Tyler felt a cool, gray sadness closing in on him. Maybe there was no way to change his workaholic nature or the way the business worked. Maybe being a good father wasn’t something a man could simply decide to do.
He slipped into bed with Julie, careful not to jostle her. Her back was turned to him, and he slid close, curving himself around the soft swell of her bottom, feeling her warmth sink into his body, and, as exhausted as he was, slowly arouse him. He could make love to her right now, even as she was waking to his touch, before she was fully aware of what was happening. The thought excited him.
But, he told himself, he’d be a cad if he took her like that now. He’d barely looked her way in days. He’d been so troubled, thinking about them, he had avoided real intimacy.
Gently, he draped his arm around her silken shoulders and buried his nose in the shampoo-fragrant fluff of warm brown hair at the back of her neck. He held her like a secret. A secret he didn’t even dare whisper to himself.
Still in her robe, Julie listlessly puttered around the kitchen for a few minutes then made herself a cup of tea while Tyler finished showering and shaving before work. She curled up in his favorite overstuffed armchair by the front window and gazed out over the dawn-streaked desert. Her head felt foggy from too-shallow sleep, her heart as heavy as the stone walls of the Papago cave.
Julie turned at the sound of Tyler’s footsteps crossing the living room. He is beautiful, she thought, mesmerized by his lean blue-jeans-clad form. When he saw her in the chair, he stopped, and, for a heartbeat, she was sure he was going to say something important.
But the moment passed, and he lowered his eyes and grumbled, “Forgot something.”
She watched him disappear into the den then come out again with a folder of papers. He stopped in front of her and stared down with a disapproving frown. “You look tired. Why don’t you go back to bed?”
She gazed up at him sadly. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Any particular reason?”
She sighed. Shrugged. What good would it do to explain? Admitting to him that she’d fallen in love with him—contrary to the ground rules they’d set up for their relationship—would do neither of them any good. “No, just restless I suppose.”
He studied her for a long moment, then mumbled something about the time of the month and took himself off for what she knew would be another very long day.
For another ten minutes Julie sat numbly staring out at the new spring day that promised to be warm and sweet despite her somber mood. At last, his words sank in, and she realized they might offer a partial explanation for her inability to shake off her depression. The days and nights since she’d come to Pueblo had been so busy, demanding all her attention, that she’d totally lost track of the underlying rhythms of her life. Wasn’t it close to time for her period? She was never late. Not even a day. Her feminine cycles were as dependable as the moon’s. And yet…
She pushed herself out of the chair, found her purse and pulled out her checkbook with its calendar in the back. By her calculations, her period should have started six days ago. If she was pregnant, she must have conceived that very first time they’d made love, in the cave. It was unlikely but not impossible. Suddenly, everything that had seemed difficult now felt overwhelming.
Taking a deep breath, Julie gathered her courage. She couldn’t just sit and feel sorry for herself. First things first. She had to find out if her suspicions were true. After a hot shower, she dressed in casual clothing and drove to the drugstore.
Fifteen minutes later, after she’d worked up the nerve to take the home pregnancy test, she stood in the bathroom staring down at the plastic strip, shocked to see what she’d already told herself might be true. She was pregnant.
For blissful seconds she felt lighter than air, happier than at any moment in her life, tingling with life. Her dream had come true! She was going to be a mother! Her family was on its way!
Just as suddenly, she fell to earth. Now she had no choice but to deal with reality. The father of her baby did not and never would love her. What was she going to do?
Julie thought again about talking to Kate. She was so wise, so understanding of the ways of the heart. But to admit to Kate that she’d married her grandson for his sperm and his income, that was something she couldn’t do. She felt utterly ashamed.
With bitter resolve, she picked up the phone and called the branch library in Houston. Luckily, they hadn’t hired a replacement yet. A second call confirmed that her old apartment had been leased to another couple, who would move in the following month. But an efficiency was available in the same complex and she could transfer her things from one to the other quite easily.
Plans whirred through her mind. Money would be difficult, because she wouldn’t ask for child support from Tyler after welching on their deal. As for Tyler, he’d be just fine without her underfoot, she told herself. His parents would blame her for the breakup, knowing that Tyler had married her and provided a home for her all in good faith. He should be able to keep his inheritance; Kate would argue his case if Devlin threatened to take it from him. And they’d each have what they’d originally wanted. Wasn’t that enough?
Frantically, she pushed aside the answer she hadn’t wanted to hear. No, it’s not enough. Not anymore!
Julie’s heart raced as she threw clothes into the suitcase she’d brought with her the day she’d come to Pueblo. Tears clinging to her eyelashes, she looked one last time at the closet full of beautiful clothes Kate had bought for her. It wouldn’t be right to take them with her. It would be like stealing. The dresses, wedding gifts, Tyler’s lovely rings, things she’d lovingly purchased for the condo…she’d take none of them. She already felt like a thief, carrying Tyler’s baby away from him.
An hour later, after many false starts, she finished her farewell note to Tyler and laid it on the kitchen table where they’d shared the most beautiful meals of her life. She slid a corner of it under the bowl of fresh flowers she’d bought the day before, so it wouldn’t blow off the table when he walked past. Tenderly, she touched her fingertips to the small lavender square of paper, as if blessing it, then picked up her suitcase and left.
As Julie drove east, through Tucson then along I-10 toward the snow-crested Rincon Mountains, heading back toward Houston and her old life…she thought of a man as magnificent in his own way as the mountains of Arizona. A man she would never forget. The only man she’d ever loved, or likely ever would.
Tyler didn’t leave the trailer at the construction site until nearly eight o’clock that night. All day long he’d thought of Julie, trying to put his feelings for her into words for himself, so that he could explain them to her. But his emotions were a hopeless muddle.
Did he love her? No, the real question was, did he dare to love her? Because once he admitted that much, she had the power to destroy him.
But when he got home, he discovered her car wasn’t there. Just as well, he thought. Now he’d have a little more time to get his head together. They had to talk tonight. He couldn’t let things go on as they had been.
Tyler checked the kitchen to see what she’d prepared for him, but no plate piled with tasty food awaited him. He scowled, sensing something wasn’t right. The answering machine. If she was delayed somewhere in town, she would call. He dashed across the living room, into his study. The red light on the machine was blinking. He punched the play button and waited anxiously for the tape to rewind.
“Julie, call me if you want to come with me to the spa. I’m leaving in half an hour, dear.” It was Kate, sounding bouncy and ready for fun.
He smiled. Had his grandmother commandeered his wife for the entire day?
The next message began: “Julie, please give me a call when you get in. I have yet another delivery of tardy wedding gifts.” Jasmine’s voice hesitated. “And even if you don’t want to pick them up today, ring us anyway. Kate hasn’t heard back from you. She’s pouting.”
His Julie certainly had made inroa
ds on his family. He’d never dreamed any woman he brought home to them would be so eagerly or quickly accepted.
The final message played back: “Julie—” Kate again “—it’s nearly 7:00 p.m. I’m worried about you, dear. I’ll feel like an old fool if you just took the day to drive into Tucson to shop. But I thought you told me you would be available to do something today. Just let me know you’re all right, dear.”
Tyler’s amusement vanished. How thoughtless could she be? Julie had been away from the house all day without telling anyone where she’d be. She didn’t have an obligation to inform the family of everything she did, but at least she could have left a note for him!
Two hours later, she still hadn’t shown up. Tyler was no longer angry. He was frantic. When the kitchen phone rang, he dove for it. “Where the hell are you?” he barked into it.
“Tyler?”
“Oh. Hi, Mom. Sorry ’bout that.” He smacked the heel of his hand against his forehead.
“Julie’s not home yet?”
“No, I’m sorry she hasn’t returned your and Kate’s calls.”
“Don’t worry about us, we’re fine. Sterling has returned from his business trip and wants to meet your new bride.”
“Well, if I could find my new bride, I’d be glad to introduce them.”
“Tyler?” Jasmine asked. “Is everything all right? I mean, Julie’s happy here, isn’t she?”
“Of course she’s happy. How could any woman not be happy under the circumstances?”
“Oh, Tyler.” She sighed.
“What?” She’d better not blame him! He hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Sometimes you’re so into your own world, you can’t see into anyone else’s.”
He walked with the receiver to the table and sat down, resigned to a lecture. But his elbow hit the flower bowl and water spilled over its edge, creating a little lake.
Apparently, Jasmine was too busy scolding him to hear him swearing. He reached for the sponge beside the sink. Clamping the phone between his chin and shoulder, he lifted the bowl and started mopping up water. His glance settled on a small square of paper. As he read the words Julie had written, his mother’s voice faded into the background and water dribbled unnoticed off the table edge onto the floor.
Tyler, I’m sorry. I thought I could do this, but I can’t go on pretending we’re something we never can be. Please forgive me for any inconvenience I may have caused you. Tell your family whatever you like. They’re good people; I didn’t mean to hurt them.
Love, Julie
P.S. The rings are on your night table.
“Mother, I know where she is,” he said tightly. “You can stop worrying about her. It seems she can take care of herself.” He quickly promised to explain later then hung up.
Crushing the letter in his fist, Tyler let out a howl of rage. He slammed his fist down on the table. Pain shot through his knuckles and up his arm. He raced into the bedroom. There, beside the lamp where she’d said they’d be, were the diamond solitaire and gold wedding band they’d picked out together. He swept them off the table with the back of his hand and heard them clatter against the wall. Where they landed he didn’t bother to notice.
To hell with Julie Parker.
Ten
Her first day back in Houston was the hardest, but Julie managed to keep so busy she was too exhausted to dwell on all she’d left behind in Pueblo. She moved her things out of her old one-bedroom, into the even smaller efficiency. She dropped off the rental car and paid for the mileage and an extra fee for its return to another city. She filled out the necessary paperwork for her re-employment and made an appointment with an obstetrician.
Above all, she concentrated on thoughts that were hopeful, if not exactly happy. In a little more than eight short months, the doctor confirmed, she’d be a mother. She and her baby would be together.
Another good thought struck her a few days later. Since she had been back in Houston, people treated her differently. They seemed friendlier, more interested in her. She decided this might have less to do with them and more with her. She felt confident in everything she did. No longer did she avoid strangers. She listened more closely to what people had to say and expressed opinions of her own. She walked two miles every morning for exercise, and felt more in tune with her body. Her short stay with the outgoing Fortunes seemed to have had an interesting effect on her. There was so much to experience of life, and she wanted to taste it all!
Julie vowed she would pass this enthusiasm along to her baby. Her child wouldn’t grow up a victim, afraid of his own shadow. The child she and Tyler had made together would love life, reach out for it and welcome challenge.
Unfortunately, she would never be able to thank Tyler for what he’d done for her. And she’d never show him the child they’d created, because he might try to take her baby from her. Not for himself, for his family. His powerful family who clung together through triumphs and tragedies. He would want her child even if he no longer wanted her.
Now, four days after leaving Pueblo, she sat in her tiny kitchen and buried her face in her hands but this time did not weep. The thought of Tyler would always bring sadness, because she had loved the man so completely and would never see him again. But the memories were nearly all sweet. And the gifts he’d given her—their child, her knowledge of herself as a woman and her courage to face life head-on—would remain hers forever.
Gradually, Julie became aware of a distant commotion. It sounded as if someone was knocking down walls with a battering ram. Was the maintenance man getting an early start? She glanced at the wall-clock. A very early start. It was only 7:00 a.m., and a Saturday. The man was putting himself at risk.
By the time she finished washing and dressing, the noise outside had grown even louder. Now she could hear angry shouts. She lifted the chintz curtain across the only window on the front side of her apartment and saw a figure, fist raised over his head, pounding on a door. When it opened, he said a few words to the person inside, then immediately moved on to the next door and pounded again.
What on earth was he doing? Selling something? And with such a belligerent attitude!
She stood transfixed, watching him work his way down the row of apartments. He was tall, wore jeans and a plaid shirt. A black Stetson hid his face. He moved to the next door, and she could feel anger in his fast, powerful strides. He was a man determined to do what he’d come for. Her heart quivered with recognition. Pools of perspiration collected in her palms.
No, she thought. Please, don’t let it be him!
He reached the apartment of a retired woman Julie had known for years. The man spoke briefly to her, then turned and looked straight toward her apartment. He poked the brim of his hat up off his forehead with the knuckles of one hand. Hard gray eyes glared her way. Eyes that had seduced her, darker than a wet night. The face of a warring brave gleamed in the early sunlight.
“Oh, no!” she gasped, falling back from the window. Why had he come after her? She could think of only one reason.
Julie grabbed her purse and keys, and started for her back door. But he was already hammering at her front door and neighbors were shouting at him to stop. His fists rained down brutally on her door.
“Julie, I know you’re in there. Open up!”
“Go away, Tyler!”
The knocking stopped; she stepped cautiously toward the door. Had he left, just like that? No, she could hear his rasping breath on the other side. “Julie. Let me in.” He was no longer shouting. His mouth must have been inches from her door; his voice penetrated the metal panel easily. “I swear, if you don’t, I’ll break down this door. You know I can do it.”
Yes, she knew. He was strong. And if he couldn’t do it with his bare hands and muscled shoulders, he’d no doubt produce a bulldozer and take out half her kitchen wall with it.
“Hold on,” she said, reaching over to turn the dead bolt. Her one safeguard was that everyone in the neighborhood had heard him, and, without doubt,
someone had already called the police to complain. She cracked the door and peered out at him.
He didn’t wait for her to open it the rest of the way or ask him in. His forearm hit the surface and swung it wide. It was all she could do to jump out of his way before he tramped over her. He slammed the door behind him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he bellowed.
She planted her feet in the middle of the room and stood her ground. “I was getting ready to go to work.”
“Don’t give me that—”
“Tyler, I left you a note. Didn’t you get it?”
“I got your goddamn note!” he bellowed, towering over her. “What makes you think you can walk out on me like that?”
“It wasn’t going to work,” she said flatly.
“Why not?”
“Because…” She blinked up at him. His face was a mask of pure rage. She’d never seen him like this. It was terrifying. “Because I couldn’t pretend to your family that I was something I wasn’t.”
“That’s not why you left,” he growled. His hands shot out and closed around her arms before she could move out of range.
She let out an involuntary whimper, but her curiosity got the better of her fear. “Why do you think I left?”
“You played me like a pro, didn’t you? You told me you weren’t interested in anything but a baby. And the ironic thing is, you were telling the truth. As soon as you’d got what you came for—you ran back home.”
She opened her mouth to deny it, to cry out to him that she’d never intended to hurt him…but she couldn’t force a word of any kind between her stiff lips.
He stormed on. “I found the pregnancy test in the bathroom wastebasket two days after you left. You didn’t do a very good job of hiding it, Julie.”
Mail-Order Cinderella (Fortune's Children: The Grooms Book 2) Page 15
