by Steven Croft
Without a word, when he saw that they were kneeling, the slender young man walked towards the brazier of hot coals. He took some tongs from the floor beside the brazier and, with great care, picked up one of the coals. Carefully and slowly, in the silence, he carried the glowing coal towards Alice and Sam as they knelt side by side. When he stood before them, he held out the coal first towards Sam, stopping a few inches from his face. Instinctively, Sam moved his head backwards. The young man motioned to him not to be afraid. Sam took Alice’s hand as the man moved the tongs nearer until the red-hot coal just touched Sam’s lips. Alice felt Sam squeeze her hand tight in a moment of pain and then relax. A moment later and the coal was offered to Alice. Bravely she did not flinch. The stab of pain on her lips was sharp and clean. After that, Alice felt a warm, cleansing fire move slowly from her lips to her head, to her heart and then to her hands and feet. Suddenly, the sense of unworthiness was gone.
Sam and Alice remained on their knees, heads bowed.
The young man raised them to their feet. ‘Welcome to this new part of the adventure.’
Alice and Sam could not reply. For both of them, the moment was too special for words. There was a fire playing on their lips and in their minds and on their hearts, burning, cleansing, making new.
‘I am Col,’ said the young man, solemnly. ‘Your guide for this day and five more. We will speak again in a different place.’
Col signalled to them to move back now to the building’s entrance. Alice and Sam did as they were asked, still not able to speak. They came out of the great silence of the hall and towards the courtyard. The soft singing and music still filled the air, more gentle now:
‘Q’a…dosh…q’a…dosh…q’a…dosh.’
Slowly, as they crossed the threshold, the courtyard faded from view and they stood side by side in the living room. The chanting continued for a few moments more, then it too faded into the distance.
For a few seconds Alice stood looking at her reflection in the front windows, holding her own gaze. The fire was still there, playing inside her. There was so much that had to be put right.
Then, with Sam, she turned towards the calendar. Right in the centre in the top half of the calendar stood an open door: a slip of gold on each side flanked by a delicate stone column. In the centre of the doorway was a tiny brazier of coals. Whenever she looked through the doorway in the coming days, Alice felt the pain and the wonder of fire on her lips.
8 December
Alice woke with the burning sensation still on her lips and knowing what she had to do. Saturday. Normally a good, lazy day. Yesterday had been so very strange. Cold and frosty in the house. A foggy atmosphere at school as she struggled through the day. Then sunny intervals without warning. She turned the calendar journey over and over in her mind’s eye: the rhythmic singing and music; the crowds; their new guide. What had she seen in the temple? Looking back, she wasn’t sure. There was just this sense, this feeling that she was in the presence of something deep, terrible and strange, yet not at all frightening. Slowly Alice unravelled the knotted ball of string in her head and began to understand what she was feeling. The closer they had come to the presence – and they only went a few steps into the temple – the more the atmosphere kind of thickened; the more solemn and serious things became; the more the feeling of her own, well, unworthiness grew until it became overwhelming. Sam had said similar things in the short conversation they had had last night. Then there was an instant of fear and the searing heat of the coal and, just as suddenly, a deep sense of cleansing and of stillness.
Alice hadn’t wanted to say anything to anybody on Friday evening. Sam went out for a walk and a think. Megs was still very angry. The worry of her dad coming round today made that much worse. They hadn’t seen or heard from him for weeks. Megs had said to be ready at eleven. The house sounded very quiet. Alice looked at the clock: ten already. She had to do it now.
She pulled on her new jeans and T-shirt, brushed her hair and went downstairs. Megs was vacuuming the front room, getting the house ready for the visitor. Everything looked a bit cleaner than normal. The calendar looked exactly the same. Megs looked nice, kind of polished. She turned off the vacuum as Alice came in.
‘Mum, I’m – er – it’s just – I’m really sorry I was so horrible – I’m sorry I said all that stuff. You’re a great mum. I feel really bad about the way I’ve been. I’m just really sorry.’
By the time she got this far, Alice was in tears and Megs was holding her tight and crying as well, squeezing the breath from her lungs.
‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘It’s OK. I think I needed to hear some of it. I’ve been too caught up in myself lately. Not coping well with..., you know.’
‘I know,’ said Alice, brushing the tears away. ‘What time is he coming?’
‘He said 11.00. It is time the two of us talked – and at least your parents’ evening gives us a reason. There are things that need to be sorted.’
They sat down together on the sofa and cuddled together. Megs stroked Alice’s hair. ‘So what is happening at that school? Is it really that bad?’
‘It’s pants. Alex and Suzie are nice but they live so far away. I think I upset them yesterday. Some of the teachers are OK but some of them are really, well, unkind, even though I don’t like to say so.’
Alice was about to go on to say some horrible things about Miss Newton and biology but she found the words got stuck somewhere between her mind and her throat.
‘That biology teacher was a bit of a dragon, I thought,’ said Megs. ‘Still, the PE teacher was nice – even if he doesn’t actually teach you.’
Alice went very red indeed at this point but to her great relief Megs still had loads to do. ‘You be OK in here while I get things ready? I told Sam to get lost for the day. He and your dad are not getting on at the moment. I don’t want little brother starting fights to make things any worse.’
‘Sure.’ Alice smiled gratefully and switched on the TV. She flicked over the channels. Normal Saturday morning kids stuff. Zillions of adverts for toys and Christmas presents: talking dolls and plastic soldiers; racing cars and board games made of bright plastic; DVDs and the latest gadgets. Even on the channels with sport and old cookery programmes there were adverts for more gifts; supermarket adverts for food and drink; adverts for credit cards and loans.
As she watched from her favourite chair, Alice kept on looking from the TV to the calendar and back again. Was this all it was about? Plastic presents and plastic food with plastic cards to pay for it all. She looked again at the door at the very centre. What would be there? What was at the centre of it all? For the first time, something inside woke up and started asking questions. Just what did it all mean?
Megs came and sat with her on the sofa just before eleven. ‘It’s a funny old thing, your calendar,’ she said. ‘Shame about the chocolate – but it’s nice having something different on the wall. I’ve got used to it now. The code thing is good. Wonder what all those little pictures mean?’
‘Dunno,’ said Alice, suddenly realising her tongue had started to tingle.
Just at that very moment, that very moment, the doorbell rang.
**********
Sam’s Saturday was strange and empty. There was no football – the match was away from home and he couldn’t afford to go. All his mates were busy. Megs had asked him to be out of the house by ten just in case Mr Toerag arrived early. He and Josie had agreed to meet for lunch but that gave him a couple of hours to kill. Against his better judgement, Sam found himself pulled, like everyone else, to the shopping mall.
The lights here were nowhere near as good as the ones in London. Reindeer alternated with Father Christmases all down the high street but lots of the bulbs were missing. In the mall itself, there were green Christmas trees and pink fairies. Another colour-blind designer! The queues at the cash points were s
ix deep already. Christmas shoppers were out in force. Mainly women, Sam thought. What men there were lagged three steps behind looking as though they would rather be somewhere else – anywhere else. Lots of little children, either rushing ahead and pointing to the shop windows, eyes growing bigger all the time or else dragging behind, tired and sulky. Some people on their own, dashing about, little headphones in place, living in two worlds at the same time.
Sam drifted for a while, wondered about a lottery ticket, then thought better of it. Eventually he found a Starbucks and sat down in the window, just watching. For once he switched off the iPod and just stared. He, too, had a strange, burning sensation on his lips where the hot coal had seared and burned something – though not his flesh. He remembered the sense of unworthiness, poverty, emptiness which came as they stepped inside the temple building. Some of the intensity inside him had gone with the burning coal: he felt able, as it were, to go on with the journey. But the emptiness was deeper, if anything. Sitting in the coffee-shop window, watching the crowds, with no music playing made it worse. So many people, thought Sam. So much activity. So little point and so little purpose. Nobody looked as though they were enjoying themselves. Everyone was in a hurry. Christmas seemed more about survival than anything else. Getting ready for this great and terrible event that nobody really enjoyed.
He pressed a number on his mobile. ‘Alice. Hi, how’s it going? Has Mr Meatball arrived?’
‘Late as usual,’ said Alice. ‘The doorbell has gone three times. First some woman with a card from the church. Then a window cleaner. Then a man delivering telephone directories – but no big bad Nick.’
‘How’s Megs?’
‘Nervous, I think. But I said sorry and we made up. Kind of had to after yesterday. Any codes?’
‘Nothing.’
‘You feeling OK?’
‘Kind of,’ said Sam. ‘But different. Got to go. Meeting Josie. Love to Megs.’
**********
As Alice put the phone down, the doorbell rang again, twice, very loud. This time it had to be Dad.
‘Nick, hi, come in. Bit later than you said,’ she heard Megs saying.
And so it starts, thought Alice with a sigh.
‘Sorry, Megs. Had to drop Janie at the hairdresser’s. You know how it is. Hi, Alice – how’s things?’
Why did he have to mention his girlfriend in the first breath? And why was he wearing enormous combat trousers? And what was that thing in his ear? Wasn’t the shaved head bad enough?
‘Come through,’ said Megs. ‘Do you want a coffee or something?’
‘Only if it’s fresh. Never drink instant these days. But I’ve not got that long really. Kind of short notice, you know. This place is looking a bit better, but what kind of junk is this?’
‘It’s my Advent Calendar,’ Alice said as Megs went out to the kitchen. ‘Sam got it for me.’
‘Did he indeed?’ said Nick. ‘Looks just like the kind of rubbish that Sam would pick up. I brought you this – thought you’d have one already but that you might like another.’
Alice was always amazed at how her dad kind of filled a room. He was big and broad physically but his personality kind of took up the whole space and squeezed everybody else into the corners. You had to fit in or just be ignored. She took the bag. It was a cheap, chocolate calendar with a big rabbit on the front.
‘Thanks,’ she said.
‘No problem,’ he said, smiling. ‘Reduced at Woollies all this week.’
‘Come and look at the kitchen,’ Alice said, leading him out to where Megs was fussing over the coffees. They sat down at the table. There was an awkward pause.
‘So,’ Nick said after a while, ‘what’s all this about school, then, Alice my girl? Not too good?’
‘S’alright,’ said Alice, looking down at her glass of orange juice, thoughts buzzing round her head. Why can’t I say all the stuff going round in my head? Why can’t I ask you why you’re not here, why you never call, why you went off with Janie, why you’ve had your head shaved like a billiard ball? Why you’re such a stupid nerd of a dad? Why Mum is so upset?
‘I think we can sort school, Nick,’ said Megs. ‘It’s been a bit rough in the first term but Alice and I have had a good talk this morning. But you and I need to sort a few things out. Alice, can you get that, love, and give us a few minutes?’
Alice picked up the receiver in the hallway. ‘Alice, it’s Josie here. Do you know where Sam is? We met for lunch a quarter of an hour ago. He was really sweet and nice to me, back to his old self. Then all of a sudden he got a message on his phone and he dashed out of the restaurant and said he has to talk to you. What’s going on?’
‘That’s funny,’ said Alice. ‘No sign of him here. It might be the code for the calendar.’ The butterflies jumped in her stomach. There was a soft tap on the door.
‘Josie – I think that’s him,’ Alice whispered. ‘I’d better let him in quietly. He’s not supposed to be here because Nick’s arrived. Mum will go spare. Can I get him to call you? Will you be OK?’
‘That’s fine. Sam asked me for lunch tomorrow – see you then, pet.’
Alice put the phone down and crept over to the door. Sam was outside, hiding behind the holly in the front garden. ‘Is he here?’
‘They’re in the kitchen. Got the code?’
Sam nodded. They crept quietly through the hall and into the front room. Alice tried not to listen to the sharp, rising voices from the kitchen. There was a new door – it must have appeared in the last few minutes: a round glass window a bit like a porthole on a ship.
Sam showed her the phone message. ‘Two, five, colon, seven ASAP.’
‘As soon as possible,’ he whispered.
‘I know that, dummy,’ said Alice, punching in the code.
‘Alice, you OK?’ Megs called. ‘Is someone with you?’
‘Fine, Mum,’ she called back, lips tingling again. The room began to fill with thick green smoke pouring out of the bottom of the calendar. ‘Don’t worry about me.’
Alice and Sam held hands as the smoke thickened and deepened, swirling round their knees. In a moment it was up to Sam’s chest and over Alice’s head. It smelt like mushy peas. Soon it was over their heads and for a few seconds they could hear and see nothing. Then, slowly, the smoke began to clear a little. Shapes appeared through the mist. Alice rubbed her eyes and looked around.
They were standing on what looked like a motorway construction site in the middle of what would be a six-lane motorway. It was very, very cold. There was half an inch of frost on the ground. Sam still had his jacket on but Alice was freezing in her T-shirt and jeans. Work on the roads was at an early stage. Alice could see the shape of the new road stretching away behind them marked out with stakes and with a foundation of gravel and concrete – but ahead of them it looked as though work had just begun carving a way through a low hillside. Coming towards them at great speed was an enormous, bright yellow bulldozer.
‘Whistling walruses, it’s cold,’ said Sam, rubbing his arms furiously. ‘Where do you think we are?’
‘D-d-d-dunno,’ shivered Alice through chattering teeth. ‘Th-th-think we’re about to f-find out.’
The bulldozer braked hard as it approached. Sam jumped back and pulled Alice out of the way as the great digger came within a couple of feet. Col was at the wheel.
‘Hi, you guys,’ he called. ‘How d’you like the green smoke? Cool or what?’
He handed them down some bright-yellow workman’s jackets and safety helmets, just like the one he was wearing. Alice’s were much too big. The jacket came down below her knees and the helmet covered half her face. ‘This digger’s amazing. Never driven one before. Come up and have a look. You look a bit blue.’
‘We’re freezing cold,’ said Sam.
‘Whoops,’ said Col.
‘Never thought about that. Climb up in the cab. It’s warm up here.’
He helped them up the ladder. ‘Isn’t this fantastic?’ Sam had to admit the view was amazing. ‘We’re in Scotland. This is a new bypass. Fantastic engineering. You can have a go in a minute. Seriously, how was the green smoke? Never tried it before – personal touch.’
‘It smelled of mushy peas,’ said Alice.
‘My favourite,’ said Col. ‘Pea soup.’
‘Mum nearly saw it as well.’
‘Ah, not quite so good then.’
‘What’s all this “ASAP” about?’ said Sam. ‘Why so urgent?’
‘To tell you the truth, I slept in,’ said Col. ‘I thought this would be a good place to come and the workmen all arrive for a new shift in an hour. I thought if you came quickly we could have more time on the digger.’
Alice rolled her eyes. To her amazement, Sam instantly understood. ‘Great move. Always wanted to have a go at one of these. Can I drive?’
‘Watch this,’ shouted Col, shifting into gear. They lurched forward, much too fast for safety, Alice thought. Col steered the digger towards a huge mound of earth at the side of the road and lowered the shovel.
‘I’m a bit new to all this,’ he called as he moved the levers to fill the shovel with earth.
‘I can tell,’ said Alice, caustically.
‘Not the bulldozer – the calendar. We have to take it in turns for week two. Normally, you would get one of the others. I’m the youngest. This is only my second time. I want to try a few new special effects.’
‘Like the green smoke?’ said Sam, warming to Col all the time.
‘Exactly,’ said Col, crashing the gears into reverse and then racing forwards again. Alice was beginning to feel sick. She wondered if her cheeks were green as well as blue.
Col dropped the earth down into a great dip which the road builders were trying to fill in, then went back for some more. After a couple of goes he handed the controls to Sam, much to his delight. Alice sat bored and cold in the corner, refusing even to have a go at driving. After the hole was filled in, Col seized the wheel again and turned the digger round. He lowered the blade at the front which looked something like a snowplough. ‘You’ll love this,’ he said, crashing the gears and putting his foot down. The monster truck charged forward, ploughing into another huge mound of rubble. ‘They were blasting here yesterday,’ Col explained. Effortlessly, Col moved the earth to one side. Despite herself, Alice began to be impressed. At the very end, when Col asked if she wanted to help drive the digger back to base, she agreed, despite herself. It was quite a feeling driving the enormous yellow monster back along a new stretch of highway.
