“Oh?” He absently rubbed her cold hands between his warm ones. “Where?”
She cleared her throat. “Hawaii. I’m gonna surf for a few weeks.”
About eighty things tumbled around Jay’s brain. And he was shocked when this one came out. “You’re kidding. Marcus, Eli and I are headed to Hawaii to surf in just a few days.”
While it was true that the three men had agreed to go on a surfing trip sometime in the near future, they hadn’t discussed when or where. Jay knew it was a simple matter of explaining exactly what was at stake to get them to agree. Jay just wished he knew what was at stake.
“Which island are you going to?”
She furrowed her brow, ignoring his most recent question. “Are you kidding me? You’re going to Hawaii in a few days?”
“Yes,” he replied easily, already accepting it as a truth. “Which island are you going to?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Which island are you guys going to?”
Crap. “Kauai.” He tried his hardest not to make it sound like a question.
“Oh.” She looked surprised. “Me too.”
Score! The universe was on his side right now. “Where are you staying?”
“At an AirBnB I found. Not far from a surf spot I really like. You?”
“Oh,” Jay thought fast. This was harder to fudge later. Be vague! “I’m not sure, Eli figured that part out. He’s the high roller with expensive tastes, so he usually just takes care of lodging for us.”
That was true enough about times they’d traveled in the past. Eli just didn’t know that it was happening again.
A terrible thought occurred to Jay all at once. What if she wasn’t traveling alone? What if Linc was going to be there? Oh lord. What the hell had he just done.
“You weren’t planning on surfing alone again, were you?” He disguised his real question in a layer of a different kind of concern.
“No,” she wrinkled her nose. “I learned my lesson on that one. I’m traveling alone, but I’ll make sure to surf with people. People I meet on the beach or wherever.”
“Or with me?” he couldn’t help but ask.
Her eyes were still so distant, so strange. He couldn’t help but feel like she was utterly disconnected. From the world, from him, even from herself.
“Sure,” she said absently. She cleared her throat. “Well, I came to say goodbye, but I guess I’m really just saying see you later.”
“Yeah,” he couldn’t help but grin. “See you in a few days.”
She left in a cab for the airport just a few minutes later. And Jay’s heart was beating a mile a minute. There were a million reasons why he knew this was a terrible idea. The first of which was that he knew that if he saw her in a bathing suit for the first time since the hurricane, he was likely to propose to her. Not to mention the fact that she was engaged to another man. God, his heart was going to get absolutely pummeled.
He opened his phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. The other line connected. “Hey,” Jay started without preamble. “You know all that money you’re always trying to spend on me and Marcus? I’m about to ask you to spend a shit ton of it.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
It was somewhere over the Pacific Ocean that Jay came to terms with how bad this idea was. He knew he was: one, about to get his heart firmly slammed behind a door he might never be able to open and two, he was going to make things harder for Mari than he even had to.
It was with those thoughts in his head that he resolved, firmly, to quit fucking flirting with her. He could keep his hands and his thoughts and his dumb ass feelings to himself. He knew he could. He was not going to make himself her problem. He refused to.
He couldn’t forget the way she’d looked at his house when she’d told him that she was leaving. So lost and alone. He knew that was his fault. His presence in her life was making everything harder for her.
But he wasn’t strong enough to step away. So he was just gonna have to figure out a way to be positive for her. Even if it meant stuffing his gushy feelings all the way down his own throat.
“You’re harshing my vibe,” Eli said from where he sat next to Jay in first class. The man tipped the baseball hat he had covering his face to one side and eyed Jay grumpily.
“I’m sorry?” Jay asked, lifting one eyebrow.
“I’m saying that you finally let me pay for some shit for us—i.e. this entire vacation. And that comes with certain privileges.”
“Like what?” Marcus asked from the other side of Jay.
“Like I get to tell you two to quit worrying about whatever you’re worrying about and relax and have some goddamn vacation, alright?”
Marcus leaned back in his plush seat. “Not all of us just won the Superbowl, dude.”
“Yeah, well, all of us are on vacation right now. So act like it.” He smashed the baseball cap over his face again and reclined.
Marcus and Jay rolled their eyes at one another. He had technically paid for everything. It was the only way Jay and Marcus could have traveled on such short notice. And Eli had been thrilled. They never let his millionaire ass pay for shit and he’d leapt at the chance. But now he was out here acting like a relaxation czar.
And he kept up the act all the way to the luxury resort where he’d booked a three-room suite for them. It wasn’t far from the best surfing spots and Jay supremely hoped that Mari was somewhere close to them.
He’d barely tossed his bag onto his king-sized bed before he pulled out his phone.
Just got to our hotel. Where you at?
He shot for a casual tone. Perhaps he’d overshot.
An hour later, the three of them sat on the balcony of their suite, sipping drinks, when her text came in on his phone. Jay nearly bobbled his guava juice.
Surfing. Duh.
You wanna have dinner with us?
There was a long pause. And then.
Ok. Where?
“Mari’s gonna have dinner with us,” Jay told the other two unceremoniously.
“Surprise, surprise,” Marcus said with a smile on his face. “Where you wanna eat?”
“I know a place down by the beach,” Eli said, rattling off the name. “Not too fancy. Good food. Better view.”
“Perfect.” Jay typed in the address to her and sent it off.
***
Mari was nervous and she hated it.
After a few days in Kauai, she’d finally started to feel at peace again. She’d surfed every day. Met a bunch of new people, cooked at her AirBnB. Totally relaxed. In fact, it was the first time since before the hurricane that she could remember feeling this relaxed.
After her parents died, Mari had traveled by herself all over the world. Usually somewhere warm. She’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be this independent. This adventurous. She was loving it.
Thinking about Linc was painful, but nowhere near as painful as it had been in Ocean City. More than anything, she felt disoriented. It was confusing to have your life upended like that. She knew she was going to really miss Linc, and soon, but part of her felt a strange relief as well. She was independent again. No one to answer to but herself. Alone was different than independent. And before the hurricane she’d known that very clearly.
And now, here she was, nervous as hell, halfway dressed up and about to go mix herself up with another man. What the hell was she doing?
Mari stood outside the restaurant where the three men waited for her. She was perfectly still. Any random passerby wouldn’t realize that nerves were making her go out of her mind right now.
It wasn’t just any man. It was Jay. Jay who made her chest swell up whenever she got within ten feet of him. Jay who’d held her through the hurricane. Jay who she’d thought was gone forever. He sat inside the little cabana-style restaurant.
And damn it, her stomach was flipping.
Realizing she’d left them waiting long enough, Mari strode through the restaurant, scanning around for the three of them.
She didn’t have to look long. In fact, all she had to do was look where every other woman in the restaurant was sneaking covert glances.
She stopped in her tracks for a second. They really were something to look at. The three of them. One brown haired, one black haired, and one blonde. They were all huge, handsome in their own way, and grinning at one another. Brotherhood.
The word came floating into her head unbidden. These three men had cobbled a family together.
She cleared her throat as she crossed over to them. “Hi guys,”
All three rose up at once. Mari didn’t miss the look in Jay’s eyes. The way he devoured her all at once. Her hair loose around her shoulders, the flowy white top she wore over her little red shorts. She also didn’t miss the way the look completely shuttered off after a second. When his eyes met hers, they were in a very benign, friendly expression.
She hugged Eli first, who planted an expected kiss on her mouth. “Mari! I’m so glad we get to spend time with you this week.”
And then Marcus, who kissed her too. “Hola, Marita. Eres hermosa, chica.”
She smiled up at him. “I’ve gotten a lot of sun the last few days.”
And then on to Jay. Who didn’t kiss her. But who did hug her just a little too tight, like always.
“So,” Mari stepped quickly back from Jay, slid into the chair next to him. “What are you boys getting into tonight?”
“We’re gonna slide into vacation,” Eli said, giving his two compatriots a bossy look. “So we’re starting with good food, good drinks, and good company.” He grinned at Mari.
“Fair enough,” she grinned back.
“How’re the waves?” Marcus asked.
Mari explained about the two different surf spots she’d been tooling back and forth between. The pros and cons of each. She learned a bit about how they’d all learned how to surf. The conversation wound back around to the Superbowl, lingered on Tia for a long time. It was when Marcus asked her why Linc hadn’t come with her that Mari realized two things.
One, none of them knew that they’d broken up. And two, Jay had barely said a word this entire dinner.
The waitress brought a round of coconut milk ice cream for everyone and Mari savored the bite while she thought of how to answer that question of Marcus’s. She should just come out and say it. They broke up.
But she knew, in her heart, that saying those words would also be saying something else to Jay. Something she wasn’t sure she was ready to say. She needed time. She was just getting back on her feet. Her independent feet.
“He’s spending a few months in London and Seoul. Trying to get the international branches of his charity off the ground.”
“Hmm,” Eli nodded. “That’s great for Cavanaugh’s Kids. Long distance is hard though.”
All three of the men at the table watched her carefully as she took another bite of her dessert. “Mmhmm,” she answered in a noncommittal way. She felt like a rat for lying by omission. But again, she just didn’t have it in her to open that can of worms tonight.
“Well, I’m gonna get back to my place,” she said. “I wanna get up early for some surfing.”
“We can drop you off,” Eli insisted. “We rented a car for the week.”
“That’s okay. I’m actually just over the hill.” Mari pointed behind her. It was legitimately a two-minute walk.
“I’ll walk you,” Marcus and Jay said at the same time.
Mari’s eyes skittered over to Jay’s and because he couldn’t read what she was saying with them, because it might be interpreted as panic at the thought of being alone with him, he relented. Waved his hand to Marcus.
Marcus rose up and nodded to Mari. She lifted one shoulder and dropped it. Rising, she touched Jay lightly on the shoulder to say goodbye, kissed Eli on the cheek and followed Marcus out of the restaurant.
They weren’t thirty feet away when Marcus turned to her. “Are we friends?” he asked her.
She blinked up at him in surprise. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I like you.”
“Yeah,” Marcus scrubbed at his dark stubble. “I like you too. But I’m about to pull some friend shit right now. Some real friend shit. So if we’re not there yet, you gotta tell me.”
She furrowed her brow, more curious than anything. “Alright, shoot.”
“You don’t seem good, Mari. You seem… weird. And sad. And you didn’t look at Jay almost once tonight. And I know you love him, so what’s going on?”
She took a deep breath. Stared off to one side at the black ocean that slammed up against the side of their little island. What did she have to lose by telling the truth?
“Linc and I broke up.”
“Shit.”
Mari looked up at Marcus’s shocked face.
“I’m sorry, Mari. Break-ups are the worst.”
She searched his expression for any insincerity there but found none. Just concern.
“Can I,” Marcus started, paused, tumbled on. “Can I ask what happened?”
Mari laughed a mirthless laugh. “I don’t know. My life happened. My stupid need to be brutally honest happened.” She looked down. “Jay happened.” She missed the expression on Marcus’s face. “I think it was a good thing. I think I’m realizing that I was using Linc for all sorts of things that weren’t fair to him. Mostly for getting over Jay.”
Marcus cleared his throat. “Are you over Jay?”
Mari rolled her eyes. “Don’t ask stupid questions, Marcus. You and I both know there’s no getting over Jay.”
Marcus laughed in surprise and in relief. This entire time, the only thing he hadn’t understood about the whole equation was Mari’s feelings. He felt inexpressible relief that she was finally admitting them out loud. Now she just needed to admit them to Jay. He studied the unhappy set of her jaw.
“But it sounds like you don’t think that’s a good thing, huh?”
She sighed again. “I don’t know what the hell I think. I definitely thought I was taking a vacation by myself.” She slanted her eyes toward Marcus. “Tell me the truth. Is it really a coincidence that we’re all here?”
Marcus cleared his throat. As a field agent, he was an accomplished liar. He had to be, his life was often on the line over it. As a man, as a friend, he tried his best to tell the truth. “I plead the fifth.”
Mari cast her eyes to the sky, laughing a little and assuming what was sure to be the truth. “Wow.”
“You haven’t told Jay that you and Linc broke up.” It wasn’t a question.
“No. I haven’t.”
“Can I ask why?”
Mari tipped her head to the side as they sidled up to her AirBnB. “It feels too much like telling Jay I’m single. And…”
“You’re not ready for that.”
Mari shrugged. “I don’t know.” Suddenly she looked up into Marcus’s eyes, needing him to understand something. “I know that I don’t want to hurt him. I’m confused. I- I love him. In a hundred different ways. I’m just confused.”
“Mari,” Marcus’s voice was gentle, but very stern. “Letting him believe that you’re still with Linc is hurting him. Maybe irrevocably.”
She dropped her head. Pressure squeezing her chest. “I’ll think about it, Marcus, I swear.”
Suddenly he grabbed her up in a hug. “I know you will. You’re smart and loyal, and honestly, I can see why he sees the whole world in you. You’re one of the good ones, Marita. You’ve just got a lot of shit to figure out.”
Tears pricked her eyes as Marcus’s friendly arms banded around her. “I’ll tell him, Marcus, I swear.”
“Alright.” He released her and gave her shoulders a friendly squeeze. “I won’t rush you. Just as long as it’s on your to-do list.”
He waited until she was inside and had flipped the lock on the door before he turned and jogged back down toward the restaurant. He wondered the whole way if he’d stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. He heard Mari’s words echo through his head. I love him.
In a hundred different ways.
Marcus batted the side of his fist against his heart. Shit. Mari was cute, not his type, but cute. And she sure as hell made it look good. Having somebody love the hell out of you. And for the first time in a long time, he realized that he wanted a girl—and for a hell of a lot more than one night.
***
For about the fiftieth time that day Jay bit back a growl. It felt to Jay that there wasn’t a dude out on the beach or on the waves that didn’t have something to say about Mari. Either how she looked in that tiny black bathing suit or the way she was throwing herself into each wave she chose. Of course, Jay also found those things wildly attractive. But he didn’t need a group of beach bums pointing it out every thirty seconds.
Jay ground his teeth and found himself cursing Linc. Defending Mari’s honor was that lucky asshole’s job. But he wasn’t even here to do it. Linc was off somewhere getting all the benefits of a relationship with Mari and none of the work.
Jay scowled over in her direction as some long-haired beach rat with too much tan and too many tattoos paddled over toward her. He didn’t hear what the idiot had to say to her, but Jay ground his teeth together when whatever it was made her laugh.
He heard a snicker and snapped his head over toward Eli and Marcus.
“This is funny to you two assholes?”
They bobbed on top of the waves.
“Yeah?” Eli said, glancing at Jay’s furious face, assessing a set of waves rolling in and deciding it was time to surf in for the afternoon. “I’m starving. I’m gonna head in. Mari girl!” he called and she immediately turned to him, missing the way the beach rat’s eyes wiped themselves all over her. Jay didn’t miss it and he felt like screaming.
“Yeah?” she called over.
“I’m going in for lunch. Wanna come?”
Jay knew that Eli was inviting her in part so that the beach rat would get the hell away from her, but that didn’t do much to soothe his frustration. Because fact of the matter was, he didn’t want her having lunch with Eli either.
“Sure!” Mari called back.
Bachelors In Love Page 41
