“Who?” My voice cracks. Is it because of the screaming and crying? Dehydration and heat? Or because Mom hit me for the second time today?
All of it.
“Jesse! I know you can feel her. Is she at the base now? We need to know!”
I look away. I can’t see the military base beyond the smoking buildings and smoggy air, but I don’t need to. It isn’t about seeing Jesse with my own eyes. I can feel her out there. I know she’s made it to the military base, which means she can use Dad’s powers to one degree or another.
I sag with relief.
Safe. She’ll keep them all safe.
Mom searches my face. “She’s there.”
I neither confirm or deny. She turns to Perry.
“I want her,” Mom says. She whirls away from me and then back again. Her movements are jerky. “I want to kill that bitch with my own hands.”
Her hands tremble as she chokes an invisible neck.
“Do you want me to stop the chopper?” It’s Perry’s voice. His voice is the one in my ear. He’s the one pinning me in place.
“No.” She stops pacing. Sweat has pooled on her upper lip. “Don’t tell them to take her alive. They need to fight their hardest.”
“If they kill her—”
“They won’t.” Mom shakes her head. Her dirty hair flies.
“Do you want to go there? We can be there in ten minutes.”
“No. That’s pointless,” she says. “She’ll hear us coming and she can leave whenever she wants.”
Is Jesse that powerful already? Could she read our thoughts as soon as we’re in range?
Azrael?
A cool breeze blows on the back of my neck, but I can’t tell if that’s an actual breeze or Azrael. I want her to tell me if Jesse is okay. And I want to know why the connection with Mom is broken.
“When did you stop loving me?” My emotions flatline. My mind becomes a calm pool. “Was it before or after Dad died?”
How long has our connection been one-sided? Have I always been so stupid? Did I kid myself into thinking Mom was different? Maybe Mom was never the good one. Maybe she never loved me at all. Every kindness, every patient word or tender touch was a whim, empty of any real feeling.
Mom eyes me, but doesn’t argue. She doesn’t even try to assure me that she loves me. Her sliding glare is more hurtful than a direct insult.
My throat tightens.
“Was it before or after you killed Sam’s dad? Before or after Sam was killed?”
The anger rises, warming my belly and throat, and exploding out of me.
“You could have stopped him. Perry will do anything you tell him and you didn’t even try!”
Perry’s grip tightens on my arms, and the pain shoots down my sides. I don’t care. Hurt me. But I’m going to say what I need to say, before I’m silenced forever.
“You were always as heartless as he was, weren’t you? I was too stupid to see the truth.”
Perry snatches the back of my neck and squeezes. I scream.
“Yes!”
She might as well have kicked me in the face herself. Betrayal is a swift kick in the gut. She likes this? She wants to see me hurt?
“Hurt her again,” Mom says. She stares down at me on my knees in the sand. Her gaze doesn’t waver from mine.
Perry doesn’t even hesitate. He twists my elbow, wrenching it until I howl.
“Our thoughts can’t reach the base, but she’ll feel her pain. It’s pointless to chase her all over the desert. She’ll come to us.”
The red sparks dancing behind my eyes clear, but my arm burns.
I pant.
He wrenches it again and I feel the tendons snapping. I scream until I’m only wheezing.
“Why?” I say, feeling snot on my upper lip. “Why?”
“She’ll come,” Mom says. She’s shuffling her feet. Her excitement makes me feel sick. I dry heave. My stomach contracts hard for a second and third time.
“She’ll come. And I’ll be ready for her.”
Oh no. No. I’m not thinking clearly through the pain, but I finally get what Mom’s doing. She’s hurting me to draw Jesse out. She wants Jesse to come and fight.
No.
Our friends need her. She can’t get distracted now. I won’t let my weakness be the reason for another person’s death.
I pinch my eyes shut against the pain.
Azrael, I beg. Azrael, shield me. Don’t let Jesse feel this. Don’t let her know.
Azrael’s coolness rolls over me the second before Perry breaks the pinkie on my left hand. My connection to Jesse snaps with it.
Chapter 30
Jesse
Ally won’t let go of my hand. It would be super sweet if she wasn’t also assailing me with her thoughts.
No pupil dilation. She’s not sweating. Her gaze is focused. She can hold my gaze. No visible signs of distress. Maybe she can’t utilize all her power yet? There’s no pressure in my head. Maybe she can’t read thoughts…
And beneath this intense mental chatter are rolling waves of concern. Love. Fear.
“Yes, I can.” I stop dead in the hallway. I whirl Ally to face me, only she’s got this pug cradled in her arms. Her brow remains scrunched as she searches my face, assessing my sanity.
“Yes, I can hear your thoughts. Yes, I can jump around. Yes, I can firebomb and heal and no, I don’t know if I’m okay. I feel…overwhelmed and stressed, but not crazy. No, I don’t know why.”
“I can’t feel you in my head like I felt Caldwell.” Her brow softens. Her eyes light up. “This is good. Maybe you’re…”
“Batshit crazy,” I offer, running a thumb over her knuckles. It feels so good to touch her. To see her alive and breathing. She looks incredibly fragile, and I feel like this moment is going to be snatched away from me any second. I want to tip her back and do one of those Hollywood smooches. But that’s a little over the top even for me.
“Functional,” she counters. “He made unsound choices. And he was cruel, no doubt about that. But he was functional. He constructed plans and enacted them. If he was 100% insane, I don’t think he would’ve accomplished nearly as much.”
Her eyes are large and hopeful. And I can tell by the smile ready to erupt from her lips that she is also excited. But under that I catch sane at least for a little while.
“She will get worse,” Gloria says.
We both turn to look at her.
“You read minds too, Jackson?” I ask, wondering if she’d plucked that thought out of Ally’s head.
“I’ve seen it,” Gloria says. Her face is blank. No regret or malice. She’s giving me facts, nothing more. “Perhaps Georgia’s death will tip the scale.”
Georgia’s death.
Oh yeah, you better believe I’m taking out that asshat. And when I do, will those two gifts be enough to send me over the edge?
Ally’s face crumples at the same moment she adjusts Winston’s pudgy butt in her arms.
“Hey—” I squeeze her hand back. Tears spring to her eyes. “Hey, look at me.”
She does, but her soft brown eyes are shimmering.
“It’ll be okay.” When the hell did I become the reassuring one?
“There is no point worrying about what we cannot change.” Gloria resumes walking with the quiet Gideon at her side. His uncharacteristic silence hasn’t gone unnoticed. Did Rachel’s death break his heart? I would know for sure if I jumped into his head to find out. But I don’t.
I snort. “You’re one to speak with your doodles and incessant interventions.”
Nikki’s watching Ally carefully, like she’s a magician about to perform a trick, and if she blinks, she’ll miss it.
I scowl at her. I would like to murder Sasquatch, but that might undo the argument I made for my sanity. Still, it’s hard not to disembowel the person who’s mooning over my girl.
“Blink, Sasquatch. Or you’ll blow your cover,” I grumble.
Her cheeks burn red. “What are you talkin
g about?”
“Oh yeah,” I grumble. “You’re totally a robot from the past sent to kill us.”
“Hear that?” Nikki asks, totally changing the subject, but her thoughts are loud and clear. Her emotions too. She wants Ally to be happy, even if that means being with me. But she totally wants Ally for herself too, convinced she can make her happier than I ever will with all my bullshit.
We agree on that.
But I’d rather drink acid than tell her so.
“It’s the helicopter,” Gideon says, breaking his silence.
I pull Ally against me and brush the hair off her face. “We can’t worry about what’s coming. We have enough to do right now.”
Ally nods, folding into me. I kiss her head and smell blood. God help me, blood. I never want her to smell like blood. If it wasn’t for Maisie, I would have lost her today. I can’t forget that. I can’t forget how much I owe that kid.
I don’t ever want to let you go, Ally thinks. You feel so good.
You do too, I think back.
Her head lifts, mouth parted in surprise.
I give her a lopsided smile. “Sorry. I don’t know how to turn it off.”
“Can you move us before they arrive?” Gloria asks. Unlike Nikki who dreams of dumping my body in a shallow grave, Gloria isn’t the least bit affected by Ally and me clinging to each other like a couple of sea otters. She’s all business per usual.
I think about how poor my exiting skills are and how my elbow is sore from slamming into an overturned armchair. I decide not to embarrass myself. “I don’t know. Full disclosure. I’m not great at jumping around yet.”
Ally blinks at me. I can tell she’s trying to decipher my noncommittal answer.
I flash a sheepish grin. “You probably won’t die if I try.”
Her eyes widen.
My face lights up. “I’ll try it on Sasquatch first.”
“Jess—” Ally begins.
The first blast strikes the military base. The whole building rocks with the explosion. The foundation erupts through the floor and ceiling tiles fall. I throw my shield wide.
The shield is brighter than ever.
Gabriel!
The shield thickens and widens. I’ve never seen it this shade of purple before. But it’s large enough to enclose the five of us—six including the pug
Can I jump them?
You are not accepting your full power. Until you do, you will face limitations.
I’m about to berate Gabriel for his unhelpful response when Ally’s gaping mouth stops me.
“What?” I ask, frowning. I’ve never seen her jaw quite so unhinged before.
“I can hear him,” she says, her face in awe. “I heard his voice!”
What. The. Fuck.
You are projecting, Gabriel says. I see him materialize in the corner of my eye. You are projecting your thoughts to her.
Ally gasps and turns toward Gabriel. She knows where to look without a single clue from me.
“Oh my god!” Her hand covers her mouth. “Jesse! He’s right there!”
“Is he?” I don’t know what else to say. I’m trying not to vomit.
Her face pinches in confusion. “I don’t understand. Is he there? Or if he is a projection of your mind, am I seeing him because you see him?”
I think of Caldwell’s mind tricks. Once I saw him with pitch black eyes. Inhuman eyes. Did his eyes actually change? Or did he make my mind believe they did?
“I don’t know.”
But I do know I don’t want Ally to see what I see. If my mind is all fucked up, I don’t want Ally inside it. It’s like sending her into a building that’s about to explode. If Gloria is right and I do finally go supernova when I have all the powers, who’s to say that power won’t blast right through my mind and into hers?
That can never happen, I tell him.
Gabriel lifts his wings gently before they settle back into place.
Ally sucks in a sharp breath.
“Gee-zus,” I groan. “Because this really needed to happen right now.”
A second explosion rocks the building. Observation glass from the rooms lining the hallway shatters, raining shards onto the cracked tiles. My shield shivers around us, taking the impact on our behalf.
“If you are going to jump, do it now,” Gloria says. She’s looking around, inspecting the shield as if expecting a hole to open.
“If I jump I’ll take the shield with me.” I can’t knowingly sentence my friends to death.
A third explosion hits the building and the adjacent hallway collapses.
“The helicopter is shooting missiles at us. Missiles,” Gideon says with an eye roll. “No sense of finesse. Haven’t they heard of the art of war?”
“Just do me,” Ally says, pulling on my arm. She looks at Winston. “Us.”
“Now?” I snort. “Tempting, but it’s hardly the time. And I’m not cool with bestiality.”
You care most for her safety. If you cannot move her, you cannot move the others.
“He’s right,” Ally says, agreeing with my hallucination. Wow. Weird.
Very true. Ally is the one I’m most desperate to get out of harm’s way.
Tell me I won’t explode her brains and I’ll do it.
You will not harm her, Gabriel says. And I feel like he’s probably lying to me so I’ll move along.
Gideon is watching me with that heavy gaze again.
“You’re shielding your thoughts,” I tell him. Because I realize that he is. Was he able to do that against Caldwell during interrogation too?
I push harder and a small thought slips through.
Rachel.
Her face is bright in his mind the way Gideon was bright in Maisie’s. Love, I realize. Love gives the memory of Rachel a brilliance it wouldn’t have had otherwise.
I’m sorry I couldn’t save her.
He blinks, surprised to hear my voice in his head. “How rude, Sullivan. At least buy me dinner first.”
“If you’re going to do something, do it. These walls were built to hold against an attack, but not forever,” Nikki says. She presses the bud in her ear and it glows blue. “There’s a second helicopter. ETA two minutes.”
“Come on.” Ally squeezes my hands encouragingly.
Gabriel?
With intent, he reminds me.
Ally’s eyes widen at the silent exchange.
Somewhere safe, he suggests.
Where the hell is that? My house was burned down. Ally had an apartment, but she hasn’t paid rent on it in months. No doubt they’ve moved someone else in there by now. Gideon is a wandering nomad. I’m not sure he has a place he calls home. I’ve only ever seen him inhabit posh hotel rooms. Even Nikki’s place, a complex in Chicago, is far from ideal. I have no intention of running back to Jeremiah and his goons for any reason whatsoever.
Ally pulls her bottom lip into her mouth. “How about…?”
She searches for a place until her cheeks puff out in frustration. At least I’m not the only who can’t think of somewhere safe.
“My house,” Gloria says. “Go.”
Ally closes her eyes. “I’m ready.”
I snort. “I’m glad one of us is.”
Gabriel?
I’m such a baby. I keep checking to see if he’s there.
He stands behind Ally, unfurling his wings in an impressive sight. He looks ready to jump and that gives me confidence.
Ally looks ready to shit herself.
I take a breath.
I lift my leg, ready to take a step back. With intent.
Before I can put my foot down, a whistle slices through the air. A waterfall of crumbling walls starts to cascade at one end of the hallway.
The whole building is coming down.
I step back taking Ally and Winston with me into the crushing darkness, and at the same time, abandoning our friends, defenseless to their fate.
Chapter 31
Jesse
The dark presses agains
t us. Again, I feel like I’m being squished to death by giant plates of glass. The only difference is, this time I have Ally and Winston with me. I can feel their bodies crushed against mine. I’m about to scream, about to fly into a blind panic over the claustrophobia seizing me, when the breeze blows through. The pressure lessens as the aperture opens and we’re pitched forward.
—oh god, I’m going to fall on her. Break something important, squish her little brains out of her ears if—
With intent, Gabriel says like the patient co-pilot surviving driver’s ed.
Only it’s hard to remember my intent when the world comes rushing back into place again. I tumble out of the in-between place into a jog. And I’m rushing forward, yanking them with me as I slide into Gloria’s kitchen table and ricochet into her kitchen cabinets. My hip bumps off the side and a sharp pain runs from my knee to my armpit.
At least I’m Ally’s cushion instead of crushing her. She bumps into my side too, giving me another sharp jab of pain as my hip bone connects with the counter’s edge for the second time. But it could be much worse. We could have destroyed her table, gone through a window, or hell, down some stairs. Who knows how this thing works?
Ally is breathless, chest heaving as she pulls back. Winston leaps from her arms and scurries away from us as if he can’t leave fast enough. He’s not interested in another ride.
“What happened?” she demands.
“I think a missile hit the base the same moment we jumped.”
“Jesus, Jesse. We have to go back!” She throws up her hands, her face red.
“I have to go back.”
“With me,” she says, her face twisting with fury.
“No,” I say, preparing myself for an argument. Ally doesn’t like not getting her way anymore than I do.
“You can’t expect me to sit here and do nothing while you go back!”
“That’s exactly what you’ll do.” I push myself off the counter, my voice rising to match hers. “How many times do I have to watch you die?”
She blinks like I’ve slapped her. And her cheeks are certainly red enough.
I’m lifting one foot, ready to bring it down in a military base in Arizona instead of a kitchen in Nashville.
Dying Breath Page 18
