by Mia Ford
“Drew wants a boy,” Callie said as she rolled her eyes. “The next few months should be fabulous.”
“It will be once you’re over this morning sickness,” Molly promised her as she hugged Callie.
I watched them, admiring their bond. I didn’t have that with Dan though we got on well.
“How’s school? Are you excited to be done soon?” Mom asked, leading me to the kitchen.
“Sure, I am. I am still going on to law school though. It’s not over yet,” I reminded her as she frowned at me.
“You’re still planning that?” I stared at her.
“Yes, I am. Nothing has changed with that,” I assured her as she sighed.
“You know your father wants you to join the company, Sterling.” Her eyes were pleading with me and I kept my temper in check.
“I have my own dreams, Mom. I always have,” I told her, hugging her again. “It’ll be fine.”
I took my bag upstairs to my old room, thinking about Rosie. Years ago, she used to spend time in this house. There were a few pictures I brought to school with me of us as kids. I loved looking at them. I loved looking at her now, particularly when she was making herself come with her own hand. That was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. I knew it would be the chosen fantasy in my head to jerk off to from now on. I opened the door and dropped my bag on the bed.
There were so many memories in this room.
I unpacked what I could and got things organized. I heard voices downstairs and listened through the open door, hearing Dan’s voice. I headed downstairs and walked into the living room, seeing him standing there in his scrubs as he hugged Mom.
“Hey, Dan.” I said as he glanced up. “How are you doing?”
“Great. Tired. Hungry.” He walked over and hugged me. “It’s good to see you. It feels like you’re going to school in another state sometimes.”
“I hear that. I just get busy,” I replied, thinking that law school might be further away than the university.
We sat down and caught up as Mom grabbed beers for us. She only did this when we were staying for dinner for several hours. Dan also assured her that he didn’t have a shift for a couple of days though he did joke about falling asleep on the couch. The twins came in to greet him and he asked Callie how her appointment went. She showed him the ultrasound, and he looked it over as she sat beside him.
I watched, thinking in part about how I didn’t feel like I was a major part of this family and Rosie. I had never thought about having a kid, hence my strict policy about protection. I don’t know why I let it go with Rosie so easily. I knew that she had a future planned and wouldn’t be careless about it. She was responsible, and I couldn’t see her not always being prepared. It didn’t mean that I’d ever sleep with another woman bare because I wouldn’t. I just couldn’t go back with Rosie now.
“Sterling?” I blinked and looked at Dan. “Where were you?”
“Just thinking,” I replied quickly, sitting down, and forcing myself back into the present.
Dad came home just as Mom and the girls were getting dinner on the table. He shook my hand when he saw me before depositing his briefcase into the office. We all sat down to eat, and he focused his attention to my pregnant sister. He seemed to grudgingly accept the pregnancy but was clearly pleased with the father. Dad had nothing good to say about him. All I gathered from the entire conversation is that was a great worker for the family business. I hoped he was a good man since he was with my sister, but I couldn’t tell from what my father said. He nodded with pride when Dan told us about his busy day, making me feel like I was in for it when it was my turn.
His dark eyes took me in silently for a moment as he chewed a carrot.
“Are you prepared for school to end?” His question was direct, and I blinked as I felt my mom looking at me.
“Yes, sir. I am looking into law school now and deciding where I want to live.” I told him as his face darkened. We’d had this talk before, but it felt like my whole family hoped that I’d forget all about it.
“I was hoping that you’d move back home and help out with the family business. There’s actually a woman I’d like you to meet in the office. She’s the sister to Callie’s Jacob.” His eyes warmed slightly as I dropped my fork, holding my hands up.
“No. Not me, Dad. I am not ready to settle in life that way. I have other things that I want to do. I’m not Callie.” My voice was angry as my sister gaped at me. I longed to tell him that I was friends with Rosie that I was sleeping with her.
“What does that mean?” She barked as I pushed away from the table, reaching into my pocket for the keys to my car. I walked outside and started it, taking a long drive around before stopping at a friend’s place to calm down. I might have fucked up this entire visit now, but I couldn’t just roll over when he tried to plan my life for me. I was a goddamn adult.
19
Rosalind
I wanted to crawl under the table as we settled in for dinner. Rich was across from me as I stared at my plate, waiting for the food to be passed around. Luckily, the kids were chattering and keeping everyone’s attention as I stabbed random food and tried to eat.
I met Rich in high school because his father was a colleague of my father. They worked together in a few deals and got the idea that their kids belonged together. Rich was attractive, and I dated him for four months before I couldn’t take it any longer. Dad was so pushy with him and Rich was clingy with me. He wanted to spend every moment that we could together. My heart broke when I saw him walking into the house, knowing that my father was trying to be a matchmaker again.
I felt his eyes on me as I chewed a piece of noodle with gooey cheese and sauce. It was normally one of my favorites, but it merely sat in my stomach tonight. I glanced up to see Rich staring at me and reached for my wine. I played it off like I wasn’t affected by it or else they’d cut me off. Wine was for savoring with dinner and company, not escaping any situation that I might be in. That might make me look like an out of control alcoholic. We all knew that my grandfather had been a functioning one, but it was never spoken about. I’d seen my own brothers drunk a few times in their younger lives to the point of being sloppy. Now, they sat with their wives and kids and looked the part of the successful adult. Both women were starting to show in their pregnancies and already close, so it seemed perfect.
Not that I wanted that. I took birth control religiously even though I was only sleeping with one man. I should probably be more careful in that situation given that it was Sterling. He just felt so good coming inside of me. If there was a pregnancy, my family might disown me. Nobody was ready for that.
The subject of school rolled around, and all eyes were on me. I expressed my excitement to graduate and begin the next chapter of my life though I was vague about what was next. I didn’t want to move back home to this oppressive house and live this life. It felt too good to escape when I did.
My major allowed me to live anywhere, assuming that I was successful. It had nothing to do with business or numbers like my father wanted but it was my life. Dad asked me if I had any ideas for work in a dubious voice and I forced a smile to my face.
“I’ve done some work for the campus and a few teachers. I’ve also been recommended to some great freelance sites. That alone could make me a good living.” I watched as he sighed heavily.
“That’s not stable, Rosalind. You’ll never know what you’re going to make that month.” At his office, I’d have stability and a decent salary. It would just be like being in prison to me being around him that much, not to mention Rich and any other man he thought would make a good partner for me.
“I’m a good writer and versatile, Dad. I can do a variety of jobs. People are making six figures freelance writing now. There is a union offering everything that a regular job does as well. It’s a big industry.” I argued lightly as one of my brothers openly laughed at me. I glared at him as he reached over to pat his wife’s stomach.
“It sound
s like the token starving artist lifestyle to me.” Brian said as he reached for his beer, taking a long draw from the bottle.
“Self-publishing is one of the fastest growing industries right now. There are many authors thriving and successful,” I told him as I saw my mother tilt her head at me. It was her way of telling me to give it a rest without causing a scene. She’d been doing it for years. The sad thing is that she used to write. I’d found a few books of her poetry and stories and they were amazing.
“It might make a good second job, but I can’t see you depending on that. In that case, you’d be working long hours and have no time to get out there and live your life.” I knew that Dad meant that I’d have no time to settle down with the man he’d like to see me with. How would I ever have time to marry and start popping out kids like my mom had? My brothers were in the process of doing the same thing.
I was relieved when the kids wanted to go for a walk after dinner. It was still light out and beautiful. I slipped on a sweatshirt and took them out front. I held hands with the littles and warned the others to stay nearby as we headed down the sidewalk. I stared forward as I watched the older kids bouncing over the cement, telling them to be careful as I saw the roof of Sterling’s home. I wondered what he was doing, longing to curl up with him and cry this out. My family always got me on edge and I breathed in and out a few times.
I reminded myself that I was an adult. I could make my own decisions and live my dreams. I didn’t need anyone’s help, if that was the veiled threat that my dad was giving me. I told the kids that we were going to turn around at the end of the street, looking at the pretty house with all the windows as we moved past it. I could see up the driveway and noted that a car was driving towards the street. I caught sight of Sterling’s angry face as he made a sharp turn to the right, speeding away without noticing me. I held onto Geneva in my arms and held Bryce’s hand as the other kids stared with wide eyes at his disappearing car. They told their parents about it as soon as we were back at the house, running inside with their loud voices. I was ready to follow them when Rich stepped forward, pushing his way out to the front porch.
“A moment, Rosalind?” He asked as I pressed my lips together, still imagining Sterling’s face as I wondered what happened. I moved to the table with chairs scattered about and sat down as he took the one beside me. There wasn’t enough wine in the world for this. “I’d like to take you to dinner while you’re here, as well as for the Christmas break. I would like to rekindle what we had now that you’re not tied to college in a few months. We could give more time to one another.” I stared at him in shock as he took in my face leisurely.
“What did we have to rekindle? It lasted maybe four months, Rich. It wasn’t the romance of the century,” I told him as he leaned back, resting his hands in his lap. He looked so stiff in the white shirt and tie that he was wearing now, so much like any other businessman on the street.
“I could support you while you look into that writing dream. I make good money and have a house a few blocks from here, Rosalind. I could give you the world.” His eyes were locked onto my face as I shook my head slowly. He was using that to make me want to come back to him?
“I… I am not even done with school, Rich. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I am.” I protested as I felt my heart begin to race in my chest.
“It’s just dinner for now. We can talk about the future,” he told me as I rested my head in my hands.
“I don’t know, Rich. I’m just here for Thanksgiving,” I groaned, feeling a headache coming on. I stood and went back into the house for some water, feeling too nauseous for wine any longer. Everyone was in the living room with the kids as I leaned against the counter, sipping the cold liquid.
I looked up as my mother walked inside of the kitchen. She sighed as she came to stand beside me, wrapping an arm around my waist.
“Try to get along with your father. He just wants the best for you,” she told me softly as I closed my eyes.
“He trashed my job, Mom. He wants to tie my life up in a neat little package.” My voice was soft as she remained silent for a moment. She always loved the fact that I was as into writing as much as she’d been, until it became an issue with my dad. She gave it up for him and seemed to want me to do the same.
“Rich is a good man. He’d treat you well,” she said as I sighed.
“I don’t feel anything for him. I want passion in every aspect of my life.” I kept speaking, hoping she’d hear my words. I didn’t think that my loving mom would push me into the mold that everyone else wanted me in. I knew that she didn’t as we made our way to the living room, hiding in a big chair as conversation swirled around me.
20
Sterling
I ended up falling asleep at Tom’s house. We had a few beers and caught up as I tried to push the thought of my family to the back of my head. I did the right thing and sent Mom a text in the morning, telling her that I was okay. I didn’t want her to worry, but I preferred to avoid Dad as much as possible.
Tom made some coffee, and we settled at the breakfast bar to drink it. He asked about my plans this week and I told him that I wasn’t sure. I wanted to go to Rosie’s and sweep her away from there into our little world again. I hoped that she wasn’t having a hard time at her house. He mentioned that there was a new club in town that I might like, and I nodded. It would be a good opportunity for me to catch up with some friends and get out of the house. After lunch, I reluctantly headed back to my house and parked in the driveway. I noted that Dad was gone when I walked through the garage, relieved that he wouldn’t be giving me shit yet. Mom was in the kitchen on the phone and she pointed to a barstool before holding up a finger. I sighed and sat as she finished talking to who I assume was one of my aunts, turning to face me.
“What was that last night?” She demanded as I rested my head in my hands.
“I just couldn’t handle Dad.” I admitted, not looking at her. Mom loved me, but she was married to him. I also knew that the more grandchildren she had surrounding her, the better.
“He wants what’s best for you. He feels that way about all of you.” She assured me, making me raise my head to look at her.
“I don’t want to meet a girl at the office that I’m working at. I don’t want the white picket fence and kids right now,” I told her as she nodded. “I still have school ahead of me.”
“I just want you home again,” she said as I met her eyes.
“I am not leaving the family, Mom. I’m just going to school. You’ll be busy with Callie and the baby.” I reminded her as she smiled. She was already in love with the idea. “I’ll apologize to her. That was shitty to say to her.”
“Good. I think you hurt her feelings. Watch your language, Sterling.” I smiled as she spoke, knowing that I’d slip up again. We spent the afternoon together catching up, joined by the girls late in the day. They’d been out shopping for the baby and their arms were full of bags of neutral colored things that they showed Mom.
Callie gave me a sour look as she walked some bags to the small room that was going to serve as the nursery at my parent’s house. I cleared my throat as Molly stared me down, waiting for my other sister to come back into the room.
“Cal?” I asked as she looked over at me. “I am sorry about what I said to you last night. I didn’t mean to go after you when I wasn’t mad at you to begin with,” I said as her eyes softened. “I just have one question for you.” She nodded with a small smile. “Is he good to you?”
“Yes, he’s amazing. I met him myself, not through Dad. It was at a party one night and we fell hard and fast.” I saw the dreamy look in her eyes as she stared at the wall behind me. I looked at Mom and she nodded.
“It’s true. We all liked him, and he got the job after they met.” She smiled and raised her eyebrows as he chuckled.
We talked about their plans to move in together in a month. They were waiting on his condo to be remodeled for a family before moving their things
in. Callie was happy about it and I relaxed a bit as I learned about her life. Molly was dating a nice guy that she met in her second year of college and seemed happy as well. She just wasn’t serious about him or anyone else. She wanted to finish school to become a teacher.
It was casual when we all made dinner later. Mom was cooking some quick vegetable soup, and the girls grilled cheese sandwiches at the stove as we chatted. I liked these moments with them. I used to wish that Dad would leave the family, so we could be like this all the time. It never happened.
He walked in as we were getting the soup into bowls and the sandwiches on plates. Dad gave me a short, dark look as he went to his office, taking his seat at the head of the table. The conversation was similar to the one from the night before though he left me alone. Now that I knew more about Callie and her boyfriend, I was fine with that topic. I told her that I wanted to meet him, and she assured me that he’d be dropping by on the holiday for dessert.
I sipped my soda as I ate, listening to everyone talk around me. I was still thinking about Rosie and wondered what she was doing. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I took it out to read the screen. Tom said that he was hitting the club tonight and invited me along. I told him that I’d meet him there before putting the phone back into my pants. I hopped away from the table, telling Mom that I was going out with friends tonight as she gave me a soft smile. Dad and I weren’t warm and fuzzy, but we didn’t argue tonight. That was an improvement.
I showered and dressed in some black jeans and a deep gray button up over a black undershirt. I did the buttons up, leaving a few open before I slipped on my black boots. I headed downstairs and told Mom that I’d be home later as she raised an eyebrow at me. I wasn’t going to stay anywhere tonight other than my bed upstairs where I could sleep in more. I was driving to the club, so I’d stay alert and not try to escape my life this time. I headed into the city and found the place in the warehouse district. Tom and some of the guys were waiting out front and I greeted them after I parked and made my way over to them. They shook my hand and gave me light hugs before we made our way inside.
