know if it’s worth it.”
“It’s not worth your freedom?”
“My freedom at what cost?” I snapped.
“Look, I’m just saying…”
I heard my mother’s voice. Women always have to sacrifice. I didn’t know if this sacrifice made sense. I wanted to be sure that I didn’t hurt anyone else the way I’d been hurt. I called Kari because I knew she was concerned. I didn’t want to involve her, but I needed to hear her voice. She was the only person I knew without a doubt I could trust.
“Hey, Kari.”
“London… honey. What’s going on?”
“I lied to you when I told you I was out of the business.”
“London, I know. What’s going on? How did all of this come out?”
“I don’t know, Kari. I should have listened to you.”
“Not now, Lon. Don’t beat yourself up.”
Kari always had a way of finding the words to make me want to cry. Water welled in my eyes and I sniffed.
“Remember, you’re the strongest person I know, London.”
“Thank you, Kari, I love you. I will have someone keep you posted.”
“Where’s Ramon?”
I took a deep breath. I couldn’t utter the words that I no longer trusted him. Kari got my drift.
“Okay, London. I’ll be waiting by the phone.”
When we got back to the hotel I began looking up the biographies of my clients. I wanted to be sure that I gave only the names of men whose livelihoods wouldn’t be very affected. I wanted to stay away from politicians.
I copied and pasted names into a text file of those that I would reveal. Ramon checked on me from time to time to see how many names I had. I would cover the list up when he came over. I wasn’t sure I wanted anyone to know what I was doing.
I logged into Ramon’s bank account and queried the account for the month I initially hired him. I pulled up another window to check my e-mail account for the itinerary to England so I could confirm the exact dates. He had deposited twenty thousand dollars on the day we returned. I looked over at him resting on the king-sized bed. I didn’t want to accuse him. I wanted to give him the opportunity to tell me the truth. I said, “Ramon, is there anything you want to tell me?”
He sat up. “Like what, London?”
“Were you the one who sent those pictures and tapes to the magazine?”
He looked through me. I wanted to yell and scream and choke him, but I was numb. “You deposited twenty thousand dollars into your account around that time.”
He still didn’t say anything. I looked at him. “Tell me you didn’t sell me out for twenty thousand dollars. I would have given you forty thousand to keep your damn mouth closed.”
“London, I didn’t sell anything to a magazine.” He took a deep breath and hung his head. “Thorne…”
The moment he said Thorne’s name I felt numb. He continued to speak, but I felt like his words were distorted. “He told me to capture everything from the second I met you to the time we got Taina on the plane. He said he needed all the evidence in case someone tried to link you or him to the situation. That way, he could edit it and make it look like whatever he needed if something came up.” Ramon shook his head and wiped his face. Breathing deeply, he continued, “We’ve done things like this before in other situations. That’s how Thorne has stayed in the business so long without getting caught.”
I closed my eyes, trying to absorb what he was saying. I couldn’t imagine that all of this was coming from a person who was supposed to love me. I was nauseous. I was too shocked to respond. He stood in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. I pushed him away from me.
“You’re telling me that you’ve given him pictures before? Why didn’t you think it was important to tell me if it was that innocent?”
“Thorne and I had been doing business long before I met you and he never gave me any reason to believe that he would do something like this.
“I’m sorry, London. If I would have known, I would have never given them to him.”
I began to heave. I wanted to burst with anger, but I couldn’t speak. Ramon was too smart not to have known what Thorne’s plans were. I blamed him as much as I blamed Thorne. I couldn’t imagine that he could know he’d done this and lie in bed with me every night. I couldn’t believe that his conscience didn’t bother him. I walked toward the bathroom. I stood there, thinking I would vomit, but I couldn’t.
I imagined it would be easier for him if I were yelling and screaming and crying, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of my tears. I walked out of the bathroom.
“Ramon, I want you to go. I don’t care where you go. I just want you gone. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
“London, how was I supposed to know? I would have never done this to anyone. I trusted Thorne too. He told me that he needed those pictures to protect us.”
“Ramon, I don’t know what to think. Why wouldn’t you tell me about this as soon as the story broke?”
“I was afraid you’d respond like you are now.”
“Just go. You’re in the same boat with Thorne.”
He backed away from me. “London, I’m sorry.”
“Please go. Leave my keys.”
I walked back to the desk and got on the computer. He got his stuff and slowly took my keys from his ring. I didn’t look up at him. I want
ed him to leave because I didn’t want him to see me break down. When the door closed, tears poured from my eyes. I didn’t have anyone. I never thought I would say this, but I wanted my mother. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me it would be okay.
I called her. “Hello.”
“London, are you okay?”
“Not really.”
“Do you want to come see me?”
I began to cry. “I’m not sure if I can.”
“Where are you? I’m coming to you.”
“I’m in Baltimore.” I paused. “I’m scared.”
“I know you are, but I’ll be on the next plane.”
36
My mother arrived at BWI at around three in the morning and I told her to catch a taxi because I was afraid to leave the hotel. I hurt deep in my soul thinking about Thorne, thinking about how a person could be so deceitful. Considering he’d sold all the evidence, I knew he had covered his ass. He always outsmarted the next man. I hoped he would burn in hell.
I heard a tap on the door and I peeked out before opening it. My mother walked in and held me. She said, “I’m sorry, honey.”
“It’s okay.”
“I should have been a better mother.”
“That had nothing to do with it. Don’t blame yourself.”
“I mean, why would you ever think about being a prostitute? It must have been something I did.”
“Ma, not now.”
I sat on the couch and she sat beside me. “You’re right, London. Let’s talk about the next step. Going over and over what’s happened already isn’t going to help you.”
“I just need you to hold me.”
Her eyes blinked. This type of affection was too much for her. She leaned in for one of her standoff superficial hugs. I said, “Hold me, Mom. Hold me tightly.”
She did the best she could and we sat up to discuss how we would make our relationship better going forward. It was weird because, in my moment of humility, I could see so much of myself in her. My mother was a boss and although she hated my career of choice, that’s why I had never wanted to work for anyone. She was anal and organized and I had adopted those traits.
