Over coffee at the Creperie de Cluny, they avoided any serious talk and focused instead on her upcoming film and the rest of his summer tour. Etienne didn’t dare bring up their vacation again.
It was nearly evening by the time they’d climbed the hill and returned to her apartment. When Etienne suggested they stop at the grocery store and cook at home, January chuckled.
“What?” Etienne knew he’d get that reaction from her. “Isn’t that what couples do?”
“I thought couples went home after a long day, fucked, showered together and then went out late for dinner.”
“Funny, Janny.”
She’d based her observation on the facts of their own relationship, but she wasn’t averse to a quiet evening at home. Again, she held no hopes that he would appreciate the time together on the same level she could.
“I make a mean steak.” Part of her felt like he should already know that about her, but she didn’t bother to belabor her point. “My dad taught me how.”
“Are you planning on eating?”
“If you make the salad…”
“Why do I feel like I’m creating my own fiasco here?” he wondered out loud. “You know…you’re on.”
Rolling up his sleeves, Etienne marched inside the local grocer, and January dutifully followed. Once they arrived home, they bumped into each other in the kitchen and laughed their way through preparation.
Ultimately, January proved herself and prepared his filet mignon just the way Etienne loved it, slightly mooing like her dad taught her. She did take a taste, but she mostly focused on her salad.
As the memories of the week began to fade, she decided to just enjoy her time, sitting on the couch beside him and watching television with Lenny in her lap. It was such a common thing to do, but they so rarely had that chance. They immersed themselves in a French drama, and she discovered that she understood the language well enough to follow the plot. January’s French was better than she’d admit. In truth, Sabine and Simone taught her more about the language than she ever learned in high school.
Somehow, though, as she nearly dozed off in his arms, this scenario seemed so routine. January thought she could get used to the simple life.
Tired of premieres and parties, she needed a reason to settle down, if not to nest. Maybe she could learn how to cook a broader menu with a few lessons at the French Culinary Institute. She dreamed of taking a few months off to decorate a new home and maybe start a small garden in the spring. Growing up, she couldn’t understand her mother’s pleasure in caring for a home and family, but now, as she sneaked closer to thirty-five, January wanted nothing more.
For the first time in a long time, she just crawled into bed beside Etienne and let him hold her. They talked softly about nothing and giggled over silly private jokes.
The intimacy of the moment was far more profound than sex. They’d even shared a pillow and fell asleep in each other’s arms.
In the morning, she awakened with some cautious hope. At least the girls were coming over after school, and they’d have the chance to spend another evening at home.
Before Etienne even stirred, she ran to the grocery store and bought all sorts of fun foods. In fact, she had the entire night mapped out by the time she got home and made her way back into bed with Etienne.
After she relayed her plans, he ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her. “I love you, Janny,” he whispered. “And so do Sabine and Simone. You always make time for them, and you’ve never stepped in the way of my relationship with them.”
“Because I know how important they are to you.” For the sake of his divided family, January never intruded on his relationship with his daughters. “Divorce isn’t an easy thing. They have enough to deal with. I never wanted to be a thorn in their side.”
“And you never have been,” he reflected sweetly and caressed her cheek. “You’ve been nothing but a positive influence on their lives. And no one is more grateful than I am.”
“Well…I’m happy to have been on this journey with them.”
January was the first woman Etienne dated seriously after his split with Alice. Initially, January wondered if she was just a rebound relationship, but he worked hard to prove her wrong. These last few months, though, gave her cause to wonder again.
By the time Sabine and Simone barreled through the front door, January had set up a buffet on the kitchen island for them. She’d picked up cupcakes at the local bakery and placed bowls of chips and candy in the mix. Etienne took one look and shook his head.
“We’re in for a wild evening,” he said and pressed a kiss to January’s forehead. There had been a lengthy period during which he wouldn’t even hold January’s hand in front of his daughters. Now, though, they were used to the way things were, and they accepted his affections for January.
“Are we going out?” Sabine asked as she licked the strawberry frosting from her cupcake.
“Janny has a whole night planned for you here.”
“Food, movies and—”
“Can we watch one of your movies?” Simone asked, then turned to her father. “Please, Papa? We’re not little anymore. We know what they’re all about.”
In an instant, Etienne’s smile took on a melancholic curve. Holding Simone close, he sighed. “Maybe.” January’s films were often racy, but she’d made a few sweet comedies.
And so the party began. They snacked until it was time for dinner, and Sabine and Simone stood at January’s side while she made pizzas, helping her to spread the sauce and nibbling on cheese. At one point, Etienne wondered who was having more fun—January or the girls.
After dinner, they sat on the floor in the living room and played with January’s make-up, nail polish and beauty creams. Etienne was almost chagrinned by the girlish display, and he stopped Sabine short of trying to paint his nails. However, he laughed along with them, and as his daughters fell asleep after midnight, he told January that it was the quintessential family night that Sabine and Simone needed.
Of course, they didn’t make love that night—not with his girls sleeping on the other side of the bedroom door in the living room. Etienne and January did get a chuckle when they opened the sofa bed, and Simone questioned the purpose of the elastic on the bottom of the cushions. January was quick to explain that the elastic held the cushions in place, and Simone didn’t doubt the logic.
If they found a home together, January made a mental note to apply some additional discretion in their kinky pursuits. However, she didn’t lie to herself. The operative word was “if.”
For the moment, the girls remained none the wiser. Things could change once they started reading more about celebrity culture, specifically January’s little sex scandal, but she and Etienne would deal with that small detail when it arose.
With the promise of going to visit Versailles, they were up at the crack of dawn and jumped into January’s bed between her and Etienne. They were growing up, but they were still little girls at times. Excitement filled their sleepy voices. Sabine and Simone agreed that they were just having too much fun that weekend.
January also noticed the need to have at least two bathrooms. The girls were quite fussy with their curly locks now, and she and Etienne simply had to wait. Somehow, they made it out of the house before ten, and January already felt exhausted. Maybe part-time motherhood suited her best, she convinced herself. However, she missed those two when they weren’t around.
In light of their slight obsession with Marie-Antoinette, Sabine and Simone indulged in the glamour that France’s most infamous queen once brought to the higher echelons of society. The gardens alone at Versailles entranced them until January and Etienne became a better photo opportunity for tourists than the actual palace.
Eventually, they slipped inside, and January grumbled again about hiring security. In truth, Etienne coveted her privacy too much, and he loathed the thought of someone tracking their every move. Over the years, he’d shot her down repeatedly when she broached the s
ubject. He could take care of her. He would always protect her. He didn’t need help.
Now, though, she thought she just might have a valid case.
They perused the grand rooms filled with ostentatious antiques, and it wasn’t long before Sabine asked if her father had enough money to buy the whole palace for them.
“You know,” January couldn’t resist commenting as the girls ducked into the Hall of Mirrors, “we wouldn’t have to worry about those pesky restraints on the couch cushions if we lived here. We could have our own private wing for a dungeon, and they’d never see it.”
“Oh, I bet Marie-Antoinette had a dungeon,” he mused.
“It would give ‘Let them eat cake…’ a whole new meaning.”
“They say now that she never said it,” Etienne told her. “Brush up on your French history, Janny. And stop fantasizing. We cannot have sex until the girls leave.”
“Maybe if we found a bigger apartment…” she blurted out, but Etienne didn’t respond. Instead, he focused on—or pretended to pay attention—to his children in the next opulent salon.
Shot down silently yet again, she couldn’t allow him to ruin her day.
As January followed him along, he linked his arm through hers. Once they caught up with the girls, she let him go. She’d have her time with Etienne the following evening. Technically, he couldn’t go anywhere since his clothes were now all at her place.
All smiles and laughter, January posed with Sabine and Simone for photos in nearly every room. Etienne seemed to love to watch her with his daughters. There was a freedom they shared with January that they didn’t have with Alice, and January always made sure they were smiling.
When they finally headed to the car, loaded down with items from the gift shop, they appeared to be the perfect little family to those who might not have recognized their celebrity status.
When they stopped for dinner on the way home, complaints arose from the backseat. Apparently, Sabine and Simone expected the snack smorgasbord that January prepared the previous evening. In truth, January hadn’t shopped for dinner that night, and she was sort of at a loss for what she could make. However, she promised them ice cream sundaes on their return home, and the girls went willingly to the restaurant.
Throughout their meal, Sabine carried their light conversation with silly stories about their friends and school. Little did anyone realize how much January had on her mind. Deep within her breaking heart, she knew that it was time to admit that this night could be their last together.
Every time she considered the possibility of an ultimatum with Etienne, January felt like her last breath had been strangled from her lungs. She couldn’t envision her life without him, but the life she imagined appeared out of reach.
What troubled her most was Etienne’s attempt to triage their relationship the last few days. He’d professed his love, dropped his suitcases off at her place and exhibited great affection.
Grandstanding, however, was no longer acceptable. January needed stability. She wanted that life with him. If Etienne couldn’t give her what she needed after five years, she knew she would just have to move on and count her losses.
Much to no one’s surprise, Sabine and Simone were exhausted by the time they made it home. After dessert, they readily jumped into their pajamas and made up the sofa bed. January sat down with them as they pulled the blankets over themselves. She needed just a few minutes with these two wonderful young girls, if only for her own closure.
“So, you had fun today?”
“Janny, we always have fun with you,” Simone told her. “Papa is even more fun when you’re around.”
January felt the warmth of her blush. “Aw, you two are just a joy, you know that?”
“So next, I think we should go to that Monet place—with the gardens in his paintings,” Sabine suggested. “You will go with us, right, Janny?”
“I—I will try, Sabine, if I’m here.”
“Can we do a slumber party again?” Simone asked. “When we’re all on vacation in August?”
“We’ll…” She stopped herself. Lying and telling the truth were both ugly options, so January aimed for vague. “We’ll talk about it. But right now, you two need to get some sleep.”
The girls both sat up in bed to hug her, and January forced herself to control her tears.
“We love you, Janny!”
“And…and I love you both. Very much. I want you to always remember that. And I want you to know that—regardless of what happens in life—I will be here for you. I promise you that.”
In the bedroom, Etienne looked up from his iPad when she walked through the door. Reaching out, he circled an arm around her and pulled her close. “Hey, what’s the matter?”
The one danger in dating him for five years was the fact that Etienne always knew when something was wrong. “Oh, nothing! I’m fine.” Part of her wished he would have asked that sooner in the week.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m good,” she said. “Just tired.”
“They’re exhausting, aren’t they?”
Little did he realize it was an emotional overload that had taken its toll. “No, not really,” she answered him. “I enjoyed today.”
“As did I,” he agreed and kissed her temple. “I love you.”
For the first time, she couldn’t respond to his profession of emotion. “We should probably go to sleep.”
“Yes, we should. Maybe tomorrow evening, we can test out some of the furniture in the living room—to make sure that it’s withstood our absence?”
“Maybe…”
The actress in January feigned sleep. In fact, she was so good that she could even pull off a believable snore. Before she knew it, dawn had broken, and she had a good excuse to get out of bed.
They spent a leisurely morning with Sabine and Simone and went for a long walk through the Quarter. Every second seemed like one less that she’d have with Etienne—with his family. Already, January felt as if she were in mourning.
When he returned the girls to Alice, January made up an excuse and didn’t go with him. She was just too sad. Their weekend of living the perfect little life had come to a close…and she had to get some answers.
Perhaps, she’d stuck with him just for the sake of having the family she so desperately wanted. Her conscience also understood the harshest reality of them all—she was the one who had changed, not Etienne.
Shaking up the status quo, January knew she had a fight ahead of her. He’d chosen to have a vasectomy because he was content with the family he had had. Expecting him to alter his convictions now was bold and presumptuous, but January’s dreams had shifted.
While the weekend did prove to her in many ways that she could be happy in her role in the lives of Sabine and Simone, one component was still missing, though, and that was Etienne’s full commitment.
“Janny, I’m back,” Etienne called out from the foyer. “Start moving that bookcase.”
When he found her on the couch, staring out toward the window with a glass of wine in one hand and Lenny beneath the other, he took a seat next to her but kept a short distance between them.
“It’s sad the weekend is over,” he whispered, and January placed her wine glass down on the table.
At that point, she turned to Etienne and said, “We really need to talk...”
Chapter Eight
Stretching her arm, she reached out for the bottle of wine and filled the empty glass she’d left for him. “You should probably have some, too.”
With hesitation, he accepted the drink, his eyes holding hers all the while. “I knew something was wrong,” he admitted at last. “Since the night we went to Buttes Chaumont…”
“No, Etienne, a little longer than that,” she said calmly. “I just…I’m—”
“Talk to me. Tell me.” Suddenly, worry clouded his deep brown eyes, and he coiled to the corner of the couch, as if in panic. “I thought we didn’t keep secrets from each other.”
“Well, I don’t think that I have kept anything secret,” January said without a stitch of doubt. “I would bet my life’s savings that you already know what this conversation is about. Don’t you, Etienne?”
“Janny, I—” As he tossed his hands in the air, he nearly spilled his wine on himself. “What specifically would you like to discuss?”
She took a long sip of Merlot and enjoyed every drop before she dared to speak her mind. “I need to know what’s happening here. I need to get some semblance of what my future will be.”
“Janny, I love you.” And he was telling the truth. He did love her. “You are my future.”
“Great.” However, she didn’t sigh with relief yet. “So, we’ll look for a place together that suits all of our needs—including Sabine and Simone—when we’re on vacation in August.”
Etienne’s mouth moved, but he couldn’t speak a word.
“You know, it only makes sense,” January continued. “You’ve moved some of your clothes in. And look at this weekend. The poor girls had to sleep on the sofa bed. They at least deserve a room. Don’t they, Etienne?”
“Janny, we can look in the autumn. We all need a vacation this summer…”
“Come September, and then what?” she asked, her voice rising with each word. “And then what?”
“We had a beautiful weekend.” He stammered over every word. “Why do you have to start on this now? We’re here. We’re together. We’re having a wonderful time.”
“Maybe you are…” she muttered into her wine glass.
“What’s the problem here?” he asked. “When did all of this doubt begin?”
“It began when I found out that you were back in Paris and never bothered to tell me that you were on your way,” she explained. “And then it escalated from there.”
“Oh, sacre merde!” he shouted. “Are we back to that?”
SMITTEN (Paris Après Minuit) Page 11
