Nightly Howls

by Madeline Blake

  My vision is suddenly, without any warning, knocked out as I am hit in the stomach. I double over, coughing violently. I feel dizzy, and fall over completely as my consciousness starts to fade away. All I can think is that it's over. This pain now corrupting my body will inevitably take over.

  I look upwards to see a huge Shifter leaning over me, swinging a huge branch directly in front of my body. I snap my head back, but I can tell it is going to hit me anyways. Fear like nothing I have ever felt before seizes my heart.

  There is a loud growl as a flash of color races across my vision. "Don't you dare touch her!" Nico yells as he jumps at the Shifter with his arm outstretched and his hands clenched into fists. As soon as he is close enough he punches it with such strength that it literally bursts into pieces. Right after he does so, he races back towards me and cradles me in his arms. "Are you alright?" he asks, staring into my eyes.

  "P-put me down. You need to fight," I protest, and then he sighs in response.

  "I can fight and carry you at the same time." He smiles, and then slings me over his shoulder. I grab his neck while battling the temptation to give up my consciousness. Surveying the area, I can see now that the attack has abated slightly, with Yi having dropped his invisibility, and Jake not wearing that same look of desperation. But my eyes widen as I turn my head to Asher's side of the beach.

  "Nico, Asher!" I call, and he turns his head. Literally covered by ten or more Shifters, he seems to have been knocked down and halfway morphed back to his regular self. Nico starts running, barreling through some lone Shifters on the way.

  "Asher!" He calls, while punching a few of the Shifters surrounding him. On Nico's back I still manage to produce a small spear, throwing it weakly into another that was beating on Asher's head. As we get a clear view, I gasp as I see several terrible injuries cover his neck and body. One of the Shifters must have been striking him repeatedly with the scourge-like branches, because the same puncture marks I saw on Jake are abundant on Asher's chest.

  Nico bends down to check his pulse. "I don't feel anything," he whispers weakly, causing me to gasp. What... this just... can't...

  "Asher, you just can't do this!" I scream pointlessly into the distance. Nico stands up, and turns slightly to survey the rest of the battlefield. He seems surprisingly calm, but tears are pouring down his face in a betrayal of his real emotions.

  I just can’t help but think that there is something wrong with the picture before me. That Asher is breathing, that he will open his eyes, and nothing will be amiss. That he would say something like “were you fooled?!” in his low, flippant voice, and immediately jump back into the battle. I try to push forward this proposed reality while wondering, if I wish it enough, that it could become the actuality.

  "They seem to be... backing off. But Griffin..." He narrows his eyes and immediately starts running. Griffin was standing up when he clearly shouldn't, the only one who could fend off the ones attacking the wounded, and pushing two monsters to the side.

  "What are you doing! Asher-"

  "I can't think about him right now, Ella," Nico says through gritted teeth, "or I'll fall apart before the battle is over."

  I realize he is right, but at the same time I don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe any of it—that any of this is real, that there are monsters such as these who are so merciless, emotionless, and cruel.

  He helps Griffin for a few minutes while I lie on his back, images swirling before me. A wave of nausea almost overcomes my body, and the entire battle starts to blend together after a little while. I have no clue what's going on anymore, struck blind by the intensity of my emotions. There was something about Asher's bloodied face that makes me feel so guilty, and defeated.

  I jerk up as Nico jumps backwards to swing his fist at another Shifter. "I think they are leaving for some reason," He comments wryly, "luckily for us."

  The Shifters do seem to be retreating, the sea of monsters abruptly turning as if they had suddenly received a direct order. As if spellbound, I watch them turn away and march backwards. They step over their dead without a second glance, having no emotion whatsoever. These are not representative of the many Shifters I saw dotted within the forest, full of desperation, hope, and longing. These are beasts, mere monsters that cannot be salvaged.

  Immediately my gaze shifts to the side where Asher had been fighting. My eyes widen, and I start shouting in alarm. "Nico! Look!"

  There is no body over to the side of the beach, only hundreds of tree trunks and scraps of bark. In such a horrific scene of destruction, the only thing missing is the only thing that I wanted to be there.

  "Where's Asher?" I ask with tears streaming down my face, knowing that I won't receive an answer. Nico starts running, but I know no amount of speed will change anything.

  "They took him," I murmur chokingly as Nico frenziedly checks the area, "they... took him. How could they be so cruel?!" I burst into sobs as I grip as Nico's back.

  I never thought of Asher as my best friend, or even liked him half the time I knew him. But I had grown more attached to him over this short while than I could even acknowledge, and now a piece has been ripped out of my heart, and only a gaping hole remains.

  Splatters of blood are scattered along the coastline where they must have dragged him. I try to follow the trail, but soon give up as the tears blur my vision. I drop to my feet, sliding off Nico’s back, and soon find that I don’t have the energy to even stand. Nico wraps his arms around my body, sensing what I could never say, and leans forward until our bodies are just barely touching.

  “Nico… you saved my life,” I start, acknowledging him in a halting voice, “thank you. I owe you.”

  He nods, his blue hair blowing in the fierce wind, looking not at my eyes but past me entirely, casting his gaze into the furtive unknown. I realize that even though he is here, he is not, and at this moment—what he is, he isn’t. There’s a questioning of identity that comes with every horrible situation, whether it is realized or not.

  I can hear the others coming closer, but their approach is about the last thing I recognize. Caught in the pain of the indefinite moment, I lift my face up towards his and let my lips rest against his cheek.

  Nico’s arms tighten around me, almost to the point where I can barely breathe, and his face tilts so that he can brush his lips against my eyelid, and then my temple. Once again, his hand rubs up and down my back, as if confirming my existence.

  “I’m here,” I whisper, knowing that for the first time since I met him, he is the farthest away of all of us

  The Pursuit

  "Nico, wait!" I call after him, racing into the vast underbrush. I know that I have no chance of catching up with him unless he wants me to, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't even try. No one knows more than I about how large the world can be when you feel so alone and vulnerable.

  "Please!" Tears form in the corners of my eyes, dripping down my cheek and lips. Within this desperate pursuit, I can't help but feel a variety of intense emotions. The most predominant of these is a strange form of affection that cannot be easily described as desire or simple amity. I want to absorb his sadness, take in every negative emotion so that his pain will fade away. And the strangest thing is, there is no personal gain involved. I will get nothing of value out of consoling him.

  But I still want to. And that fact scares and enthralls me beyond measure.

  "Ella." Strong hands encircle me from behind, trapping me in the place I desired most. His body heat surrounds me, his shoulders lightly shaking. His voice is pained and his grip emulates that same feeling. In confusion, I look down at the ground to see a red splotch of blood.

  "It stops here." Nico says, his tone heavy. His face lowers and rests on my shoulder, his eyelashes fluttering against my ear. "The blood stains disappear. I... don't sense him at all."

  I let him embrace me, closing my eyes and immersing myself in him. As I do so, that same affection grows to consume my entire body until
I can't help but accept some form of it. Turning so that I face him, I place both hands on his cheeks and lean forwards.

  There is no logical reasoning. I guess you could say that it was because he saved me. Or maybe because of his ways of persuasion. But to me, there is no process. It just happens—or maybe it happened already, and I just didn't know it—without warning, without hope for recovery, and without obligation.

  I love him. Maybe since day one, maybe not until this very moment. But all I know now is my own realization, and I'm never going to let it go.

  My heartbeat escalates as his head leans closer to my neck. His breathing is heavy with fear and exhaustion. I can't stop myself from stroking his hair with my fingertips, and wondering if things will ever get any better.

  "Nico, I know how you feel, perhaps more so than anyone else," I sigh, rubbing his back slowly. "But you haven't been getting any sleep, and it shows. Come with me and rest."

  He doesn't move, but his grip loosens. I gently twist out of his embrace and instead reach for his hand. His palm feels warm and clammy as he gingerly closes his fingers around mine. A strange expression appears on his face as he squeezes my hand.

  I take a step towards our camp. Noticing that he is barely moving, if at all, I cast a glance at him inquisitively. He seems rooted in place, thinking about something intently.

  "Nico?" I ask inquisitively, casting a glance at our still interlocked hands. And then we make eye contact, his gaze scaring me with its intensity.

  "I don't need rest," he insists, pulling on my arm so that I am forced to turn around. "I just need you."

  My cheeks are burning red as he walks closer with purposeful strides. He picks me up, and immediately starts to run, each step taking us farther away from reality. Even though the surrounding scenery melts into a blur of colors with blinding speed, I can still consistently feel his warmth against my side. As I look up at him, I see the determination in his features, as well as defeat, and even loneliness. My heart contracts within my chest at the pitiful nature of his expression.

  He stops in some desolate region, his grip loosening on me to the point that I almost fall out of his hands. Carefully I try to lower myself onto the ground, worried about Nico's countenance.

  "Nico," I whisper, keeping my hands on his arms while I steady myself, "it's okay. You can let it out."

  His face crinkles up as he leans back against the tree, his eyes starting to tear up in a betrayal of the emotions he must be facing inwardly.

  "Nico!" I cup his cheeks with my hands, afraid of losing him. "It's not your fault, do you hear me? It's... not your fault." We are only a hairsbreadth apart, but from where I am, the distance seems much greater than that.

  "I appreciate you trying to make me feel better," Nico smiles weakly, his face tilted towards the heavens. Or whatever else is up there.

  I take my thumb and wipe a single tear off his cheeks. He laughs through his anguish, a pitiful laugh that is in distortion of everything a laugh should be like, and leans forward.

  There is no time for me to react before his lips meet mine, his teeth tugging at my bottom lip. The kiss is gentle, but soon evolves into an animalistic passion that is impossible to control. His tongue invades my mouth, and I accept it willingly, hoping that he will share some of his burden with me. That he will let me into his heart when it matters the most.

  His fingers race through my hair, pulling me even closer, almost painfully gripping at my scalp. Another hand trails down my neck and then my back, pushing my entire body so I am leaning into him. My bottom lip burns as he nips at it again, and then he tilts his head to brush his lips against my nose.

  I can feel them now—the wetness dripping onto my cheeks, my chin, my neck. I wrap my arms around his back, somehow knowing without even having to ask.

  There are no words that can be spoken, but maybe, in this one moment, there are no words that can't be conveyed through actions like this.

  Breathing heavily, Nico slides to the ground with me still in his arms. I can tell that his exhaustion is getting to him, because the intensity of his kisses has gradually decreased. I gently pull away, and he lies against the grass with his eyes fluttering.

  I move to where he was leaning and sit on my knees, staring at his face. He looks so... troubled. Even though I bet he doesn't realize it himself.

  "If you want to, you can lean on me," I say softly. He looks at me, and then weakly smiles. My breath catches in my throat.

  "I might have to take you up on that offer." Sliding himself over, he positions his head to lie in my lap. I blush at the movement, not expecting him to lean on me exactly like he did.

  He sighs, looking up at me and then the sky with the same defeated expression. Silence stretches between us, and it lasts for ages, neither one of us willing to break it.

  As we rest, my mind wanders to the implications of the recent battle at the beach. The Shifters that fought against us then were so unlike the ones I have seen in this world up until then. They looked like an army, fighting in inexplicable unison that did not match the normal isolated behavior of a lone Shifter. To my knowledge, they don't usually travel in packs or strategize in their attacks. Although, now that I think about it... they did congregate together inside Headquarters after the barrier was broken. The question is, is there a leader of the Shifters who is controlling or coordinating them for these attacks? Does someone know we are here?

  Well, I guess the better question to sum all of my worries up at once is: Are we not alone?

  A hand brushes against my cheek, startling me out of my daze. "I'm... sorry, Ella." Nico stares into my eyes imploringly, not the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

  "Sorry?" I shake a little, as if I had a chill, from the suddenness of his voice. "W-what for?"

  "Everything." He smiles now, but this one is so weak that it would have been better if he had kept a straight face. "For bringing you along this journey with me. For assaulting you with my feelings without caring for yours. For... trying to make something happen when it was... clearly... never going to work... out." His last words are so feeble that I strain to hear them, but they are the most poignant out of all of them. My heart turns as cold as ice.

  "Nico, I-"

  "I'm sorry for betraying you and the entire pack." After he says his last words, he shuts his eyes tightly, as if willing himself to go to sleep faster. I can tell that he doesn't plan on continuing the conversation, if you can even call it that.

  My head starts to droop as the exhaustion gets to me as well. Something about seeing his face slowly morph from a stony expression to something more peaceful as his breathing steadies makes me feel like I should call it a day.

  The rest of the pack will probably wonder where I went, but that's okay. We need this rest, I argue to myself, especially when so many of us are injured.

  The only thing that worries me is that maybe the Shifters will come back for the rest of us. I really need to keep guard, in case something like that happens.

  I start fighting vehemently as my eyes keep slipping downwards. The absolute stillness in the forest is not helping matters either.

  Giving up, I lean my head against the back of the tree and let sleep take me.

  * * *

  What a cruel way to continue the story.

  Sometimes I feel like I can understand it. These events and circumstances are necessary, although sometimes inexplicable. Sometimes harsh. Sometimes painful.

  Why?

  No, no... I take it back. Must. It isn't my place to know. I'd like to... but I can't. Can't ask, can't question, can't know.

  I won't get an answer anyways.

  Purpose is cruel. A beast that robs you of your natural identity and aspirations and places you on a different path that continues in a straight line, always moving never stopping running running stop take a breath no don't do it stand up keep running running running or else you'll know.

  Sometimes I feel like I'm about to shatter. Hit the ground so hard that my
face splinters and my fingers crumble and my chest explodes and then I realize, it's already happened. And so it can happen, again and again and again, without any relief, because why? Because I'm dead! Dead then, dead now, dead forever and always.

  And there's no difference anyways because

  Life is a lie. A beautiful lie. A lie that curves, diverts from the main road and detours by the rocky cliffs, crystal oceans, and pink-stained sunsets. It can move backwards and forwards, sideways and diagonally, every which way, but the truth is the lie is an illusion. Don't be fooled! There is only one direction. There is only one choice. So make a decision. There is the choice to be, and the choice to be. Take your pick.

  The end.

  "Ella! Ella! What's wrong?"

  I feel someone violently shaking my shoulders, and my eyes immediately fly open just as my head hits the front of the tree. "Ouch!" I squeal, my hand reaching up to rub where it had been hit.

  Nico is in front of me, his face only inches away. My eyes widen at his proximity, and my first instinct is to look away, only to feel guilty for doing so a few seconds later. He's... just looking out for me.

  "What... Nico..." I murmur, still confused by what was happening.

  "You were shaking just a few seconds ago, almost like you were having a seizure," Nico says worriedly, his hand rubbing down the side of my arm. My skin burns with his touch, the heat spreading throughout my body.

  "I don't know..." I reply, moving my hand to rub at my temples. My forehead throbs, each moment bringing a new wave of pain that is quickly increasing in intensity.

  "Were you having a bad dream?" He asks, his eyes immediately gravitating to where my hands are located.

  I wince as pain like a sharp blade pierces my head. "Maybe so... I'm not really sure," I groan, my mind growing hazy. "It was so strange... I thought I heard someone... crying, or talking, or maybe both. I'm not sure."