One of his fingers brushed over her lips when he said her name. “I can’t believe it says Tia Camellia,” he whispered. “All these years I’ve wondered and wondered at that horribly scratched signature. I about went crazy over it. And all this time it was you.”
Tia knew that she should say something. Anything right now. But she found that she absolutely couldn’t. There was cotton in her throat. She swallowed against the feeling again and again. “Eli,” she whispered. It was the best she could do.
Suddenly Eli unhanded her and slipped the note from her fingers, tracing his thumb over the messy signature. He carefully folded the note back up and slid it behind his driver’s license.
And then he turned to her, his chest heaving as the morning light cut shadows across his abs, his shoulders. His eyes were dark and bright at the same time, his hair mussed and his basketball shorts rode low on his hips.
Tia stood completely still, like an owl on a branch, as Eli chucked the wallet to one side and lunged forward. He picked her up, seemingly effortlessly and her legs went automatically around his waist.
They were eye level with one another from the way he held her and he didn’t tear his eyes from hers as he strode through his house toward his bedroom.
Tia was trembling, shocked and pinned and totally unsure what to make of all this. He was reacting so strongly, so viscerally. She hadn’t thought at the time that he would even care when he read that note.
“I didn’t think it would be cruel to scribble my signature.” She bit her lip.
“Cruel? It wasn’t cruel. It drove me nuts, but nothing about that note was cruel, Tia.” He got to the bedroom and almost tossed her down on the bed. Again, he paced in front of her while she drew her knees up. Eli tore a hand through his hair.
“That note wrecked me when I found it in my yearbook. It was so similar to something that my mom used to say to me. She used to call me firefly because she said I lit up like one. That I made my own light.”
Tia sucked in a breath.
“And then to read it in a note like that. One that was so loving. So sweet. God, it was almost like having my mom speak to me through a stranger. It made me cry the first time I read it. And I had to keep it with me. To know that there was someone out there who felt that way about me. Who loved me. Who saw my light. God.” For a second Eli crouched down onto the balls of his feet and laced his fingers over the back of his head. “I convinced myself that it didn’t matter that I didn’t know who wrote it. That the important part was just that somebody out there felt that way. But it did matter. It does matter. It was you, Tia.”
He rose now, slowly, and Tia thought again, helplessly, of a jungle cat. His eyes flashed and melted at once. Gold, bright and searing.
“It was you, Tia,” he repeated. “Do you even know how many times you’ve told me you love me through that note? How many times you wrote me that word? Thousands. You’ve told me you loved me for sixteen years. Over and over I read that note, just to hear you tell me that you love me.”
He took two quick steps toward the bed and crawled forward so that Tia was underneath him again, caged. He breathed hard and looked all across her face, like he was trying to memorize her, like he could barely believe she was there. “It’s gonna take me a long time to catch up to that, Tia.”
What? Was he saying what she thought he was saying?
“So, I might as well start now,” he said in a voice so deep her fingers curled into the sheets. “I love you. Tia, I love you. I’m so in love with you that I’m lost in it. All my old internal compasses don’t fucking work anymore, because they all point to you. I love you.” He dropped his head and slid his lips over hers, instantly hot and warm and melting. Tia knew she was being branded. And not by him. But by her own heart. “I love you,” he whispered feverishly against her. “I love you.”
Tia arched into the words, felt something crack all around her. It was a cocoon, one she’d hidden in for almost her entire life. Eli’s mouth went to her throat, hot and melting her from the outside in. The world was hot and bright and Tia knew that she was just moments away from an entirely new life. That if she took this step outside of herself, there was no going back. Eli was changing her, each desperate I love you he planted on the skin of her collarbones, over her sensitive, arching breasts.
He shouldered her knees apart and fell on her with his mouth. He devoured her, swallowed her whole. She almost didn’t recognize the man between her legs. All his smooth, effortless demeanor was gone. He was incensed, on fire, jerky with the desperate need to show her, to make her believe.
When the first spearing tendrils of pleasure rolled through her body, Tia knew that she wasn’t turning back. She could pull back and recede back into that cocoon, but she wouldn’t do it. Not now that she knew what waited for her outside of it.
Eli.
He was a part of this terrifying new world. And she was going to be exactly where he was. Tia grabbed Eli by the hair and yanked him up from her.
“I love you,” he gasped, as she used all her weight to flip them over. She hovered over top of him for a second before she sunk down over him, taking him inside of her, and meeting him in the bright, bright world of love.
Their mouths were fused and gasping as they gripped and slipped against one another. She was dimly aware that they were moving the bed, inching it across the floor. She was dimly away that they were destroying one another, and creating something new in the process. She was dimly aware that there was no getting out of this alive.
When she couldn’t hold out any longer, when she knew that she was going over the edge no matter what, all Tia could do was whisper one word into his mouth.
“Eli,” she whispered. “Eli.”
And that was enough to tumble him over the edge along with her. The two of them, clinging and straining, plunged together, over a waterfall, into the abyss, into the world.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Tia stared at the tabloid propped against her office door. It had been a long, stressful night of surgery and she had to blink her eyes a few times to even clear her double vision. It took longer to realize that the face on the cover was, in fact, her face. And the words printed across the bottom were about her.
Hypocritical Oath: Inside the salacious story of Elijah Bird’s steamy affair with his surgeon.
Tia felt the bile rise in her throat as she snatched the tabloid off the floor of the hall and locked herself in her office. She shouldn’t be doing this, she knew. She should be getting in her car and driving home to rest. She certainly shouldn’t be reading any of this drivel. And she knew that Owen was likely the person who’d left this tabloid for her. Intentionally to hurt her.
Well, it worked.
Tia sat at the chair under the window in her office and drowned in every horrible word about her.
She had one hand over her mouth as she read about their “love affair” in high school even though they’d run in different crowds. She read about their “horrible break up before college” that she had “never gotten over.” She read about how she’d violated the Hippocratic Oath by sleeping with him while he was still her patient.
Tia felt the world rushing up to meet her. Her hands shook as she watched her reputation go up in smoke. She knew that she hadn’t done anything wrong. She knew she wouldn’t be fired for this. But as a female surgeon, she had to be ten times better, more discreet, and more polished than any man. She knew that it wouldn’t take much for her career to go down in flames. And this was a hell of a lot more than much.
Horrified and hypnotized by the article, she couldn’t help but flip the pages. She was brought up short by two full pages of faces. Beautiful faces. Women who’d been connected to Eli at some point or another in the past.
Models, actresses, cheerleaders, singers. Oh god. And each of them prettier than the last. All of them dripping in raw sex appeal. Tia’s picture was plastered in the middle of them. It was the photo from her ID badge at the hospital. Her face was makeup
-less and serious. She looked plain and boring compared to each of the dozens of glamour shots that were scattered on the pages.
What does she have that these women don’t? The tagline over Tia’s face read.
Tia stared at it, uncomprehending. In those moments, all Tia could think was, nothing, absolutely nothing.
***
Eli slapped a dishtowel over his shoulder and uncorked a bottle of wine. He lit three candles and scattered them around on the dining room table in his dad’s house. The oven dinged and Eli dashed back into the kitchen to pull the casserole out. There was just the salad to do and then everything would be perfect.
Tia was going to be there in less than twenty minutes and he wanted everything to go smoothly for her dinner with his dad. They’d met before, but never outside of the hospital, and Eli just wanted her to be comfortable and relaxed.
“Wow,” Ryan’s voice sounded from behind his shoulder. “You must really like her, huh?”
He’d never met anyone his son was dating before and that was clue enough. But he’d also never seen his son fiddle around with the placement of wine glasses on a table before. And that was tantamount to a wedding invitation in Ryan’s mind. Ryan liked Tia. She’d saved his son’s life, for god sakes. And he wondered if he was about to sit down to dinner with his future daughter-in-law.
Eli turned. “Yeah. I do. I really do.”
There was a blunt, stubborn, confused look in Eli’s eye. Like he’d been sideswiped by his feelings. Like they’d come from nowhere. Ryan could relate to that feeling. It’s how he felt about his wife when he’d met her.
“You look like I did about 40 years ago,” Ryan commented, coming all the way into the kitchen and pulling a loaf of bread out of the bread basket, started cutting it into chunks.
“What do you mean?” Eli cocked his head and stole one of the slices of bread.
“I mean that you look just about as blindsided as I did when I met your mother.”
Eli’s face pulled into a surprised smile. “You mean that I look like I’m in love?”
Ryan looked up. Eyed his son. “You said it, not me.”
Eli shrugged. “So what if I meant it?”
Now Ryan put the knife fully down and turned to stare at his son. “You’re telling me that you’re in love?”
“Yeah.”
Tears sprang to Ryan’s eyes as he cuffed his son into a hug. He was shorter than Eli. Had been since the kid had turned fifteen and broken six feet. But still, he surrounded his grinning kid in a tight hug that had tears springing to both of their eyes.
Ryan slapped Eli’s back and stepped back. “You’re gonna get married?”
Eli gulped, his eyes growing comically large. “I, uh, hadn’t thought about it yet, I guess.” He scraped a hand over his hair. “I’m still trying to figure out how to have a girlfriend while I’m traveling all season.”
Ryan nodded. “Lot of things to figure out, I suppose. So you’re gonna play, then?” He wasn’t sure if he was excited or disappointed. Watching Eli play football was one of the greatest joys in his life. Watching Eli play professional football was one of the most terrifying things in Ryan’s life. Every second was filled with the fear of concussions, injuries, national shame or humiliation. He wanted Eli to have everything he wanted. But part of him really wished that what Eli wanted was to retire.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I’m up to it yet.”
“I thought you said you were feeling tip top?”
“Well, I do. I’ve been training with the team and that’s been great. I’m still going to PT. And he says it’s pretty much like I was never even in the accident. I’m fit. It’s not that.”
“Ah,” Ryan said as he poured himself a small glass of wine. “It’s mental then?”
Eli shrugged, knowing that his father was probably one of two people in the entire world he’d tell about this. “I’m not sure if I’m psyching myself out, or if part of me is over it. You know? I’ve got a Superbowl ring. And I’ve been battered to hell in the process. I beat cancer and then got hit by a car. It’s been a hell of a few years. And I wonder how much more excitement I really need. Do I need to be puking up my breakfast before I play on national television? I don’t know.”
“Makes sense.” Ryan’s heart leapt. “So you’d retire and… what?”
“Yeah, that’s the part that I get caught up on. It doesn’t feel like the right time to retire either. What would I do? My identity is all wrapped up in being a pro quarterback. And I’m not sure I’m ready to give that up. And I definitely have a few more seasons at my peak, if I don’t get injured again, that is.”
“Well, retiring seems less lonely if you’ve got a woman to share it with.”
“That’s the truth,” Eli sighed and poured himself an inch of wine as well. “And that’s a whole other part of it. Do I really want to put Tia through the whole NFL life? The stress of it? The scrutiny? She doesn’t want to be in the public eye. And the cat’s already out of the bag that we’re dating. If I play, it’s just gonna get worse for her. Not to mention how hard it would be to see each other during the season. What with her schedule and mine. And then there’s the whole party scene and all that.”
Ryan raised one eyebrow that said it all. “Would she have to worry about that?”
“No, of course not. You know I’d be faithful.” Eli cuffed his dad on the shoulder. “I was built that way.”
Ryan quirked a little smile, relieved that he’d passed that particular gene onto his son. “But you think it would be hard on her anyways?”
“Yeah, I mean, who could possibly deal with all that without flinching?”
“Sure,” Ryan said as he tossed the cut bread into a large bowl and rinsed his hands off at the sink. “But there’s no such thing as a relationship without flinching. Nobody comes without baggage.”
“Yeah but mine is on national television and in the check out aisle at the grocery store.” Eli raked a hand through his hair. “And it’s kind of a lot of baggage.”
Ryan raised another eyebrow and said something entirely different than the first time he had. It was a particular skill that he had. Eli had his smile, Ryan had his eyebrows. “I’ve noticed.”
Eli gave a sheepish smile. “Apparently everybody noticed and nobody pulled me aside to tell me what a fucking idiot I was being.”
“You pass the age of 30, it becomes your own job to figure out when you’re being an idiot.”
Eli grinned now, big and true. “Fair enough.” He paused. “But I don’t want to be an idiot anymore. I wanna be steady, reliable. Somebody she can lean on. Without having to get smacked in the face with all my baggage whenever she does.”
Ryan nodded, pulled salad fixings out of the fridge. “You got a ring yet?”
“A ri—God! Dad, no. I told you that I’d barely even been thinking about that yet. I’m still getting used to loving her.”
“Alright, alright. I’m just saying, that whenever you’re ready you can have your mother’s.”
Eli was speechless, he felt like his father had just socked him with a bag full of flour. “What?”
“You heard me. She’d want you to have it. And if you’re giving it to Tia, well you can take it home with you tonight if you want.”
“Dad—” The doorbell cut off whatever Eli was going to say, and honestly, he barely had an idea of what that was in the first place. How the hell was he supposed to respond to that? Eli had barely thought of his mother’s engagement ring in years, although, as he walked through the front hallway of his childhood home, the image of it was crystal clear in his mind. It was a small diamond, pear shaped and classic. It gave Eli a strange twist in his chest to picture it on Tia’s hand.
And it was with that look on his face that he opened the door. Only to find a similarly strained expression on Tia’s.
“Hi,” he let the feeling fall away from him as he greeted her, pulling her into his arms and letting the scent of her hair soothe him. But he could
tell something was off with her as well. “You alright?”
“Yes,” she answered carefully, her eyes darting at anything but him.
“You sure?” He held her at arm’s length and let his eyes trace over her face.
She opened her mouth and clapped it closed, brushed a tired hand over her face. Eli’s hands tightened on her shoulders in alarm. “No,” she finally answered. “But it’s nothing that we need to talk about right now.
She tried to move past him, into the house, but Eli blocked her way. A slow moving car on the street in front of his dad’s house caught his eye and Eli changed his mind, tugging her into the house and away from prying eyes.
“Tia, if something is wrong, I’d rather know now. Otherwise I’ll just wonder all through dinner.”
She looked for a second as if she was going to be stubborn, not let him in on whatever it was, but then the fight went out of her all at once. She dug in her purse and pulled out a tabloid, shoving it into his hands.
All the blood left Eli’s body. It just evaporated into thin air.
“No.” It was the only word that he could force out through the fire rising in his throat. And then, after he’d flipped through a few pages, “Oh Jesus.”
“Yeah,” Tia laughed humorlessly. “You’re telling me.”
Eli wasn’t going to read this drivel but there were words that snagged his eye here and there and all of them made his gut cramp. They all painted Tia as some sort of amoral whacko surgeon who’d done whatever she could to get close to Elijah Bird, star quarterback.
“Lies,” he bit out through clenched teeth. “All lies.”
“Is it?” Tia hissed. She was holding in tears as hard as she could at this point. She flipped a few more pages in Eli’s hand and smacked the open magazine for emphasis. It was the page with all the women’s faces on it. “It’s all lies, Eli?”
Bachelors In Love Page 21
