by PRATT, S.
‘Oh hey, Levi?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Thanks a million.’
‘Pleasure. I’ll see you both soon.’
****
Breakfast and the drive, while perfectly pleasant, have been a distraction for Mack. I completely understand why, because it’s not like her family and friends not to call her on her birthday. In fact, she’s so distracted she doesn’t notice I’m driving her out to the suburb of Double Bay and not back to her apartment. When we finally pull on to the street I’m looking for, she comes alive and looks around as I slow the car out the front of a house on the corner of Bennett Avenue. It’s a beautiful two story white cottage complete with a white picket fence and fireplaces.
I turn off the engine and look at her, smug that I have been keeping things from her, but excited that I’m about to reveal all.
‘Who lives here?’ she demands.
‘Come and see,’ I say smugly, unclicking her seatbelt as I get out of the car. She quickly follows suit and hops onto the curb, ogling the house in front of her.
‘Seriously Ty, who lives here?’ She’s curious as all hell, but she’ll have to wait a minute more.
‘Come,’ I command, and hold my hand out for her to take. She slides her dainty hand in mine and allows me to walk her through the awning trellis that has creeper vines and flowers crawling up it. Sounds of glasses clinking and muted voices reach us from the rear garden.
Like an impatient child, she’s walking on ahead, pulling me so that we might hurry a little faster. When we round the house and enter the back garden, we are met with silence as all the guests focus on the new arrivals – us. The usual crowd are here – all the important people in our life. There are her family, my family, new footy team mates and old. Levi and Jonas are practically part of the furniture in our lives so, of course, they’re here as well. There are also other friends we’ve made along the way – those as a couple and those as individuals. What’s the most important thing about this gathering is that we are surrounded by people who love and support us. Mackenzie turns to me confused.
‘What’s all this, Tyler?’
‘This,’ I say gesturing with my hands, ‘is your birthday present.’
‘A party?’ she says, smiling, relieved that she’s not been forgotten after all.
‘Well that too, because honestly, how could we forget your birthday. But no, I am referring to the house and garden too.’
‘What?’ she screeches excitedly. ‘You bought me a fucking house for my birthday?’ Everyone within ear shot immediately starts laughing at her outburst.
‘Well, I kind of bought us a house, baby.’
‘You can’t be serious!’
‘I am, and you’re going to have the best birthday party ever. I’m going to show you inside later, but right now you’re going to hug all your guests, we’re going to barbeque a pig on that spit roast over there, we’re going to drink far too much and fall in even more sappy love with each other and then we’re going to make crazy love in our new bed.’ I grin at her, flashing her my dimples that I know she loves so much. She gazes at me in amazement.
‘But Tyler, why?’
‘Well, mum and dad will be moving back into their house soon and I’ve been staying over at your apartment an awful lot. It was just starting to feel a little cramped there with all four of us, so, because I just signed a multi-million dollar deal with the Bunnies, I thought it was time for us to have a place of our own.’ Tears threaten to spill over her eyes. ‘Oh baby, don’t cry!’ I’m oblivious to our guest right now, my full attention on Mack.
‘Oh Tyler, they’re happy tears!’
‘Just as well, I was starting to worry I’d been too presumptuous in thinking you might want to live with me.’
‘Never.’ She shakes her head vehemently, determined to prove her point.
‘Good, it makes me happy to hear you say that. Now before I let you go and greet your guests, I want to quickly show you the best part.’
‘You mean there’s more?’
‘Just a little thing.’
She lets me lead her past anxious guests waiting to start with her birthday celebrations. Levi blows her a kiss, while Jonas winks at the pair of us.
‘They gave me a lot of help with organising all of this you know.’
‘I’ll be sure to thank them later,’ she grins. I lead her down the garden path to the back of the property. There, nestled into the corner of the garden is a gazebo, beautifully adorned with creepers and vines. Underneath it sits a perfectly hand-crafted wooden bench. On the back of the seat, a brand new brass plaque shines, drawing your eye straight towards it. I lead her inside the gazebo and sit her down on the seat so she can read it. She traces the engraved words with her fingers, reading as she goes. In loving memory of Chris Deeks and Kelly Redding. May you always have a place that is your sanctuary from the world.
‘Tyler, it’s so beautiful, thoughtful and absolutely … perfect. In my wildest dreams I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday than this. The house, my family and friends here to celebrate with us, and this … You’re right, this is by far the best part of my birthday.’
‘I’m glad, because being here with you, sharing our lives together – I couldn’t be a happier man if I tried.’ She climbs onto my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.
‘You believe this place is a sanctuary where we can escape from the world and be with each other when times are tough, it’s a place where we can find ourselves and come out stronger, right?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Well, you’re sort of right, but wrong too.’
‘I am?’
‘You are.’
‘So where is your sanctuary then?’ She takes her hand and places it on the middle of my chest.
‘It’s right here in your heart.’ And then she seals the deal with a kiss that makes me never want to let her go – guests or no guests.
When I finally concede that I do have to let her go so she can say hello to her family and friends, I stay behind in the place I created for us and watch her as she goes. There’s something very peaceful about being in love. It can make you light as a feather; so blissfully unaware of anything else of importance. It can make you feel anger, rage, jealousy and lust all in one sentence. But the most important thing that love can give a person is certainty. Certainty that love, real love, will always pull you through your darkest days. I know one day I’m going to marry that girl, and when I do, and I say the words ‘In sickness and in health, richer or poorer, until death do us part’, I know I’m going to damn well mean it. Mackenzie has had my heart since I first laid eyes on her, and do you know what? She still floors me like an elephant tripping in high heels.
The End
Please read on for your sample of RUINED.
SAMPLE OF RUINED BY S. PRATT
A Contemporary Romance
© Copyright March 2013 by S. Pratt
Preface
We all have secrets. Some are just buried deeper than others. But they’re there – hidden deep within. Mine I bury in that little red box people call a heart. Sometimes I wonder if I have a heart at all, for if I did I surely wouldn’t do the things I’ve done. Some people have that line they just don’t cross, while others have never had to draw it in the sand in the first place. They already know what is right from wrong. They know the consequence of stepping over it and they are just not willing. Others go barreling clean over it. No care for boundaries at all. Me, I know what ramifications my actions would have. Well, if anyone ever found out about them. But they won’t. I will never tell a soul my secret. It will just be mine.
There are times I am on my own and I let my mind dwell on it. It rolls around my head consuming my thoughts and I have to admit I like it. Does this make me a bad person? Perhaps. I am willing to feel guilt over my deception because my actions cause me so much pleasure. These moments are only brief. I can’t risk being found out. Too many people would be hurt.
&nb
sp; So I live my life according to the rules of others while my secret festers its way through my body. It bleeds slowly out of my heart and into my veins. Each word of my secret pulsing through me as it gets closer to the surface. I imagine one day it will get so close to the surface it will spring forth from my lips and reveal the monster I really am. There would be a giggle and then a torrent of words. I envision people seeing the manic woman confessing her sins to the world and revealing the dark side that lurks beneath. It won’t be pretty. The twisted faces of those who realize they’ve been deceived, and then the torture when they see me for who I really am.
So I prolong this day as long as possible, living my life with as much normalcy as I can. No one will know the real me.
No one will know that I have been willingly ruined by Angel – at least not while I can keep my mouth shut.
One
I live in Astoria, Oregon. It’s a small town that boasts being the oldest American settlement established west of the Rocky Mountains. My favorite movie of all time, ‘The Goonies’, was filmed here when I was a child. But I’m an adult now, and have responsibilities and obligations.
My fiancé and I reside in a house on The North Slope. I bought it when I was just twenty-three with money I had inherited from my grandfather. When I was younger my family and I used to vacation here, and I fell in love with the place instantly. Having my own money allowed me to make the move from my home town of Washington DC. The Victorian home I purchased looks north towards the Columbia River and I wouldn’t trade the high winds and rain that blanket the slope for anywhere else in the world.
Carron was working as a doctor at the local hospital when I needed stitches for a laceration to my arm. There were a lot of renovations to do on the house, and with money starting to dwindle I had taken upon doing them myself. It was silly really, but a simple slip on the wet driveway allowed the broken window I was carrying to slip and slice deeply into my arm. I bandaged it quickly and drove myself to the Columbia Memorial Hospital.
The minute I laid eyes on him I knew he was a kind man. He had warm hazel eyes that twinkled behind his glasses. I knew he was a lot older than me by the whispers of grey hair that graced his sideburns. He fixed my arm, and I wondered if he might be able to fix the rest of me too.
For a while, I didn’t think I would ever be able to be with another man. Carron changed that. He pursued me relentlessly for six months until I said I would go out with him. At first I thought it would just be companionship. But he offered stability when all I had known was destruction and hopelessness. I gave myself to him in the only way I knew how – I slept with him. That was a year and a half ago.
Recently, Carron asked me to marry him. I said yes. Not because I’m in love with him – because I’m not. I do love him, though only as much as one can when they feel their soul is ultimately tied to another. It has always been this way since I was fifteen. I know my feelings will never change, so I have made the best of what I can. Life with Carron sometimes feels like a lie. Sometimes I feel like a rotten shit for keeping him around, especially when he looks at me with those eyes. Sad and soulful – willing me to give him more than I am capable of. But I will never be able to give him the love he deserves.
He never quits on me, though. My life with him sometimes seems like one big apology, and I know he tries to figure out how to unlock the secrets of my heart. But to be honest, I’m sure if he ever did he would wish he’d never bothered because I know he will not like what he finds there.
I’m walking home from work. It’s the middle of November and a chilly seven degrees out. The late afternoon sun is weak and watery and a cool breeze floats off the water. My hands are full of grocery bags with food to prepare a meal. We are having dinner tonight with friends – his friends. As with every aspect of my life, I am a reluctant participant in what I consider mundane socialization. Carron sees things completely differently, of course, but manages to hide his embarrassment and confusion at my lack of social graces quite well. I’m sure his friends think of me as snobby or standoffish, but the fact remains I just have no desire for friends. It only means more people I have to lie to and, sometimes, the guilt comes knocking pretty fucking loudly on my door.
I hurry up the hill, struggling to juggle all my grocery sacks. As I make the turn onto Seventeenth Street I am suddenly shocked into coming to an abrupt halt. As he drives by in his car, our eyes connect instantly. I’ve been longing to see him for so long – and here he is, so unexpectedly real, driving out of the street I live on. Warmth spreads over his dark features and I remember what it is like to run my hands through his short brown hair while his hands caress my body. These thoughts of him are intoxicating. He stops the car, but does not get out. The urge to touch each other would be far too strong for either of us.
The engine of the car hums as exhaust fumes plume out the back of his rental car. I want him to run to me, take me away with him and never look back. But he won’t. He wants me to have a normal life, not one where we have to hide. It is a bitter pill to swallow – the fact that I have missed him calling in to see me unexpectedly. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I go into a complete meltdown. I become a junkie, willingly opening up for my fix and then completely falling apart when it is taken away again. Hi, my name’s Bailey Michaels and I’m a sucker for punishment.
The thing is, though, I don’t want normal. I only want him.
No, that’s not even right.
I need him. I need Angel.
Like he always does, he leaves. I’m left standing like someone has just run a knife through my heart and I let out a little sob. It takes all my willpower not to drop to my knees and cry like a baby. I’m close, but by the skin of my teeth manage to pull myself together before the tears start. No matter what my heart desires, I know he can never give it to me. The only problem we both have is learning to accept that fact once and for all.
The wind fiercely whips my long auburn hair across my freckled face and I snap back to reality. I curse when I realize how late it is getting and hurry up the street to my house before Carron gets home. I’m going to need time to compose myself so he doesn’t suspect anything is amiss.
The Victorian house is full of character. I have put every bit of my soul into it and have lovingly restored it to its original glory. The outside is painted in a cream colored paint with black accents here and there. Steps that lead from the footpath to the front door have been painstakingly tiled with a mosaic pattern. It is original and unique which gives the whole house an eclectic feel to it. The side verandah affords views over the whole town and I will often sit in the rocking chair with my cat, just taking in the view. She greets me now as I climb the stairs, wrapping her tail around my ankles and almost tripping me as I go.
‘Shoo Jezebel.’ She meows in response, but persists in her affectionate onslaught. Once inside she runs straight to the bay window to take up her position on the pillow that holds prime real estate next to pipes that carry hot water to heat the house. I ignore her as I head to the kitchen and dump the groceries on the bench. I’m eager to shower, hoping the water will wash away the tension of the shock at seeing Angel.
The water blasts out of the shower head and I have it as hot as I can stand it. I shampoo my hair, taking longer than usual to knead my fingers across my scalp and massage away the headache that is building. My thoughts drift to Angel and I wish that he could take all my pain away like he did in high school. He saved me that day. His arms were like a warm blanket around me when I was battered and bruised. Angel always tells me it was I who saved him, but I think he has it a little mixed up. Nobody gets me the way he does. The only problem is, there is no way in hell we can be together.
Not then, not now, not ever.
I am startled out of my reverie when the bathroom door abruptly opens.
‘Hey Bails are you almost done in there hon?’
‘Ah, yeah.’
‘Okay babe. Do you want me to start peeling the vegetables for tea?’
/>
‘That would be great; I’ll be just a sec.’ My tone belies my misery. I want to be a happy person for Carron, and for him to be happy with me. Lately, though, I’m not sure I can do this forever. He leaves me to finish up and goes back downstairs to start on dinner. By the time I join him in the kitchen he has diced all the vegetables and turned the oven on to preheat for the chicken I am going to roast.
‘Thanks for doing the vegetables.’ I kiss his cheek and am comforted by his scent. It is familiar and masculine.
‘Anytime. I poured you a wine.’ He nods to the glass on the end of the bench.
‘Thanks; how was your day?’ Carron’s day varies between manageable and chaotic, depending on what our small town throws at him.
‘My day was great actually,’ he says as he puts the chicken into a roasting tray. ‘I had a sweet little girl come in with a broken arm – she was very brave though.’ He smiles at the memory.
‘Must have been painful for her.’
‘Yeah, but the promise of a lollipop made her putty in my hands. Made me think of what it would be like for us to have kids.’ His voice trails off a little. He is wistful, but knows I have never really made plans for the future. Hell, I think when I said yes to his proposal he was more surprised than I.
‘Mmm-hmm.’ I busy myself with setting the table. He eyes me carefully; there is an undercurrent in the air that he can’t ignore.
‘Everything okay? How was your day?’
‘It was alright. A little tiring, that’s all.’
