She had talked about this to Mona one time, the other woman from Amber’s group who had come out at a later age, with all the consequences that came with that step.
“You think you got somewhere, but then the trouble starts. I was wondering, how do I even ask a woman out? People think you’re fairly accomplished at your age, while your feelings are more like a teenager’s. Let alone hormones.” Then she thought of Andy who had come to a very different approach, with troubles of her own. Different lives, different stories…it was never easy.
Callie smiled, unaware of her thoughts, but still understanding most of what was going on in her mind.
“You did okay. Dina doesn’t need any pre-cut solutions. She just needs to know that someone is listening. As for the other subject—it’s better not to mix that. What you were dealing with, is a long way from a teenage crush.”
“I guess you’re right. Even if I feel like that sometimes…being an adult has many advantages. Now are you going to open that bottle?”
It wasn’t until Callie took a moment to answer that Rebecca realized she might have other things on her mind as well.
“Is everything okay?” she asked softly. “I’m sorry about the drama.”
“It’s not your fault or Dina’s.” Callie unscrewed the bottle and poured a glass for each of them. “It’s silly, really. Now that we’re going to leave Rome soon…I can’t help wondering about Toni. I wish I’d made more of an effort to find her.”
Rebecca leaned back in her chair, trying to figure out the right words. Callie might have a few regrets if they went home without having talked to Valerie’s one-time lover, but there was no saying what they would find. She was probably with someone else, and if she couldn’t commit at a younger age, chances were, she didn’t want to be reminded. Rebecca knew better than most what it was like when you had to suspend all reason for a moment to be able to do what was right.
“Maybe it’s better that way…Wait,” she said, when the disappointment was clearly written in Callie’s face. “We have one more day. Call your Mom now. It seemed to me that she was well informed about what was going on--she might be able to help.”
“Now?” Callie laughed. “It’s in the middle of the night.”
“No, it’s not. It’s early afternoon.”
“Oh. Right.” Callie didn’t sound very convinced. “What if she thinks it’s completely crazy…oh well. Maybe it’s right what they say. Sleeping dogs and all.”
“Why don’t you try? If she doesn’t know where we could find her, okay.”
“That call will cost a fortune.”
“Do you want it or not?”
“I do.” Callie sighed. “I don’t want to ruin our vacation, you know? She could be…I don’t know, the Italian version of Andy. We’ve had enough of that.”
She had a point, Rebecca had to admit, the mention of Andy making her cringe a bit. “She could be. Or you both could find some closure. Valerie gave the house to you. We are here now. There must be some significance in that,” Rebecca suggested. If she was wrong--they didn’t have much to lose. They’d be off to an entirely different adventure the day after tomorrow. Barring any more catastrophes in Dina’s love life, they were going to meet the DeLucas and have over a week’s worth of the beauty of Tuscany.
“Okay,” Callie relented. She picked up her glass and went inside, returning with her cell phone a moment later, punching in the numbers. “If I regret this later…”
“Chianti,” the both said in unison, cracking up with laughter.
“No, this is not a prank call, Mom,” Callie said a moment later. “It’s me. I need to ask you about Toni.”
* * * *
Callie couldn’t see the numbers on the sheet of paper on the nightstand in the dark, but she already knew them by heart. Fiona couldn’t provide her with the exact address, but she knew the full name of Toni, Antonia Belcastro after her marriage. Google did the rest, and a bit more research had shown that she lived on the outskirts of Rome, a fifteen minute train ride. Callie wished she had prepared for this, had prepared herself more.
She couldn’t very well invite herself with three other people, so if Toni, Mrs. Belcastro, agreed to meet her, she’d be on her own.
With regret, Callie realized once more that she hadn’t known her aunt very well--what right did she have to examine her choices, or Toni’s, for that matter?
Like Rebecca had said, there was some significance to the pieces coming together here, something they could learn from this story. She finally slipped into a restless sleep that was soon enough interrupted by the sounds of a busy city waking up once more.
When Dina was in the bathroom, and Rebecca and Maggie sat at the small table to write some postcards, Callie retreated to the balcony.
“Before the first coffee. What am I thinking?” she murmured to herself.
“You’re seizing the moment.” She jumped a little at the voice behind her, but relaxed soon when she felt Rebecca’s lips against her neck. “Remember, whatever she says, it doesn’t change anything for us.”
Callie gave her a grateful smile before she returned her attention to the number on the sheet—even though she knew them by heart, it was something to hold on to—as Rebecca went to join Maggie again.
The phone was answered after three rings, by an older woman. It had to be her.
“Toni?” Callie asked. There was stunned silence on the other hand. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Belcastro, you have no idea who I am. Please don’t hang up, I found your number on the internet.” Like that was at all reassuring. She stopped herself and took a deep breath. “I’m Callie Bryan, Valerie’s niece.”
More silence. Then, Antonia Belcastro spoke. “I’m not sure what this is about. How is she?”
Oh my God. Callie hadn’t expected that question, and it threw her more than Toni answering in fluent English. Maybe she had even hoped that a language barrier would help her avoid this conversation, but it didn’t look that way.
“Valerie passed away two years ago. I’m so sorry,” she said, wiping her eyes.
If Toni was shocked at all by the news, she didn’t let on. In fact, she seemed more confused than anything. “I don’t understand. Why are you calling me now?”
“I am in Rome with my…my partner.” It was usually a word Callie avoided, because to her, it sounded too neutral, not a term for someone you were madly in love with. She had the feeling though that in this context, neutral was the wiser choice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you at all, but we found letters and photographs in Valerie’s house—which is now my house, and we’re here because…” My partner’s daughter fell in love with an Italian boy during a nightmare trip to New York…Definitely too much information for Toni. “Anyway, my Mom knew your last name, and I looked you up. We’re here only for another day, and I hoped I could talk to you for a few minutes. Only if you have the time.”
“I guess,” Toni said after a moment of hesitation. “You could come by right now if you like. I’m afraid I…Honestly, I don’t know what you want to know. It was a long time ago.”
“Thank you. I won’t bother you for long.”
“Wait.” The older woman sounded amused now. “Don’t you want to know how you get here?”
“Oh, sure. Wait, I’ll get a pen.”
The change of plans meant they would buy something for breakfast at the train station and return to the city center after the visit, for the last shopping day. No one in the group had any objections. Callie assumed Dina was glad to avoid another soul-searching confrontation with Sergio, Rebecca was glad by proxy. Maggie didn’t mind the little trip as long as they did something together.
The short train ride was over too soon, and Callie once again asked herself if she was causing unnecessary stress and tension.
The writer in her needed an ending to the story, an understanding.
Chapter Eight
Toni lived in a house a couple of streets from the small marketplace where Callie had left Rebe
cca and the girls in a café. There were two cars in the front. If Toni had had any children, they had probably long left the home. A husband, her mother had said. Callie felt a surge of irrational resentment. She knew nothing about the woman, but she didn’t know much more about Valerie, her own family. She of all people shouldn’t judge her.
The woman who opened the door to her wore a friendly, if somewhat reserved smile. That was understandable, considering how Callie had practically ambushed her.
“Good morning, Callie. Come on in. Can I offer you something? Coffee?”
“Yes, please. Thank you.”
Toni led her into a spacious kitchen where she busied herself preparing two cups, putting milk and sugar on the table.
“So,” she said, sitting across from Callie. “You found me. I assume you have questions.”
“You speak English very well,” Callie blurted out, unsure the next moment if her words came across as the compliment they were meant to be. Almost everyone they’d met here in Italy spoke a little English.
“Valerie and I met when I was studying in the States.”
Callie was taken aback for a moment. Of course, she couldn’t have told this from a few letters or the rushed conversation with Fiona. This fact led to more questions though. Toni would have had to go back home once her student visa ran out, and she supposed that was exactly what happened. She imagined there was little chance for either woman to stay in the other one’s home country.
“What brings you to Rome though?”
“It’s a long story. We’re going to Siena tomorrow, to visit a friend of Rebecca’s daughter. I didn’t want us to come all the way to Italy without seeing Rome. It’s very beautiful.”
Toni acknowledged her words with a smile. “Valerie loved it here…” She avoided Callie’s gaze for a moment, and when she looked back at her, her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “Excuse me. I didn’t think—”
“That’s okay. I’m sorry for springing all this on you. I thought—”
“I knew? How would I? Valerie broke off the contact a long time ago. She stopped coming to see me, even though she’d still travel in Europe.”
“Because you got married.” There was an edge to her tone. Toni had noticed it too. Callie knew she had to carefully distinguish Valerie’s situation from her own, and the insecurities she’d harbored regarding David.
“Yes, I did. What did you expect? You know, you actually remind me of her a lot. Valerie was the brave one. I wasn’t. That’s pretty much all there is to the story.”
“It takes more than being brave.” Callie hesitated. The next question was basically why she’d come here, but put an end to all guesswork once and for all, but Toni might see it as serious overreach. Scratch that, it was serious overreach.
“Did you love her?”
“I have always loved her,” Toni said without a moment of hesitation. “Like you say, courage isn’t enough, but even love isn’t always enough. You have to work for it, be ready to take risks, some bigger than others. Valerie was the love of my life, still, I wasn’t ready. I can’t believe she’s gone. When you called…for a moment I hoped…” She shook her head. “It’s silly. What would I have told her?”
“I’m sure she knew.” Maybe that was a merciful interpretation, but the fact that Valerie had kept those mementos had to mean something.
Toni didn’t challenge the idea.
“You live in her house now? I thought it was a very small town.”
“It is, but I found everything I need.”
“Your partner?”
“Yes, and I suppose I should go back to her now.”
“I thought about it, often,” Toni said. “If we could make this work, and how, but I just couldn’t see a way. I don’t have any regrets, either way. I love my children, my family…my husband--and I’m beyond blessed to have that time with Valerie to remember. She was kind, generous, and beautiful, inside and out.”
In those few words, Callie could see the story unfold more clearly than ever before, the two women and their love and losses, and the choices they made.
“Thank you so much,” she said. “You didn’t have to meet me. I really appreciate that you did.”
Toni gave her a wistful smile. “I had to take the chance. I wasn’t sure anyone of Valerie’s family would ever want to speak to me.”
“Valerie cared about you. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
“I’m glad you came, Callie. Enjoy the rest of your stay.”
Both of them stood, the seconds ticking by as they were unsure how to end this conversation. Then they stepped forward at the same time, for a brief and almost unreal hug.
Callie was a bit in a daze when she walked out into the bright sunlight. It wasn’t like she had ever underestimated the dimensions of what Rebecca had risked to be with her--even in a different, more accepting environment than Valerie and Toni had met. For all David had struggled to come to terms with the changes, he had gotten there in the end, and Rebecca…She had overcome fear, the temptation to settle and avoid complications, and taken that leap of faith. Callie would never take this for granted.
* * * *
When Callie returned to the café where they had retreated for more coffee—for Rebecca—and ice cream, they decided to take the next train back to the city and start their shopping day. Callie was quiet on the walk to the station. Rebecca wondered whether she should ask, and how she would have reacted, in an alternate universe, if someone had showed up on her doorstep, reminding her of a love lost. Or maybe Antonia Belcastro had a completely different view on the past.
Callie chuckled as she took her hand.
“I can hear you think. Don’t worry, I’m okay. I think she is too. Of course I sprung the news about Valerie’s death on her without warning.”
“That wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t exactly news to you.”
“No.” Callie stayed silent for a moment. “You know I love you, right? I love the girls, and the life we have together. It’s far beyond everything I ever imagined for myself.”
It occurred to Rebecca that it must have been a very emotional conversation, the sentiment resonating with her.
“I know,” she said, agreeing with everything Callie had said.
“It was good to see her. Sad too, but we have different choices now. Wow.” Callie wiped her eyes, a bit self-conscious. “Mom would always say that things happen for a reason. I used to think it’s all randomness, but without Valerie, I would have never even heard of Autumn Leaves, let alone moved there. If anyone’s listening up there, I am grateful. Every day.”
“Stop it now. I’m going to cry.”
Fortunately, the train arrived at this moment, and they had to pay attention to keep their small group together.
The day passed without any further incident. Sergio didn’t show up again, and from the looks of it, he didn’t send any new emails. Rebecca contemplated Dina’s words some more. They had hurt, there was no denying that, but Rebecca had decided she wasn’t going to dwell on them. There was no point in that, and she couldn’t expect her teenage daughter to understand all of the entanglements that adult life encompassed--this wasn’t the time for her to learn. At her age, she was supposed to fall in and out of love, to not yet set a framework that would determine the rest of her young life. Maybe, Rebecca admitted to herself, if she had followed that advice, she wouldn’t have ended up married so early. Fortunately, the dire thoughts vanished quickly on another hot summer day in the buzzing city.
“Okay, one more store and then we stop somewhere for dinner,” she declared after they’d spent a good part of the day in air-conditioned stores. Dina definitely wasn’t that troubled anymore. She had found a new outfit for the dinner they were going to have with Tomaso’s family, his parents, sister and grandmother.
Callie had spent the lunch break writing. For dinner, the restaurant with the rainbow banner seemed a good choice. There was a souvenir shop next door with the same banner over the entrance, and it
would be their last stop.
“Um…maybe they won’t let us in with the kids,” Callie said as Rebecca was about to walk inside.
“Why not? It’s a gift shop.”
“Yeah, that too, but souvenirs are not all they’re selling. You know.”
“No, I don’t. What are you talking about?”
Callie cast a cautious glance at the girls who were looking at pictures they had taken earlier. They didn’t seem to pay attention. “Adult things.”
Rebecca was admittedly clueless. In the window, there were books and T-shirts and… “Oh. Okay.” She had gotten the message. “Hey. Maggie, Dina? I think we spent enough money on knickknacks today. Why don’t we sit down over there and have something to eat?” Fortunately, the girls hadn’t noticed any of what had been between the lines of this conversation. Around six, it was still early for southern European dinner standards, so they had no trouble finding a table.
Rebecca sat, her cheeks still feeling hot which had nothing to do with the temperature. She was grateful that the waiter arrived right away, bringing their menus, and she busied herself with trying to choose a dish. Callie leaned close, whispering, “Sorry I cut that short. We could go sometime in Marin County if you like. Visit a gift shop for grown-ups.”
“After church?”
Callie laughed. “Whenever.”
“Why are you whispering?” Maggie asked.
“I was just wondering how hot this dish is going to be,” Rebecca said, amazed that she’d never noticed the adult store in Marin County, or that Callie knew about it.
* * * *
Tomorrow, they were going to leave Rome. Sipping a last glass of wine for the day on the small balcony of their room, Callie reflected on her visit to Toni. Contrary to what she had feared, Toni hadn’t buried every memory of that long ago love affair, despite her marriage. Reality had been every bit as bittersweet as the impression she’d gotten from the letter and a few photos. There was a lesson for her, for Rebecca, in that story.
Rome had deeply moved her, aside from the small glitches, Dina’s romantic life or the fact that Rebecca had nearly walked them into an adult store. She’d been writing in between sightseeing and meals enjoyed outside, with amazing views. She was looking forward to seeing a bit more of the countryside as well—not to mention from tomorrow night, she and Rebecca would have a room to themselves.
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