“Very hilarious. This pic-ture is going to get me my fair share of our mooch-ual worldly goods.”
“Has he seen it?”
“Yes, and I am happy to retort … I mean report, that the blood drained instantly from his face. Even his ears were tight … white.”
He gave me an up and down gaze, but said merely, “Interesting. Anyway, sure, I’ll do it right now while you go look at Thor and see how he compares with Sif.”
Thor looked, and smelled, pretty much the same as Sif. I wasn’t tempted to linger in the solarium, but got sidetracked by Simon who was sitting on top of his condo glaring at the Titan.
“Help me!” he shrieked when he realized I was leaving him alone with the stinky plant again.
“Well, plop down and come along, then,” I said.
Simon fluttered to the tiles and beat me to the door. “I don’t know what your problem is,” I said to the bird. “Thor is a jungle plant and so are you. A jungle bird, I mean. You should be thick as thieves.”
Simon turned his head and stabbed my ankle with his curved beak. He lurched rapidly down the hall, clipped wings flapping impotently and red tail feathers lifted high off the floor.
By the time I reached the study, Simon was perched on the back of Dougal’s chair, opening and closing his beak in silent laughter.
“Simon bit me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. He was probably rubbing his beak against your skin as a sign of affection. Like this.” Dougal and Simon demonstrated a cross-species kiss, beak to lips.
“It’s nice outside. Why don’t we put Simon out on the patio and see if an owl comes by to visit? Or a coywolf?”
“Here’s your photo of Mike and his doobie back. I’ve filed a copy on several different drives as well as a memory stick.”
“Doobie doobie doo,” sang Simon, not sounding like Dean Martin. He jumped off the chair back and skittered across the desk toward me.
I backed away. “Thanks, Dougal. Did Mrs. Boudreau bring any food yet?” The thumping headache I woke up with this morning had returned tenfold, and I knew I had to eat something. My Thursday night yoga class was in less than two hours, and I wouldn’t get through it unless I sobered up.
“So, is Thor about at the same stage as Sif?”
“Looks the same, smells the same. About that food …”
“We’re on our way, then.” Dougal’s eyes were shining like a kid’s on Christmas morning. “Nothing can stop the blossoming now.”
“Actually, they both look pretty blom-somy already. How come you can’t do the pollination now?”
“They aren’t quite ready. I’ll know the perfect moment, and that may very well occur tomorrow around midnight, but you better make yourself available all day tomorrow, just in case.”
“Sure, I’m there. But Dougal. Food?”
“Mrs. Boudreau didn’t come again today. I tried to call her, but had to leave a message. I hope nothing’s happened to her, but if it has, you’ll have to bring in groceries. You’re not a great cook, but you may have to pinch hit for awhile. I’ve eaten all my convenience food and I’m starving.”
“I am not cooking for you. I draw the line in the sandbox.” I leaned on the desk to stop the floor from shifting under my feet.
Dougal threw me another onceover, but said nothing more. Soon we were in his kitchen surveying the still-empty fridge. After closing the door on that depressing sight, we moved to the cupboards.
“There’s some spaghetti. You can cook that.”
“I can’t remember how to turn on a stove, so move on.” I tried to walk in a steady line, which had me bumping into chairs and appliances.
The walk-in pantry still held the motherlode of cans.
“I have a pooper-scooper idea,” I said to Dougal, trying to pronounce my words carefully. He was watching me closely, but I gathered a selection of cans into my arms and called over my shoulder, “Fetch a bowl and some can openers.”
Soon, we had a production line going. I sat at the table and drank a bottle of water while Dougal opened cans, poured the contents into bowls, and heated them in the microwave. From all the hissing and popping sounds, that microwave would be a bitch to clean once it dried out.
We dispensed with plates and just used one fork each to spear whatever we fancied out of the dozen bowls arranged in the middle of the table.
“What’s this?” I asked, looking at a bright red ball on the end of my fork.
“Beet.” Dougal was shovelling up ravioli, and changed to a spoon to capture the sauce.
I ate a beet. It wasn’t so bad, so I ate a couple more before deciding to switch to a different colour group.
“What’s this?” It was long and green.
“Asparagus. But it’s from China, so I wouldn’t eat too many.”
I spat it out beside my plate.
“Bliss, what the hell are you doing?” Dougal handed me a napkin and I wiped delicately at the corners of my mouth.
“Bliss, are you high again? Or drunk?”
“Drunk. What’s this?”
Dougal leaned over to view the white chunks floating in gray liquid.
“How should I know? Try it and tell me what it tastes like.”
I snickered. “Yeah, right. Here, taste it yourself.” I shoved the purported food across the table and had a go at what was left of the ravioli.
“What’s going on, Bliss? Yesterday you show up stoned, today drunk.”
“It wasn’t my fault. Glory gave me some lovely Riesling, then we switched to Chardonnay. And since I haven’t had a bite of food since forever, it went right to my head. Now I’m enjoying this yummy buffet. Pass the stew and your spoon, please.”
“Glory? Glory voluntarily served you wine. That’s not a very credible story, Bliss.”
“It’s true. She said she was grateful for my concern about the mari …” Oops, almost spilled the beans, there. “Let’s just say I did her a favour and she was grateful. So we sat on the terrace and enjoyed a couple bottles of wine.”
“You’re not making any sense, Bliss.”
“And she told me why she threw your ass out. How about that?”
“You’re both crazy.”
“I’ve been called that a lot lately. Anyway, you showed an uncanny lack of sensitivity, even for you, buying your wife a set of fake boobs for her birthday. Shame, Dougal. Shame!”
His face now resembled the lone beet left in its bowl. I jammed my fork into it and shook it at Dougal. The juice spattered the front of his spanking white tee-shirt, leaving a track of red stains that looked a lot like blood. I shook my fork again and a disappointingly smaller spatter overlaid the first.
Dougal looking speechlessly down at his chest, and I was recovered enough to realize it was time to leave.
Chewing the beet, I said, “I’m throwing myself out this time, to save you the bother. See you in the morning.”
I was a little wobbly, but made it to the front door without major incident, although the umbrella stand tipped over as I was trying to step into my boots.
“Your skin is so soft,” insisted Simon who had followed me from the kitchen. He jabbed his beak at me again, but I fended him off with the curved handle of an umbrella.
“Fuck off, bird.” I slammed the door on him.
I should have brought the umbrella with me. While I was inside enjoying Dougal’s hospitality, the fine weather had ended, and the angels had opened the taps.
I was in no shape to operate a motorized vehicle, so, scurrying to my bike, I tore off my leather jacket and replaced it with the top of a bright yellow rain suit I kept stored in the saddlebag. Slinging the canvas bag holding my yoga clothes over my shoulder, I set off for the Golden Goddess Spa.
The ten-minute walk did me good, but I was still unsteady as the class began. I learned that the balancing poses such as the Tree, the Standing Lotus, or any of the Warrior Poses required the blood to run alcohol-free as it was really embarrassing for the instructor to fall over before the s
tudents. We spent the hour on our mats performing poses that kept the whole body on the floor.
Throughout the session, I kept my eye on Chesley in the back row. I wanted to make sure he didn’t slip away after class. Ivy and Chesley Belcourt were up to something, and I was going to know what that was before the night was over.
Chapter
THIRTY
Chesley didn’t try to escape. He was waiting in the hall as I turned off the studio lights and locked the door. Up close, Chesley in spandex bicycle shorts was not a maiden’s dream, and an image of those bad boys, Snake and Redfern, popped into my head. Horrified, I figured I was experiencing alcohol poisoning.
“Do you by any chance cycle, Chesley?”
His grin spread outward from the middle until it reached his ears.
“How did you know that? I belong to a small racing club in St. Catharines.”
“Oh, I guess it was the muscle development in your legs.” A glance down to his lower limbs confirmed that Chesley had, indeed, well-developed thigh and calf muscles.
If his smile got any wider, he was in danger of swallowing his nose.
I said, “I’m glad you waited. I thought our discussion was just getting interesting this afternoon when your mother showed up.”
“I’m afraid Mum and I haven’t been totally forthright with you, Bliss.”
“You really aren’t interested in the Barrister house, are you?”
“We are. But Mum doesn’t want me to say anything yet about our plans. We still have funding considerations that need to be weighed. We should have an answer for you tomorrow or Saturday. Anyway, that’s not what I meant when I said we hadn’t been forthright.”
“What? Is there another property you want to see? I’m the agent for the Barrister property only, so if you’re interested in looking at something else, you’ll have to talk to Elaine Simms.”
“I know, but it’s not that.”
Getting Chesley to the point was proving a time-consuming activity. The coywolf, not to mention a murderer, was at large in the vicinity of Hemp Hollow, and the sooner I was locked inside my trailer with Rae, the better.
“Tell me what’s on your mind, Chesley.” And snap to it.
“Okay, but don’t be angry with me.”
“Chesley.”
“Here goes, then. You know how you thought I was waiting for you outside Glory’s house on Arlington Woods? Well, I was.” Chesley uttered the last sentence like it was a hanging offence. His shoulders hunched, making him look like a green-eyed buzzard.
My head throbbed with every beat of my pickled heart. I wanted to feel sorry for him, but if he was stalking me, I’d take him down and smack him silly.
“Would you care to explain your actions?” Then, something occurred to me. “And how do you know Glory? Wait, you were the one who dropped off the Bern bamboo.”
“Berg. And yes, I did visit Glory and give her the plant. I wanted to see if her Titan Arum was still alive and healthy. She said that Sif was doing well and was even going to blossom. You can imagine how excited I was.”
Chesley’s eyes were gleaming with a fanatic’s fervour, much as Dougal’s did every time he mentioned Thor. I made a let’s get this story on the road motion with my hand.
“When I was driving away from Glory’s house, I saw you on your motorcycle. I thought your passenger looked like Dougal, although it was hard to tell because of the helmet. Anyway, I waited under those trees for you to come out again. I wanted to see if it really was Dougal, and if so, where he lived. He isn’t listed in the phone book, and I didn’t want to ask too many questions of the local people. Not until Mum and I have completed our business dealings. Anyway, when you turned around and followed me, I panicked.”
I didn’t speak.
Chesley said, “I think that’s all.”
“No, it’s not. What have Glory and Dougal got to do with … anything?”
“Oh, didn’t I say? Sorry. I knew Glory and Dougal at university. We were all enrolled in the same B.Sc. program.”
“So, why are you here now?”
“I can’t tell you everything, not right now. And we — that’s Glory, Dougal, and I — agreed we would never talk about this since what we did was illegal. But I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations has run out, so I can tell you, generally, what happened.”
“Chesley, I’ve had a rough day, so if you don’t tell me what you’re talking about, I’m going to do some damage to your person.”
“Okay, Bliss, but you’re sworn to secrecy. Now, only four people will know the whole story. Well, after graduation, the three of us went to Europe for two months. We saw the usual sights, visited some European countries. One night in — I can’t tell you the country — we got blasted and stole … took three Titan Arum tubers from a botanical garden. We brought them back to our hostel and bagged them up. Then we stored them in our backpacks under our dirty laundry and flew home.”
“You three crazy kids just strolled through Customs, each with a stolen botanical specimen in your backpack? Did you ever think what might have happened if you had been caught?” Shit, there I went again, acting like a mother.
“Not really. You know, at that age you think you can do anything, get away with murder. Now, of course, you can buy Titan Arum tubers on the Internet. Although the quality is suspect if you buy them that way.”
“You’re sidetracking me, Chesley. There’s no reason you shouldn’t visit Glory or Dougal, but why the cloak and dagger stuff?”
“When Mum found out what we did back then, she blamed Dougal, and rightly so. She always thought he was a bad influence on me. After that, we lost touch. But, almost three years ago, Dougal contacted me and said he and Glory were splitting up and asked me to store Thor in one of my greenhouses temporarily. A year later, he said he was moving into his parents’ house again and was building a solarium. He wanted Thor back, and I reacted, well, rather badly, I have to say. I was reluctant to part with Thor, and Dougal threatened to kick my ass.”
Seems I wasn’t the only one who felt that urge in Chesley’s company.
“So, you two did not part on good terms,” I finished for him, anxious to move this slightly interesting, but ultimately insignificant, story to its climax.
“Exactly. But Mum and I remembered Thor, and Sif of course, when we discussed opening a new mail-order business.”
“Chesley, I am running out of patience. And I admit to a world-class hangover. Tell me, what the hell does a new business have to do with two jungle plants?”
“Sorry, Bliss, I’m not telling this coherently. Mum and I have been planning to expand into a specialized market for a few years now. We could have used Jarnsaxa as our flagship plant for the new business, but she didn’t make it. She passed about four years ago. Just withered away. We—”
“Wait. Wait just a minute, Chesley. I’m taking a quantum leap here, but is Jackassa your Titan Arum? Raised from the baby tuber you smuggled out of some nameless foreign country twelve years ago?”
“Jarnsaxa. Thor’s mistress. Yes, so that’s why I wanted to keep Thor. Anyway, now Mum and I are ready to proceed with our venture. But what a coup it would be if our new greenhouse showcased a mature Titan Arum. That’s as far as we thought, at first. But, now that we know both Sif and Thor are blossoming, the possibility of a multitude of new tubers is mind-boggling.”
You would think that two jungle plant enthusiasts would be enough for one small town, but now we had three. Or four, if you counted Mum.
“This is all mildly interesting, Chesley. I suggest you walk up to Dougal’s front door and tell him about your new business. Who knows, he might not kick your ass.”
“But this is where you come in, Bliss. Mum and I want you to negotiate a deal with either Dougal or Glory, or both. When I visited Glory, she became furious when I mentioned Dougal’s name. The whites of her eyes turned blood red. She scares me, and I would rather you did the negotiating.”
“She scares everyone, Ches
ley, but I can’t help you.” Glory was possessive about her Titan Arum, and Dougal really loved Thor. No way would either of them part with their plant. I was not going to use Glory’s pot growing to blackmail her again, and as for Dougal, he seemed incapable of giving a shit about consequences of any type.
“But, Bliss, you haven’t heard our offer yet. If we can get one of the Titan Arums for our new greenhouse—”
“I don’t care.”
I dashed down the hall to the women’s change room. The others had left long ago, so I had the place to myself. I should have showered before getting back into my street clothes, and God knows I needed it, but I was anxious to get indoors with Rae and lock the door. My jeans and tee-shirt were still damp, even though I had spread them out over a bench. Stuffing my yoga duds into the bag, I left the change room to find Chesley waiting for me, still in his spandex.
“Forget it,” I said before he could open his mouth. “I don’t want any part of your scheme. Grow a pair and ask Glory or Dougal yourself. You’re a businessman. If there’s something in it for them, they might come around.” And good luck with that.
Garnet was working at her computer, half glasses on her face. She gave me a quick smile and handed me a twenty dollar bill. That’s the way I liked to do business. Service provided, money exchanges hands, no talk necessary.
Chesley was blocking the exit door. I could easily knock him down the stairs to street level and be on my way. He must have seen the possibility on my face, for he stepped aside, but followed as I took the stairs two at a time.
It was raining harder than ever, and I had to stop in the entrance to don the raincoat. Chesley began yammering in my ear again.
“Bliss, you didn’t let me tell you what the offer is. I believe you will find it worthwhile to expend just a little time in convincing your cousin or Glory to either loan their Titan Arum or sell me some of the new tubers.”
“We don’t know if the pollination will even work yet. Listen, Chesley, if you and your mother are interested in buying the Barrister property, let me know. Otherwise, good luck with your future plans, and bye-bye.”
Corpse Flower: A Cornwall and Redfern Mystery Page 18
