Tia sputtered as she drowned in sweatshirt, seeing no way out but to push her hands through the sleeves and her head up toward the neck hole. Eli’s grinning face greeted her on the other side. His big hand circled her neck and pulled her hair free of the fabric.
“Looks good on you.”
Tia looked down at herself, swimming in the gigantic piece of clothing. And then she looked back at him, utterly baffled. “I’m wearing your high school football sweatshirt.”
It was something she had only dreamt about in high school. To be the girl who wore Eli’s sweatshirt. As far as she knew—and she’d paid attention—he’d never given it to anyone to wear. In the teenage language of love, to wear someone’s sweatshirt meant that you were very serious about them. It was a public declaration.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Because I have a crush on you.”
Tia’s brow pulled as he turned back to the sandwiches sizzling in the pan. He flipped them onto a plate and dumped the soup into a big bowl.
He carried everything to the kitchen table, grabbed some silverware and napkins and cups. “Will you grab whatever juice you want?”
Tia hopped down from the counter and pulled open the fridge door. Her insides melted when she saw again how many bottles of juice he’d bought for her. She selected the sparkling apple juice and brought it over to the table.
She slid into her chair and stared down at the food. A perfectly golden grilled cheese in front of her and then a huge bowl of minestrone between them. She supposed he expected them to share. Tia bit her lip and watched him pour her a glass of the juice.
“You don’t look happy, Tia.” Eli’s voice was half amused, half concerned.
“I guess I’m just a little confused. I didn’t really expect this to happen.”
“What do you mean?” He nudged her sandwich toward her and she took a grateful bite.
“This is confusing. I thought I knew what I was dealing with here. With you. But you keep flipping the script. And you didn’t try to sleep with me when we were making out on the couch. But also sitting here in my pajamas, after I’ve slept over at your house, it feels like the morning after. And now I’m wearing your sweatshirt and you’re telling me you have a crush on me.”
“I do.”
“Yeah. I just—” She waved her hand in the air. “It’s a lot to take in.”
Eli leaned back and considered her. He really didn’t like the way she’d been thinking of him. “Tia, if you thought of me as such a relentless player, that I’d try to sleep with you the second I kissed you, then why did you even come over here this morning?”
She shrugged, took another bite of her sandwich. “I wanted to just kiss you so that I knew what it was like and I could move on.”
“Ah. Crush redemption?”
“Something like that.”
Eli nudged the bowl of soup toward her. “What if I don’t want you to move on from your crush?”
Tia sighed. He was just such a smooth talker. His creased smile and his friendly eyes made it so easy to want to believe him. But Tia knew his past. She knew his history with women. He didn’t have such a track record by not being persuasive and endearing. She had no idea how many other women he’d said things like this to. And honestly, the quantity didn’t matter to her. It was the idea that this was all a game to him. Just a way to get her naked.
“I don’t know how to do this.” She dropped her sandwich and made herself look at him.
“Do what?”
“Talk to a famous, lady-killing quarterback about romance and crushes and making out. It’s all too much for me. You’re so far above me, Eli, we’re not even playing the same sport here. “
Eli leaned back in his seat and eyed her for a moment. It was one of the first times she could ever remember seeing him look just plain sad.
He cast around in his mind for the right way to explain it. He knew that, sharp as she was, evasions were only going to go down in the record books as game playing. Alright. He’d leave it all on the field then.
“I thought I was gonna die, Tia.”
Her silver eyes darkened and her hand slid across the table to his.
He cleared his throat. “I was pinned under her car, dragged for what felt like an eternity. And this little old lady was crying over me. I could hear the sirens in the distance, but I thought I was going to die. And then I woke up. In more pain than I could remember ever feeling—and I play pro football so that’s saying something. And somebody saved my life. And it was you.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone more beautiful than you were in your lab coat with your shiny hair and serious, calm face. Maybe it was hero worship at first. But I couldn’t help it. You made me feel safe.” He squeezed her hand. “Like I wasn’t going to die as long as you were there. You just looked so competent. And I wanted you around. I wanted you by me. And then you were so cute with your peanut butter sandwich in your office and still so teeth-achingly pretty. And, I don’t know, how can you explain a crush? You just do it for me. You have great hands. Like a queen’s.” He held one up and examined it for a second. Before his smile curled up and he was staring in her eyes again. “And all these different colored glasses. And you looked so, so good in those heels last night. And the way you smell makes my stomach flip.
“And then to find out that you had a crush on me in high school… Well, it just makes me want to do a bunch of stuff we could have done back then if we’d been on the same page. Like make out on a couch. Or watch a movie. Or go for a walk. I’m not trying to do anything other than be close to you. And feel the way I feel. And see what happens next.”
Oh crap. Royal crap. This was so bad. Tia wished she could snap her fingers and make herself go invisible for just a second. She needed a minute to just close her eyes and weather the storm of emotions that he’d just kicked up inside her. Her heart was racing and her palms were sweating. He kept pulling the rug out from under her. She hadn’t expected him to go and be all blisteringly honest with her. Yet, here they were. All his feelings laid out in front of her. And here she was, considering jumping into whatever the hell this was.
And that was such a bad idea. Because he was just going to see what happened next. But Tia already knew what was going to happen next. She’d catch feelings for him. Even stronger than she already had. And he would either lose interest when he realized she wasn’t going to sleep with him, or he’d keep dating her while also dating someone who would sleep with him. She wasn’t sure she could handle either outcome.
“I’m not going to sleep with you,” she blurted out and then instantly covered her face in her hands.
Eli chuckled and nudged the soup toward her again. “Fair enough.” He cleared his throat. “May I ask why?”
Tia lowered her hands and fiddled with her sandwich. Part of her wanted to tell him the truth. It would certainly make it so he didn’t have a crush on her anymore. And then she could just get on with her life, Eli-free and complication-free. But she just couldn’t bring herself to tell him that she was bad at sex. So she went for a half truth. “I’m still dealing with a break up from last year. And I just can’t have that kind of complication right now.”
“You still love him?”
Tia’s eyes, silver-bright with surprise, shot up to his. “No. It’s just that he—”
“Left a mark,” Eli supplied, taking a drink of his juice. “And you’re still moving on from it.”
She took a bite of the soup and then dragged the bowl toward her when she realized how good it was. She missed Eli’s smile. “More or less.”
“Fair enough,” he repeated. Eli paused, considered his words for a minute. “I can’t sleep with you. But can I flirt with you? Kiss you? Eat food and take you on dates and stuff?”
Tia’s face pulled into a look of vague suspicion as she tried to figure out the meaning behind his words. “As long as it doesn’t get in the way of my work or my time with my family.”
Suddenly Eli felt like standing up and doin
g a touchdown dance. But he refrained, thinking of his ribs. “I’ll take it. So. Diehard, The Notebook, or Love and Basketball?”
“What?”
“For our movie date tonight. Which one do you want to watch?”
And that’s how, twenty minutes later, Tia found herself holding hands with Elijah Bird, under a blanket, watching a movie. Like they were in high school again.
CHAPTER SEVEN
A week later, Eli reclined in a little beach chair and screwed his thermos of coffee into the sand next to him. The grass on the dune behind him shivered in the morning breeze. The sun was just rising over the water in front of him and a mist clung to the ocean. Part of him was jealous of his two best friends in wet suits, bobbing up and down on the rolling water. But the other part of him had to admit that even the walk on the beach had him winded. He was a long way from surfing.
He did miss it though. It was something that he, Marcus and Jay had done together since childhood. Jay was the best of the three of them. He’d even considered going pro before he’d been caught in the hurricane a few years ago. His leg had been deeply injured and though he was fully recovered, something had changed in his spirit. He had a different respect for Mother Nature, he said. He didn’t want to commodify his connection to it. Surfing was personal. Not professional.
Damn shame though, Eli thought as he watched Jay catch a wave. The man was like a dolphin on the water, streamlined and sharp, yet somehow graceful and playful at the same time. Marcus caught the next wave in the set and Eli grinned as he almost immediately bit it, plunging face first into the water and bobbing up for air a few seconds later.
Built like a tank and dense as hell, Marcus didn’t have the ideal body shape for surfing. But he was determined and a skilled athlete. So he often did pretty well out on the water. He was just overambitious.
The waves crashed against the rocks at the shoreline and something in the noise had Eli wincing. The horrible, cacophonous volume had him thinking of the sound the car had made when it had run over him. The helmet had protected him, but it had also made a hell of a racket when he’d been dragged against the street. At first, Eli hadn’t been sure of whether or not he’d been conscious during the accident. But he was remembering more and more about the accident. And he didn’t like it that way.
Eli shook his head free of those heavy thoughts and laughed as Marcus came tromping out of the water a few minutes later, his board under one arm and shaking water out of his ear as he unzipped his wetsuit.
“Damn,” Marcus grumbled, grabbing a towel out of the bag next to Eli and scraping water off of himself. “Waves are bigger than they look out there.”
“Really? Because they look pretty fucking big. That last set almost shook Jay loose.”
“In that case I don’t feel quite so bad.” Marcus skinned out of the wetsuit and yanked on some sweats and a sweatshirt. It was chilly out. Steam rose off his body in the cool air and Eli was insanely jealous.
“God, I’m so fucking sick of being laid up. I just wanna be out there,” he grumbled, nodding toward the water. “Or on the field. Fuck. I’d settle for a treadmill.”
Marcus unfolded another beach chair and sat down next to Eli to watch Jay for a little while. “You’re getting there, man. It’s what, four weeks out from surgery? Only two more weeks until you get the go ahead to start back in on physical stuff, right?”
“Yeah.” But it felt like an eternity. “I just feel like I’m going out of my skin.”
“The lovely Dr. Camellia can’t help you out with that? Use her feminine wiles to tame the beast?”
“We’re not sleeping together.”
Marcus paused, his own thermos of coffee halfway to his lips. “I’m sorry? I must have misheard you.”
“Don’t be a dick. You heard me.” Eli glared out at the gorgeous ocean, peachy in the early morning light. The sun was burning off some of the mist and soon the golden surfing hour would be over, Jay would pack it up and swim in.
“But I thought you said she agreed to date you.”
Eli squinted. “I did. She did. Said I could take her out sometimes. We made out, snuggled up while we watched a movie, but we aren’t sleeping together.”
Marcus eyed him. “Oh.”
“Oh, come on, man. Don’t say oh in that tone.”
“What tone?”
“Your skeptical, FBI agent, gathering information tone. I’m telling you the truth. We haven’t slept together. I like this girl. We’re taking things slow. Seeing where it goes.”
“Okay.” Marcus turned his attention back to the ocean as well, knowing he’d annoy Eli if he kept staring at him. But he couldn’t hide his surprise. “I guess I’m just a little thrown because I can’t remember the last time you liked a girl and waited to sleep with her.”
Eli opened his mouth, looking like he was about to argue, but he snapped it closed. “Am I really that bad?”
Marcus extended his feet out in front of him, leaned his head back and checked out the clouds racing across the sky, all shades of orange in the rising sun. As an FBI agent, he didn’t get a lot of moments like this, maybe one or two a month. And he deeply treasured them. Just like he deeply treasured his friendships. His was a lonely career, one that had him working all hours, on call at any given moment, and seeing the worst in humanity. He was deeply grateful for Jay and Eli. For their place in his life. They were his best friends, they were his family. And he would never do anything to jeopardize his relationships with them. Which was why he told the truth now.
“Yeah man. You’ve been kind of a dog these last few years. Since your knee injury.” And since the doctors found what they did because of the knee injury. He didn’t add the last part. They both knew what he was talking about without bringing those words into their cool, spring morning. “Different girl every week, the old ones still hanging around, hoping to score whatever scraps you’ll throw their way.”
Eli traced a hand over his face. “That makes it sound so gross. It didn’t feel that way. I’ve just been looking for… I don’t know. Relief from reality. Moments of happiness.”
“Yeah, but you’ve been looking for that shit at NFL parties. Don’t be surprised if you catch a fish when you go fishing.”
“What?”
“I mean,” Marcus started as he took a sip of his coffee. “What you’re describing, happiness, relief, that’s a deer. You’re looking for a deer. But you’ve been fishing.”
“You’re saying that Tia’s a deer in this metaphor?”
“I don’t know. She could be. She’s cool. And smart. And isn’t after your money or your fame. So points, you know? Whatever she is, I’m just glad you’re not fishing anymore. That shit was depressing.”
It didn’t necessarily feel good to hear that kind of truth from his friend, but Eli was smart enough to appreciate the perspective. “You could stand a little fishing yourself, you know. What’s it been, six months since you’ve been with somebody?”
“Fuck you.” Marcus reclined his head back and closed his eyes. “I’m a man of discerning tastes.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Jay asked as he tromped up the beach, stuck his board in the sand.
“Marcus is trying to justify why he doesn’t get tail.”
“I get tail,” Marcus said, his eyes still closed. “One: Unlike you two, I have a real job with real demands. And two: It’s not every woman who can handle this.”
“Handle what?” Jay asked, roughly toweling his dark blond hair and unzipping his wetsuit. “Your prodigious belly flopping skills?” He pointed back to the sets of rolling waves behind them.
Marcus’s eyes popped open as Eli snorted into his coffee. Marcus waved two middle fingers at both of them and sipped his coffee.
Eli knew that he and Jay were just teasing. But he also wondered if there was some kind of truth in Marcus’s silly words. Did Marcus think that he was really too much for a woman to handle? He’d definitely been pulling back from girls recently. What was that al
l about?
Marcus was a complicated guy. His parents were complete dicks. His dad was an abusive hard ass who’d done everything he could to turn Marcus into a mini version of himself. And his mother was like a glass of water. Just absolutely nothing. No substance. No flavor. Nothing. She stood by for years while Marcus’s dad pounded away at him.
It was one of the reasons that Marcus and Jay and Eli were all so close. Growing up, Marcus had taken every chance he could to get the hell out of his house and to stay with one of the two of them. After Eli’s mom had died and Jay’s dad had split, the three of them along with Ryan and Kat had become a kind of cobbled together family.
And as family, Eli was close enough to Marcus to know that he didn’t always have the most accurate image of himself. He often viewed himself as damaged or hardened because of what he’d gone through growing up. But Eli knew that wasn’t true.
Eli eyed his friends for a second. All three of them had their shit. Reasons why they were 34 and yet to settle down with anybody.
“God,” Jay said, flopping down on a towel and propping his head up to watch the reflection of the rising sun on the water. “Would you look at that?”
The fog continued to burn off in wispy, romantic strips. The three men looked out across the beach. Each happy to be together, and each chewing through their own sets of issues.
***
“Forceps, please,” Tia said as she held her hand out to the surgical tech beside her. “Lancet, too.”
She pulled back the thin layer of tissue on the patient’s arm and made a small, exacting cut with the lancet. She handed back the forceps. “How are you hanging in there, Carissa?” Tia asked the surgical tech.
This surgery had gone on for two hours already and they were looking at several hours more. She didn’t envy the surgical techs at all. Sure, Tia’s job was higher pressure and required more skill, but the surgical techs had to be on their feet and perfectly still for the entire surgery. Their arms had to be raised in the exact, perfect way or else they had to leave and scrub back in. At least Tia was allowed to move.
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