by Petra Landon
“Faoladh wasn’t aware of my rogue status” he admitted. “Not then. We lived in the wilderness, keeping our distance from both Packs and humans.”
“We” she repeated, a tad tentatively.
He’s in a surprisingly reflective and candid mood tonight.
“Duncan and I.”
Goodness, both Duncan and he had been rogue before San Francisco. How on earth had they gotten away with it?
Suddenly, Duncan’s cryptic warning about the gulf between an isolated life away from everyone and the adaptations necessary to survive in the fold rammed home to Tasia. As usual, the English Shifter had given her fantastic advice, although she was taken aback to learn that this one had been drawn from experience.
She glanced at the Alpha. “When did Faoladh find out?”
“When I challenged the Alpha Protector here.”
Tasia focused her eyes on the water again, her mind bustling with a thousand questions. She stayed silent, sensing that she should tread carefully here.
“He allowed the challenge to go ahead, before reading both Duncan and me the riot act, in private. We had to give him our word to never go astray again” the Alpha offered.
“That was decent of him” Tasia commented.
“Yeah, though the only reason we were forgiven was because we’d lived an exemplary life in exile.”
Tasia hesitated. “Do you miss Wyoming?” What she meant was did he miss the freedom of living without a Pack.
“No.” His voice was firm. “I’m a city boy. I like being surrounded by people.”
Even though you lead a solitary existence, distant from everyone around you?
“Even humans?” she dared to ask. Most Shifters kept their interactions with humans, and even other Chosen, to a minimum. They were solitary creatures, the Shifters. Their Pack gave them structure and all the social interaction they required.
“I’ve never had any issues with humans.” The words were cryptic.
Hmm, Tasia pondered, I wonder what he means by that. Hawk was the only Shifter who broke the stereotype of a loner and anti-social Shifter. And, she knew why that was. Unlike other Shifters, Hawk and his sister had been brought up amongst humans until adolescence, when their Shifter abilities had awakened, making it imperative for them to join a Pack.
“You can’t hide away for the rest of your life, Big Eyes. Take it from someone who’s tried it; it does not work!”
He’d been talking about his time in the wilderness, Tasia realized now. Time spent as a rogue Shifter, away from everyone, his only companion Duncan. Had his exile been an attempt to keep his distance from everyone, she wondered. He did a superb job at engaging with his Shifters and the outside world, on his own terms. So, why had he gone rogue? Perhaps, he’d needed the experience of life in the wilderness to sort things out, figure out what he wanted from life, Tasia mused.
“The wilderness — was it by choice?” She was hesitant to ask questions but very curious about the choices he’d made.
The gold eyes shot to her in response, the strong emotion in the unusual eyes apparent, even in the semi-darkness.
“Yes and no” he said slowly. “There were circumstances.”
Tasia, considerably astonished by how much a man notorious for his reserve had divulged to her, inquired no more. He had every right to his privacy and his secrets. She didn’t intend to push him, even though she had a thousand questions to ask about his experience. For someone like her, doomed by circumstances to forever live on the fringes, there was a wealth of knowledge to be gained from his experience. She was astonished by his admission. He had literally, not just metaphorically, come in from the cold to defeat the previous Alpha Protector for command of this Pack.
“Very few know the true story. There are rumors, of course. Chosen have always loved juicy gossip.” His words fell abruptly into the silence, his tone mild and self-deprecating. “One day, I’ll tell you what happened to me.”
Unable to hide her astonishment this time, Tasia turned to shoot him another look. That softly-voiced statement had almost sounded like a promise from him. A gust of wind blew her hair into her face, effectively creating the veneer of a thin veil to separate them, as they stared at each other, oblivious to everyone else around them.
“Come, let’s walk” he directed suddenly. “You’re cold.”
He gave her slight figure a quick once over as they resumed walking. “Next time, bring something with a hood. The wind from the bay can be strong.”
“Next time” Tasia repeated slowly. She stopped in mid-stride to face him, her hands holding her hair back from her face to meet his gaze.
“You seem surprised that you might occasionally feel the urge to get away from the Lair?”
“No, but …” She paused.
“Your usual Shifter escorts aren’t going to cut it while Bianchi remains on the prowl” he warned. “The leech will not make the same mistake as Chicago again. This time, he’ll bring an army with him.”
“I understand that.” Tasia turned to resume their promenade. “But are you saying that I’m not allowed to leave the Lair except in your company?” she inquired evenly.
“Well.” He pretended to mull it over. “Duncan will do in a pinch, but other than him, yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“What about Hawk?” Tasia demanded. He had never objected before when she’d dumped her Shifter escorts for Hawk’s companionship.
He shot her a look, his expression hard to read. “I’ve no doubt that Hawk will lay his life on the line for you, if it ever comes to that. But he’s young. Bianchi cannot be handled with brute strength. He requires finesse and subtlety. Hawk’s not there yet — he allows his heart to rule his head when it comes to anyone he holds dear. For now, you’ll need to hang out with Hawk at the Lair.”
A protest hung on her lips, but a moment’s sober reflection urged Tasia to remain silent. In all honesty, she could not refute the Alpha’s words. She’d noted herself how Hawk let emotion drive him when it came to Sara. Not that she blamed him for it.
Tasia sighed. “I don’t like being cooped up at the Lair” she admitted.
“I know” he reiterated. “That’s why I’m offering my services. You’ll have to wait until I’m done for the day though — I don’t see any way around that. But I’m game if you are. Just think of me as your best bet for the occasional time away from the Lair.”
Tasia felt amusement bubble up in her unexpectedly. If anyone had told her even a few days ago that this particular man would be her salvation to banishing her Lair blues, she’d have succumbed to hysterical laughter. He had never been pleasant or easy company for her, just someone to be avoided when possible.
“Besides, there’s some good news on the Anderson front” he remarked. “You’ll be happy to know that, once Bianchi has been dispatched from San Francisco, your days being cooped up at the Lair might be numbered.”
“You have news of the Guardian?” she asked eagerly, anticipation warming in her. Anderson posed a threat that could potentially destroy her. She had not always thought so, of course, but Tasia had eventually come to believe that the Alpha’s suspicions about the Guardian were correct. If so, it was crucial she find out how the Guardian had unearthed the well-guarded secret of her birth — one her father had taken to his grave.
“His foray in San Francisco was not the Guardian’s first. He’s been looking for his Wizard in other cities, too. There’ve been eight similar attempts in the past year and a half. LaRue suspects that we’ll discover more attempts if we go back in time.”
“Then, it means that he doesn’t really know …” she exclaimed impetuously.
“Yes, if my suspicions are correct and he’s been searching for you all along, he doesn’t seem to know where you are, just that you exist.”
“Perhaps he doesn’t even know for sure that I exist” Tasia said slowly, a speck of hope rising in her. “Maybe he simply suspects and so shoots in the dark, hoping for something to stick.�
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“These are no shots in the dark” the Alpha countered mildly. “He’s targeting very specific Wizards — female, of a certain age and Magic Level Three and lower. That implies he has some prior knowledge about the one he hunts.”
Reminded thus, Tasia had to admit the Alpha was right. This was too much of a coincidence and she couldn’t afford to believe in such fortuity. It was time to be candid with him, to share with the Alpha why she had not bought his suspicions about Anderson before.
“No one knew of my decision to come to San Francisco” Tasia admitted to him. “I chose this city when it was time to move. That’s why it was hard to believe that the Guardian could be searching for me. But now, it looks like you were right.”
The Alpha flashed her a look. “I assumed that San Francisco was part of your father’s plans for you.”
“My father?” Tasia looked startled.
“He seems to have mapped your path for you, including your cover.”
Yes, he had. The façade she presented to the world had been built carefully by him to successfully cover her tracks and allow her to masquerade as a nondescript Wizard. The irony was that meeting Hawk had forced her to deviate from that path. Her choice of San Francisco had far reaching consequences — it had nullified everything. All that remained of her father’s elaborate plans now was her cover.
“No.” She shook her head. “San Francisco was my decision.”
“Good.” There was satisfaction in his voice. “That means your cover is safe for now.”
Raoul stopped to face her. “When I first offered you Pack protection, I asked an investigative agency we use to start digging into your past.”
Tasia’s eyes snapped to him, her dismay and alarm evident.
“The moment I suspected Anderson was hunting for you, I stopped them. Whoever gave you your cover was careful to do a thorough job of it. It was never my intention to blow it, inadvertently or otherwise.”
The cold eyes tangled with hers, the expression in their gold-colored depths a curious mix of reassurance and candor.
Tasia stared into his eyes, her own a mirror of her thoughts.
“What happens when this Guardian is no longer a threat?” Her voice was a whisper, her eyes on his. “Or if you believe that I’m not forthcoming enough about the past?”
What happens when you get curious? Will you start digging into my past again?
“No matter what happens between us, I will not dig into your past again.” The words came out like a pledge, the gold eyes holding her compellingly. “From now on, whatever you reveal to me about the past will be your choice.”
Tasia’s eyes widened, flabbergasted by the implication. Much to her shock, she realized that the Alpha was taking a leap of faith with her. He was telling her, in so many words, that he trusted her, not just when it came to the deadly secrets she carried with her, but also in her judgement about how much to reveal to him and when. The latter, in Tasia’s opinion, was a very different kind of faith altogether, though they were both heavy burdens to carry. Isn’t this what you desired from him, whispered her inner voice. A little faith and some trust.
Speechless, Tasia stared at him. His expression changed subtly.
“I told you once that you and I could do much better if we trusted each other. I’m willing to make the first overture.”
As Tasia continued to look stunned, he offered more. “I’ve a past too, one that casts a long shadow. I’ll be the first to admit that you’ve a right to keep your secrets.”
“I …” Tasia stopped, truly stumped for words.
That he had a past did not surprise Tasia. There was a mystery to him. And, from the cryptic comments Hawk had let fall every now and then, she’d guessed that something had shaped him into the man he was today. An incredibly self-possessed and detached man with a rigidly controlled aggression that simmered just below the surface — qualities that made him a fantastic Alpha, but also a very dangerous and unpredictable man. What rendered Tasia speechless was his admission that his past continued to cast a shadow on him. From most people, it would be a major admission. From this man, it was enormous.
“All I ask is that you trust me” he reiterated softly. “When danger stalks you, I can defend you better, if I’m not merely shooting in the dark.”
Tasia nodded mutely, not trusting her voice. She had much to think about. Though his candor had shocked her, Tasia believed him. The very qualities that made him so hard to read and so dangerous to have as an enemy were also what made him a spectacular champion to have on her side. But his abilities and intentions would be moot if she did not trust him with the past. He was right about that. She too would need to take a leap of faith with him. He had made the first overture. She would need to work on her own issues and insecurities.
“As for Anderson, LaRue is working on it” he continued. “Once he confirms who Anderson has been searching for, we’ll act.”
“Perhaps, I should thank Jason?” Tasia suggested hesitantly.
“No, let it be. Jason thinks he’s doing me a favor. This has nothing to do with you — let’s keep it that way.”
Her mind whirling with thoughts, she chanced another peek at the tall, inscrutable Shifter who had been so uncharacteristically candid with her tonight. Once parked, he’d unearthed a light jacket from the boot of his car to wear over his tee. The jacket hung open, his chest covered only by the thin t-shirt, its sleeves rolled up over his brawny forearms. It was obvious he didn’t need the jacket, yet he’d made sure to put it on.
“A man without a jacket here in December draws too much attention” he said abruptly, his gaze ahead.
“How do you always know what I’m thinking?” Tasia exclaimed, equal parts astonished and exasperated.
“Beats me.” His voice was light.
If she ever suspected that it was more than sensing her emotions, that he could occasionally see flashes of her life and experiences, like a set of movie images, Raoul knew she’d freak completely. And, why wouldn’t she when the revelation had almost brought him to his knees?
He finally acknowledges it.
For a moment, Tasia wondered whether to ask him how he could sense what she was thinking. Hawk had told her that experienced Shifters could extrapolate a fair bit with their extraordinary array of senses. But she hesitated, a tad wary of what his answer might reveal.
“This feels a little strange” she remarked cautiously instead.
He shot her a glance, knowing exactly what she referred to.
“We’ve had conversations before, you and I.” His voice was mild.
Rarely without you biting my head off.
“Not like this” she said bluntly.
“You mean minus the fire and brimstone that usually characterizes our exchanges.” His lips seemed to be attempting to hide a smile.
Two can play this game.
“That’s easy for you to say, since I’m usually the one left dusting myself up after you’ve razed everything to ashes around me.”
“Has it been that bad, witchling?” he interjected, his voice soft. “We both have tempers that flare up occasionally.”
At the statement, Tasia stopped abruptly to stare up at him in open-mouthed shock. The utter gall of this man, she fumed in silent indignation.
“I think we can safely agree that you have a temper” she pointed out indignantly. “I, on the other hand, rarely lose mine.”
“Are you sure that’s the line you want to stick with?” The gold eyes were awash with amusement. “I’m not the one who left Bianchi sputtering before a captive audience today.”
“Yes” Tasia muttered sheepishly, unable to meet the amused eyes. “I’m a little embarrassed about that.”
“Don’t be” he chuckled softly. “I’d give anything to have been a fly on the wall when you reduced him to gibberish.”
His uncharacteristic candor with her caused Tasia to admit something that had weighed on her mind for a long time now. It was a bit like dipping her
toe in the water, Tasia reminded herself. Like Rome, trust was not built in a day.
“I think I sort of snapped this afternoon, when Bianchi was taunting me about Chicago. My life has taken this extraordinary turn and sometimes I feel a little adrift, like I’ve suddenly lost the ability to interpret a blueprint I used to be very familiar with” she confessed, the words pouring out of her.
Once started, she forgot who she spoke to — that the man she considered her nemesis, in many ways, was the one by her side.
“I’m used to living on the fringes, but not this feeling of having lost control of my own life. In a way, I’ve been running since the night I climbed a tree to free Hawk’s wolf. When I first saw Bianchi this afternoon, I felt a brief spurt of panic. It took me back to the night in Chicago with Sienna. Then, he joked about our last meeting and poof, suddenly the fear was gone. In its place was a blinding flash of anger that overcame my better judgment. For the first time, he and I were on a level playing field — I can’t use my magic to defend myself but in that crowded café, neither could he. Words just poured out of me like I was someone else, even when everything screamed at me to stop. All I knew in that moment was that whatever else I did, I wasn’t going to run from him again.”
A pregnant silence descended on them as the last of her words died away. It was hard to say who was more surprised — Tasia or the Alpha.
Raoul stopped abruptly to stare down at her, a frown between his brows. Tasia looked away, not ready to meet his eyes, already regretful and astonished by what she had revealed to him. What the hell had she been thinking, she wondered dazedly. This was the kind of stuff she shared with Hawk, not this sardonic man. Her frank words still ringing in her ears, Tasia resisted the pull of the magnetic gold-colored eyes stubbornly.
“You should never feel that way, witchling” he said in a voice leached of all amusement. “It might occasionally feel like you’re always running away, like you’ve lost control of your life, but very few of us are lucky to get through life without having to make such choices. Your life now is certainly different from the one you led before, but while this one poses new challenges to you, it has benefits your old life would never award you. Being part of a Pack will afford you freedom and a lot more choices in the long run.”
