by K. Ryan
“Jesus,” Finn muttered under his breath. “It’s a good thing I actually like that damn cat or else I’d probably be out on my ass by now.”
“That’s only sort of true,” I shrugged diplomatically. “I love both of you equally and differently.”
“Yeah, I know where I rank. Pretty soon, I’m gonna be the one sleeping at the foot of the bed,” Finn glanced over his shoulder at Oliver and jabbed a finger at him. “I know all your tricks, buddy.”
“Oh boy,” I sighed and gestured with my head towards the grill in an effort to distract him. “How’re those brats coming? Slinger and Mara are gonna be here soon and we can’t miss the pre-game now, can we?”
Finn shot me an exasperated, albeit playful, glare but eventually gave in and stood so he could check on our tailgate food.
The crisp September breeze curled around us, lifting up the edges of Finn’s overly-long, floppy brown hair and making me wish I’d worn something other than just a Packer jersey outside. It was amazing how much difference a year could make—the different twists and turns that made up a life, that took you to unexpected places, both good and bad, and the people who helped you get there.
Regardless of how I’d gotten here, I was right where I was supposed to be. Less than two months after Finn came to the café, he moved in with Oliver and me, and we’d never looked back.
Life had settled down since the initial outpouring after my article went viral. Finn put in his hours at the brewery, but practically ran out the door the second his day ended to come home to us. I’d cut back my hours at the café so I could devote more of my time to working with the Madison chapter of the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative, which meant I had to travel from Milwaukee to Madison at least once a week, but the time was worth it. The work was worth it. And in a month, I’d get to speak in front of the state senate along with 14 other women, putting a real voice and a real face to the crimes committed against us.
The past was behind us now. We could only move forward and I’d never felt happier in my entire life.
Finn’s hand closed over my shoulder and I tilted my head back to find him grinning down at me.
“I gotta run inside quick to grab a plate for the brats,” he told me warmly. “You need anything?”
“Nah,” I shook my head. “I’m good. Hurry up so you can come back out here by us.”
He chuckled and then his lips grazed my neck, trailing all the way up along my jawline until he found my lips, pressing a hard kiss there that told me to expect more of that later tonight after our game day guests left.
“Love you,” he murmured against my lips.
I reached up to tangle my free hand in his hair. “Love you too.”
“I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.”
He slid the screen door open so he could step through and retreated inside our apartment. I glanced down at my cat, smiling as “Let My Love Open The Door” played softly from my turntable inside our apartment, and he blinked at me before burrowing even deeper into my lap, his little white paw stretching up to give my cheek a light tap.
“Love you too, buddy,” I murmured to him.
Meh.
Oliver nudged his cheek into my neck, but saved the theatrics for when Finn came back out so they could resume their little competition over me, and I kissed the top of his soft, furry little head.
I guess I never thought I’d get here, never knew it was even possible to be in a place where I’d feel this safe, this loved, and this happy. And I guess that was before I looked out my old patio door at my old apartment and saw those streaks of grey and black and those little flashes of white.
I’d always known I was lost. I just hadn’t known how lost I really was until he found me.
So, like I said, it all started with a cat.
Author’s Note
Calling this book semi-autobiographical is a huge stretch. Loosely inspired by real events and real people is more accurate. So, let me help you sift through fact and fiction. Oliver is very real. In fact, he’s trying to walk all over my computer right now as I type this. The journey that Emma takes with him in this story is nearly identical to the one Oliver and I are still taking together, save for a few minor adjustments. Everything else...that’s not me.
I have, however, drawn on an aspect of my life that I’ve since put behind me. My reasons for leaving teaching were boring things like budget cuts rather than the nightmare Emma experienced. My goal in choosing to include that aspect of my ‘former’ life, my teaching career, is not to vilify anybody or anything related to education (okay, maybe one person), but to simply express a perspective rooted in my personal experience in that field.
The inspiration for what happened to Emma came about last year during one of my (former) classes. We were discussing society’s double standard when it comes to the genders and sex related to A Streetcar Named Desire. I brought in an article detailing Jennifer Lawrence’s phone-hacking scandal and the nude photos that leaked onto the internet as a result, asking the class to consider things from her point of view. Was it wrong for the pictures to exist in the first place? Is it wrong for anyone to look at the pictures now that they’re out there on the internet? A heavy topic for juniors in high school, I know, but it was still a valid one considering nearly 99 percent of them view their cell phones as another appendage.
I remember very clearly that the girls in the class were screechingly, almost annoyingly vocal about the invasion, and about how it should be considered sexual assault, while the guys were sitting there going, What’s the problem? One boy in particular unknowingly drove the point home—I called on him and his response was, and I quote, “Sorry, I didn’t hear what you were saying because I was staring at this picture of Jennifer Lawrence.” The frustration I felt towards the boys in my class kind of came out of nowhere for me because they were just seeing her as an object and not as a person. I thought to myself, What if this was me? What if someone had done this to me...how would you be looking at me now? That experience was something that stayed with me and ultimately, served as some of the inspiration for writing this book.
I know my book isn’t the first book to tackle this issue, but given my experience and my own feelings on the subject, I felt like I had something to add to the discussion and wanted to offer another point of view.
I honestly believe that what happened to Emma could easily happen to anyone. She could’ve been me. My friends. My cousins. My co-workers. Any of my former students. Hopefully, this book provided some comfort to all the girls like Emma out there who’ve made mistakes, but who’ve yet to figure out how to forgive themselves as well as some insight into an aspect of education that isn’t really discussed openly, but should be.
If you’d like to learn more information about the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative, you can visit their website, www.cybercivilrights.org.
Thank you for reading.
About the Author
K. Ryan is a former English teacher, who graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point in 2009. When not writing, she’s either binge-watching something on Netflix, running, reading, or cheering on the Packers. She lives in the Green Bay area with her crazy-supportive boyfriend and the best decision of her adult life, a not-so-stray cat named Oliver.
Follow her on Twitter @authorkryan, visit her Facebook page, or visit her website, authorkryan.com, for updates and news.
Other Books By K. Ryan
The Carry Your Heart Duo
Carry Your Heart
Carry You Home (TBA)
Acknowledgements
Like I’ve said before, I think a book is really only as good as its cover, so I owe a huge thank you to Christa at Paper and Sage. When I first saw this cover on your website, I just about fell out of my chair because it was like you’d gotten in my head and created exactly what I wanted.
To Mia at IndieSage PR, thank you for all your advice and your support through the release of both my books. Your encouragement and your frie
ndship has been invaluable to me through this process. Thank you for always being my cheerleader!
To Ali, Nikki, and Krista, my awesome betas—I can’t tell you how much easier the editing process was this time around, but it went so smoothly because I had you wonderful ladies in my corner. Thank you for giving up some of your free time to help me. Let’s do it again.
To Mike, Mom, Dad, and Matt—thank you for your unwavering support and making me feel like I was getting it right every step of the way.
To my readers—thank you for letting me close a chapter in my life through writing this book and thank you, again, for reading.
Songs In Order Of Appearance:
“Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone
“Like a Rolling Stone” by Bob Dylan
“Start Me Up” by The Rolling Stones
“Green and Yellow” by Lil’ Wayne
“Mama Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J
“Country Girl (Shake It For Me)” by Luke Bryan
“Just What I Needed” by The Cars
“Runaway Train” by Soul Asylum
“Proud Mary” by Creedence Clearwater Revival
“Hotel California” by The Eagles
“Baba O’Riley” by The Who
“Moondance” by Van Morrison
“Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac
“Any Way You Want It” by Journey
“Closer To The Heart” by Rush
“Hey Jude” by The Beatles
“That’s All Right” by Elvis Presley
“Hold On Loosely” by .38 Special
“Stand By Me” by Ben E. King
“Under the Boardwalk” by The Drifters
“Sex On Fire” by Kings of Leon
“Back Down South” by Kings of Leon
“Snow (Hey Oh)” by Red Hot Chili Peppers
“Californication” by Red Hot Chili Peppers
“Sitting, Wishing, Waiting” by Jack Johnson
“The Pretender” by Foo Fighters
“Afternoon Delight” by Starland Vocal Band
“Skinny Love” by Bon Iver
“Fake Plastic Trees” by Radiohead
“Karma Police” by Radiohead
“High & Dry” by Radiohead
“Temple” by Kings of Leon
“Fans” by Kings of Leon
“Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake
“Yellow” by Coldplay
“Why Should I Worry?” by Billy Joel
“Long-Legged Guitar Pickin’ Man” by Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash
“Begin Again” by Taylor Swift
Theme from Mission: Impossible
“Everything Has Changed” by Taylor Swift feat. Ed Sheeran
“Give Me Love” by Ed Sheeran
“Taper Jean Girl” by Kings of Leon
“Always Alright” by Alabama Shakes
“Maria” from West Side Story
“Somewhere Over The Rainbow” by Judy Garland
“The Blower’s Daughter” by Damien Rice
Theme from The Twilight Zone
“Your Song” by Elton John
“Show Me The Way” by Peter Frampton
“Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey
“I Don’t Wanna Work” by Todd Rundgren
“Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell
“River” by Joni Mitchell
“It Must Have Been Love (Christmas For The Broken-Hearted)” by Roxette
“Supersoaker” by Kings of Leon
“Molly’s Chambers” by Kings of Leon
“Ragoo” by Kings of Leon
“Charmer” by Kings of Leon
“Teenagers” by My Chemical Romance
“Virtuality” by Rush
“Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift
“Shake It Out” by Florence + The Machine
“Let My Love Open The Door” by Pete Townshend
