Grace hardened herself to the woman, who had ruined Jack's life. "When you killed Jack's son," she completed Lauren's sentence.
Lauren blinked back tears. "No one understands what happens. Everything's messed up in your mind. You distort things, see things that aren't there. Jack will understand in time. He hasn't stopped loving me. I saw it on his face. You couldn't help seeing it either. I'll give him everything we had before."
"Except his son," Grace said. "You can never give Jack back his son. And I will never give my son to you to raise with Jack, regardless of what Jack decides to do about you."
Susan, who had been standing in the hallway, walked back into the room, and said to Grace, "If I agree to carry the baby to full term, would I have to give him to you?"
Grace looked at Susan with misgiving. After hearing what Lauren said about postpartum depression, she knew the threat to Marc's baby after he was born was very real. Especially because he was Marc's baby, a baby Susan hadn't wanted from the instant she learned she was pregnant with him, in spite of what she'd just implied. But for the moment, stopping a late-term abortion took precedence over speculation about what would happen after the birth.
"I'm only asking you to carry him to full term," Grace said. "You can decide whether or not to keep him after he's born."
"We'll do it," Sam said. Looking over at Susan, he said, "Honey, I'll call the airlines and see what needs to be done to get you aboard. It's our best chance for Ricky."
Grace looked from Susan to Sam, and said, "All you need is to have her doctor fill out a certificate that says she's okay to fly, but I'm sure he'd only do it if we plan to leave right away."
Sam went up to Grace and gave her a hug. "Thank you for doing this for us," he said. "We can never make it up to you."
Grace looked at Sam, and replied, "I'm doing it for Ricky," then turned to leave, only to find Jack standing in the doorway. He started to walk up to Grace, but Lauren quickly moved from the sofa and intercepted him. "Jack, you vowed to love me in sickness and in health. I was sick at the time and now I feel like I have a hole in my heart that I put there, but what's worse, I put a hole in your heart. I can never forgive myself for that." She ran her hands up Jack's chest and around his neck. "I love you and I always will."
Jack wrestled her arms from around him. "Save it," he said. "The hole in my heart is for Jackie. I feel nothing for you." He took Grace's arm. "Come on, let's go. You've said what you needed to say." He ushered Grace toward the door.
Once outside, Grace tugged her arm from his grasp, crossed the driveway ahead of him and hurried up the porch steps and into the house, not stopping until she reached her bedroom, but before she could rush in and slam the door, Jack caught up with her and grabbed her arm. Grace turned to him before he could speak, and said, "I'm sorry I asked you to help me raise Marc's son. I had no right to do that. If Susan will give him up he'll be my responsibility. I only expect you to help with Adam, and I don't want to live in a house on the ranch, I want to live in my own house. And now I intend to finish packing. The sooner I get away from here, the better."
She snatched her arm away from Jack's grasp, turned into the bedroom and shut the door. She could think of nothing she'd rather not do than live in a house on the ranch and be forced to see the woman who killed Jack's son going in and out of Susan's house. That was not an option.
But for now, she had to set everything else aside and prepare her state of mind for flying on an airplane, when the thought of it terrified her…
Without knocking, Jack opened the door, and said, "Grace, you're going to hear me out."
"What do you think you're doing, walking into my room?!" Grace cried. "You're not my husband."
"That's what I've been trying to talk to you about," Jack said. "I want us to be married when Adam arrives. There's a three-day wait for the license, so if we go to the courthouse today we can be married before we leave for New Jersey."
Grace looked at Jack, stunned. "Are you crazy? You can't possibly be serious."
"Dead serious," Jack said.
"Your mother's behind this, isn't she?"
Although Grace was fond of Maureen, she knew Maureen had put pressure on Jack and that Jack was doing the right thing, not because he might grow to love her someday, or having her in his house the past week made him realize what he'd missed in a wife, but because he didn't want his son to be a bastard. Nor did she. The only difference was, if she married Jack it would be because she loved him…
"My mother has nothing to do with it." Jack said.
Grace looked at him, baffled. "What then?"
Walking up to her, Jack put his hands on her shoulders, and looking steadily at her, he said, "You told me it seemed right for you to wear the rings your husband gave you since you were having his child. Well, you're having mine now, so it's right for you to wear the wedding ring I have for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little box and flipped the lid, displaying a plain gold band. "It's not much, but I didn't know what you'd want and it'll give you something to wear until we get back from New Jersey."
Grace stared at the gold ring shining up at her from its little blue velvet cushion, the reality of what it meant slowly sinking in. Jack was ready to make a life-long commitment to the mother of his child, when he could be done with her in eighteen years, and he was so certain it was the right thing to do he'd gone out and bought her the ring.
But would it be a snap decision he'd later regret?
"We need to do this, Grace. We need to do it for Adam," Jack said
Grace looked up from the ring. Nothing in Jack's expression told her he had doubts. And when he reached up and touched her face and said, "Honey, I know this is the right thing to do," the fact that he seemed so sure, even though love had not entered the picture, prompted her to reply, "I suppose you're right. I don't want Adam to grow up with the insecurity of having unmarried parents. Where would we get married?"
"Either at the courthouse or here at the ranch. It doesn't matter."
It doesn't matter.
Those words stung. It did matter. It mattered that she was about to make a life-long commitment to the father of her baby, and five minutes in front of a nameless judge, with a couple of court clerks for witnesses, was tantamount to taking a number and waiting in line. "I'd rather it be at the ranch," she said. "Maybe you could find a minister to come out here."
"So the ring is okay?" Jack asked, still holding out the box.
"It's fine," Grace said. She pulled the ring out from its slit in the insert in the box and put it on her finger and held out her hand and looked at it. Plain gold, for a plain woman.
"I'll get you something better later," Jack said, as if reading her thoughts.
"It's fine, really," Grace replied, feeling a stab of guilt. She'd have Jack as her husband and he'd be faithful to her. And they'd raise their son together, and have others. Giving Jack a faltering smile, she said, "I'll need to get you a ring too."
Jack dug in his pocket and pulled out another plain gold band, and as Grace looked at it, for one dreadful moment she wondered if it was the ring he'd worn when he was married to Lauren.
Jack relieved her mind, when he said, "I got the rings from a jewelry store near the courthouse. I took a chance you'd agree to marry me. We can have them engraved when we get back."
Grace pulled the gold band off her finger and returned it to Jack. "Yes, that would be nice," she said. Pleasantries. A cordial agreement to marry. No declarations of love. But the child that was created by accident deserved to come into the world to legally wed parents, and maybe, over time, Jack would learn to love her, and in the years between, they'd be busy raising their family.
"Then let's go to the courthouse and fill out the license application," she said, and hoped she hadn't just made the biggest mistake in her life.
CHAPTER 11
Four days later, Jack arrived at the ranch with a man dressed in a black suit and wearing a white Roman collar, along with the ma
rriage license, stamped by the court. Jack went to the house and collected Grace and walked her over to the lodge and introduced her to the man.
"This is Pastor Roberts," he said. "He's ready to marry us."
"Now?" Grace replied, saddened that she'd be getting married in a plain plum-colored maternity top and purple pants, with her hair a mess of disorganized waves, and no one in her family present, but time was running out, and although every other plan she'd made concerning having Marc's baby had failed, she did want Jack's name on Adam's birth certificate. But to get married now, with no preliminaries, not even a chance to fix her hair, or change into something other than a worn maternity top and mismatched pants, or have a little procession with music and some flowers, and maybe someone to walk her down the aisle, it wasn't much better than getting married in front of the judge.
"It's the only time the pastor can work us in," Jack explained. "Susan and Sam aren't here, but Mom and Flo will stand in as witnesses."
Grace felt a little twang of regret. Would this hasty wedding come back to haunt her? Would Jack one day get restless and wonder why he insisted they do it? And would she really be able to make him happy, and keep him that way? Did she really want to be Mrs. Jack Hansen?
My boys are the most honorable men I know...
"Grace?" Jack said, recapturing her attention. "I won't let you down."
Grace looked at him and knew the words came from his heart. "I need to comb my hair and polish my fingernails first," she said, a silly thing to think important—polishing her fingernails—before making a lifelong commitment, but she was nine months pregnant, so she allowed herself a moment of illogical reasoning. She also wanted to change out of the ugly plum-colored top and purple pants. The top still had jam down the front from breakfast, where she'd dropped a biscuit upside down and tried to scrub the residue of butter and jam off.
"Honey," Jack said, as she turned to leave, "you look pretty the way you are."
Grace looked at Jack, stunned. He'd never told her she was pretty. How could he have? He'd been married to Miss Teen Oregon. Still, Jack's words sounded sincere. "Thank you,"' she said, "but I need to fix my hair."
After she'd hastily finished her hair and nails and changed into a rose colored maternity top and black pants, she returned to the lodge to find Maureen and Flo standing and waiting for her. Maureen handed her a bouquet of silk flowers, and said, "A bride needs a bouquet."
"Thank you," Grace replied, feeling a little twinge of regret that the color of the flowers clashed with her maternity top. But it did make her feel a little more like a bride.
"And something old," Maureen added. She draped a pendant around Grace's neck.
Grace lifted the round disk and studied the intricate design cut in its satiny silver surface. "Is it the sun?" she asked, seeing what looked like fiery rays radiating from a deeply excised circle.
"No," Maureen replied, "it's the moon. The night of a harvest moon, Adam and I rode the horses up to the ridge to see it, and while we stood watching, Adam asked me to marry him. About that time a cloud formation moved in front of it, and I commented that the moon looked like it was dancing. Adam laughed and said it was because I'd just agreed to marry him, and that's how the Dancing Moon Ranch got its name. We honeymooned in Arizona, so while we were there, Adam commissioned a Hopi silversmith to make the pendant and several other pieces of jewelry with the dancing moon on it. This is an especially beautiful piece of silver overlay. You can pass it on to one of your children someday."
Grace was touched that Maureen would entrust her with such a special piece. "It's wonderful, and I'll treasure it always," she said, and wondered which of her six children it would go to. She glanced at Jack, who had an anxious look on his face. Regret? Resolve? She couldn't decide which. But then, she knew her own face showed uncertainty. Jack had to have noticed it.
"Borrowed and blue," Flo said, offering a hanky with blue embroidery. "It's part of my trousseau. Never got to use it."
Grace smiled weakly and took her place beside Jack. She wanted to pass the bouquet back to Maureen and hold Jack's hand because she wanted some acknowledgement that theirs was more than a marriage of convenience, and to her surprise, Jack took the flowers from her and handed them back to his mother, and said, "Hold this for Grace." He smiled at Grace, and took her hand and held closely it as the pastor passed on words of advice about couples growing to love each other over time, and weathering the ups and downs in life. Then he asked then to look at each other, which they did, and when they repeated the words that joined them in holy matrimony, Grace, for the first time, felt that maybe Jack really did love her in his own way. And when she repeated those same words to him, she was certain that, over the years their love would grow. After exchanging rings, the pastor pronounced them husband and wife. His final words were to Jack, "You may now kiss the bride."
With that Jack curved his finger beneath Grace's chin, and bending over, kissed her on the lips, and said, "Thank you, Mrs. Hansen. You may give birth to my son any time now."
It was odd hearing Jack call her Mrs. Hansen, and seeing a ring on his finger, knowing he was her husband. He was also the legal father of her son. No more talk of joint custody. Maybe that was the real reason Jack wanted to marry her before the baby came.
"Sorry to cut this short," Maureen said to Grace, "but we need to leave right now for your doctor's appointment." The last thing left to do before flying off later that afternoon—pick up the certificate from the doctor, clearing her for flying. He'd already checked her earlier in the week and given his approval, but only with the stipulation that he could check her vital signs the day of the flight, at which time he'd turn the certificate over to her.
The days leading up to the marriage had been impossibly busy. Besides taking time off to apply for the license, Jack had a plethora of ranch work to take care of before leaving, so Maureen helped Grace with the hospital arrangements by going online to the Hackensack University Medical Center and downloading the forms for pre-admission, along with forms from the laboratory that would process the cord blood and allow the obstetrician at the hospital to collect the baby's cord blood at birth, along with Grace's blood, for the tests required before transplantation. Because Susan was already registered, the hospital, on learning about the mix-up at the fertility clinic, was accommodating in making the changes to include Grace. So after completing the forms, a return fax assured Grace that preparations would be in place for her arrival, and Jack took care of the financial end.
On leaving the doctor's office, Grace tried to force images of that fateful flight from a return trip from visiting her grandmother in Michigan, shortly before marrying Marc, but the images wouldn't be suppressed. So she concentrated on statistics. What would be the odds of a person, who rarely flew, going down in two planes? And Jack would be there, which didn't keep the plane in the air, but possibly would keep her from shaking and sweating and hyperventilating, and going weak all over and passing out from fright when the thing lifted off the ground.
"You ready to go?" Jack asked, from his stance in the doorway to Grace's bedroom. She looked up. She'd never seen him dressed for travel. He was still all cowboy, but instead of worn jeans and an equally worn shirt and scuffed western boots, he wore dark brown western-cut slacks, a tan shirt with pearl snaps, and dress boots that looked like they were rarely worn because they had a slight sheen to them. It didn't surprise her that Jack wore no tie. Even though she'd seen a collection of braided leather bolas with varied clasps in his closet, no doubt gifts over the years, Jack was not a silver-clasp-bola kind of guy.
"I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be," Grace said. "I just wish they made a runway that would stretch from Portland to New York. But at least the flight's non-stop and we'll be flying at night, so I won't have to look down and see how far away the ground is."
Jack walked over to her and straightened the collar of her maternity top, which seemed a husband-like thing to do, and said, "Stop worrying, honey. The weather's
fine all the way across the country. How do you feel?"
"Fine," Grace said, although she wasn't absolutely sure the tightening in her belly was from worry about the flight, or because Jack was standing in front of her with his hands on her shoulders and looking at her. He kissed her, and her belly tightened again.
So it was Jack's nearness that made her belly do funny things.
"Has she left?" Grace had definitely not intended to ask Jack about Lauren. Nor did she want to know the details.
"Honey, Lauren's my ex-wife. She killed my son. She means nothing to me."
"She was at the hot springs pool with you." Definitely not something she intended to bring up now. She had enough flutters and other feelings in her stomach without adding anxiety over what went on in the natural hot tub with Jack and Lauren.
"She took the horse she used to ride and tracked me there," Jack said
"Were you in the pool when she found you?" Grace asked.
"Yes."
"Were you naked?"
"Yes."
"Did she touch you?"
"Yes."
Tears filled Grace's eyes. "You didn't have to marry me, Jack. I was okay with things the way we were, but I'm not okay with this. She killed your son. How could you have sex with her? I would have taken care of you, although I understand that it would have been a lot better doing it the right way than—"
"Grace, stop!" Jack said, in a harsh voice. "Nothing happened. Lauren caught me at a bad time. I was sitting in the pool thinking about you, about how much I liked... well, holding your breasts, if you really want to know, and I got hard. When Lauren came in I got out of the pool and she assumed it was because of her. She put her hands on my chest, and I shoved them away and got dressed. I told her I planned to marry you, then got on my horse and started back to the ranch. She followed on her horse, trying to convince me to take her back, and that was that."
Living With Lies Trilogy (Books 1, 2, and 3 of The Dancing Moon Ranch Series) Page 14
