The incredible strength that Mary showed in the way she handled William’s death is something that she demonstrates time and time again. ‘We were lucky to have him. And if he walked through the door now I would say, “Where have you been, young man? Come on,”’ she told the Daily Mail. ‘It doesn’t go. And we miss him enormously. As a family we are forever talking about Will. We remember the good and the bad; he was naughty just like the rest of the children, at times. But every family has something that happens in their lives.’ While the tragedy of the situation was made even worse by William’s age, in some ways Mary even admits she’s glad that it happened when he was so young – rather than once he had settled down. ‘I am really pleased that if he was to die, that he didn’t leave a wife and children,’ she said in an interview with Mail on Sunday. ‘Because you know, that would have been a sadness for them. And he died at a time when he was truly successful with his sport and his school, and he was totally happy with himself. So we have really nice memories of him. He had done well.’
It’s surely that fortitude that Mary shows even when dealing with the worst that life has thrown at her that has driven her on to be the successful woman – both at home and work – that she is today. However, she admitted she wouldn’t have had that strength if it wasn’t for baking. In the years after William died, she admits that cooking and, in particular, making cakes, acted as a sort of therapy for her. It helped her overcome the difficult moments, when she found herself missing William or feeling particularly low as a result of his death. ‘I think keeping busy [helped me to cope], and my way of keeping busy was to cook,’ she told Kirsty Young on Desert Island Discs. ‘But I always look back and I think, it is a huge bonus to have two other children. I mean, if he had been the only one, shattering. And it brings you terribly close together. And Annabel and Tom, and their other halves, if we are having an occasion we will always raise a glass to Will, or we say Will would like this, or what a shame he can’t see this. I think for us we like to keep him very much part of the family.’ In a first-person piece she wrote for the Daily Mail in 2011, she reflected on how baking had acted as a natural anti-depressant, saying: ‘Getting back to cooking and baking was the only way I knew to regain some normality in my life. It isn’t easy, but you get out the flour, the sugar and the eggs, and there is great comfort in the ritual. The novelist Marian Keyes certainly thinks so, having suffered from depression. She has just brought out a book called Saved By Cake, in which she claims that baking helped her through the darkest of times. I can completely understand Marian’s point of view, as I’m sure can anyone who has been gripped by the baking bug. The idea of baking as a therapy – and an effective one at that – might seem a little far-fetched to some, but not to me. When times are tough, the way to soothe our hearts is so often through food. And food, especially cake, always tastes better when cooked with love. Anyone who thinks baking a cake is just about, well, baking a cake, probably hasn’t done it that often.’
Mary says there are two clear reasons why baking is such an effective antidote to depression. ‘First, it is satisfying. At a basic level, baking a cake is straightforward,’ she wrote. ‘You follow some basic rules (it is science, after all, albeit simple science) and, at the end of the process, you have something to show – and eat – for your efforts. How many chores, particularly around the house, can you say that about? Then there’s the rich reward – carrying your beautiful Victoria sponge to the table as your children’s faces light up in anticipation and they say: “Gosh, you are clever, Mum.” Even after a lifetime of baking, I’ve never stopped getting a little buzz when that happens. Perhaps that’s because when you bake, your reward is twofold. You have the pleasure of seeing a wonderful creation come out of the oven, then the pleasure of seeing what joy it brings to others. People are terribly impressed – and touched – when you bake for them. Those who don’t bake see conjuring up a cake as something quite magical. It is love on a plate. But the benefits of baking aren’t just for the person eating the cake or the biscuit. The actual process of baking makes you feel useful – so useful that, if you are depressed, I would go as far as to say it gives you something to get up for in the morning. I can understand how, if you are feeling low, you wallow all day then feel worse when your partner comes home and asks: “So what have you done today?” It may sound flippant, but being able to say you spent the afternoon making fairy cakes gives a sense of satisfaction and focus, even a raison d’être.’
But while baking helped give Mary a focus in her day-to-day routine in the wake of William’s death, she also realised that she needed to get back to work eventually. It all seemed too painful to consider, though, and the prospect of returning to normality just four months after the tragedy seemed too much, too soon. At the time, Mary was still cookery editor of Ideal Home magazine and still a consultant for Bensons, the public relations firm where she had first got into journalism. The commute between Buckinghamshire and London understandably seemed difficult after William died. ‘I needed to be at home more with my husband after the accident, but I also knew it was essential to keep busy,’ Mary told The Times.
And so she came up with a plan to make a career change that would help her spend more time at home while continuing to work. She decided to start holding Aga Workshops in her kitchen, while continuing to write books. It seemed like the perfect solution and would signal a new stage in Mary’s journey to becoming one of Britain’s best-loved cooks. But in order to help with the running of the workshops she would need a personal assistant. Having an extra pair of hands would also free up Mary’s time and lessen the burden of some of the smaller but time-consuming tasks such as general administration. It would allow her to get back to work, but at a slower pace than she was used to … giving her more opportunity to deal with the grief and anguish of what had happened over the preceding few months.
A 21-year-old woman called Lucy Young heard through friends that Mary was looking for someone. Lucy had trained at a catering college and spent time working in various restaurants and for private catering firms. She was also fully aware of Mary’s work, having been a dedicated reader of her cookbooks as she was growing up and while she was studying. Despite having an impressive CV for her age, Lucy assumed that she had no chance of getting the job. So when Mary decided to interview her for the post, Lucy had no expectations. ‘I wasn’t nervous at the interview because I didn’t consider myself experienced enough to get the job,’ Lucy told The Times. Regardless of Lucy’s lack of confidence, Mary was impressed by her experience and enthusiasm. Mary also liked the fact that she talked directly and honestly. But there was something else about Lucy that struck a chord with Mary after the tragedy of losing William. Lucy was clearly someone who valued family and who realised that her siblings were precious. Mary was convinced she was the right person for the job and offered it to her immediately. ‘Like me, she’s a perfectionist and she spoke fondly of her brothers and parents, so I knew she’d muck in with my family. She’s also passionate about food,’ Mary told The Times.
Surprised that she had managed to bag the role despite convincing herself she wouldn’t, Lucy says she was incredibly nervous to begin with. She had idolised Mary for years and couldn’t believe her luck. ‘I was extremely edgy for the first few months because it was too important a job to mess up,’ Lucy said to The Times. ‘As a child, I had pored over Mary’s cake recipe books with my mother. She had always been one of my heroines.’ Lucy started working every day at Mary’s family home. But to begin with there were a few mistakes made, albeit quite minor ones. During the first week Mary went out and Lucy was left in charge with specific instructions to bake a batch of meringues. Unfortunately, three out of four of the batches went wrong and the meringues collapsed. On her return home, Mary took Lucy to one side and guided her through what she described as a ‘foolproof’ recipe. It was also difficult for Lucy to get used to working in Mary’s home, as she had always been used to working in larger, less personal kitchens. She told The T
imes: ‘It takes time to discover where people keep things and one day I couldn’t find the rolling pin, so I used a milk bottle instead. To my relief, Mary praised my initiative.’
Lucy wasn’t just a personal assistant to Mary. Although she perhaps didn’t realise it at the time, she helped Mary through one of the most difficult times in her life. While Mary was bravely facing the world again and getting back into work, the devastating loss of William was hitting her hard. When William’s friends turned up at the family home during those first few months, Lucy would invite them in for coffee if Mary wasn’t around. She was an emotional support to her boss – and it was something Mary would never forget. Lucy became part of the family and, as such, Mary trusted her, and saw her as a confidante and someone she could rely on day in, day out. Mary’s other two children, Annabel and Tom, became close to Lucy too, and they would all often lunch together with Paul – although he insisted that they weren’t allowed to talk about cooking on those occasions. ‘I was flattered to be drawn into such a warm family,’ Lucy told The Times.
Gradually Lucy became more and more involved in Mary’s work, and was soon an integral part of her boss’s career. She would track down lost recipes for people who wrote to Mary, and deal with the hundreds upon hundreds of requests for Mary to attend events and functions as her celebrity status started to grow. And while at first Lucy may have been hesitant about her role and abilities, she soon gained confidence, learning what to say yes to and what to say no to on Mary’s behalf. ‘I feel protective towards her. She’d do too much if I didn’t stop her,’ Lucy told The Times.
Soon Lucy’s role wasn’t restricted to working at Mary’s house. She began travelling around the country with her and was always at her side for the 30 or more demonstrations she gave every year. They also devised recipes together for Mary’s Aga Workshops. ‘We’ll sit at the kitchen table with a pad and paper and say, “We need two more chicken recipes,”’ Lucy told The Times. ‘Or, “Supposing we do something with asparagus?” Neither of us gets offended if the other says “Horrid!” We work on until we’re both satisfied with the result.’ Of course no one could ever replace William, but the growing bond between Mary and Lucy fast became, in some ways, more akin to that between mother and daughter, rather than strictly boss and employee. Mary could see fantastic qualities in Lucy and wanted to nurture her. When it came to recipes, she realised that Lucy had great intuition. So much so that she decided Lucy should start to help her write her cookery books. To begin with, Lucy would help out with ideas for the books, but then gradually they started to co-author them, including the best-selling entertaining bible Cook Up A Feast. Meanwhile, as Mary’s TV appearances became more frequent Lucy was always watching in the wings, making sure her boss didn’t mix up the ingredients or put a foot wrong. ‘It’s easy to do when you are under pressure, so it’s reassuring to know that someone is checking,’ Mary told The Times. Later, Mary encouraged Lucy to start writing her own books, and soon publishers were snapping them up. Lucy’s works include The Secrets of Aga Cakes, The Secrets of Aga Puddings and Secrets from a Country Kitchen, which have all flown off the shelves and become best-sellers. Mary confesses that she loves to make Lucy’s recipes when she has the chance – surely the highest compliment any aspiring chef could be paid. ‘She never tests out her recipes in my kitchen, so it was lovely getting the book and having a look at all her creations. It’s a book packed with young, fun ideas and I like it very much,’ Mary said in an interview with the Independent, on the subject of one of Lucy’s books. Lucy herself also spoke passionately about her own Aga – which she came to love perhaps as much as her boss – to the Aga Living blog. She said: ‘I love my new Aga. I first saw a pale blue Aga about 25 years ago and fell in love with it then, before I even had an Aga. My last one was cream, which went perfectly with the kitchen in my old house. But when Aga launched the Duck Egg Blue model for its foundry’s 300th anniversary, I absolutely knew the next time I bought an Aga it would be in that colour. I’m thrilled with it and it’s amazing how many people on Facebook have said that the picture I posted of it convinced them that they should choose the same colour. I’m so in love with it I’ve even painted my front door in the same colour. When you stand at the front of the house and open the door you look down and can see the Aga. I started cooking on it before the kitchen was even finished. The first thing I cooked was fillet steaks in a brandy sauce. It was Christmas Eve and the kitchen was a building site. I stood among piles of rubble, with the plaster drying on the walls, with just the Aga and a trestle table in the kitchen. We didn’t even have a sink – just a bowl of water. I couldn’t wait to cook on it!’
And after years of working for Mary, Lucy has become a well-known media figure in her own right. As well as researching and writing her books, she regularly broadcasts and contributes pieces in the press on all aspects of food and cookery. She was a regular guest on the Great Food Live and Great Food Bites – the live food shows broadcast on the satellite channel UKTV Food. She’s also been interviewed a number of times on BBC Radio 2 and regularly on local radio. She’s become a member of The Guild of Food Writers, the UK’s respected professional association of food writers and broadcasters. Established in 1984, it now has over 400 authors, broadcasters, columnists and journalists among its members. It aims to broaden the range of members’ knowledge and experience by bringing them together at Guild events and via interviews, as well as trying to get the public more interested in food writing in general.
Lucy has written regular monthly recipes for Country Kitchen Magazine and a column for regular magazine Aga Living, which was packed full of tips and advice for making the most out of a cast-iron range. Lucy has also written individual articles for many magazines including Antony Worrall Thompson at Home, BBC Homes and Antiques magazine and Rachel Allen at Home. Lucy’s media work has become so high profile and her expertise so valued that she even has an agent to field requests for her time.
As a result of her incredible talents it’s unsurprising that Lucy has received countless other job offers in the world of catering. She has adamantly refused all of them. Mary, the woman she looked up to as a child, is the only person she wants to work for. ‘This is my perfect job,’ she told The Times. ‘I wouldn’t want to do anything else. No one else could match up to her.’ And her loyalty is something Mary cherishes. When Mary started advertising for an assistant in those dark months after William’s death, she could never have imagined that she would still be working with that same person more than two decades later. But as Mary regularly says, she feels she couldn’t live without Lucy. Not surprisingly, Mary seems to associate Lucy with helping her get her life back on track after the devastation of William’s death, and their friendship is bound to endure. ‘I had no idea back then we would still be working together,’ Mary told the Daily Express. ‘There has never been a cross word between us and I value her opinion on everything. Although Lucy is a lot younger than me, we have a wonderful friendship and she gets on fantastically with my family.’
Something else that helps put what happened with William into context is the charity work that Mary has done since. After Mary spoke openly about the struggle she and her family had to come to terms with what happened to William, she was approached by one organization – Child Bereavement UK – that had been touched by her story. It was founded on 24 September 1994 by Jenni Thomas OBE, who worked with the charity for its first 15 years. Jenni began her career in the NHS, working in the special care baby unit (SCBU) at Amersham Hospital, and then in maternity and paediatric units, first at the Royal Berkshire Hospital in Reading and then at Wycombe General Hospital SCBU, in High Wycombe. It was while working in these specialist units that Jenni realised that the emotional needs of bereaved families were not being fully met, and that the staff caring for these families had been given little training in how to support them. Jenni has said: ‘I realised we were very good at providing nursing and medical care when a baby was very ill but were less able to commun
icate and engage with parents when their baby was not expected to live or had died.’ Jenni trained as a counsellor and later studied humanistic psychology and person-centred art therapy. In 1985, she set up the first bereavement counsellor post in the NHS at Wycombe General Hospital. Having identified the need for a new approach to bereavement, she put protocols and policies in place across all areas of patient care. From accident and emergency units to chaplaincy departments, Jenni educated and encouraged staff to act as advocates for vulnerable, grieving families – and it was to these families that Jenni turned to guide her work and provide input into the many training resources that she designed and produced. She then did a stint at the Oxford Regional Health Authority, where she worked as a maternity and paediatric bereavement facilitator, during which time she wrote her first book, Supporting Parents when their Baby Dies, aimed at professionals, and the training videos Death at Birth and When Our Baby Died. When Jenni first started the charity it was called the Child Bereavement Trust, before being renamed the Child Bereavement Charity and later Child Bereavement UK. For several years the charity was based in Jenni’s home, and for many years her mother, Joan Brown, was an invaluable support and donated her own home for storage of the charity’s resources. Dr Geoffrey Guy gave his premises in Harley Street, London, for training courses. The work of the charity was launched and established with Julia Samuel as founder–patron at the Royal College of Nursing, with Diana, Princess of Wales, attending the opening ceremony.
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