by Nikki Ashton
Addy was doing well with the lessons that I’d been giving to her. There wasn’t anything too taxing; she was still a little girl who needed to have fun after all. She enjoyed learning though, which made my days an absolute joy; lessons in the morning and then playtime and a nap in the afternoon.
Jesse was still distant from her, but he had progressed to coming to see her at breakfast every day and leaving with a pat to her head. Occasionally at night, he joined us for dinner and then listened to Addy reading before she went to bed. He never sat next to her, his position was always on the recliner while Addy sat on the sofa. Then when it was time for her to go to bed, he’d pat her head once more on his way out to go back to the bunk house; that was where he slept, despite having a bedroom in the main house.
As for Ted and Bonnie, they were just fine, no longer worried about Garratt and happy that Jesse seemed to have found some sort of compromise in his relationship with his daughter. Bonnie also seemed to have gained more energy over the last month, constantly having to keep Addy occupied as well as looking after the ranch hands had evidently been taking its toll. She and Ted had even gone to Rowdy’s one evening, although Garratt had refused to let them call it ‘date night’, saying that it made him feel sick.
As for me, well I was happy. As happy as I could be recovering from being dumped on my wedding day and now falling head over heels for a man who was so closed off to people he may as well live alone, on a desert island. My days were full of Addy and my nights were full of dreams of Jesse. The glimpses that I got of him every day just made my desire for him all the more intense. Every morning I found myself excitedly jumping out of bed, just because I knew Jesse would be downstairs drinking his coffee, waiting for us all to rise.
This morning when I bounced into the kitchen, there was no Jesse, in fact there was nobody there, not even Addy. I looked through into the dining room, wondering whether Bonnie had decided that we would eat there this morning, but nothing. I opened the glass doors that led on to the deck and leaned over the railing, looking down into the garden, but everywhere was deserted.
Walking back through to the kitchen, I had no idea whether to start breakfast or sit and wait. At least I could make the coffee; I had watched Bonnie enough to know how the Connor family like it – strong and black, except Bonnie who liked a drop of creamer and two sugars.
As I finished preparing it and turned on the machine, the back door opened and Garratt walked in. A bruise smudged his cheek and there was a cut on his bottom lip.
“Garratt, what’s happened?” I asked, taking a step towards him.
“Ask my brother, the fucking dickwad.”
Garratt stalked past me and disappeared towards the stairs.
“Garratt!” I called after him.
Garratt held up a hand to quiet me and snapped, “Millie, just ask fucking Jesse.”
As I heard his feet stomping on the stairs, the back door swung open and Ted marched in, closely followed by a sniffling Bonnie, carrying a sobbing Addy in her arms.
“What the hell happened?” I asked Ted. “Why is Garratt bloodied and bruised and why are Bonnie and Addy crying?”
“Jesse,” was all Ted replied before storming in the same direction as Garratt.
Bonnie placed Addy on the countertop and kissed her forehead.
“I’ll get you some cereal sweetie, okay?”
A tearful Addy nodded and then held her arms out to be picked up. Bonnie picked her back up and carried her through to the lounge. I watched as she deposited her on the sofa and then walked back to me.
“Bonnie, what’s happened?” I asked quietly, dragging her into a hug.
Bonnie hugged me back for a while and then with a sniff, pulled away. She wiped her nose with a handkerchief and then flopped down onto a chair.
“Well, from what I’ve managed to get out of her, Addy got up real early and wanted to go and see Jesse, she’d had a bad dream apparently and just wanted her daddy. She let herself out of the house and made her way to the bunk house.”
“She did all that on her own?”
“Yes,” she sighed. “We were in here. Garratt was supposed to be riding out early this morning, and Ted had a yearning to go, too; he hasn’t been out for such a long time. Well, we heard the door shut, but thought it was Jesse coming in. When he didn’t, Ted went to see who it was and he saw Addy running faster than a jack rabbit in the direction of the bunk house. He shouted to tell me, so Garratt and I followed.”
“How did I sleep through all of this?”
“Your room is at the back, honey, and it wasn’t a major drama, well not until we got there.”
“Oh God,” I gasped seeing the horror on her face.
“Jesse has a little cabin at the back of the bunk house, it’s private. Ted’s dad built it when he had a married ranch hand working for him for a time, so Jesse uses it.” She took a shuddering breath and then continued. “Ted couldn’t reach Addy, that girl is fast when she wants to be, so she got to Jesse’s rooms first. She let herself in and…well, Jesse had a woman in bed with him. Ted got there just as Jesse lost it with Addy, shouting and screaming at her to get out, then he started on the woman in his bed. Angie, the damn town whore.”
My mouth dropped open on a loud gasp. Bonnie laughed humorlessly.
“Not literally, honey, but she may as well be. That’s what Jesse called her, too, while he was throwing her clothes at her. Told her she’d no right staying the night after he’d fallen asleep, and all she was, and I quote, was ‘a warm body from time to time, a fuck, and a mediocre one at that.’ I don’t like that girl, Millie, but I raised my boys better than that.”
“Then what happened?”
“Then he took hold of Addy and pushed her towards me and told me to ‘get that kid out of here’, and that’s when Garratt punched him. Ted let them have at it for a while, I reckon he thought Jesse deserved it, but when Addy started to cry for Garratt to stop hurting her daddy, Ted stepped in.”
“After everything, she was worried about Jesse?”
Bonnie turned and looked over to where Addy had now fallen asleep, her thumb firmly in her mouth.
“She loves her daddy. As he slumped to the floor, she kissed his cheek and then kicked Garratt in the shins. I think that hurt that boy more than any punch that Jesse landed on him.”
After breakfast, everyone was still feeling subdued about what had happened, particularly Addy. She wouldn’t look at Garratt and ate her breakfast curled up on Ted’s lap, with Ted spoon feeding her just to ensure that she ate something. She was now sitting cross legged on the floor, watching a Disney film. I’d taken the decision that today would be all about fun-no lessons.
Bonnie had taken the truck into Knightingale to go to the big food market there, as she needed supplies for both the family and the bunk house. Because she needed so much, Ted had gone with her instead of one of the ranch hands. He said it was because he needed some things for the office, but I had a suspicion he didn’t want to bump into Jesse.
Garratt had stayed behind and my suspicion about that was that he wanted to try and put things right with Addy. In his own words, he ‘didn’t give two shits about Jesse’, but Addy was a different matter.
“Hey, Garratt,” I said quietly as he sat next to me on the sofa. “How are the war wounds?”
He gently poked at his lip and winced. “I’ll live. How’s she doing?” he whispered, nodding towards Addy.
“She’ll be fine. I think it was all just a big shock.”
“Yeah, well, seeing Angie’s shaved pussy and floppy tits was no picnic for me either.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Garratt!”
“I know,” he sighed. “But if I don’t laugh about it, Millie, I’ll fucking cry.”
My eyes turned to the TV as the film was coming to an end, and any minute now Addy’s attention would leave the screen.
“Why don’t you try and talk to her?” I suggested.
“Because,” he replied on a long
exhale. “I’m scared shitless that she won’t forgive me.”
“Oh, Garratt.” I reached for his hand and squeezed it. He adored his niece and the fact that he’d upset her was tearing him apart. “Just try.”
He nodded and then scooted down onto the floor and shuffled next to her.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said softly, giving her braid a little tug. “How you doing?”
Addy ignored him at first, continuing to stare at the TV that was now showing the credits to the film. Garratt pulled on her earlobe and then blew at her cheek. Addy flicked a hand, as though swatting a fly, so Garratt did it again. This time she turned sharply to face him.
“Stop it, Uncle Garratt,” she grumbled. “I don’t like it.”
“I know, but I had to get you to speak to me somehow. I don’t like it when we’re not friends.”
“We’re always friends and I always love you, I just don’t like you today.”
I bit on my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing. Her chubby little face was pulled into a frown; brow furrowed, lips pursed, and nose wrinkled.
“I’m sorry for hurting your dad, Addy, but he upset me because he upset you.”
“But he’s my daddy,” she replied. “I don’t want anyone to hurt my daddy.”
“I know you don’t, but I was mad at him because he made you cry.” Garratt edged a little closer and took Addy’s tiny hand in his and rubbed it gently.
“Will you say sorry to Daddy, too?” she asked, full of consternation.
Garratt took a breath, considered it, and then nodded on the exhale. “If you want me to.”
“Do you want to?”
This child amazed me with her grown up attitude; she could probably teach her father a thing or two.
“I want to, because you want me to.” Garratt used a finger to move Addy’s hair from her eyes and then smiled at her. “I love your daddy, but I love you, too, so even though I think he’s wrong I will say sorry.”
Addy thought about it for a moment and then nodded.
“Okay, but not yet.”
Garratt tilted his head back and looked at her quizzically. “Not yet, why?”
“Because I want to come with you and I don’t want to see him yet. I’m mad at him, too.”
Garratt pulled Addy into his arms and gave her a hug and a big sloppy kiss on her cheek.
“Adeline Marie Connor, you are amazing, you know that?”
“What’s a maze thing?” she asked, and suddenly she was a tiny little four-year-old again.
I watched uncle and niece as they argued over which film to watch next and hoped that Garratt and Jesse could get over their differences just as easily; but somehow, I doubted it.
Jesse
I fucking hate myself more than I ever thought possible. How could I do that to my baby, push her like that, and then fight with Garratt in front of her? The hurt in her face broke my heart, but there was nothing I could do to stop myself. It didn’t feel like it was me, it felt as though I was outside my body watching on as the shit storm took place.
I have no damn idea how to do this alone; Melody was supposed to be here with me. No wonder I keep fucking up.
My poor Addy. Damn Angie, I told her she had to leave. Shouldn’t have drunk so much and I wouldn’t have fallen asleep. I would’ve made sure she left my bed; but I never expected Addy to come over. She’s never come over before. Well, Angie won’t be coming here again, I shouldn’t have brought her last night. There’s only one woman I want in my bed and I can’t have her.
Millie
The day after the incident with Jesse, Addy had perked up considerably and had even asked Garratt if he would take her into town to get ice cream. I think the clever little minx was playing on Garratt’s guilt, but he had been more than willing and had strapped her into her car seat with a huge smile on his face and a promise of not only ice cream, but toy shopping, too. He was definitely overjoyed to be back in Addy’s good books.
With Addy and Garratt out, Ted in the office, and Bonnie cleaning and changing the beds in the bunk house, I decided to sort out my things in my room; a beautiful, light and airy room at the back of the house that overlooked the garden and a pasture beyond. On the gorgeous white, wooden posted bed, were crisp white sheets with blue polka dots and a bright duvet cover, or comforter as Bonnie called it, with red and blue flowers on one side, and blue and white stripes on the other. The walls were painted a beautiful sky blue and the woodwork a bright, glossy white. Also on the bed were matching flowered, scatter cushions mixed in with some red fluffy ones. At the two windows were sheer white drapes over blue and white striped blinds and on the wall opposite my bed were a dresser and a wardrobe, both in the same white wood as the bed. I loved it and wondered whether it had been decorated specifically for me, or if this had been part of Jesse and Melody’s vision for the house. Whichever, it was perfect.
Ted had told me that I could store some boxes in the barn adjacent to the house. He told me it was water tight and everything would be perfectly safe in there, so I organized what I didn’t need into three boxes.
After hanging up my clothes and putting out some of the photographs that I’d brought with me, I sat back on the bed, looked around the room, and sighed; now it was not only beautiful but it looked like home.
I let out a shuddering sigh at that thought. I had spoken to my mum and Javi a couple of times since I’d been here and had felt totally at peace with my decision to up sticks to America. Now though, with familiar things around me, a pang of yearning knocked on my chest bone. I needed to call my mum and just hear her voice. I took my phone from the top of my dresser and dialled her number. Dinner would be finished and she would be settling down to watch TV, so I was hopeful that she would answer. After a few rings, she did.
“My baby,” my mother crooned. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, Mum. I just wanted to speak to you. How are you, how’s Javi?”
“Oh, he’s okay. He’s finally dumped that damn girl.”
“No way!” I exclaimed, gasping with shock.
Even though he was my brother, I knew he was quite a hottie. His skin was a rich golden brown, his hair was so black it looked almost navy blue in some lights, and his eyes were a gorgeous whisky color. Girls threw themselves at him constantly, but he’d only ever had eyes for Gabby Stevens. Gabby on the other hand seemed to have eyes not only for Javi, but for every other Tom, Dick, and Harry as well. Javi wouldn’t believe it, but evidently, he’d finally seen the light.
“Yes, he told me that he’d had enough of her taking him for granted.”
I laughed out loud. “Blimey, I can’t believe it. I bet you’re happy, aren’t you?”
“Oh Armalita, I can’t tell you. He’s also talking of coming out to see you after Christmas.”
My heart started pounding with excitement. “Really? Oh my God, that would be amazing. Why don’t you come, too?” I babbled.
My mum giggled on the other end of the line. “We’ll see. Now, you’d better go, this call will be costing you a fortune.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, sweetheart. I’ll call you next time, okay?”
“Mum, it’s fine. I have nothing else to spend my money on, so a couple of calls a week aren’t going to bankrupt me.”
“You youngsters, you have no idea about money.”
With laughter and blown kisses, we said our goodbyes and I ended the call, holding the phone against my chest. It had been very short, but very sweet, and very much needed. My mum and brother were everything to me, even more so since my dad had died six years ago. He’d had a massive heart attack while playing golf; Javi had only been sixteen at the time, so it hit him hard. But, we had each other to lean on; our little gang of three. Tears pricked my eyelashes as I thought about Dad and how I’d been a daddy’s girl. I adored him and I was his princess, which was why the situation between Addy and Jesse was all the more heart wrenching to me.
With a little sniff and a s
wipe at my tears, I picked up one of the boxes that I was going to store in the barn, and made my way downstairs.
When I reached the barn, I could see that the bolt was pushed across on the access door. With the box getting heavier with every second, I wedged it between my hip and the door, twisting my body to reach the bolt.
“Let me help you,” a voice said behind me – Jesse. Goosebumps instantly burst out over my skin, a brief shiver rippling through me.
I turned my head to look at him and noticed the deep blue bruise on his chin and a slight redness around his eye. Jesse stared at me unblinkingly.
“I see Garratt got a good punch in,” I said, trying to hide the quiver in my voice.
Jesse didn’t say anything but reached around me, sliding the bolt back and pushing the small wooden door that had been inlaid into the huge barn door. As his scent reached me, my senses whirled and the air around me thickened. Trying to back away, I stumbled and almost dropped the box.
“Give it to me,” he commanded, taking the box from me and stepping into the barn. “Where’d you want it?” he asked from the dim light.
“I don’t know,” I replied following him in. “Your dad just said to store them in here.”
“There’s more?”
“A couple, yes.”
Jesse turned from me and walked a couple of feet to a tall rack of metal shelves that stood against the wall. He placed the box on and straightened it.
“They’ll be better up here than on the floor, it’ll make life difficult for the mice.”
I shuddered at the thought of opening up my boxes back in England to find an overseas visitor burrowing in my belongings. I dropped my gaze to my feet, my eyes searching for anything scurrying around.
