As a third year resident, James had more freedom than he’d had for the previous six years. He had Boards to consider, but he figured if he didn’t know his stuff by now he never would so he didn’t bother reviewing. He’d already arranged to take his Boards out in North Carolina where he wouldn’t be so distracted by Cara. He found it hard to concentrate when he could smell the sunshine on her velvety skin, when she tasted like nectar and she fitted him like a kid glove.
Cara and James spent three days in Durham, renting an apartment near the med center that satisfied them both. It had a large kitchen for James and a lot of natural light for Cara.
The hardest part was returning to Iowa City to help James pack his things and load up his car. They wouldn’t see each other again until Thanksgiving, when they planned to meet in Minneapolis.
James stuffed his sports car to the roof with his clothes, kitchen equipment, music albums and books. Cara loaded a box of glasses into the back seat, her eyes filled with tears. Since their first night together she and James had been in either her bed or his. He’d become an integral part of her life, flowing through her bloodstream with every single beat of her heart. She didn’t want him to leave. Cara reminded herself that she’d see him in three months.
James came up behind her. His arms slid around her waist and he pulled her against him.
“It’ll go by fast,” he said, his voice low in her ear.
Cara leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. For a few moments she didn’t trust herself to speak. She didn’t want to make this parting any harder for him than it already was. James put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. She burst into tears.
“Honey, it’s okay.” One of his big hands moved beneath her hair to cradle the back of her head.
“It feels like . . . It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.” Cara sobbed. As James began to say something she put a hand over his mouth. “I know it’s only for a few months. I know, but it seems as if I’ve just barely found you and I’m already losing you.”
James laughed. “Losing me?” He tilted her chin up. “Baby, you couldn’t lose me if you flew to the moon. Don’t you get it? I’m yours. I am hopelessly in love with you. Let me repeat that. I am hopelessly in love with you.”
James pressed his lips against hers, hard, claiming her. Cara twined her arms around his neck and returned his kiss with equal fervor.
God almighty, he takes my breath away.
“I have something for you,” James said, breaking off the kiss.
“Hmm?”
He reached around her into a box he’d set on the roof of the car. He pulled out a stack of cassette tapes.
“I made these for you. My favorite music. I hope when you listen to the tapes you’ll remember me.” James flashed the grin that obliterated every one of Cara’s defenses.
She held out her hands for the tapes. As into details as James was, he’d labeled each tape with the artist, the songs and the date of release. She smiled despite her tears. As if she’d forget the songs they’d made love to.
“Thank you.”
“That’s all you have to say? Thank you? Not thank you, James, I love you too? Thank you, James, I’m yours forever? Thank you James, I’ll wait for you until the end of the world?”
Cara laughed. “All of the above. I love you too. I’m yours forever. I’ll wait for you until the end of the world. Remember that. I will love you no matter what.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“All right, sweetheart, I have to get going. You’ll be okay.”
“Yes, I’ll be fine.” Cara pretended a confidence she didn’t feel. “Drive safe and call me as soon as you arrive.”
James pulled her close for another kiss, and another.
“I will,” he said.
James tossed the last box onto the floor of his car and climbed into the driver’s seat. Rolling down the window, he grabbed Cara’s tee shirt, drawing her towards him for a final kiss. Cara’s lips tingled when they separated. She watched in silence as he pulled away from the curb. James stuck his arm out the window and waved. She waved back, standing at the curb until the car vanished from sight.
Cara sighed and headed down the hill towards the river. The air seemed heavy as she walked back to her apartment. Despite the fact that the morning was already oppressively hot, Cara felt chilled. Thunderheads built in the western sky. She wondered if a thunderstorm was just what she needed. It would match her dark mood. Despite James’ reassurance that all was well, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Perhaps after the rain had passed her anxiety would pass with it. She decided to spend some time in the studio. She still needed to finish the portrait of James. When she was with him, she hadn’t felt any urgency to get it done. Now she did. Yes, an afternoon in the studio would do her good. Concentrating on a painting would rid her of this growing sense of unease. It’s only because you’ve grown so accustomed to his presence. James is right, everything will be fine.
Thanksgiving 1976
Of course it rained on Thanksgiving. As anxious as she was to see James, she had her mother and her grandmother in the car, so she was forced to take her time. Her mother seemed more relaxed than she’d ever been. Cara suspected it had a lot to do with Phil Jackson, her father’s old law partner. He’d lost his wife to cancer the year before and he and her mom were seeing each other. Her mother actually smiled often during the trip. She refrained from criticizing Cara’s driving and she was quite attentive towards Cara’s grandmother.
Well, if Phil had something to do with these improvements then Cara had to hand it to him. It was nice to see her mom happy for a change. Come to think of it, Cara wasn’t certain she’d seen her mother happy. This was a revelation. The changes in her grandmother were another. Although her grandmother’s mind was as sharp as ever, her physical condition had deteriorated. She now needed a wheelchair and she’d been forced to move out of her own home and into a nursing facility. Maybe the changes were more apparent because Cara didn’t see her very often. She decided to make a point of visiting back home before she moved to North Carolina. Her grandmother might not have much time left.
Cara blinked away tears. It was hard enough to see the road with the rain coming down.
Unless there was a delay in Chicago, James’ plane should have landed by now. He was due in at one thirty and it was almost three. Cara’s stomach was busy turning cartwheels and her heart sped up whenever she thought of him. So did the car. Cara wished she could go a tiny bit faster, but James would be waiting for her whether it took her forty-five minutes or another two hours.
Regardless of how busy he was, James took the time to write to her. Cara read his letters over and over. James didn’t waste words, he told her exactly what he was doing, what his plans were and how much he loved her. Cara cherished his letters. She stored them in a shoebox along with a few items he’d given her over the summer . . . Wildflowers that she’d dried and preserved between two sheets of waxed paper, along with a pencil sketch he did of her lying on his bed. The drawing was so awful it made her laugh, but every time she pulled it out of the box she remembered how he’d looked at her when he drew it. She would never forget the expression on his face or the way he made love to her afterward.
Cara negotiated the Minneapolis holiday traffic and pulled up in front of the house, rain still pouring down. James stood in the front yard, soaked to the skin, his shirt clinging to his broad chest. Shoving the car into park, heedless of the downpour, she raced towards him. With a big grin, James opened his arms. Running all out, Cara jumped into them, clutching his neck, kissing every part of him within reach. James laughed so hard he stumbled backward and sprawled onto the wet grass, Cara cradled in his arms.
James flipped her over and covered her with his hard body. For an instant Cara was aware of lying in an icy puddle, but she forgot the cold the instant James’ eyes locked on her face. His pupils dilated, changing
from golden brown to black, exactly the way she remembered.
James lowered his mouth to her, kissing her like he was a starving man. Cara’s fingers slid up over his shoulders, threading their way into his wet hair in a desperate attempt to pull him closer. He pressed against her, both of them heedless of the rain and the eyes that stared at them from the car windows.
“Hey! Hey! Take it inside! What the hell is the matter with you two?”
James growled against her mouth, expressing his unhappiness at the interruption. Cara pulled away and tilted her head back. She stared upside down into William Donovan’s grinning face. Cara laughed at the sight.
“What are you doing here?”
“What do you think? Hanging out with my best bud and his girl. There wasn’t time to fly back to New York, so here I am.” He pointed toward Cara’s car, squinting. “I think you need to get your grandmother inside.”
“Oh shit!” Cara placed her palms against James’ chest, trying in vain to shove him off.
“Uh-uh, not yet,” he said. “I like you all wet beneath me.” He lowered his lips to hers once more.
Cara melted into his kiss.
“Oh for god’s sake!” William stomped over to the car with an umbrella and escorted Cara’s mother to the front door.
Still grinning, James got to his feet, pulling Cara up with him. He helped her unload her grandmother’s wheelchair while William returned with the umbrella. The three of them managed to get her grandmother indoors and then William and James went back for the bags. Waiting, red-faced and dripping in the entryway, her grandmother gave her a wink and Cara burst out laughing. James’ sister handed her a towel and she dried off as best she could, mopping up the floor just as James and William trooped in, enlarging the puddle.
“That seems kind of hopeless,” said James’ mother. She gave Cara a hug. “Why don’t you two go upstairs and get changed and I’ll take care of this.”
Cara thanked her and reached for her bag, but James already held it. He snatched up her hand, tugging her toward the stairs. Cara kept her eyes locked on him because if she looked at anyone else, especially her mother, she’d die with embarrassment.
“Every single person knows what we’re about to do,” she hissed.
“Then let’s not disappoint them.” Tossing her suitcase into his old bedroom, James swung her into his arms with a whoop. He kicked the door shut behind him.
∗ ∗ ∗
James had forgotten to bring condoms. They searched through the drawers in his nightstand and came up with a pack that was at least ten years old. Cara stuck her head in a pillow to smother her laughter while James tried to put one on. It ripped in his fingers. Cara laughed even harder at James’ profane response. After two more failures, he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close.
“I want you, baby.” His voice sizzled against her ear. “My hand has been a lousy substitute for three fucking months.”
Cara smiled. “Why you poor thing. But what about me?”
“What about you?” His grin grew positively wicked.
Cara reached between their bodies to stroke him. She nibbled on the side of his neck. “There is no substitute for the real thing,” she said, making her point as she tightened her caress, hearing James’ low rumble of pleasure.
He lowered her beneath him on the small single bed, positioning her exactly the way he wanted her. He spread her legs and slid down her body to sample her.
“God you taste like heaven.” He lifted his head for just a moment. “I was beginning to think I’d imagined you.”
Cara couldn’t manage a response. His tongue was persistent, causing her to arch against his mouth again and again as he brought her to one peak after another. By the time James covered her with his body, Cara felt like butter left out in the hot summer sun. She gasped the moment he entered her, the pleasure of his body moving within hers was so intense she nearly screamed. James’ mouth descended upon hers, muffling her cries. He lifted himself on his elbows, withdrawing nearly all the way, driving deep inside her as she thrashed beneath him.
“That’s it, baby, just like that. Come for me again just like that.”
Cara’s eyes locked onto his. “Oh yes.” The rhythm of James’ thrusts brought her to the brink.
He plunged stronger, harder, deeper, practically vibrating inside her, wild with need. His mouth sucked the delicate skin of her neck as her hands clutched at his buttocks, drawing him inside, holding him tight. At last James came, his mouth buried in her hair in an attempt to muffle his roar. It took several minutes for their hearts to stop pounding, for their breathing to slow.
James rolled onto his side, taking Cara with him.
“I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you.” He smoothed her curls.
“I think you just showed me.”
James’ laughter shook her too. “You’re right about that, honey. I hope you don’t mind, breaking the condoms I mean.”
“Our luck has held so far,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Hey.” They heard a voice from beyond the door. “I’m counting to three and then I’m coming in.” It was William.
Cara ducked her head, as James scrambled to pull a blanket up over them while William counted to three. When he reached three, he flipped open the door, glaring in their direction.
“Shut the door,” James ordered.
William shut it with a bang and strode into the room. Deliberately making a great deal of noise, he pulled a chair out from under James’ old school desk, flipped it around backward and sat facing the bed.
“Look, do I need to call a minister? Are we having us a shotgun wedding? I had to turn the music way up downstairs to cover the noises drifting down the stairs.”
“Will, get the hell out of here.”
“Uh-uh, not until I know your intentions are honorable.”
“You mean not until I ask you to be my best man.”
“Hey, as far as I can tell, I’m the closest thing to a big brother Cara has, and yeah, that too.”
Cara giggled, shaking the bed.
“He’s been harassing me all afternoon,” James muttered under his breath. “Okay, yeah, you can be my best man. Now get out so I can ask her to set the date.”
William didn’t move.
“What are you waiting for?”
“Isn’t there some sort of custom about the best man seeing the bride naked before the wedding?”
Cara let out a shriek from beneath the covers.
“Oh hell no,” James said. “Didn’t you just say you were the closest thing to a big brother she has? Move it or you’ll see me naked when I throw your ass out the door.”
“Jesus, that’s a scary thought.” William unfolded himself from the chair. “All right, I’ll go, but don’t expect me to cover for you for the next two days.” On his way to the door, he turned around again.
“Get out,” James repeated.
“You’re positive there’s not some custom about naked brides and best men?”
James threw something. Cara heard it hit the door.
“Now where were we?” He reached for Cara.
“Setting a date.”
“Later, I’m busy right now.” James lifted the blanket over his head, diving beneath. Cara squealed as his mouth closed around her erect nipple.
Forty minutes later, they descended the stairs. Catching the cockiness in James’ step, Cara held back her laughter. She, on the other hand, felt her face flush with embarrassment.
She disappeared into the kitchen to help James’ mother prepare a light supper while her mother and grandmother conversed with James and William. Cara was delighted to hear her mother ask James questions about his cardiology fellowship. Her mother had changed over the past six months. It was as if she had been offered a second chance and she’d jumped at it. Like mother like daughter?
For the first time in memory, Cara’s mother wasn’t critical. She didn’t fuss or complain.
It made Cara wonder if her parents had been as united in their marriage as they’d seemed. In that instant, Cara remembered David Walker’s accusations about her father and his secretary. She dismissed them once again, refusing to give his words any credence. Her mother seemed happy, she and James were happy, that’s all that mattered.
Cara could hear James and William discussing football and medicine, in that order and she grinned. Another month or so and she’d be living with James in North Carolina. The idea nearly stopped her in her tracks. Cara felt like hugging herself, or maybe pinching herself. She’d never imagined her life could do such a one-eighty. Not in a million years.
Three days before Christmas, Cara’s grandmother passed away. She raced home to console her mother and help with the funeral, relieved to find that Phil Jackson was already there.
Cara stayed with her mother through the holiday, worried she’d fall into another depression like she did when Cara’s father died, but instead her mother wanted to focus on the wedding and Cara’s upcoming move to North Carolina. Odd as it seemed to her, Cara felt closer to her mom than she had in her entire life. Her mother, who had never wanted much physical contact with Cara, hugged her tight and kissed her before she left for Iowa City.
She said, “Drive carefully.”
Cara wondered if this was Phil’s doing, but truth be told, she didn’t really care. Her mother’s new and improved attitude caught her off-guard and Cara didn’t quite know how to respond. Dropping her defenses with anyone besides James was not in her repertoire. It felt odd and unnatural to put her arms around her mom. Cara did her best to hide her discomfort, but still . . .
Perhaps her mother had forgiven her for not being the daughter she wanted. Perhaps it was time to forgive her mother for not being the mother she wanted.
Cara mulled it over as she white-knuckled it back to Iowa City on icy roads. She had a lot on her mind, and her stomach churned like crazy. First and foremost, she needed to finish packing and then check on James’ flight. He was supposed to arrive in Chicago the next day, weather permitting. She’d be meeting him at O’Hare and they’d hit the road, driving as far as they could before stopping at a motel for the night.
Come Back To Me Page 13
