“No,” she said aloud, determined in her own mind and her own spirit. “No, it is not possible.”
“What is not possible?”
Polly shrieked aloud, only to clamp a hand over her mouth as her sister appeared from behind a large shrub, mirth written all over her face.
“For heaven’s sake, Violet!” Polly exclaimed, her hand on her heart. “I thought I was alone.”
Violet laughed, linking arms with her sister. “You were, until I spotted you from the window and came out in search of you.”
“For any particular reason?”
There was a short pause. “You look troubled and, on top of which, there is a letter from Mama for you.”
Polly frowned, glancing at her older sister and seeing the concern on her face. “I am all right, Violet.”
“Lord Taylor is not.”
Polly felt heat creep up her spine. “Violet, there is so much going on between us that I hardly know where to start.”
“You care for Taylor, then?”
Aware that she was powerless to hide her feelings from the sister she had always been so close with, Polly shrugged and looked away. “Oh Violet I … I had thought I had feelings for Lord Yardley, and I was so utterly wrong. But this is altogether different. Sebastian stirs something inside me, something I can hardly even put words to. Am I so obvious?”
Violet laughed, pressing Polly’s arm. “I only know because I have felt such things myself, Polly. I recognize those emotions, that is all. I know the pain and the struggle that goes on in your heart when it is caught up with another.”
A stone bench came into view and, sitting down on it, Polly looked up at the estate in front of them, wondering what Lord Taylor’s home was like. “You are happy here, Violet. I am glad for you, and for Greville. When I first came to this place, I was sure that I would never feel happiness again. I thought to block off my heart and keep it entirely to myself, never to give it to another. I called myself all kinds of fool, believing that I had been the one in the wrong. Sebastian has been the one to show me that I should not have thought of myself that way.”
“You have had a great many conversations with him,” Violet murmured, looking up at the view in front of them. “I had hoped there was a growing affection between you.”
Polly smiled softly. “Yes, there has been. I have been truly grateful for it – not that I did not appreciate speaking to you, Violet, but I have found solace with Sebastian.”
“From what Greville says, it is because Taylor has been through something similar.”
Nodding, Polly threw a smile over at her sister before returning her gaze to the house. “Indeed, although I will not go into it. I feel as though he has melted the ice around my heart, helped it to heal. If only he would let me in, allow me to do the same for him. He’s compassionate, honest, caring, gentle… Violet I think … I think I love him.”
There was a short silence. Violet turned toward her, frowning just a little. “Polly, have you spoken to him of this? Does he know of how you feel?” She paused. “And, does he return your affections?” she asked, gently. “I hope you are not tormented by the—”
“Sebastian will not acknowledge what he feels,” Polly interrupted, wanting to reassure her sister that she was not suffering from a broken heart. “He thinks my current feelings fickle, that in time they might fade. Sadly, I am quite at a loss as to how to convince him otherwise.”
Violet smiled and squeezed Polly’s arm. “My dear sister, I cannot help you with that, I’m afraid, but I do want you to know that when it came to Greville and me, these things took some time. If the feelings between you are true, if there is depth and thoughts of no one else, then that, in time, will come to fruition.”
Polly shook her head, blowing out a long breath. “I am not the patient type, Violet.”
“No, you have never been that,” Violet admitted, laughing softly. “I do not quite know just how you managed to wait until your time for joining the London Season came about!”
“Neither do I,” Polly admitted, rather ruefully. “So, you think I should leave Sebastian for the time being? Allow him to see that my affection is true, that it will not dissipate once I return to London?”
“I do,” Violet said, putting one hand on Polly’s. “And, perhaps, this will give you time to consider your own heart also. Make sure this is what you truly want, that your feelings are true. Taylor is being cautious, and I cannot help but admire that. This has been a difficult time for you thus far, has it not? I just hope it will not complicate things further.”
Polly sighed, settling her shoulders as he got to her feet. “Thank you, Violet. I do hope that he will come round.”
“I am sure it will all come right in the end,” Violet replied, soothingly. “You’ve always been a stubborn sort. Now, shall we return indoors? You have Mama’s letter to read.”
Trying to inject even the smallest amount of enthusiasm into her voice, Polly gave her sister a half smile. “I suppose I must. Mama will be waiting for me to write back to her.”
“No doubt she will,” Violet replied, tugging a reluctant Polly behind her. “Underneath it all, she is concerned for you, Polly. I just hope she will not unexpectedly appear at the door!”
Polly laughed and fell into step with her sister, her heart a little lighter than before. “As do I,” she agreed, wholeheartedly, before walking back into the house.
22
Sebastian smiled to himself as he finished reading his letter. His plan was coming to fruition. All he had to do now was arrange a day and a time to confront Lord Yardley – as well as convince Polly to return to London with him.
That was going to be the most difficult part. Aside from the fact that she would not, in all likelihood, want to return with him to see Lord Yardley again, it would be an end to their time together. For once the situation was cleared up, Polly would have not even the suggestion of a whisper following her, leaving her free to return to society just as she had done before and would be, no doubt, surrounded by a great many gentlemen. She would have her pick of suitors and he would, as he ought, fade into the background.
He could not pretend that he did not care for Polly. What had initially been an attraction had grown steadily, from affection to something deeper that he did not want to admit even to himself. For once Polly returned to London, what she felt for him would slowly disappear, he was sure of it. It was simply that he was here, available, and had been her rescuer. They were not a good match. He did not care much for dances or for London society, whereas she appeared to delight in it. To have a quiet life in the country with him – would that really satisfy her? He did not think so. A gentleman of leisure, perhaps, might be a better fit for her.
His felt himself grimace as he thought of her with another man. Was all that he supposed true? Or was he simply trying to find a way to convince himself that he could never give his heart to a lady again? Was the remembrance of Patricia’s betrayal to follow him for the rest of his life, keeping him from ever acting upon any feelings for another?
He shook his head and refocused on the task at hand. He needed to convince Polly to return to London, and likely the only way to do so would be to tell her of his plans. She would be much more likely to help if she knew that in doing so she would save other young ladies from a man like Yardley.
“Sebastian?”
His name on her lips caused such a strong emotion to well up in him that he was forced to close his eyes for a moment.
“Sebastian?”
“I’m in here,” he called, turning around to see her enter the library, her eyes darting all over the room.
Seeing her appear rather distraught, all thoughts over his own feelings flew from his mind and he hurried toward her, taking her cold hands in his.
“Polly? Whatever is the matter?”
She looked up at him, her cheeks pale. “I wanted to speak to you last night, but you did not come down for dinner.”
He swallowed, a prickle of sha
me climbing up his spine. “Yes, I know. I had various letters to write.” The truth was, of course, that while he did have correspondence, he had also chosen to stay in his rooms, trying to sort out his own thoughts about Polly – to no avail, of course.
“I had a letter from Mama,” she said, hoarsely. “Lord Yardley has spoken out about me.”
A stone dropped into his stomach. “The bastard,” he muttered, before apologizing for his curse. “Come and sit down,” he murmured, leading her over to the chaise lounge. “Tell me, what has he done?”
“Mama is distraught,” she whispered, tears trickling down her cheeks. “The shame brought to the family name.”
“Lord Yardley will be exposed,” he promised at once, his hand tightening on hers. “I have a plan, Polly.”
She did not appear to hear him. Her cheeks had paled, and her eyes sparkled with tears. “Yardley has stated that I was sent away from home in disgrace. He has said that he found me in a compromising situation with…” She looked away from him, her cheeks burning.
“With me,” Sebastian replied, passing one hand over his eyes. “Bloody hell.”
“I am so terribly sorry.”
Stunned, he lifted his head and looked straight into her eyes, seeing the embarrassment there.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” he said firmly, brushing the tears from her cheek. “This is nothing to do with you, Polly. This is Yardley’s doing, and I swear to you that he’ll be exposed to society as a liar and a rogue. None will touch him after that.”
The hope in her expression made him want to gather her in his arms, and, in a moment of weakness, Sebastian gave in to his longing. Wrapping one arm around her shoulders, he pulled her close and she went easily, burying her head in his shoulder.
“Can you trust me, Polly?” he whispered, brushing his lips against her forehead. “Can you believe that I will do as I have said?”
She paused for a moment, her free hand reaching around to clasp his shoulder. “I will never doubt you, Sebastian.”
“Will you trust me enough to return to London?”
She froze in his arms, lifting her head sharply to look into his eyes.
“I know it will be very difficult, but it is the only way,” he promised, aware of just how close she was to him. “I will be by your side, and you will stand proudly as the dirt is brushed from your family’s name.”
Polly closed her eyes, her lips trembling. “I do not want to return to London.”
“Then think on it,” he replied, softly, not wanting to press her. “But I must return at the beginning of next week. Remember, you are not the first young woman whose reputation has been ruined by Yardley or men like him. I had been looking into him already before he made you his latest victim. Compared to some of the others, you were rather lucky, I must say. Some found themselves utterly ruined, due to broken engagements or finding themselves with child.” He saw her eyes widen. “Anyway, the plan is in place, and, while I would ask you to be there, I will understand if you choose to remain here.”
She did not say anything, but simply put her head back on his shoulder as he held her. Her tears dampened his cheek and he provided her all the comfort she needed.
“Sebastian,” she whispered, turning toward him just a little more. “Why are you doing all this for me?”
He swallowed hard, his eyes closing as he tightened his arm around her. “I could never allow Yardley to get away with his roguish behavior, Polly. He does not deserve to continue as he is. Too many others are being hurt.”
Pulling away from him just a little, she looked up into his face, her eyes searching his. “Is that all?”
“Isn’t that enough of a reason?” he replied, not wanting to speak the truth for fear of where it would lead.
She shook her head a little, her eyes clearing. “Tell me why, Sebastian.”
He could not stop himself from lowering his head, his desire for her roaring into life. She was so close to him that the blood in his veins began to burn with an unquenchable fire, his breathing becoming ragged.
She was ready for him, meeting his kiss with one of her own. He couldn’t tell which one of them parted their lips first, but he found his tongue brushing lightly against hers and a groan of desire escaped from him. His arms came about her, drawing her closer still as his mouth moved over hers, pouring into her the wanting that had been building for weeks. He needed so much more of her, but knew that it could not — should not be.
He finally pulled back, pushing her away from him.
“We really shouldn’t.”
“We should,” she replied, with more fervor than he had ever expected. “Why have you not understood what it is I am saying? I do not care for anyone but you. I want no one but you. Whether you will say it or not, I know that you care for me, don’t you?”
Sebastian shook his head, trying to think clearly but discovering he could not, not when she was drawing closer to him, her lips gently parted and eyes shining with such adoration that he could not look away.
“I am not a child, Sebastian,” she whispered, looking up at him. “Do not treat me like one.”
He knew that she was referring to the difference in their ages, aware of what he had said in the past. But now, as he took her in, that did not seem to matter any longer.
“Tell me that you care for me,” she whispered, putting her arms around his neck. “Tell me the truth, Sebastian.”
“I was jealous,” he replied, the words falling from his lips, unbidden. “In London, when you thought you cared for Yardley. I made excuses as to why I followed you, to keep you from him. I told myself it was because of the concerns the constabulary had. I thought perhaps it was because I felt a need to look out for you on behalf of your family. I even simply thought it was because it was the right thing to do. But that was not it at all. It was simply that I did not want you to see any other gentleman but me. I told myself I was being foolish, that I shouldn’t be thinking of you that way, but I could not help it. When I discovered what Yardley was doing, I had to stop him from taking advantage of you. I never hoped that, in doing so, you would think of me in any way other than as a friend, I swear it.”
The smile spread across her face, her hands tightening around his neck just a little, and Sebastian found himself wrapping his arms around her waist until she was pressed tight against him.
“So, you do have affection for me?” she whispered, her mouth inches from his.
“I do,” he confessed, hardly able to get the words out, such was the effect of her closeness. “But I want you to be free to make your own choice about which gentleman is best for you. I may not be him.”
She did not allow him to speak any further, reaching up to kiss him again. This time, Sebastian gave in to his feelings, angling his head to deepen the kiss and swallow the gasp of astonishment that broke from her lips.
Thrills of gratification raced up and down his spine, his hands gently sweeping over the curve of her hips. He did not want to do as Yardley had done and take advantage of the lady, but the desire that was racing through him was hard to contain.
Then, much to his astonishment, her hands dropped from his neck and pressed lightly against his chest, before slowly unbuttoning his waistcoat.
“Polly,” he breathed, lifting his face from hers. “Polly, what are you doing?”
Her face infused with heat, but she did not stop. “I just want to touch you,” she replied, clearly rather embarrassed yet determined. “I have to touch you.”
Sebastian swallowed hard, jerking slightly when her hand slipped in through his shirt to rest against his bare skin. He could hardly breathe, the urge to touch her in much the same way springing into his mind.
He couldn’t help but run his hands down from her shoulders over the curve of her breasts, feeling her shiver as he did so.
“I – I’m sorry,” he whispered, closing his eyes and dropping his hands. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
She looked up at him, her han
ds slowly pushing his shirt aside. “You did not hurt me,” she murmured, her eyes holding a heat he had never seen before. “It – it felt good, Sebastian. I’ve never felt anything like this.”
With a low groan, he leaned down and kissed her again before moving his mouth to her cheek, trailing kisses down the soft skin of the side of her neck. She was breathing quickly now, her hands frozen in place as his mouth reached the neckline of her dress.
His hands were already there, drawn to her without being invited, cupping the soft mounds through her dress. Much to his astonishment, she threw her head back, as though offering herself entirely.
He could not stop himself. Unwilling to expose her, no matter how much he desired it, Sebastian trailed kisses all along the curve of her breasts, hearing her gasp with pleasure. He wanted more, wanted her desperately, but he knew he should not take what was not his.
“Polly,” he breathed, lifting his head to look down at her. “You’re driving me mad.”
She shook her head, pulling him against her a little more tightly. “Then take me.”
Sebastian shook his head, biting back the groan of frustration. “No, I will not. You don’t know what it is you want, Polly, but I do. I will not take something from you that should only be taken by your husband.”
She smiled up at him, her eyes dreamy. “Then become my husband.”
Time stood still. He could not quite believe what she had said as he stared down at her. His entire body was tense, filled with heat and fire and passion, desperate to make Polly his own, but his mind screamed at him that he could not.
“Polly,” he whispered, slowly beginning to button up his shirt. “This is not a decision to be made in the heat of passion.”
She stepped back from him then, her hands sliding down from around his neck. “You do not want me, then?”
“No, that is not what I meant at all,” he exclaimed, feeling as though he had, somehow, put a gulf between them. “I mean that, at such times, it is hard for us to know what we truly want.”
“I know what I want,” Polly exclaimed, her cheeks bright with color. “I want you, Sebastian. I know that you, at the very least, care for me too. I promise I will do all I can to make you happy, even if you will never give me your love. Why are you being such a bloody fool?”
Hope of Romance_A Historical Regency Romance Page 15
