by A'zayler
“Dakota,” she called out to him.
She didn’t sound mad, so he breathed a little easier. Maybe Fallon had been just as hard as him and hadn’t told Rain anything.
“I’m in here, bae.”
“Uh oh, you cooking now?”
He smiled and turned around to face her. She was standing in the door smiling at him. “You know I do my thing from time to time. Come on and sit down. It’s almost ready.”
“What you make?”
“Just some baked spaghetti and corn. Nothing for real. I washed that salad off that you had in the refrigerator, so we’ll have that, too.”
Rain nodded and looked around the kitchen.
“Why you still standing up. Come sit down.” Love looked over his shoulder at her again.
“Okay, but I have someone that I want you to meet.”
Love put the top to the pot back over the corn and turned around. He crossed his arms over his chest.
“Who, Rain?”
The annoyance in his voice was loud and clear. He could tell she’d picked up on it as well because she held her head to the side and looked at him with pleading eyes.
“Why do you have to be like that?”
“Just let me see whoever you have with you.”
Rain looked behind her and into the hallway. She waved her hand and stepped back. Love’s heart nearly stopped when the little boy stepped in front of her. He had his little hands tucked into his pockets as he leaned back against Rain. His eyes trailed up and down Love’s body at the same time as Love looked at him.
The two of them stood facing one another, taking in the other’s presence. Love opened his mouth to speak but didn’t know what he wanted to say. He looked at the mini replica of himself then at Rain before looking back at the handsome little boy. When he finally gathered his bearings, he squatted down so that he was eye-level with the little boy. He looked up to Rain with the question, but all she offered was a smile.
“Hey lil man, what’s your name?”
He smiled and stuck his hand out toward Love. “Jazz. Nice to meet you.”
His generic greeting was the cutest thing to Rain. That was exactly how he’d greeted her.
Love looked up at Rain with wide eyes. He looked like he wanted to ask a question, but Jazz continued talking so he had to wait.
“My mommy told me she would bring me to meet you one day, but she never told me when. I’m glad it was today.” He reached out and touched Love’s dreads. “You have hair just like mine. Yours are just longer because you’re bigger than me. Mine is just little because I’m only a kid.”
“I’ve been growing mine for a long time, that’s all.”
“I know. My mommy told me. She told me I could have hair just like you so we could be twins.”
“We already are. Has your mom ever told you that you look like me?”
Jazz smiled and nodded his head hard. “Yes. She says it all the time.”
Love and Rain both laughed at his dramatics. It was clear that Fallon had drilled that into his head on a regular basis. The thing about it was why? She’d cut Love out of her life many years ago. So why on earth would she tell her son about him? That was such a mystery to him.
“So you know who I am?”
Jazz nodded her head. “Duh. You’re my uncle, Dakota.”
Love’s face lit up from his smile. He grabbed Jazz from Rain’s grasp and pulled him to him for a hug. Jazz laid his head on Dakota’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around his neck. Dakota closed his eyes and savored the feeling. He hugged him as tight as he could, without hurting him, before releasing him and pushing him back some so he could see his face.
“How old are you, Jazz?”
Jazz held his hand up in Love’s face. “Five.”
“Did your mom ever tell you that you have the same name as your granddaddy?”
“Yes sir. She told me she named me after him because she loved him so much.”
For the first time in years, Love felt as if he wanted to cry. The innocence in Jazz’s voice was the softest part, but the words he said were what pushed him over the edge. He quickly wiped his eyes and pulled Jazz to him for another hug.
“Uncle Kota loved him too. So much. He would have loved you so much.”
“Mommy says I’ll meet him again one day when we all go to heaven.”
Love stood up and leaned back against the counter so that he could look at Jazz fully. “Where’s your mommy now?”
Jazz turned toward the door and pointed. “She’s outside in the car.”
Love looked from him to Rain. Rain looked uncomfortable and like she didn’t know what to say. As she should, since she’d just set him up. The entire situation was weird to him because all of the hate he had harbored against his sister for so many years seemed to dissipate. He wasn’t angry, nor was he afraid to see her again like he had been before.
“I’ll go get her.” Rain walked quickly away from the kitchen.
Once he heard the door slam shut, he looked down at Jazz again. “You hungry, man?”
“Yes.” He rolled his eyes to the back of his head and slumped his shoulders, dramatically.
Love couldn’t even stop his laughter. He was so tickled by Jazz’s behavior. He was so innocent and reminded him so much of himself.
“Okay. Sit down.”
Jazz found his way to one of the stools and sat down. “I’m ready. What did you cook?”
“Spaghetti and salad.”
Jazz threw his arms into the air in victory. “Yes! That’s my favorite. I love spaghetti and salad dressing the most.”
“You’re more like your uncle than I thought. Ranch is my favorite.”
“Mine too. Even though Mommy never wants me to have any. It makes my stomach hurt.”
“Well, Mommy’s right. You don’t need it.”
The sound of the front door slamming brought about the jitters again. His heart felt jumpy and his hands shook a little. He could hear shuffling and even a little whispering. He kept his back facing the door to give him some time to settle his nerves. He took deep breaths as he prepared a small plate for Jazz.
“Hey, Dakota,” Fallon’s voice was quiet.
“What’s going on?” He spoke without turning around.
“You not gon turn around and give me a hug or nothing?”
Love finished fixing Jazz’ plate and turned around. He tried his best not to make eye contact when he set the food down. He turned right back around and grabbed a fork and placed it next to his plate before stopping his movement. He stood tall in the middle of the floor facing Rain and Fallon.
Looking at her face brought about painful memories, but it also brought about happy ones. She too was the exact replica of their father, minus the small parts of his mother that he could see in her. She was a lot bigger than the last time he’d seen her, but then again, who wouldn’t be? It had been years since their last encounter.
“How’ve you been?” She smiled at him.
“Fine. You?”
“Terrible. Lonely. There’s more, but I’ll save that for later.”
Love’s eyes diverted away from her quickly, before looking over at Rain. She looked like she was begging him to be nice, so he tried his best to mellow out his mood.
“What’s been up?”
“A lot. I miss you.” She walked closer to him. “I’m sorry, Dakota.”
He nodded his head. “It’s cool. That’s the past.” He stepped back so that she couldn’t touch him.
“Jazz, your uncle Dakota has this really big TV in the living room. You can watch TV while you eat if you want. You want to do that?” Rain walked to him and picked up his plate from the table.
“Ooooh yes!” He jumped from the table and grabbed the hand that Rain had stretched out to him.
Once they left the room, Love turned back around to face the stove. His back was to Fallon. He was trying his hardest not to be angry with her, but he couldn’t hide it. Her being there took him right back to hi
s last couple of days in juvie, and those were some of the worst moments of his life. He could still feel her presence behind him, so he took as long as he could to fix he and Rain’s plates.
“You want some?”
“If you don’t mind.” Her voice was soft, almost making him feel bad about being so gruff. “Especially if it’s as good as the spaghetti Mommy used to make.”
Love smiled. “Nah, I don’t think anything I make will ever be that good.”
He spun around and handed her the plate he’d made for himself and gathered the one he’d made for Rain and set it on the table. Once Fallon had taken her seat, he handed her the basket of garlic bread and went back to make himself another plate. Once he’d done all that he could do to take up some more time, he sat down in front of her.
Neither of them said anything, just sat in silence. He could feel Fallon looking at him, but she wasn’t saying anything either.
“So, you don’t say your grace anymore?”
It had totally slipped Love’s mind. With her right there like that, he wasn’t thinking straight. It was so much going on in his head that he could hardly focus.
“Nah, I do.”
“Well, you didn’t just then. You just sat down and started eating.”
Love looked at her once more before bowing his head and mumbling his grace. While his eyes were closed, he asked God to make their encounter a bit easier than it was at the moment before lifting his head and saying amen.
“Why are you so lonely and miserable and all that other shit you just said?”
Fallon held her fork in mid-air as his question caught her off guard. She stuffed the food in her mouth and looked down, and back up again. She chewed her food and swallowed as his eyes bore a hole into hers.
“Bad decisions, I guess.”
“Like what?”
“Choosing the wrong man to marry for one.”
“You’re married?” Now he was the one caught off guard.
She nodded. “To Jazz’ dad.”
“Yo, Jazz, is a cool lil dude, sis. Handsome as a muthafucka just like his uncle.”
Love could tell the atmosphere around them was still too tense for his line of questioning, so he chose to go a lighter route. He didn’t want to offend her and have her running off before he could finish talking to her.
Fallon’s smile was so much like his mom’s he almost got sad. “He is. He’s such an amazing little boy. He knows so much to be so young.” Fallon’s face was one that only a mother would have when speaking of her child. “Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself who’s the parent.”
“It’s that bad, huh?”
“You have no idea. He keeps me going.”
There it went. The happiness and joyful mood went right back to the damp one from before.
“Talk to me, Fallon.” Love ate a fork full of salad and waited for her to let him in on what was happening with her.
She paused for a minute, still eating. He watched her fork move around her plate, pushing her food from one side to the other.
“It’s like everything was all good until it got bad. That’s weird, huh?” She looked at him and he nodded. “It’s like there was absolutely nothing going wrong until it all started going wrong, if that makes sense. But after the ball began rolling, there was no stopping it. I met Jazz’ dad my last year at Valdosta State. We clicked instantly. Even though he was nothing that I wanted, I fell for him right away, and fell hard as hell.” Fallon paused when Rain walked in.
Rain patted her shoulder before looking around the table.
“It’s on the counter.” Love told her, referring to her plate of food.
“How you knew that’s what I was looking for?”
He playfully tapped her butt, “Because I know you.”
“Y’all so cute. Then here goes my miserable ass.”
Rain and Love laughed at her until she began to laugh at herself as well. “Girl, shut up. You ain’t miserable. You may not be as happy as us, but you ain’t that miserable.”
“Let you tell it.” Fallon pushed the chair out for Rain to sit down.
Once she was comfortable in her chair and had said her grace, Fallon resumed her conversation with Love.
“Like I was saying, everything was good, then he got a new job and wanted me to come with him. I told him I wasn’t going as his baby mama, so we got married. We were so happy the first few months in Albany, but then he started hanging out more and more with the people from his job; going places, not inviting me and shit, so I started getting curious. I started going through his shit checking for any and everything until I started finding stuff. After I figured out he was cheating, I contemplated leaving him, but I didn’t have anything, just my baby and him. No family, no real place to go, so I stayed.”
“You do know that’s your fault, right?” Love stared at her.
“Yes, Dakota, I know.”
“Okay.” He went back to eating.
“I confronted him on the cheating and he denied it like I figured he would, so I just sucked it up and went on. He seemed to do a little better after that, but he eventually went back to his old ways. Before long, he was full-fledged neglecting Jazz and me. He would come home, shower, stay for a few hours, lay up, and be on his way. I got tired of that shit so I stopped having sex with the nigga altogether. Shit really went left then. I didn’t care, though. That was his fault.” Fallon rubbed her mouth as she looked around the kitchen. “One day I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup and my world changed for the worst.” Fallon looked at Love, who was now done eating and was listening to her fully.
“I have AIDS, Dakota.”
You would have thought it was his first time hearing it by the way he reacted. His head fell and he had to cover his face to keep the tears from falling. He took a deep breath and swallowed hard. The vomit in his throat was threatening to spill at any minute, and he needed to stop it. Rain touched his shoulder and he shook his head from side to side. He sniffed one long hard time before raising his head again and giving Fallon his attention.
“It’s fine, Dakota. I’ve come to terms with it. At first, I was really depressed, but it doesn’t really bother me anymore. All it did was show me how short life really is. I want Jazz to know you. I’ve always told him about you, Mommy, and Daddy, but I wanted him to meet you for real. So I made up my mind and said that I would bring him here to see you. I had packed all of our clothes and we left. I wasn’t feeling at my best, but I came anyway because I had promised Jazz.
Our second night here I went to the ER because I was getting a cold. When they found out I had a slight case of pneumonia, they kept me in the hospital because of my disease. If it gets too bad it could be fatal, so they wanted to keep me until I got better.”
“So that’s why you were at the hospital here instead of Albany?” Rain asked.
“Yeah, and when I saw Dakota in the hallway, I was afraid and unprepared to talk to you, so I ran. I’m sorry, Kota. I didn’t mean to run away like that, I was just really afraid of what you would think.”
“This is so fucked up, Fallon.” He sniffed again.
“I know… but when Rain came to my room and found me, I knew I had to act my age and make this shit right. Being scared was no longer an option.”
“Where was Jazz while you were in the hospital?”
“With his aunt, Iesha. His father has a sister that lives here and she keeps him sometimes. She and her baby daddy have a son his age, so he goes with them a lot.”
“You know, when you dipped out on me I was so fucking mad. I got into all kinds of trouble for months. I ended up having to do six more months because I wouldn’t stop fighting. If it wasn’t for my homeboy, Jacorey, I probably would have never seen the bigger picture.”
“Our Jacorey?” Rain interrupted.
“Yeah. We were in juvie together.”
The amazement in her voice displayed the genuine shock she felt. “Oh dang, I never knew that.”
“I’m sorry. I
just couldn’t take it. After I found out about what you did, all I could think about was somebody coming back to do us like they did Mommy and Daddy. I couldn’t handle it. I figured it would be much easier if I just left before it all went bad.”
“What did you do, Dakota?” Rain set her fork down and looked at him.
Love knew when the words left Fallon’s mouth that Rain was about to ask again. He looked around the room, trying to figure out how to tell her that he was a murderer. He needed to find the right explanation for ending the lives of two individuals. True enough they deserved it, and he didn’t regret it one bit, but he still felt the need to cover up his actions. Bouncing his leg beneath the table and avoiding eye contact, Love tried his best to wait her out.
“Dakota.”
So much for that, Love thought.
“You haven’t told her?” Fallon looked between the two of them.
Love shook his head, subtly.
“Well, you need to. It’s the right thing to do.”
Love’s head shot up. “I know like hell you ain’t telling nobody what’s right and wrong? Shit, somebody should have told your ass that shit years ago.” He was tense and a bit afraid, and it was coming out more like anger than anything.
Though he was angry with Fallon still, he didn’t mean to pop off on her that fast, and that harsh, either.
“You’re right, and that’s why I’m here. Keeping secrets never helps.”
“You don’t have to talk to her like that. Just tell me what’s up.” The tone of Rain’s voice let him know that she was done playing.
He had strung her along long enough, and clearly that was over with now. Love could feel himself starting to sweat. Rain and Fallon were both looking at him and making his feelings even worse. As much as he wanted to keep it to himself, Love gave in and told. He explained everything that happened from the time his parents were killed, to the day he got out of the juvenile detention center.
Rain held her hand over her mouth, then her chest then rested them both in her lap. The look on her face didn’t allow him into her thoughts, just gave a visual picture of her being upset. She rocked back and forth in her chair until he finished talking. When he was done, the room fell quiet. He did the best he could to relay the story in the easiest way, but unfortunately, that still didn’t help.
