by Pat Herbert
“Relax and I’ll send in Nurse Maguire to attend to you.”
As she lay there, thinking all sorts of horrible thoughts, she realised that Alice had won. She hadn’t managed to kill her, but what had happened to her was worse, far worse, than death.
The door opened and Nurse Maguire came in, bearing a cloth-covered tray. She was smiling. But the face belonged to Alice Troy. A serpent’s face.
“Now, Miss Stubbs,” said Alice, bending over her. “I’ll be looking after you most of the time, so if there is anything you need, anything at all, just let me know. I am here to help….”
Pentonville Prison
13th February 1958
My dear, darling Flora,
This has been the hardest letter I have ever had to write, it is also the last letter I will ever write. I don’t know how to begin, but begin I must. Tomorrow they will hang me, and I go to my maker with a burdened conscience. They have asked me if I want a priest, but I have said no. I just want to unburden myself to you, my darling, you who do not deserve to suffer any more on my behalf, but deserve to know the truth, no matter how much pain it will cause you.
Once again, I must reassure you that I never struck a blow. I never touched Alice or harmed her in any way. I had gone to see her that day, and she had threatened to tell the bank. I would have lost my job, and you had the baby on the way. What would we have lived on? But I told her to do her worst and left her.
I walked around for a bit and I knew you were anxious to know where I was that night, but I couldn’t come back, knowing that Alice would probably tell my boss the next day about everything. I decided to try one more time and I went back to see her. When I turned into her street, there was a commotion going on outside her house. Someone had been run-over. I found that out at my trial. There were police and an ambulance and all sorts of flashing lights. No one noticed me as I went up the steps to Alice’s front door. I pressed the bell, but no one answered. I tried again. I knew she must be there. I’d only left her less than an hour ago. Then someone came out of the flats, so I got inside.
When I got to her flat door, it was open. I knocked, of course, but again she didn’t answer or show herself. I had a premonition something was wrong. I walked in and there she was. Her body was slumped in the fireplace, and blood was trickling from her head. I thought, at first, she was dead, she was so white and still. She must have tripped and knocked her head against the mantelpiece. I thought she had probably been drinking. I bent down to see if she was breathing. I couldn’t see any chest movement. I swear to you, darling, I thought she was dead.
I should have felt sorry for her, but I could only think that I was saved. Then she made a noise and sort of gurgled. I ran out of there to the corner where I knew there was a phone box. If I had been a moment or two earlier, I would have stopped the ambulance that was already there attending to the other incident and she would have been saved.
But now I had no alternative but to go to the phone box and call an ambulance. I heard the woman on the other end of the line ask whether I wanted the police, fire or ambulance, but I froze. I knew that if I left Alice there for someone else to find, she would probably have died by that time and my troubles would be at an end. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. I wasn’t in my right mind, please believe me when I say that. I put the phone back on the hook and left the phone box.
All I could think of then was getting back home to you. I know you will condemn me for what I did and you have every right to. So will the world, but I am going to pay for my omission with my life. My only regret is leaving you, my darling, and our sweet, innocent child. The child I shall not live to see.
Be happy, my love. One day you will find someone more worthy of you than I have been.
Your loving husband,
Howard
