by Ebony Olson
Again there was silence. I nearly jumped out of my skin when Darius's hand brushed against the side of my neck. He paused, his hand staying ready to touch me again. I composed myself and waited. His hand slipped around to hold my neck, his thumb caressing beside my jugular. He pulled me towards him.
"Dare," I breathed, "I can't."
"One night," Darius murmured. "Anyone else, it would be a pricey sum of money, but I know you wouldn't take this on if you weren't passionate about it. I'm passionate about you, Mora. Spend tonight with me, and I will sign the Carnival over to you for free."
Darius pulled me close to kiss me again. "I can't tonight," I swallowed. "I'm expected home."
Darius hesitated, "You live with someone?"
"I have a flatmate, yes. It's not a sexual relationship," I informed him.
Darius brushed his lips against mine. "Then I'll come home with you."
I tried to pull back, Darius's strong hand on my neck preventing me. "My father is there waiting for me to get home, Dare."
Dare released me with a sigh.
"Tomorrow," I negotiated. "I'll come to your place at midnight and you can have me until morning."
"Why so late?" Darius asked unhappily.
I pressed my lips together, considering my answer. This wasn't the time to drop the fact that he was a father, and I needed to feed our son at ten before putting him to bed. "My life is different now, Dare. I have responsibilities I can't just put aside."
"What responsibilities?" Darius grumbled.
I took a deep breath, focusing on keeping my voice steady. "Dare, you threw me out of your life with no explanation, and on our wedding day, no less. You don't get to know what's happening in my life now. I want the Carnival; you want me to sleep with you to get it. Fine. I'll do you here and now. I don't really care if Clark watches, but I'm not dropping everything to make you happy. Those days are gone."
Darius sat back as if shocked. I took my seat belt off and moved closer to him, unknotting his tie and then the buttons of his shirt. I kissed his neck and started a wet trail down his strong chest.
Darius's hand threaded into the hair at the back of my head, his other hand unbuckling his belt and fly, pulling his growing monster out.
I smiled and allowed him to push me lower, licking around his smooth head, his erection growing full at the flick of my tongue. I sucked the head of his monster into my mouth and let him know just how much I missed him as I bobbed upon him.
Darius gripped my hair hard and pulled my head up forcefully. He captured my mouth with a passionate kiss as he pulled my body to straddle his.
"No more broken promises, Dare," I breathed, his mouth nipping down my neck. His hands slid under the skirt of my dress to drag my butt forward until his hardness was pressed against my mound. "Do we have a deal?"
Darius pulled my panties to the side and lifted my body so that the head of him slipped between my lips to find my entrance. It did easily. I hadn't been with anyone since Jacob was born. Despite not wanting it until now, I suddenly found myself desperate to be penetrated and to lose myself impaled on a guy. That my first time after having our child was with Darius just made it perfect.
"Dare?" I moaned in discomfort as he pushed my hips down upon him.
When it wasn't enough, he thrust up into me. I cried out, gripping his shoulders hard. He held me there, buried inside of me, both of us breathing heavy just from that first penetration. He didn't answer me. He kissed me, his lips giving me the promise. I started moving over him slowly, enjoying the feel of being stretched open on him again. God, it felt like only yesterday since we'd last made love, and at the same time, it felt like it'd been years.
My body had changed a little since having Jacob. My pants were a little more snug around the hips, but thankfully I was back to my previous sizing. Not so much for my breasts, which seemed to have doubled in size since my milk came in, and it was my larger breasts that Darius's hand was now paying extra attention to.
It was winter, so I was wearing a high neck dress that prevented Darius gaining skin to skin access, which was probably lucky. As he fondled and teased my nipples through my nursing bra, I felt the material of my bra grow damp as I started to leak milk. It was close to feeding time, and the milk bar was full and ready to go. I grabbed Darius's wrist and yanked his hand away, directing it back to my hips.
I kissed Darius passionately as I rode him. Darius fisted my hair, pressing my mouth hard to his, moaning his pleasure as I felt him grow thicker just before the monster jerked inside of me and filled me with his lust. My body reacted to the sensation and clamped down hard around him. I dropped my mouth to his shoulder and bit his bared chest as I came silently.
I stilled myself upon him and sat there catching my breath. I looked out the back window and realized we'd stopped driving. I turned my head to the side and noticed we were parked at the corner of my street. I hadn't given Clark the house number, so he'd stopped just up from the corner.
I took a deep breath, inhaling Darius's scent, and went to remove myself from him. Darius caught me, kissing me slow and deep for a long moment. When he drew back, it was only enough to stop our mouths from touching.
"The Carnival is yours. I'll have the paperwork sent through to you on Monday," Darius murmured.
I kissed him. A small kiss in comparison to the one he just gave me. "Thank you." I removed myself from him, correcting the placement of my underwear. "Clark, could you get my cello please?"
"I can take you to the door if you give me your number," Clark tried.
"Here's fine, thank you. I'd prefer not to risk my father seeing me in Darius's car," I admitted. Clark nodded and stepped out while I tried to neaten my hair.
Darius finished correcting his clothing and took my hand to stop me opening my door. "I want to see you again, Mora. I still want us to be lovers."
I squeezed Darius's hand and let him see the regret in my eyes. "No, Dare. I hate having to keep secrets from the people I love. I despise that our relationship has been reduced to it."
The pain in his eyes matched the agony in my heart. I exhaled hard, giving in, just a little.
"I can't be your regular lover, but, when fate puts us in each other’s way like it did tonight, I won't say no, if I can." I leaned in quickly and kissed his luscious lips. "You've always been it for me, Dare. I'll never stop loving you."
I climbed out of the car and stepped onto the footpath, taking my cello from Clark. "Thank you, Clark."
Clark hesitated. "You did well, Mora," He praised me quietly. "I was worried, after how broken you seemed, that you couldn't recover." He squeezed my hand. "Don't let him pull you back in if he can't offer you what you deserve. You love him too much to survive his breaking your heart a second time."
"I won't." I kissed Clark's cheek and started walking down the street. My apartment was two blocks down. I noticed Clark sitting down the road, creeping forward to the next block as I crossed to the next, waiting to see what apartment building I entered.
I walked quickly to get out of the cold. I didn't mind Darius knowing where I lived. He didn't know which apartment I was in, and he was probably just making sure I made it inside safely. I waved goodbye as I stepped inside the foyer and closed the door.
***
I stepped inside the apartment to find Marshall walking around, trying to calm Jacob, who was crying. "Here's Mama now," Dad cooed.
I set the cello aside and removed my jacket. "Just let me change quickly, Dad," I excused as I rushed to the bedroom. I unzipped my dress as I stepped into the bedroom, throwing it aside. I pulled my lounge pants on with a loose fit stretch top that I could pull down to feed in.
Dad was at the door with Jacob when I turned around. "Thanks, Dad," I smiled, taking Jacob and giving him a kiss. He'd already grown so fast in five months.
I sat down in my reading chair and put Jacob to my breast. He latched on and quieted.
"He's been good up until fifteen minutes ago." Marshall came in, sitting on the end o
f my bed to talk. "I gave him a bath and tried to settle him, but it was like he knew you were due home and was wanting you to hurry up."
I smiled. "I missed you too," I cooed to Jacob.
Marshall smiled. "How was the concert? I wish I could have come, but I'd never pass up an opportunity to spend time with my grandson."
"The concert was good, but my God it's horrible outside," I shivered.
Marshall frowned, "I should have had Jack collect you. It didn't even occur to me."
I shrugged, "Darius was there. He gave me a lift home."
My dad's face closed down. "Did he just?"
"Yes. So I ran my business proposal past him, and he's agreed to sign the Carnival over to me," I informed him.
Marshall knew of my plan to take over the management of the Carnival. He was proud of me for trying to mix my parents’ business acumen with my creative genius. His words, not mine.
What Marshall didn't like was that I was going to have to negotiate with Darius to get it. Both he and Jeremy had offered to act as intermediaries. I'd declined, knowing if they did, Darius would refuse to sell or ask a price I couldn't pay.
Marshall looked surprised, "What was the cost?"
"Sex, in the back of his car on the way home," I answered honestly. I watched my father's eyes nearly explode from his eye sockets.
"Jesus, Mora!" Marshall stood. "The brotherhood will destroy him."
"No, Dad, because I'm not in a relationship with him," I reminded him. "It was sex. We haven't been together in a year next week, and it is not going to be an ongoing thing. I'm not his girlfriend, lover, or mistress. As far as the Fehu are concerned, I could have been a whore at a brothel. The fact that it was the man I love means nothing."
Marshall rubbed the back of his head in frustration. "Well, I hope you used protection this time. The last thing you need is to be a single mother of two children under two."
"I'm breastfeeding, Dad. I haven't even got my period back yet," I informed him.
At the mention of my period, Marshall looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Okay, well, just be sure you don't put yourself in a position you will get hurt, Mora." Marshall stood. "I don't want to see you hurt again."
"Is there no other way he can leave the Fehu, Dad? I mean, have you absolutely exhausted all options that would allow us to be together as a family?" I should have asked it eleven months ago, but I was too hurt then.
Marshall looked at his toes. "Thank you for letting me babysit. I'm glad you aren't lumping Zander with the father's responsibilities," he ignored my question.
I sighed, "Zander babysits so I can go to aerial, that's enough to burden him with. He deserves his own chance at love," I reminded Marshall. "He's out with Jasper and Warren tonight enjoying the female attention."
"I thought Warren was with Sophie now?" Marshall asked confused.
"Yes, Sophie is there too. They've been dating exclusively for six months now. Sophie is starting to look at engagement rings."
Dad smiled. "Tabitha is too."
"Alex isn't there yet, Dad," I worried.
"I know," Marshall shrugged. "I'm not interfering in it. He's dating an older woman and should realize that she'll want things to move faster. I've seen the way she coos over Jacob. She's ready to get in the family way."
I chuckled, "It's the opposite for Sophie. Warren is the clucky one out of those two. I suspect he'll suggest getting their own place before he thinks of marriage."
"What about you and Jasper?" Dad asked. I'd known he'd been curious to know if Jasper and I were still intimate, but it's not something you ask your daughter.
"That basically finished two months before Jacob was born," I admitted. "He's dating again, and I'm happy for him."
"And the musician you write songs with occasionally?"
"Also dating a Christian woman who takes issue with me being an unmarried mother." I swapped Jacob to the other breast. "Thank your brotherhood for that for me by the way. I love the stigma still attached to being a single mother, despite having been married conceiving my child."
Marshall looked at his feet again. "You're never going to forgive me for that, are you?"
I looked at my father, and it pained me that I couldn't forgive him. "You know I'm only shitty because I saw Darius tonight, right?" I asked. I needed him to understand I wasn't hating him every minute of every day.
"I should go. I'm glad the concert went well. I'm proud of you for making your natural talent work for you." Marshal leaned down and kissed my forehead.
"Thank you for babysitting, Dad. Jacob is really picky about who I leave him with."
Marshall smiled, "Thank you for letting me be part of your lives, Mora."
Dad left and I finished feeding Jacob. He went to sleep like usual after his night feed. I put him to bed with the recording Warren gave me of Darius playing the piano and singing. Jacob always slept well hearing that as he went to sleep.
***
Zander arrived home just before midnight and snuck up the hall to smile at Jacob sleeping in his cot. As he came back, he stuck his head in and looked at me. He was tipsy. Zander wasn't a big drinker, he always knew when he was reaching that fine line between happy and intoxicated and stopped. I was lying awake on my bed looking at him. Zander came in, sat down next to me, and wiped the tears from my cheek.
"He came to the concert, didn't he?" he asked gently. I nodded. "Did he talk to you?"
"He drove me home," I murmured.
Zander's jaw clicked. "Did you sleep with him?"
I closed my eyes, freeing more tears. Zander sighed, stood up, and pulled his shirt off before dropping his pants to the floor. He lifted the quilt and climbed beneath it, pulling me into his arms. I rested my head on his chest and cuddled him.
I could smell another woman's perfume on him. I remembered Darius climbing into bed with me wearing a perfume that made me sneeze and how disgusted I'd been. That wasn't what happened with Zander. It meant I was safe. He'd already gotten his rocks off tonight and was content to hold me so I wasn't alone.
"He should have taken you to France that first night," Zander murmured as he stroked my hair. "Should have taken you to France and stayed there with you."
"I was seventeen and he was twenty-three. It would never have worked out," I sighed. It's not like seven years had made any difference.
"You could still go," Zander suggested quietly. "Make a home there that he can come back to every weekend."
"I'd be alone all week long. No support network, no family and no friends. I would once again sacrifice everything for him, and he would lose nothing," I reminded him. "Darius would eventually meet someone else he can be with openly and just stop coming back to me one day." I relaxed against him. "As much as we hate it, we are where we are meant to be."
Zander held me tighter. "So you're meant to be in bed with me naked?" Zander asked cheekily.
"I'm not naked."
"You could be." Zander's hand drifted down to brush against the side of my breast.
I pinched Zander's nipple hard and smiled at his yelp. "We've had this discussion. I can't give you what you want or what you deserve because it's always going to be Dare for me."
Zander smirked, "I know, but I wouldn't be a guy if I didn't try, Mora." He snuggled his head against mine. "I've missed having this in my life; a woman to share my bed with, to make plans for the future with, to make love to."
I frowned at Zander, "Have you had a long-term relationship before, Zander?"
Zander's smile faded a little. "Yeah, a high school sweetheart. We were together all through university too."
I wasn't going to ask how she felt about his occupation at that time. "What happened?" I asked, already seeing the remembered pain in his face.
The smile was completely gone now. "She got pregnant. We decided to get married. The day before the wedding, she was with her sister, going to the spa for their pre-wedding treatments, when a truck failed to stop at a red light." Zander swallowed, sitt
ing up and facing away from me. "It killed them both instantly. My wife and my unborn child. The sister suffered major brain damage. She died when they took her off the ventilator a few weeks later."
I sat up and hesitantly put my arms around him. "You hide it so well, I would never have known."
Zander patted my arm. "It was a long time ago, Mora. A year before you even moved to England," he assured. "I guess Warren and I just decided to keep things casual after that."
"Warren?" I asked, confused.
Zander nodded his head, "He was dating Carol's sister. We both lost the women we loved at the same time."
"Oh God." I sagged against him. It explained so much about the brothers it wasn't funny.
Zander turned and gave me a sad smile. "We went through it together. It's good to see him moving on with Sophie. It's given me hope that I might find someone to try again with."
I saw that look in Zander's eyes. "I'm sorry I can't be that person for you, Zander. I wish I could, but..."
Zander held me tightly. "I know, Mora. You don't need to worry about it. I know who you belong to." He kissed the top of my head. "Let's get some sleep."
I lay down in his arms, feeling utterly heartbroken. "Is that why you've been so nice to me?"
"No, Mora," Zander breathed against me. "Carol was taken from me. Dare gave you up. It's an entirely different scenario. I've been here for you because that's what friends do."
"I hope you find her soon, Zander," I murmured. "The woman who will deserve you."
I felt Zander exhale hard. "Me too."
Chapter Seven
"Okay, what's going on?" Ewan asked as we finished recording for the day.
The rest of the band made a hasty exit, leaving Ewan to deal with my mood. "Nothing, I'm fine."
"And I'm the queen of England," Ewan replied sarcastically, blocking the doorway. "We've been back recording for a week. Today, all your music is filled with angst and annoyance. While that's working great on the tracks we've laid down, it won't be good for the stuff we are recording tomorrow."
I sighed and dropped back into the lounge chair in the booth. "Zander met someone."
