Callie seemed to understand perfectly, as she always did, walking into the room and wrapping her arms around Rebecca. “All right. Now, let’s get to work.”
Two hours later, Rebecca studied Callie, amused at her own reaction. If it had been any one else, she’d be irritated to no end by now. They were making progress, but it was hot up here—they’d have to think about some sort of air conditioning, a fan at the very least.
Callie didn’t seem to mind as she handled the remaining boxes like they were treasure chests, taking out items with more care than they probably required. Rebecca’s stomach was growling. She felt sticky and dusty and was longing for a nice, lukewarm shower, preferably together with Callie…Well, starting to think about ways of saving water wasn’t such a bad idea, considering they’d have one more person under the roof soon. Callie looked up at her, blushing, which was probably from the heat. The actual temperature. It was hard to be irritated with her.
“Okay, I swear, we can give away everything that was in the last two.” The content of those boxes mostly consisted of dishes and vases, not modern, but probably hardly used, since Callie’s aunt hadn’t been home that often.
“Good, because I can assure you, we’ll need every bit of the space. God, I really need to take a shower.”
A slow smile appeared on Callie’s face. “You think I could come in quickly with you? For the environment?”
“I’m not sure how much the environment will benefit, but I’d like that,” Rebecca admitted. “After that, I can start dinner, and you can get back to your manuscript—”
“—or I could help you,” Callie said. “Let’s just pack this up and go down, okay?”
Rebecca couldn’t agree more. Maybe they could even make her shared shower fantasy come true.
She wanted to check in with Maggie first, not only to make sure that the girl was still engrossed in her book and would be for a little while longer, but to assure herself that she was okay. The upcoming changes impacted her too. That’s how she ended up in the doorway to her room, frozen, unable to find her voice to call Callie. The window was wide open. The door had been left ajar which had been strange to begin with, because Maggie always closed her door, keeping out the noise of adults and the world in general. Barney loved to curl up at the foot of her bed, most likely because Maggie was so quiet.
When she was able to shake herself out of the paralysis, not just of a nightmare, but a terrible déjà-vu, it took her less than a minute to find out Barney was gone, too, along with Maggie’s backpack and a few of her favorite clothes.
“She can’t have gotten very far.” Callie had assessed the situation quickly, and without a doubt she knew the fears that came rushing back to Rebecca in a heartbeat, making her unable to think straight. “I’ll go over to Delia and ask if she’s seen her. If she’s not there, we’ll go look for her. Rebecca! She’ll be okay. It’s nothing like the last time.”
Which last time? Rebecca wanted to ask. When they killed her pet? No, it wasn’t a good idea to remind Callie of Beckett and Weller, when she had her own trauma related to them. They were in prison, like Maggie’s uncle, David’s brother Craig who had abducted her last winter. They had barely recovered from these incidents, one blow after the other, when Andy came to town, targeting a little girl because any sane grown-up person would call her bluff.
Rebecca sank into the chair. If it had been the floor instead of that, she wouldn’t have minded.
“I should have paid more attention—I had no idea she was so distraught, and now I’m letting her down like everyone else!” She could hardly stand the terrible sound of her own voice. Rebecca vaguely remembered driving in the snow, trying not to think of worst case scenarios, but being tormented by them all the time. She couldn’t go through that again.
“No, you’re not,” Callie said firmly. “I’ll call Delia. Then we’ll go.” She didn’t wait for an answer, just went to pick up the phone and punched in the numbers.
As the seconds ticked by, Rebecca could tell from her face rather than her words that Delia couldn’t help.
“Okay. Thanks.” Disconnecting the call, Callie tossed the phone aside, her expression determined. “Come on, let’s go. With Barney, she can’t have gotten that far, and I’m sure somebody has seen her.”
Rebecca had difficulties to focus enough to get on her feet, to listen to Callie, as if she was moving against resistance. “Two hours. It’s been two hours.”
“We don’t know that. She could have left five minutes ago. This is nobody’s fault, okay? Maggie wanted to be by herself for a bit. Maybe she just wanted to take Barney for a walk.” As she talked, Callie was walking out the front door, waiting for Rebecca to follow before she locked behind them. In the car, she handed her cell phone to Rebecca. “You could call her friends in case she shows up there. Do you think she’d take the bus to go see David?”
“I…I don’t know.” Rebecca bit her lip, the painful sensation helping her keep in the sob that certainly would have prompted Callie to hold her. There was no time for any of this.
Before, she’d been hot, but now she was freezing with fear and the blast of the air conditioning in the car.
A few hours ago, they had been planning the new living arrangements, now reality was falling away once more in a disturbing, surreal way. Maggie would come back, of course they would find her—and then deal with what had prompted her to run away in the first place. Rebecca had never thought that one of her children would ever do that, or feel the need to. Knowing it wasn’t her fault was not enough this time. She should maybe call Betty—even if Maggie didn’t play with her son Mikey anymore, the LaRues usually got all the news in Autumn Leaves first. Jenny, Stella’s mom, might be able to help. When she’d learned that Sara would come to the birthday party, Maggie had asked if she could invite a friend of hers, too, and she’d chosen Stella. Her hands were shaking so much she was having trouble handling her phone. What if they didn’t find her before it got dark?
What if she wasn’t with a friend?
She finally managed to call Betty’s number.
“Hey, Rebecca. I hope the rest of your birthday continued with only welcome surprises.”
Her friend’s affectionate tone broke her composure.
“It’s Maggie.”
“Oh my God, what happened?” She couldn’t do anything about the worst case scenarios that were without a doubt on Betty’s mind now. Rebecca barely noticed Callie parking the car and gently taking the phone from her before she explained the situation to Betty.
She finally put the phone back on the dashboard, where it vibrated moments after, startling them both. Rebecca wiped her face, embarrassed about her meltdown, and picked up.
The caller was the person she had intended to speak with next, a tired and frustrated sounding Jenny. “You know, Rebecca, I think we need to clarify something.”
Whatever that was, Rebecca didn’t have the patience to even ask. “Have you seen Maggie?”
“What?” Jenny sounded baffled.
“Have you?” If her tone bordered on impolite, she’d apologize later.
“Yes, Stella was getting the bed ready in her room. You know, the dog’s cute, but—”
“She’s there with you?”
“Yes, of course.” Jenny wasn’t fazed by Rebecca’s curt responses—she still hadn’t made the connection.
“Thank God.” Rebecca meant it, with all her heart. “We’ve been looking for her.”
“Wait…oh. Here I was about to lecture you on please leaving the dog at home next time she’s staying over. The baby’s allergic, but I guess since Stella was so smitten with him, Maggie thought—”
Rebecca’s stomach lurched as if she was in free fall, a somewhat delayed reaction to the fact that Maggie was safe with Jenny and her daughter.
“I thought you and Callie knew! We were just about to make dinner. What’s going on?”
My daughter quietly packed her backpack, grabbed her dog and left home, that’s go
ing on. It sounded bad enough in her head, so Rebecca didn’t share her summary of the situation with Jenny. “We’ll come by to take both Maggie and Barney home. Today is not to good time to stay over.”
Jenny gave a relieved sigh. “I have to agree. I’m really tired.”
Rebecca refrained from a retort. She knew Jenny was working hard to make ends meet, and she was an inappropriate, if easy target. Maggie had been exposed to too many poisonous thoughts lately, the idea that she wasn’t welcome in her own family. Andy, Craig--even with the counselor Maggie had visited, it had been hard to get to the bottom of how much of an impact these people had. Craig’s grief about his late wife, Andy’s difficult coming-out--none of that justified hurting a child. Rebecca knew there was no place for her anger or the fear that had her in a chokehold moments ago.
She had to make sure her child was okay. Everything else came after that.
“See, she’ll be fine,” Callie said, giving her a reassuring smile. “Now let’s hope Barney didn’t pee on any carpet.”
Rebecca wanted to appreciate her attempt at lighting up the conversation, but she was afraid that laughing would only make her cry again.
“I can talk to her if you want,” Callie tried again.
“Thank you. We’ll do it together.”
* * * *
Maggie followed them back into the car without protest, clutching Barney to her. He allowed it without so much as a sound, probably sensing she was upset.
Watching the interaction between mother and daughter was painful, Callie thought, reminding her of the tip-toe way Rebecca and her own parents had danced around each other at the beginning of their visit—and maybe for many years before. She hurt for both of them. Maggie had simply been overwhelmed with the turn of events—not only was she still recovering from the trauma her abduction and Andy’s lies had caused, but now she had to deal with both her favorite teacher and her father leaving. Rebecca was trying to keep it together while struggling with those frightening memories of the past year. They would have to have a long talk with the girl, make it clear to her that while they still loved her and always would, she couldn’t do this again.
Maggie looked sullen, but worried in the backseat, obviously uncertain about the adults’ reaction to her running away. Callie doubted she’d ever been punished or even grounded in her life. David and Rebecca weren’t the kind of parents that believed in the former, and there had probably been no reason for the latter. She could, however, sense that what she’d done hurt Rebecca more than it had been her intention, and that troubled her.
“How about we stop for ice cream on the way?”
Callie winced, wondering for a moment if she had imagined Rebecca’s words. “Now?” she asked, just to be sure.
“Why not?” Rebecca countered. “I’m hungry, and being in the car is making me nauseous. I’d like to sit down in some place that’s not moving.”
“Sure, if you want that. Maggie?”
“Whatever,” the girl mumbled.
“Why?” Rebecca’s exclamation startled them both, but her tone was calmer when she continued. “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. You can visit Stella, or any of your friends, at any time. Why did you run away?”
All of a sudden, Callie understood why Rebecca wanted to be in a public place. She couldn’t blame her. Maggie was not in the condition to deal with either of them panicking. They had shared a quick hug at Jenny’s apartment, but at the moment, their connection seemed fragile, in a way Callie had never seen it.
“I wanted to be by myself,” Maggie said. “Stella was playing on the street, and she asked us to come in, so we did. I never get to decide anything.” Tears were pooling in her eyes, and Callie couldn’t ignore the way Rebecca clenched her fingers around her purse, holding in her own emotions. “You say you care, but everyone is leaving. Maybe you’ll leave me too.”
“No. We talked about this, honey. Dad’s job—”
“It’s always that. Ms. Romano has a new job too. Andy said you’d go to New York one day and leave me here.”
It wasn’t only Rebecca who felt nauseated.
“Andy lied,” Callie said as calmly as she could muster. “You remember? She lied to many people.”
“She was right about Dad,” Maggie said, stubborn. “He’s leaving both Dina and me here.”
“You’re not alone. We’re not going anywhere, and if we did, we’d be taking you with us, of course. How about we go home, make dinner? Right now, we’re all hungry and tired. That’s not a good time to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Fine.” Rebecca’s tone echoed that of her daughter. “Let’s go home.”
This wasn’t good, Callie reflected, overly aware of the silence and the icy mood. The week after next, David would leave the country, only days after they’d go on their own vacation. Dina was going to move in.
What had gone wrong? She’d witnessed some fights between Dina and Rebecca, which she thought had been normal under the circumstances. Maggie was the quiet, easygoing one, smart beyond her age. She’d never acted like this before, not even after the kidnapping…Callie suppressed a sigh. She knew very well how a traumatic experience could creep up on you. Andy had caught Maggie in a vulnerable state. Once again, Callie wished she could make Andy see the damage she had done, find a way to hold her accountable, make her explain to Maggie. Not that it would ever happen. They had to deal with the way things were by themselves.
Back at home, Maggie was about to retreat to her room.
“No.” Rebecca shook her head. “I’d like you to stay in the kitchen while we make dinner.”
“Why?” Maggie asked, in the same sullen tone she’d used from the moment they had made her leave Stella’s room and come back home with them. Jenny hadn’t asked many questions—she seemed glad to have all visitors gone from her home, much to Stella’s disappointment.
“Because. You can read if you want, but I like to know where you are.”
Instead, Maggie sat at the kitchen table, propping her chin in her hands. Callie watched Rebecca anxiously. She had witnessed her struggling not to fall apart last winter when Maggie’s uncle had taken off with her, not because he wanted to hurt Maggie, but for the sole reason of terrorizing Rebecca. She always put her children first. The polite tone she’d addressed Maggie with was so different from the warm, affectionate connection they usually had.
“We still have some leftover pasta,” Callie said, hoping that against all odds, the strange atmosphere would simply vanish once they got to share a meal. “Is that okay with you two?”
Rebecca’s glance told her that the choice of food was the last thing she cared about, but she still gave Callie a nod. “Fine with me.” She opened the fridge and took out a bottle of red wine, filling a glass for herself. By the time the microwave beeped, she had finished the glass.
“Maggie, could you help me set the table?” Without a word, Maggie got up to take the plates Callie handed to her. To Callie’s relief, she set them down gingerly. None of them was enjoying dinner too much, but it had been hours since lunch that had consisted of leftover birthday cake. Callie poured herself a glass of wine too, as Rebecca was on her third. It wasn’t like Callie couldn’t understand. David cared about this career a great deal, and his employers had obviously given him the chance of a lifetime—the kind you didn’t say no to. Effectively though it meant that Rebecca was left with the task of clarifying certain facts to them. Dina, looking at romance and exchange programs, had an easier time living with her father’s departure. For Maggie, it was one more blow.
“We’re good now? No one’s going to bed angry?” she asked at the end of the mostly silent meal.
“No,” Maggie said, slipping off her chair.
“Maggie, wait.”
Hesitantly, the girl halted, turning around at the door. Rebecca followed and crouched down in front of her and took her daughter’s hands, her voice barely above a whisper. Callie had a hard time understanding her wo
rds.
“I know this is really difficult for you, and that you need time, but please, don’t do this ever again. We’d never leave you alone, and if anyone tells you that, it’s okay to call them a liar, because that’s what they are.” She reached out, and Maggie let herself be embraced for a moment, before she said “Okay” in a small voice.
“I’d like to go to bed now.”
“Sure. It’s been a long day.”
Callie was aware of the tension still in the air, and it was making her uneasy, mostly because she knew Rebecca was hurting—and in a small part, because the invisible dark cloud in the room brought back flashes of the year with Nicole. It was a terrible thought, and she gave Rebecca more credit and trust like that, but emotions were tricky.
Not that Rebecca would ever take out her frustration on anyone but herself.
When Maggie was in bed, out of sight and earshot, she went back to the counter to pick up her half-filled glass, then setting it down in the sink hard enough to nearly break it.
“I don’t get it,” she said without turning around, more to herself than to Callie. “Why would she do that to me?”
“She wasn’t thinking,” Callie reminded her gently. “Maggie might be ahead of her age, but she’s still a little girl. “What happened with Craig, and Andy…it will take time.”
“I know it’s not her fault. I never thought one of my children would want to run away…” Finally, she was facing Callie. “I tried so hard, you know? It’s like the rules keep changing at every turn. I wanted to protect you, Dina, Maggie. It looks like I failed every time.”
“No, you didn’t. You do a great job holding everything together, and the girls know it. I know it, and I think you do too.”
In the past, whenever Rebecca was facing doubts like this, Callie had been scared out of her mind, that one incident, another road block, might make her rethink her decision, but in the here and now, she knew it wouldn’t happen. Their relationship was solid. She wanted her to stop hurting. Callie was aware that there was no quick and easy fix to the situation—it would take as long as it took to make Maggie trust again, to heal the damage caused by malevolent strangers and relatives.
Summer Wine Page 9
