Nightly Howls

by Madeline Blake

  "There is a dark, eternal fire at the bottom of the chasm, in the core of the castle. It can destroy anything, so be careful and be brave. I am here for you."

  I look back at him, unable to stop the waterfall, and then turn to the crown. I finger it in my hands, marveling at its beauty. The same designs from before are etched on the sides, and the jewel glows with a beauty beyond measure.

  And I must destroy it? Destroying a world that has existed for years and years before I existed and the werewolf clan existed and maybe even before time truly came into effect?

  But how long then must the Shifters have suffered?

  I think back to the first Shifter I saw, resting at the base of a tree. It looked so peaceful, so innocent. Should I rob it and others of their possible salvation? How could I be so cruel?

  I'll do it. I will let go of the crown. No time for regrets. No time for second thoughts.

  Now. Now. Do it now.

  My fingers loosen.

  I say a prayer, something I am unused to doing, hoping that I am doing the right thing. Not that it matters. Because...

  The wait is finally over.

  The crown starts to slowly slip past my index, then my middle finger, then my ring...

  "Ella!"

  The door bursts open to a number of people, racing into the room like their lives depended on it. Leading the group is a person I know all too well, and we make eye contact immediately.

  "Nico?!"

  I crumble to my knees, unable to contain my fear as it consumes my entire being, leaving me drained as Fate guides my fingertips.

  If it doesn't matter, then why does it hurt so badly?

  Choosing Life

  I stare at the man before me, my fingers tightening over the crown until the tips of my finger turn white. My knees buckle as a sudden weight as strong as an avalanche pounds against my shoulders. I can't tell the reality of it, but in this one moment, it doesn't seem to matter. In my delirium, I try to form his name with my lips.

  The man yells something and starts running towards me. I feel my body slip as rocky bottoms shift into an eternal void. The weight drags me into the abyss, burying my vision into the darkness. There is no time to think or even breathe, yet my descent seems to occur in slow motion, my arms flailing without command or control. And all the while I am watching through the lens of a camera, powerless as a glass wall separates me from my body and reality.

  Until arms encircle my shoulders, bringing me upwards into an unfathomable warmth. The familiar scent disarms me, and my eyes blink as I start to realize what is happening. He came back. He found me.

  I had almost forgotten his face and touch in the face of such alarming discoveries. My heart aches as I am now overwhelmed with this comfort and... reason brought upon by his presence.

  Robbed of my willpower, I surrender myself to his embrace while turning my body into his chest. For a few moments I listen to his beating heart, the deep breaths as his shoulders shake. I almost allow myself to smile as his breathing steadies. This is why.

  "Hey," he whispers in my ear, tightening his arms around me. "You can't leave me that easily."

  I smile weakly, strangely not hating myself for agreeing with him. The warmth from his body seems to permeate into my heart, and my fingers slowly relax over the gilded crown.

  After a few seconds I let him slowly release me, looking around the room. It still has retained its spherical shape and steep cliffs, but the scenes that flashed across the rounded walls has vanished. The room appears empty in every sense of the word, and for a few seconds I wonder if any of the past events actually happened. None of it truly seems real.

  Griffin and Danae inch towards me, while Jake and Wes stay back to glare at Asher. "What were you two doing here? Where have you been?" Wes loudly asks. He tries to look strong, but we can all see his knees shaking.

  I glance at Asher, alarmed to see that his eyes had returned to its normal color. He is shaking his head nervously, muttering to himself.

  As the others gather around me, I crumble under the weight of their stares and hug the crown to my chest. I… can’t tell them. Even if I know they can help, even if it will make me feel a thousand times better, my lips just won’t form the words. Or any words, for that matter.

  “Why didn’t you help Ella yourself?” Nico furiously snaps at Asher. He turns away from me and starts marching towards Asher with a dark glare. Asher just stands there, totally frozen, a lone figure against the backdrop of the dark, desolate walls.

  “It’s okay,” I caution him, reaching for his wrist. “It’s not his fault.”

  “How is it not his fault?” Nico asks, still turned away from me. His wrist twists out of my grasp, fingers slipping around my own.

  “He’s been through a lot,” I say softly, questioning myself as I defend him. Should I just let the others get mad at him? Something prevents me from telling the truth.

  The truth will hurt.

  We make eye contact again, and he simply stares at me, green eyes devoid of any emotion or truth. The fire within me begs for the unveiling of the facade, the fabric holding us together in the patterns of fate. But then the fire fades as Nico’s warmth snakes through my arm and the comfort reaches me again.

  “I suppose you have,” Wes speaks up, a smile finally crossing his features. “I’m glad that you are safe and with us again. You need to tell us all you’ve learned about what we are dealing with.”

  “What we are dealing with?” Asher repeats, his eyes darting around the room and his mouth twitching. He starts moving towards the door as Danae and Jake follow him. Their eyes seem more guarded, as if they are expecting something.

  “You know, with the crazy Shifters and all that,” Wes replies casually, walking languidly to the door. “And we would also like to know what this room is, and why you two are here.”

  “It’s the Shifter’s dungeon,” Asher replied quickly, “it’s where they have been keeping me.” He throws another glance my way as if daring me to deny it.

  Nico leads me to the others, his hand tightening around mine. “Let’s talk about it where we can have some light. We wouldn’t want the Shifters to come back anyways.”

  I try to make contact with Asher again before we leave the room, but Nico is dragging me with such force that I don’t even catch a glance. There are so many questions I have, but the biggest one that looms over me is… what now? The web of lies is being spun and one gust of wind could completely destroy it.

  We proceed through the elegant hallway and then through the double doors into the large room we first entered. It looks different now, with a little bit of light wafting through the windows and the small candles burning brightly. I can see the detailing of the design and furniture, all with an old-fashioned feel to it. Being able to see more of the castle, however, doesn’t make me feel safe or even welcome.

  And even as we exit the castle, I get the small, eerie feeling that we are being watched.

  Asher is walking ahead, leading us around the perimeter of the castle. His steps seem shaky and unsure, and for moments I catch the edges of his skin blurring. Then I blink my eyes and it seems to be just a trick of the light. The others are walking ahead of us, seemingly unaffected by the strangeness in the air. But I know Nico can sense it, for his other hand has balled into a tight fist.

  “You feel that?” He leans down and whispers into my ear. Within that whisper I can feel the smoothness of honey dripping down his words into my willing ears. Even though I know it’s not intentional, I feel a buzz from him that is far different from what he’s talking about. Instead of responding to him, I catch myself staring at his lips.

  “Uh, uh, uh… yeah. I do.” I turn my head away, a blush forming on my cheeks. Thankfully Nico doesn’t pursue it, and as I recover his hand never leaves mine.

  I don’t want to leave this.

  Asher takes us to a small cave in a mountain beside the castle. I look around us, the trees blocking my view of the towering turrets. Once
again, the area seems free of life and movement, and I hear nothing but the roar of the wind. But I can’t shake that feeling, and I wonder if it comes from something greater than what we can understand.

  The cave is small and intimate, the few of us standing shoulder-to-shoulder in order to fit inside. I lean back against the wall, confused as to what Asher means by bringing us in here.

  “Okay, so what do you want to know?” Asher asks, sitting cross-legged on the dirt floor. The others slowly slide to their knees. Nico’s expression turns to stone, and he lets my hand slip from his.

  “Tell us about your imprisonment,” he says, leaning back against the wall with his eyes focused on Asher.

  Asher starts to talk, weaving a tale about how the Shifters dragged him to a dungeon and kept him there, feeding him sparingly. I tune out to his story, only paying attention to the werewolves. They look so strong, and determined, yet beaten and bruised as this world takes its toll. Not a smile is to be found as the pack listens to Asher, and I realize that true joy hasn’t existed for a long while. There’s relief—that Asher is okay and back in the group—but also distrust and suspicion. When did we fall apart at the seams, unravelling to the darkness of our fate?

  Frightened by my own thoughts, my hand subconsciously wraps around Nico’s arm in an attempt to forget. To have the bandage wrapped around our troubles and singularity of predestined purpose so that I don’t have to look at it anymore.

  Probably perplexed by my movement, Nico casts a quick glance at me. His hair is growing longer, cascading over his eyes and down the back of his neck. I feel the urge to brush it out of the way, but restrain myself as he turns again to focus on Asher again.

  “Well, I’m glad we got you out of there,” Nico says firmly as Asher finishes his story. “Now we have to come up with a new game plan.”

  “What now…” I murmur quietly, looking at the ground hopelessly. There is no game plan. Or even a survival plan.

  But they don’t seem to know that, ignoring my whispered words to discuss their next strategy. But is it even a strategy? All of our efforts just seem to be poking at the air with a stick.

  “We should head away from the Castle to see if there is a border,” Danae suggests, peering out from the cave into the fine mist. “It’s better than staying here where the Shifters can find us.”

  “But don’t you think the Shifters are hiding something?” Jake asks fiercely. “We shouldn’t run away like cowards.”

  “It’s a big world out there,” I finally speak, looking at each member of the group in the eye. “We don’t want to waste our energy when we are so low on food.”

  Everyone looks at each other, morbid whispers hanging in the suffocating air. Nico looks at me again, this time searching my face for answers.

  “I think we need to rest,” Asher offers, standing up quickly. “Let’s find some warm shelter. Two or three can fit in this cave.”

  I try to agree with him, but the burden of knowledge weighs down on me as countless questions come to mind. What is he doing?

  Why are you running?

  Nico stands up as well, pulling me with him. “We will find some shelter as well. Wes, stay here. Danae, you should help him.” Danae nods, and I notice a hint of purple in Wes’s face. What’s wrong with him?

  “We think he’s getting sick or his injury is infected,” Nico whispers to me as we start walking. “He has been feeling fatigued for quite some time and injuries aren’t healing as quickly in this world.”

  “That’s not good…” I say softly, my eyes narrowing as Asher takes a turn ahead of us into the underbrush. Nico leads me over in that direction, only to see Asher backing into a niche in the ground with a tree trunk over his head.

  “A few can join me over here!” he calls back to us, and I visibly sigh in relief. He wasn’t going to disappear again.

  “What?” Nico asks quietly.

  “Uh… nothing.” I smile weakly, starting to walk over towards Asher. Nico pulls me back, giving me that annoying suspicious look again.

  “We are going to find shelter over this way!” He calls back, starting to walk in the opposite direction. “Jake and the others will join you.”

  “Nico?” I ask, my eyes widening. He only tightens his hold on me and keeps looking straight ahead. I start to feel guilt, but at the same time I still know that I can’t tell him. I can’t rob that spark of life from him.

  We keep walking for quite some time, until I finally decide to figure out what’s going on. “Do we really have to walk so far away from the others?” I ask him, the exasperation impossible to hide from my voice. “I think we passed close to three other spots where we could have had some shelter for a while.”

  He smiles thinly, continuing to walk forwards. “I want to make sure.” He leads me through a pathway between trees, revealing miles of the same empty, desolate scenery.

  “Sure of wha-“ He whirls me around to face him, his hand pulling my body towards his in a crashing kiss. My knees almost buckle to the pressure and I nearly forget to breathe in the sudden, overwhelming intensity. “Nico!” I call out chokingly as he retreats only to change angles and leave me breathless yet again.

  His other hand leaves my neck and trails down my back, pulling me closer until there is no space between us. I lose myself in the repeated kisses, questioning everything that I know to be true for this one feeling that overcomes all obligation and supposed meaning. My legs become like a rag doll’s and I am completely dependent on Nico’s support. In response he lifts my legs so that I am cradled in his arms.

  “Sure that we couldn’t be heard,” he slyly whispers in my ear, brushing his lips down the side of my face into the curvature of my neck. I let out a small whimper as he kisses my collarbone, his hand brushing my leg. “I’m so glad you’re safe, Ella. I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you.” His face moves upwards, dropping a light kiss on my forehead. I stare into his eyes, my heart melting as I see myself reflected within them.

  And as he moves towards the base of a tree, carefully lowering me onto the ground as if I was… a precious object, memories start to flash within my head of him, and of us. We met before, in the real world. I hated him because I felt forced into something fake, but he made the connection between us real and authentic with every passing day. He was annoying and persistent, but turns out that happened to be my type because I fell for him anyways.

  I remember all of the moments, puzzle pieces fitting together instantaneously. There was the time in the mansion, the time where I betrayed his trust, the time where he told me he loved me anyways, and still continued to love me even as I pushed him away. I remember the Sharuken ritual, when the council told me he was gone although in reality he never left. He was the one who never tried to change me but always accepted who I was.

  His thumb gently pushes my mouth open, and his lips meet mine once more. My arms wrap around his neck desperately even as he temporarily releases me. “Forgive me for being selfish,” he says quietly, “But I need you now more than I need anything else.”

  I pull him back to me, his face millimeters from my own. “I love you, Nico. I remember everything. Now I know that I have needed you from the beginning.” I smile at him, then close the distance as his eyes widen. His hands grip at my shoulders, as if begging for confirmation.

  His knees fold from the surprise and he falls to his side against me. I guide his arm around my waist and roll into his embrace, fully intending to let go of any obligations and practicality for the most important person in my life. He lets me control our movements, and I add pressure into the kiss, rubbing his shoulder and the sides of his arm.

  Nico smiles at me, leaning back as the surprise wears off. “I’m so glad you remember. I promise that I will always be there for you. You will never regret this.” He roughly kisses my temple. “I love… you too and always will.”

  He pulls my body into his and we lie against each other, looking into the endless sky and dreaming of an eternity tog
ether. Even though the ground is cold and hard, my heart is enveloped in an ethereal warmth. This is my home. This is where I belong.

  * * *

  Whispers of judgement.

  The winds howl into the night, but I am unafraid. I am stronger than anything this world has to offer. She gives me strength… and hope.

  I lean against a tree, robbed of all my energy. Breaths are a triviality to my kind, but I need them… to keep my identity. To exist rather than to fade away into the endless mist.

  There is no blood here. There is no tears or anger, no happiness or laughter. We are only shells, but we still have the hope of life. She must come soon, or I will crumble to the emptiness of this world.

  I know she will send me on the path to deliverance.

  My eyes flutter, and I awake to the roar of the wind. I wonder why I am not shivering, and then quickly recognize the warmth of the man right beside me. It feels so nice here. I could stay here… forever…

  I want to say that I’m sorry, but I can’t form the words.

  I want to say that you don’t have to do this, but I can’t form the words.

  Because I’m losing myself and everything I value. I can’t feel or breathe, completely stagnant in a static world. Feelings are a dull ache, and actions are beyond my means. I can’t form much of anything that mirrors what I would call myself. Does self even exist anymore? I would like to say yes, but I still can’t form the words.

  Save me, please. Although I can’t beg.

  I jerk upwards, my chest heaving. Even though the air bites with a hint of frost, my arms and head glisten with sweat. The whispers are caving in on me.

  Nico lies beside me, still sleeping. His shirt rests against the tree, and I carefully pick it up and drape it over him. He must have been really tired, because he’s not usually such a heavy sleeper.

  I stand up quickly, trying to rid my head of all the madness swirling around inside it. I… know what I saw, but I’m not sure that I want to admit it to myself. So I’ll just call it lunacy. Insanity. Nothing that has anything to do with me.