“Just in case,” he answers.
Just in case! “So you figured we’d sacrifice Kato on the altar of ‘wait and see’!”
A small muscle contracts under Griffin’s eye. He never gets the chance to say something like “better than sacrificing you”—which would have made me explode like a hundred Harpies flying from a burning nest—because Kato suddenly grunts in pain. I whirl and see him slap his hand over his swollen neck.
My eyes widen. “What? What happened?”
His lips draw back in a grimace. “Don’t know,” he grates out.
I pull his hand down and suck in a sharp breath. A snake tattoo is starting to take shape and coil up the column of his neck. The inflammation disappears under the quick progress of the dark ink. Incredibly lifelike, glossy black scales undulate with Kato’s every breath and swallow, making the tattoo look like it’s alive and in constant motion. A forked tongue paints itself onto his skin and then curls behind Kato’s left ear, licking up into his windswept hair. Faultless crimson and gold diamonds chase each other up the serpent’s gleaming back.
“You’ve been marked,” I say, uneasy.
Panic flashes in Kato’s blue eyes. “What does that mean?”
“You have a snake tattoo. It looks just like our new friend Titos, only smaller.”
“But what does that mean?” he asks again.
I shake my head, feeling a stab of panic myself. “I’m sorry. I don’t know.”
Kato’s eyes only stay wild for a moment. Then he takes a deep, bracing breath and slowly nods. He actually smiles at me. “We’ll figure it out. You’re Cat the Mostly-All-Knowing, right?”
Something twists in my chest. He’s reassuring me? I’d be clawing my throat out and trying to vomit up a magic snake by now. And if that didn’t work—dagger, meet gut. Maybe.
“How do you feel?” Flynn asks, handing Kato his dropped mace.
“Better.” Kato slides the hilt back into the leather harness on his back. He rolls his shoulders a few times and then moves his head from side to side. Something pops in his neck. “Stiff, but better.”
“Do you feel Titos?” I ask.
He presses the flat of his hand against his chest and then lower, running it over his abdomen. He shakes his head. “So, riddles and serpents,” Kato says.
The tension inside me starts to unwind. Men are mysteries. But I love the way they can move on from things, even giant snakes.
“And these.” I raise my arms under my cloak, lifting the sides like a set of darkly burning wings.
Griffin’s hand settles on the small of my back. “Do you think the wizard is coming out again?”
I glance at the hovel. No light shines from within. “I don’t think so. That seemed pretty final.” And awful.
Griffin drops his hand, and I feel the loss of his warmth like some vital part of me being torn away, missing it instantly. Or maybe I’ve gone cold because I know what’s coming next.
Swallowing, I turn to him, and Griffin’s hard stare hits me like a ton of marble.
“Then it’s time to fill in the missing pieces. Harbinger.”
CHAPTER 15
My stomach takes a sickening dive. Griffin’s shadowed features turn rock-hard when I just stare at him, mute. But my silence isn’t belligerence anymore. It’s dread overpowering speech.
His eyes glint ominously. “You asked for time, and I let things go. Right or wrong, I can’t do that anymore.”
My first instinct is to lie, but I can’t do that to Griffin again. To us. He’d find out, and he might never trust me again. He might not forgive, and that’s not a life I want.
“It’s a long story.” I glance toward our abandoned camp. “We should sit.” Kato could probably use a rest, and right now, even I want the comfort of the fire.
Nodding, Griffin herds everyone away from the wizard’s house. Carver throws more wood on the fire in the God Bolt pit, and then Flynn gets down low to blow on the dying embers. When a small blaze is dancing again, lighting our pocket of the night, we settle in a circle, pulling our new cloaks around us.
At my side, Griffin looks at me, expectant. He wants answers. I can’t blame him.
“I…” The words stick, and I clear my throat, trying again. “I was here before.”
“For Poseidon’s Oracle, in the Frozen Lake,” Griffin prompts when I don’t go on.
I nod. “The magic I was born with was the occasional flash of foresight, the ability to detect lies, and through them, to learn the truth, and a powerful predisposition for compulsion, which I refused to hone. I learned to fight with my body and my knives, to defend myself and survive. My brothers…” I flinch a little.
“Ajax just needed to live. He was already on top just by right of birth, Beta to Mother’s Alpha. Thaddeus was the ambitious one. He murdered Ajax, and he tried to kill me.” Just thinking about Thaddeus makes me relive his magic all over again, his searing power locked deep in my muscle memory. I force the phantom pain away. “He would have killed me when I was just a little girl, but Thanos always got there in time. Thanos or Eleni.” Saying my sister’s name out loud is like getting kicked in the chest. For a moment, I can’t breathe.
“Thanos?” Griffin asks.
“My guard. My only friend besides Eleni.” A not-so-gentle giant of a man, Thanos taught me to fight. And win. “It was always Thaddeus or me, just like with Otis when he came after us. So I…killed him.”
Thaddeus tortured me—repeatedly—and yet my unalterable act is still like an open wound. I flex my fingers in my lap, for once trying to get rid of the feel of a knife in my hand instead of wanting the cool comfort of the metal there.
“I surprised him one night when he attacked me. Fire needles. A piercing, deep burn,” I explain. “He let up to gather more power, and instead of just kicking and screaming until Thanos got there, I stuck a dagger in his throat. He bled all over me.” I swallow with an audible click. “I can still feel his blood.”
Griffin’s brow creases. “That’s self-defense.”
“We were children,” I say, a tremor in my voice. “He might have changed, but I chose to end his life.”
“Do you regret killing Otis?” Griffin asks.
“Never.” The very idea is laughable. “I was protecting you. Avenging Eleni.”
He looks at me long and hard. “You’ll protect us without a second’s hesitation and without regret, but you can’t justify protecting yourself?”
I glance away, not answering. I don’t like where that question is leading. It hits too close to our earlier argument.
“Thaddeus targeted me after Ajax was gone because he could never get the jump on Eleni. She was too fast and smart. And she could make these flaming birds… They’d swoop, and peck, and claw, and burn. Along with her natural goodness, they made her my ray of light and righteous fury. She protected us from Thaddeus—the younger ones and me. She even protected Otis, which makes his betrayal even worse.” My breath hitches. “Fisans loved her. I loved her.”
When I look at Griffin again, it’s through a sheen of tears. “She was like you. She would have changed everything.”
He reaches over and squeezes my knee, encouraging me. To my relief, he doesn’t pressure me about the question I evaded.
“Eleni and I grew up, got stronger. She could fill the sky with fiery birds, and I could put a knife into just about anything. We ran away. Constantly. Sometimes along the coast. Sometimes straight west or south. Mother’s soldiers always found us and dragged us back, but not before we’d snuck through villages, handing over coins and jewels.” I look down, blinking rapidly. “Just like in Sinta, the royal tax collectors always took too much, leaving too many people with little, or nothing at all.” And I abandoned them. I lost Eleni, and then Fisa lost us both.
Growing up, Eleni and Thanos were my true kin, blood related or not. Then I had Selena and m
y friends at the circus. And now these men.
My eyes skate over the faces around the campfire. Family. Not a curse word anymore. But still so easily lost.
“I was just Eleni’s shadow. She was the one who dared. Dared to steal from the royal coffers. Dared to defy Mother with more than just sarcasm and aggression.” A dry laugh escapes me. “We collected allies without even realizing it. It wasn’t the goal, but people rallied to our names.”
“You were loved.” Griffin says this like it doesn’t surprise him. Like it shouldn’t surprise me.
I shoot him a wary look. He doesn’t understand. “Fisans still hold vigils to pray for the Lost Princess. All these years, they’ve prayed for my safe return while I kicked up my heels in Sinta, as far away as I could possibly get.”
Griffin doesn’t say anything. I didn’t expect him to. He can’t possibly defend me now.
“Otis grew up, too, and jealousy warped him. Mother always seemed so focused on me, and everyone else loved Eleni. He could never get the better of us in a fair fight, so he perfected underhanded moves.” Flashes of pain, red welts, searing burns. I suppress a shudder. “His fire whip could bend around corners. I’d never see it coming.”
A low sound rumbles in Griffin’s throat. Everyone looks somber. They saw Otis and his fire whip. They saw me turn the magic back on my brother and then flay him alive before I stabbed him in the heart, just like Otis stabbed Eleni.
“Laertes, Priam, and Ianthe were still young, their magic immature. They sometimes squabbled amongst themselves, but they never bothered us.”
Sudden pain slices deep into my chest. This knife has cut before, but the blade twists harder now. Ajax, Thaddeus, Eleni, Catalia—gone. What did Otis do to the little ones once I left?
Carver tosses blades of grass into the fire. They glow and then curl up, burning. “This gives us insight into your cuddly personality, but what does it have to do with the Chaos Wizard calling you Harbinger?”
Griffin slants his brother a warning look. Carver has been acting differently lately. One minute he’ll joke and spar with Beta Team, laugh with Griffin, or flirt outrageously with me, and the next he’ll shut down, turning irritable. Lately, he’s had that edgy look.
I take a deep breath. Secrecy is a hard wall to tear down, especially when the stones are cemented with guilt. “Griffin has already heard, or guessed, a lot of this, but I want you all to know the whole story now.”
Flynn smacks the back of Carver’s head. “So stop being an ass.”
“Sorry, Cat,” Carver mumbles, rubbing the spot Flynn just whacked.
I wave his apology away. There’s no need. “With Ajax and Thaddeus out of the picture, Eleni was Beta Fisa. I was Gamma. But Mother always wanted me to be next in line. She saw herself in me, I think—no Fire Magic, sly powers like compulsion and hearing the truth in people’s lies. She tried to train me to drive creatures and encouraged me to latch on to people’s minds, but I refused, and nothing she did could make me.” I laugh bitterly. “Just to spite her, I ignored my advantage over nearly everyone—then and now.”
“No one should be able to control another person’s mind,” Griffin says.
“No, and there aren’t many who can, but I still should have learned to control creatures. I know the basics. I could probably do it if I didn’t have to fight Mother’s hold at the same time, like with Sybaris and the Vrykolakas.” I twist my fingers in the warm folds of my cloak, fidgeting in a way I never used to. “Learning doesn’t mean doing, and it doesn’t mean using the power maliciously like she does. But I was afraid she was right, and that I’m just like her. She was always telling me that.”
“You’re nothing like her,” Griffin says fiercely. “Just having that fear should tell you you’re not.”
I want to believe him. And maybe I do. A little. “My stubbornness enraged her. I reveled in infuriating her until I understood where it led.” Sorrow and regret are millstones on my chest as I admit, “She blamed Eleni for holding me back.”
Griffin’s deep voice simmers with anger. “She forced you and Eleni apart. Forced you into an arena to fight.”
I nod. I already told him this, pretending those horrible days trapped in the sweltering arena weren’t about me. “She wouldn’t feed us. She wouldn’t give us water. She got into our heads, pounding away with lies and images of betrayals that never happened. We resisted.” And Gods, did it hurt. “We fought back until we were weak and bleeding and not sure of anything anymore. I finally lost all sense of myself, all sense of the truth. I cracked first. My heart was never as pure as Eleni’s, and Mother knew it. She counted on it, because she wanted me to be the one to walk out of that trap alive.”
“So you fought each other in the end,” Griffin says quietly.
“Fought hardly describes it. We kicked and bit and clawed at each other like animals in the dirt. Mother must have been so happy to have finally gotten what she wanted that her concentration wavered, and we snapped out of it.” I swallow, my throat thick. “Eleni crouched over me and held me and promised that nothing would tear us apart.”
I press my lips together, my eyes burning. “But then a shadow fell over us. It was Mother. And Otis. She dragged Eleni off me. Eleni twisted and fought with whatever strength she had left, keeping herself between Mother and me. Mother told her she was weak. I could hardly move, but I started screaming because I knew weakness never went unpunished. I somehow got to my knees, but I was too late. Mother handed Otis a knife, and he stabbed Eleni through the heart.” My voice trembles and turns raw. “I couldn’t stop it. She died right next to me, and I didn’t do anything.”
Shifting closer, Griffin presses his lips to my temple. “I’ve changed my mind. You don’t have to go on. Not now, not ever if you don’t want to.”
I reach over and grip his hand. He squeezes mine back, and I take that small comfort, even though I don’t deserve it. “But Carver’s right. I haven’t gotten to the Harbinger part.”
“You have the right to your past, Cat. It doesn’t have to be a part of our future.”
I close my eyes, my heart aching. I meant it when I said I wasn’t fit to lick Griffin’s boots. He should have believed me.
“It is our future,” I say. “It’s everyone’s.”
Griffin’s hold on my hand tenses. This is the start of losing him. But he deserves the truth, so I force myself to go on.
“I don’t know how I got back to the castle. I think Thanos carried me. I stayed in bed for three days, physically recovering. Mother came to see me. She was excited that I was Beta at only fifteen, just like her at the time. She grinned, and I slapped her. You should’ve seen the look on her face.” I stare into the fire, remembering. “It was the only time I ever raised a hand against her, despite everything she’d put me through. Later that night, I snuck into the cellars, crawled into a pile of garbage, and got taken out with the rest of the trash.”
“Don’t call yourself trash,” Griffin says in a deceptively soft voice.
My eyes jerk to his. “I’ve killed two brothers and a sister. I’ve outdone them all.”
“You defended yourself, and you did not kill your sister. You’re brave.” He squeezes my hand. “You’re good.”
I twist out of his grasp, feeling like an imposter. “I could have ended it all, and I didn’t.”
Griffin’s eyes search mine. “What do you mean?”
“I ran away, with no intention of ever going back. I came here, stripped naked, and dove into the lake. I swam straight out. I swam until my muscles cramped and I couldn’t feel myself anymore, until my heart didn’t know how to pump the frozen sludge in my veins, and I didn’t care if I lived or died.”
Something dangerous flashes across Griffin’s face.
“Poseidon’s Oracle grabbed me just when I started to sink. It had three long tentacles that kept me from drowning while it probed my mind a
nd tasted me. I was frozen to my core, but I still felt every one of those icy suckers on my skin.” I shudder. “I thought it was going to eat me. I couldn’t wait for it to end.”
“I don’t believe that,” Griffin says. “You’re a survivor. That’s not you.”
“I was fifteen. I’d just lost Eleni. I hated myself. I was Beta Fisa, and I had grief and rage and a hole in my heart where my sister used to be.”
I can see Griffin struggling to understand my feelings, but wanting to give up isn’t something he truly comprehends. Conceptually—maybe. In practice—never.
“But the Oracle didn’t eat you,” he finally says. “It gave you a gift.”
My heart starts to pound. I’ve never said this out loud before. “It gave me two.”
His eyes widen. The others murmur in astonishment. Even magic-deprived southerners know that’s unheard of.
“Turn invisible. Steal magic and heal.” That’s actually three, but the second two go hand in hand.
“What happened then?” Flynn asks.
I rub my forehead. “The next part is hazy. The Oracle brought me here. Well, there…” I point toward the shore. “I got these horrible shooting pains all over my body when I started to thaw out. Somehow, I was inside the hovel, covered in blankets in front of the fire. The Chaos Wizard was sitting in a rocking chair, staring at me. I didn’t know who or what he was at the time. I tried to talk to him, but all I got was that swirly, vacant look. You know the one.” I wave vaguely toward the wizard’s house.
“My clothes were there, so I got dressed and left. I turned invisible to test out my new magic, walked back to Fisa City, and snuck into the castle. I had questions that needed answers, and that meant going back. I found Thanos—who, oddly, didn’t seem worried about me at all—and asked him about the man in the hovel. He’s the one who told me about the wizard and how he channels the Gods. That explained a lot. The infinite gaze, and…other things.” I chew on my lower lip, anxiety twisting my stomach into a hard, painful knot. “But I didn’t only go back for Thanos.”
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