by Nina Manning
‘Sweetheart, it’s okay, Mummy is okay,’ I said weakly.
‘You stand there.’ Penelope pointed towards the wardrobe and Pixie, the ever-diligent child, complied and walked to the wardrobe. I could see she was tired, that her eyes were half closed.
‘Did Mummy wake you up, darling?’ I whispered as Pixie stood in her pyjamas, rubbing her eyes.
‘I heard voices, loud voices—’ Pixie said.
‘That’s enough!’ Penelope shouted. ‘Now, this has got a whole lot more complicated, hasn’t it?’
‘Mummy?’ Pixie whined.
‘Sweetheart, it’s okay,’ I said through tears.
Penelope paced the room, looking visibly stressed. She wouldn’t hurt a child, surely?
Suddenly Penelope stopped pacing. She stood stock still.
‘Look, Penelope—’ I began.
‘Shhh!’ Penelope spat. ‘I’m listening.’
I looked at Pixie, who had started to silently weep by this point.
Then I heard a sound so familiar, yet this morning I would have been happy to have never heard it again. The heavy clumping sound on the stairs meant Penelope was aware that someone was coming and so she headed for the door as though she might be able to stop them with her weight. At that point Pixie launched herself over to me.
‘Try to untie me, baby,’ I whispered and Pixie looked down at my hands behind my back and started to cry again.
‘Get away from her,’ Penelope shouted but the footsteps were coming closer and louder. Penelope was at the door, the knife poised in her hand, ready to stab who ever came through it.
I opened my mouth and screamed, ‘Damian! Watch out!’
63
Now
The door opened and Penelope launched herself towards it, shoving it closed. I heard a thud and Damian cried out. The door opened again, and this time Penelope wasn’t quick enough, Damian was in the room, his nose bloodied but he quickly assessed what was going on. He headed towards Pixie but Penelope was at his side, the knife raised.
I tried to wriggle my arms to encourage Pixie to work faster and as she did I saw Damian had his hand on Penelope’s arm. Penelope made a high-pitched squealing noise, then I heard a thud and saw Damian had managed to push her to the floor. Finally, I felt the rope slacken on my wrists.
Damian was at my side, taking over from Pixie. Questions flew from his mouth, questions I couldn’t answer. He tugged at the rope as Pixie stood by, her hands shook as she tried to hold onto to my arm.
I screamed as I saw Penelope appear behind Damian, her arms raised above her head, the knife was gripped in her right hand and she was ready to plunge it into anything.
At the same time as my wrists became free, I pushed my hands to the floor and launched myself forward into Damian. The combination of both of our weights catapulted Penelope backwards towards the door. All the while I was aware that Pixie was there, that I couldn’t let Pixie see anything that would traumatise her. I couldn’t let her see death the way I did.
Damian scrambled to Penelope and lay on top of her, restraining her with one hand while he pulled his phone out of his pocket with the other. Penelope was dazed but still tried to fight back and managed to knock the phone out of Damian’s hand. I lunged forward and grabbed it from the floor where it landed. I looked at Damian, who now had both hands firmly on Penelope.
‘Call the police, now. Who the hell is this mad woman?’ Damian half turned to look at me. I could see Penelope’s legs kicking out from under him as she wailed like an animal in pain.
I punched three nines into Damian’s phone and crouched on the floor as Pixie clung to my side. I spoke breathlessly into the phone.
‘Please help us, there’s an intruder in our house.’
64
Now
I lay in bed, the duvet pulled up tight to my chest. I was shivering from the adrenaline, I couldn’t seem to gain control over my legs. Pixie lay curled up next to me, her soft breath indicating she was finally asleep.
Damian opened the door and walked over to the bed.
‘Maddox is asleep now.’
‘Finally,’ I said, my teeth chattering.
‘He went back off fine.’ Damian rubbed his head. He looked exhausted.
Maddox had woken as the police arrived and Penelope’s screams and protests came to a deafening climax. Maddox, who slept though most things, woke sweaty and terrified.
Damian walked round to his side of our bed and sat down, his back to me. His head was in his hands.
‘She could have killed you. She could have killed you all,’ Damian whispered. Even though the kids were both asleep we didn’t want to risk them ever hearing anything they didn’t need to. Luckily, Maddox would have forgotten about it by the morning and we could fob him off with a nightmare as he had remained in a half asleep state. But Pixie, my darling Pixie, had seen too much. I would need to spend a lot of time with her over the next few days to try and help her make sense of it all.
Damian stood up and began to remove his jeans. He climbed into bed wearing his t-shirt and boxers. Even with Pixie between us I could feel him shivering.
I took my hand off the duvet where I had been clutching it and reached over Pixie’s body and took his hand in mine. We both lay there, holding each other’s hands for what felt like a long time. I had so much to say to Damian, so many words were hanging on the edge of my tongue, but I didn’t know where to start.
We had grown so far apart recently but as we lay and held hands, it felt as though the gap that had opened up between us could be slowly closing. I knew Damian was a good man. I had been so lost. I had carried the false memory of my diaries for so long and told Damian over and over that I had done my therapy. But I had barely begun to scratch the surface of dealing with my grief. I had been carrying it with me for two decades, hiding behind alcohol and seeking protection from my feelings in my place of work. I had even sought comfort from Mason.
Then there was the blame for all the inexplicable incidents. I had suspected everyone at some point, even my own husband and best friend. And then, of course, there was Todd. I couldn’t bear to think where he could possibly be now and what I had put him through these last few days; being there for him one minute and turfing him out the next.
I vowed I would do everything to try to make it right for him. If I could find him. As much as the idea of him sheltering in his usual alleyway filled me with dread and fear for his safety, it was the only place I could begin to look for him.
I gave Damian’s hand a gentle squeeze.
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered and my voice broke as the tears fell from my eyes.
Damian squeezed my hand back, then he sat up, leant over Pixie and kissed my head and I felt, for the first time in a long while, that I was safe.
The next morning I snuggled the kids up in the snug with hot chocolate and a happy family film.
Later that day a text came through. It was from Mason and I realised the police must have been in touch with him.
Frankie, I am in shock. I cannot believe what has happened. Please accept my sincere condolences to you and your family for what you went through last night and these last few weeks. Take as long as you need. We can talk again when you are ready. Mason x
‘I’ve called the guy to come out and repair the window,’ Damian said as he came back into the room, having just checked on the kids.
‘It was quite an adventure just getting in through that last night,’ Damian scoffed, and I looked at the small bandage on his arm where one of the police had kindly wrapped it up for him, instructing him to get to the doctor if it showed any signs of infection. But it was a small cut. The fact I had refused to answer his calls and texts had driven Damion to distraction. He said he couldn’t stay away and so came over to check on us. When he realised that I had indeed changed the locks he decided to smash the window.
I sat on the sofa in the kitchen, a thick cardigan wrapped around myself. Damian made us some coffee and came and sat n
ext to me.
‘I’m going to get some help now,’ I said as Damian took his first sip. He just nodded.
‘I’m sorry that I told you I was over Kiefer when I wasn’t.’
‘It’s okay, Frankie.’ Damian sat back and stroked my hair. ‘You’ve been stuck in limbo. I get it. Just take your time. We’ll find the right person to talk to.’ He cleared his throat, ‘And um, well, you know, I haven’t been feeling at my best lately. I’ve been really stressed and getting down about everything, work, us. I didn’t know what to do any more. Hence the spliff.’
‘And the running,’ I said with a small smile in my voice.
Damian laughed. ‘Yeah, and the running.’
I had one question that had been lingering and I hadn’t wanted to ask it but I knew I couldn’t wait any longer.
‘Why did you stay with Nancy?’ I asked, taking a sip of my coffee.
‘I told you, she just offered.’ Then he cleared his throat. ‘I think… she’s lonely. Her and Harry, I’m not so sure it’s going well.’
I absorbed Damian’s words. ‘Do you think she saw an opportunity, what with us separated?’
Damian took his hand off my head. And cradled his coffee. ‘I don’t know, Frank. That’s a conversation you need to have with her.’
I thought about Nancy and how that conversation would go. I wasn’t worried. I knew now I had barely been myself for twenty years. What kind of a friend had I been to her if I couldn’t see what was going on in her life?
Three days later I felt ready to leave the house. I was going to meet Mason for coffee around the corner from the Bliss offices.
He pulled me into a tight embrace and I inhaled that scent of his that had been distracting me and sending confusing signals for so long.
But I knew now what I had been feeling towards Mason was not love or lust, but a longing. A need to escape from my own mind that I had not had any control over for so long.
‘I’m not sure I can come back, you know,’ I said to Mason. ‘After everything, that office. Plus, us, you know…’
‘Frankie, there was no us. I know that.’ Mason smiled at me and then sipped his coffee and placed it gently down on the table between us. ‘Don’t you worry, Keegan. We’ll work it out – if I have to find new offices and start again somewhere, I will. And you can work any hours you like. I just like having you on my team.’ Mason gave a rueful smile. ‘Just let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I mean it, anything.’
I wasn’t ready to make any decisions yet about my job, but I knew where I needed to go and where the help that Mason was so determined to give me could be utilised.
I left Mason at the coffee shop and took a slow walk back up the road, knowing where I was headed. I reached the alleyway and peered in. It was still early so I could see a few figures curled up along the side of the wall. It was cold. The unforgiving November wind had set in and there was talk of snow soon.
I walked into the gloom of the alley and looked at the three piles of sleeping bags and blankets with bits of cardboard sticking out underneath. I tentatively went over to each one and lifted the blankets until I found him. I saw a flash of straw-like hair and I breathed a sigh of relief. I bent down and tugged at the blankets to rouse the body. He moved slightly and I leant into whisper.
‘Todd. It’s me, Frankie.’
‘Huuuugh,’ came a noise but no movement.
‘I’m sorry for what happened. I know now it wasn’t you. I’m so sorry.’
Todd’s body shifted under the weight of all the blankets. I lifted the one so I could see his face. I sucked in my breath as I saw how terrible he looked. Red eyes and sore chapped lips. His eyes looked hollow but somewhere, underneath the darkness, I could see a tiny glimmer as he tried to smile.
‘I will help you,’ I said.
Todd blinked slowly and then closed his eyes.
I stayed with him for the rest of the morning, just reiterating to him that I would help him and that everything was going to be okay.
As the morning turned to afternoon a bright stream of light shone down the alleyway and I rose up and walked towards it. As I arrived out on the street the whole path was illuminated by the midday sun. I had been hiding in the shadows for so long, waiting for the darkness to find me and hold me captive. It was cold still and so I wrapped my coat tightly around me, took in a long deep breath and walked towards the light.
Epilogue
I looked around the room and took in the minimal décor. The walls were a sandy beige; they matched the two seater sofa I sat on. There was a coffee table to my right with the obligatory box of tissues and above that, on the wall, was a picture that had been separated into three. The broken pieces of the image hung next to one another with a two inch gap between them, looking like a half finished puzzle. I wondered if that was supposed to represent the clients who sat here daily, all of us little puzzle pieces that needed to be put back together.
I looked at Helen opposite me. She set aside her paperwork, crossed one leg over the other and leant in towards me with a warm smile.
‘So, Frankie, can you tell me why you sought therapy and what particular issue led you to seek counselling?’
I took a deep breath and began to talk.
Acknowledgments
Wow. What a year it’s been. I can’t actually believe I’m writing the acknowledgements for my second book.
Firstly, thank you to all the readers who bought and read my first book, The Daughter In Law and for continuing to support me on my writing journey.
The literary world is still so new to me and I’m learning all the time, so a huge thank you to my agent, Lina Langlee, for your all your advice and calm responses.
Thank you, Nia Beynon, for your input during the structural edits and for yet again making the second book a better version of what it was.
Thanks to The Boldwood team for all their dedication and hard work in 2019 into 2020. To be the first author launched in August last year was such an honour and I’m thrilled to bits to be here with my second book and now writing my third!
Thanks to fellow author, Rachael Lucas, who hosted the most perfect writing retreat in Yorkshire last year and where I was able to get a huge chunk of this novel written and polished.
Thanks, Chris, for being there for our beautiful babies whilst I make stuff up. They are all so young still and I know it’s hard, but this time next year, Rodney…
Thanks again, Mum, for all you do and the unconditional love and support you give Chris and I.
Finally, I want to acknowledge every single person who was there with me throughout the nineties. Friends, boyfriends, club buddies. It was an era that shaped me. I still feel so much nostalgia for those special days. To all of you who are still here, and to those who are in another place… I love you all.
More from Nina Manning
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Read on for an exclusive extract from Nina Manning’s first novel, The Daughter In Law:
Prologue
I sat very still and felt the fear wash through me as the reality of the situation became clear. Little shots of pain pulsated around my body; my abdomen contracted. I felt dizzy and realised that at any point I could lose consciousness. I never thought it would be so easy to surrender myself but teetering on the edge here, I was faced with a choice: carry on or give up.
I tried to cast my mind back to a time when everything made sense, but I couldn’t remember when that was. He was supposed to save me. Now I was lost and another part of me was missing. What was the point in fighting any more? Where could I go from here? I knew I deserved this. It had been inevitable. I had
got away with it for too many years already. This was my comeuppance.
Yet somewhere deep within me, a spark was still ignited. If I concentrated hard enough, I could feel it whirring quietly, like a small vibration. An instinct was pushing me forward, forcing me to fight and recover what was mine. It was a desire that was becoming more urgent. I knew what I needed to do and somehow, I would try to push past the weight of despair to find my way to the light again. To find my way to my love. And to the beautiful gift that was stolen from me.
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Chapter 1
Annie
My favourite room is the spare bedroom at the front of the house. It gets all the light in the morning and looks so inviting. I’ve done it up like a picture I saw in a lifestyle magazine: a checked throw across the end of the bed, floral sheets and hooked back curtains, a little wicker chair in the corner with a few well-read paperbacks stacked on top of it, and a white vase on the bedside table. It really is the most comforting place to be. Of course, no one ever uses it. I like to keep the house looking nice. But it was only ever going to be me and my son.
Getting out of bed was particularly hard this morning. It has been every morning since Ben left. I keep thinking, what is the point? I’ve been feeling that empty hopelessness for several months now. Since Ben deserted me.
For her.
I’d heard all about empty nest syndrome but I never imagined for a moment it would happen to me. I never actually thought he would leave. I thought we would just keep existing together. Forever.
He kept so much of his stuff here initially, that I felt sure he would return – but just last month, he came and took the lot.
