That thought was even more painful to swallow. It brought with it a fear that was crippling.
“Hey,” he said, pulling back and touching a fingertip to my chin so I was forced to meet his eyes. “Are you okay?”
I nodded because more than anything I didn’t want him backing away from me. I wanted this. I wanted him. And I knew he would walk away if he thought I was having doubts.
And I wasn’t—not about how I felt for him. That was the most real thing in my life right now.
I loved him.
Whoa. The L-word ricocheted through my brain as he leaned down and kissed me softly, the touch of his fingertips grazing my jaw so lightly like I was something fragile and delicate.
Like I was something to be treasured.
My heart squeezed painfully in my chest and my hands came to his chest, clutching the fabric of his T-shirt like I could hold onto this moment forever. This right here, this moment right now…it was perfection.
We didn’t have to work everything out tonight.
We had time.
This new knowledge of what this was had me holding onto him for dear life. I loved him. This was love.
I kissed him back with everything I had because I hoped against all hope that we had forever.
Chapter Ten
Noah
Hours later I should have been asleep on the couch. I should have been trying to pretend to sleep, at the very least, but even pretending was too difficult at the moment so instead I sat out on the back porch and listened to the crickets in the woods. I’d needed air, and space, and if I’d had the ability to press pause on life for a minute, I would have done it.
It wasn’t every day that my life got flipped upside down.
It wasn’t every day that I had to admit to myself that I’d fallen in love with my best friend’s sister. More than that, I’d somehow gotten her to care for me in return.
I dropped my head back and muttered a curse up at the sky. Finally, for the first time in my life, I’d fallen. And it was for the wrong girl.
I grinned despite myself at the image of her from earlier tonight, her lips swollen from kissing, her brown eyes warm and dazed. No, I’d fallen for the right girl, there was no doubt about that. But she was definitely the most complicated. Our friendship, my friendship with her brother, her relationship with Eric, that all made it so much more complicated to navigate than if she’d just been some girl I’d met at Fairfield University.
But while she might end up going to Fairfield University, Callie would never be some girl. The thought of the future, of her college plans and mine had guilt flickering to life in my gut and I found myself scowling at the sky once more.
“What’s with the frown?” Callie’s voice from the doorway startled me and I sat up straight to see her watching me.
“Did the stars do something to offend you?” she teased, looking upward as well as if to see what I’d been glaring at. “Because you just say the word and I’ll kick some star butt.”
I found myself grinning at her like an idiot. God, I loved this girl.
She dropped her gaze to meet mine and my heart leapt out of my chest and straight into her hands.
Not literally, obviously. That would be disgusting.
But metaphorically she now held my heart in her hands. And I knew by the soft, tender way she was looking at me, with eyes filled with infinite, vulnerable sweetness that she’d entrusted me with hers.
And all I could do was say a prayer to the stars above that I didn’t manage to screw this up.
I patted the seat cushion beside me and she padded toward me barefoot, still wet from the shower and clad in an oversized T-shirt and shorts that were so short they made my mouth go dry and I had to force my gaze away from that glimpse of creamy, toned thighs as she curled her legs up beneath her as she sat.
After hesitating for half a second, she rested against my side and I wrapped an arm around her. I found myself smiling into the darkness as she sighed softly, because I felt it too.
This was right. This was exactly where I wanted to be—with her, in my arms. Always.
“I thought you’d be in bed,” I said quietly. After that amazing kiss earlier tonight, we’d had to cool things down. She’d gone out to tell Maddie that she wasn’t going to be staying at her house, and I’d gone off to take a shower. A very cold one.
For better or for worse, she’d be staying with me. In my bed…and with me on the couch, obviously. I might have figured out that I loved this girl more than life itself but there was no way in hell I was going to rush her into anything she wasn’t ready for.
If everything went the way I hoped it would, we’d have the rest of our lives for this relationship to unfold.
Thoughts of those transfer papers on the desk marred that pretty vision and my frown was back.
“I, uh…” She shifted against me and I loosened my grip so she could turn to face me. “I need to talk to you.”
My gut twisted at the nervous look on her face.
She already had regrets.
I steeled my expression and tried not to panic. “Okay,” I said as calmly as I could. “What’s up?”
“I meant to tell you,” she started, twisting her hands in her lap. Without thinking I reached out and covered her hands with one of mine.
“Hey, you can tell me anything.” Even if you’re just starting to realize you’ve made a mistake. Even if you know that Eric is right and I’ll never be good enough for you. Even if…
“I might not go to Fairfield University.” The words tumbled out so quickly it took me a second to process, and when I shifted to better see her, I saw that her eyes were unbearably wide and she was nibbling on her lower lip.
She was nervous.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or pull her into my arms and kiss her senseless. I swear, if she didn’t stop teasing her lower lip, I wouldn’t be able to resist the latter.
Before I could do anything, though, she was hurrying to explain herself. It seemed Coach Everly had invited a recruiter for a school in Florida, and while her first choice was still Fairfield, she’d have to go where she got a scholarship.
She looked so nervous, so guilty. I couldn’t help myself. I pulled her in for a quick kiss, because I could do that now.
We were dating.
We were together.
We hadn’t actually defined this super new relationship yet, but I hoped to God she was my girlfriend.
When I pulled back she blinked up at me. “What was that for?”
I gave her a rueful smile. “Because you beat me to it. I was trying to figure out how to tell you that I don’t know if I’ll be here after next year.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
I let out a long exhale. “It’s just that…I don’t know if I belong here at Fairfield anymore now that I’m not on the team.” I shrugged. “I don’t know where I belong.”
She nodded, her eyes serious. But then she flashed me a little grin. “You belong with me.”
Her words cut right through any and all defenses I’d ever built up—all the layers of hurt and pain after my parents’ divorce, all the years of keeping meaningful relationships at bay. All of that shriveled into dust at those words. You belong with me.
“And you belong with me,” I said, my voice gruff as I pulled her against me once more. “But something tells me that might be easier said than done.”
She nodded against my chest. “I have to pursue my dream.”
“And I would never ever stand in the way of that,” I said quickly.
She pulled back just enough to look up at me. “And I wouldn’t want you to follow my dreams just because you haven’t figured out your destiny yet.”
I laughed, even though this conversation was so not funny. Still, her faith in me was heartening. “You sound very sure that I have a destiny.”
“Of course you do,” she said easily. “Just because baseball didn’t pan out doesn’t mean you’re not meant for someth
ing.” She patted my chest and I covered her hand with mine, holding her hand over my heart. “I think you might be meant for something even better, something even more perfect for you.”
We sat there in silence for a while because really, nothing had been resolved, and yet it was all we could do for now. The future was a vast blank space, and it wasn’t like we would come up with the answers tonight.
Knowing that we wanted to be together and that we only wanted the best for one another would have to be enough for now.
“It’s kind of scary, isn’t it?” she asked quietly.
We were both looking up at the stars now, but I knew she wasn’t referring to outer space. She was talking about us. About this.
“It’s terrifying,” I said.
We were taking a leap of faith, and there was no going back. Our friendship likely wouldn’t survive if one of us broke the other’s heart. We were trusting one another with our hearts and hoping for the best.
This was exactly the kind of trust exercise I’d avoided like the plague in the past. This was the reason I’d kept girls at arm’s length and ended things before they could truly begin.
But I couldn’t do that with Callie. She knew me too well to let me get away with any of that stuff, and besides…she’d already stolen my heart when I wasn’t even looking.
“So,” she said, her tone turning lighter as she smiled up at me. “Who’s going to tell Eric?”
Ugh. Her lighthearted comment hit me in the solar plexus like a brick of cement. This was another topic I’d been avoiding like a coward, but now there was no way to avoid it any longer. I shifted uneasily beneath her. “I, uh…I’d better do it.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Why are you acting weird all of a sudden?”
“Um…” Was I? Yes. Yes, I was. I’d gone from normal to awkward in a heartbeat. But the problem was, I hadn’t told Callie about that conversation I’d had with Eric—of course I hadn’t—and I wasn’t sure how to broach it now.
“Are you worried?” she asked, her tone incredulous. “Why on earth would you be worried? Eric loves you like a brother and he loves me like…well, like a sister.” Her grin widened at her own joke and I struggled to return her smile even though Eric’s voice was still fresh in my mind. That argument might have occurred over Christmas break, but I could still remember every word.
Face it, Noah, you don’t know the first thing about having a girlfriend.
“Yeah, well…” I cleared my throat. “I think I’d better be the one to tell him.”
You’re going to hurt her, whether you mean to or not.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
If you date my sister and you hurt her, you and I are done.
I nodded. “Yeah. This has to be me.”
She frowned but relented. “Okay.” Then she shrugged and I could see that she had no idea how little Eric would approve. “Well, you’ll have your chance in two days.”
I pulled back slightly. “He’s coming to the games?”
She nodded, her pleasure obvious. “He’s coming! He had a break from his job before school starts up in the fall so he’s coming here and then driving me home after the tournament.” She looked so eager, so excited.
For the first time it fully dawned on me just how much of a schism this could cause between her and her brother if I didn’t handle this right. I needed to step up and do the right thing. He had to know exactly how much I cared for her.
So much so that I’d risk losing him as a friend to make sure I never went a day without loving her.
With an effort I returned her smile, because I didn’t want her worrying about me and my friendship with Eric. I didn’t want her worrying about anything. She needed to put all her focus on the game. Besides, if I handled this right, she would have nothing to worry about this.
I could do this. I could make this right.
Couldn’t I?
I’d damn well do my best to try.
The next day was the last practice before the tournament began and it might have been the best morning I’d ever had in my entire life.
I woke up on the couch to the sight of an adorably sleepy-looking Callie padding down the hallway, an impish grin on her face. I followed her into the kitchen and made coffee, and I swear the mood was one of Christmas morning as a kid. We kept sharing silly little grins and sneaking peeks at one another like we were just discovering each other for the first time.
In some ways, that was exactly how it felt. This was Callie—the girl I’d known most of my life, and my best friend’s little sister. But it was also Callie—nearly a grown woman with ambitions and dreams and a way of kissing that left me staring up at the ceiling for the better part of the night so I could relive it.
This was Callie my neighbor, and it was also Callie my girlfriend.
Reconciling those two Callies was like trying to have my cake and eat it too. It was almost too good to be true.
She nudged my elbow as I poured my cereal and it was my good buddy Callie standing next to me, but then when she went up on tiptoe and kissed the underside of my chin? That was all grown-up Callie—AKA my girlfriend.
Have I used the G-word a few times now? There’s a reason for that. I couldn’t get enough of it. I couldn’t stop telling myself that she was my girlfriend, because it was too hard to accept.
I had a girlfriend. A real one. A forever one.
Hopefully.
Maybe.
Oh hell, there I went trying to see into the future again.
Neil’s appearance at the breakfast table finally broke us out of our little couple bubble but he caught sight of my hand on Callie’s knee under the table and burst out laughing. “About time you two figured things out.”
Callie looked like she might explode from embarrassment as she tipped her head down and focused on her cereal.
“Seriously, what took you two so long?” Neil teased as he poured himself some coffee.
Callie peeked up at me and I saw a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “When did Avery leave last night?” she asked, all innocence if you didn’t know her better.
I knew her better.
Neil scowled down at his coffee like it had just insulted him. “She left before the last episode of Game of Thrones ended.” He shook his head. “I don’t know what was wrong with her. She got all upset just because I said Kate would be a heartbreaker if she ever looked a guy in the eyes.”
I shot my head up. Seriously? This guy was talking about shy, sweet Kate? Callie’s eyes widened in alarm too, but Neil held up his head. “Not to me. Jeez. She’s too sweet and innocent for me. I was just saying that maybe Avery should take her under her wing.” He shrugged. “Avery doesn’t have issues with self-confidence and it seemed like Kate looked up to her…”
He trailed off with a shrug and Callie looked like she was trying not to laugh. “And Avery didn’t like you telling her how pretty another teammate was? Huh, how about that.”
Her voice dripped with sarcasm and Neil shot her a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Callie shook her head. “Nothing. Just, you know…what’s taking you so long?”
I had to shove some cereal in my mouth to keep from laughing at the look of shock on Neil’s face as her meaning clicked. I swear I saw my roommate’s entire world flip upside down in the course of a heartbeat. “What? No. I mean…that can’t be…”
But he faded off, his gaze focused on nothing in particular above our heads. “Wait, do you really think she…”
His voice faded off and I wasn’t sure if he still knew we were there. Five seconds later he shot up out of his seat. “I’ve got to go.”
And he was off.
Callie and I were left staring at one another and her amused smirk was impossible not to adore.
“That was brutal,” I said.
She gave a half shrug. “Sometimes people just need a little push to see what’s right in front of their faces.” She arched her brows. “I should know. It took more th
an a little hint to show me what I was feeling.” She narrowed her eyes a bit. “When did you know?”
I stopped chewing. We were coming dangerously close to a topic I wasn’t quite ready to discuss. At least, not until I talked to Eric first. I was all for honesty between us but I didn’t want to cause a rift between brother and sister.
Still, I owed her the truth. “I realized that I wanted to be more than friends with you after the injury.”
I watched her swallow and she set down her spoon.
“I told you already that along with disappointment, I’d felt a new sort of freedom.” I looked down at the table as I tried to figure out how much to tell her. “Being told that everything I was going after was out of my reach, that my well-laid plans had failed before I even had a chance to see them through…” I looked up and saw the warmth in her eyes that never failed to make my heart swell with answering affection. “I saw the world differently. I suddenly saw just how much I’d been missing. It was like I’d been wearing blinders for years and suddenly…suddenly there was life outside of baseball. It made me see everything differently, it made me notice who was most important in my life and why.”
She nodded and reached a hand out, which I grasped in mine.
“I’d been pushing away anything and anyone who might distract me, and I realized that…maybe that wasn’t much of a life.” I met her gaze and felt like my heart was pouring out of me as I confessed my revelations to her. “I mean, what’s life without love, right?”
The L-word sat between us and when she clutched my hand tight, I knew she felt it too. We might not be ready to say it, but that didn’t mean the emotion wasn’t there, residing between us like a living, breathing entity with a mind of its own.
“Last summer, I—” But then I stopped. Memories of last summer came rushing back to me. The way she and I had gone out to throw the ball around in the mornings before the rest of the neighborhood woke, the way we’d gone to games together, the slight age difference no longer seeming to matter now that we’d both matured.
The Perfect Catch (Kissing the Enemy Book 1) Page 13
