by Evans, Mike
Shaun said, “Well at least no one got hurt because of it. If anything would have happened to any of us I'm not sure that I would have been able to live with myself,” Shaun said.
Greg didn’t want to say it but he knew that he had to. “Well I can’t say that no one got hurt. We did have casualties and they were not pretty ones. When Aslin packed up to come and get us, first time around they got into a car crash out in Ankeny thinking that that was where we might have ended up. Hammond didn’t have his gun on safety and painted the windshield with Shelman’s brains. When Clary was on his way with the bus, he had Phillip and Andy following us. Well when Phillip lost control of his bus it rocked back and forth and flipped over. I don’t think I need to give you any details other than Shelman, and Philip, and Andy never made it to the apartments where we were picked up at.”
Shaun thought of them, though they were not best friends, but they had been around enough that they were definitely friends and he did care whether they lived or died. “Is that it, did we lose anyone else because of this?” asked Shaun
“When we were outside of the apartment complex there were a shit ton of the Turned and they came out through the second floor windows and it was close to being a slaughter. I thought we were all screwed honestly.”
“What caused it? Did they leave?”
Greg actually laughed thinking about it. “No but Clary raced across the street in one of the Army buses and fucking crashed into them. He took a ton of them out.”
“But not all of them Greg?”
“No, there were still a few that made it through. One of them jumped onto the pickup and Maryann was in back. Well let’s just say that it really messed up Patrick. He had to put her out of her misery before she Turned and he finished the thing off with Joey's baseball bat. There is something brutal about it when Joey hits them with it, trust me, I've seen it in the store when we were there he saved my ass. But when it was Patrick, he hit them with every bit of hate his skinny ass had and he cracked the damn thing’s head open. He didn’t stop kicking it until he was exhausted and its brains lay alongside Maryann’s in the truck bed. It was gruesome. I’d say that you are lucky that you were out for the count and didn’t have to see it.”
“Yes but if I would have been there then maybe I could have taken it out. Why was she in the truck in the first place?”
“They were protecting you and Ellie. They had you both in the back of the truck and you were dead to the world after Aslin got you out of the lake area.”
Shaun looked down at his soup while stirring it around with a spoon slowly. “So what you are saying is, she had to risk her life because of me? There was another girl that didn’t have to die because of my mistakes, something I shouldn’t have ever been an issue to take care of.”
Greg said, “You can blame yourself all you want Shaun, but it’s ignorant to do that. You aren’t responsible, you didn’t start this, if anything it’s your dad’s fault or Tina’s brother Lucas’ fault or his friends fault, or the asshole principal’s fault for not being in the hallway to watch over kids. It is a butterfly effect like no other. You need to stop blaming yourself. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to watch out for yourself not just others but Christ, until you get it through your thick head I'm going to keep repeating it to you. I want you to understand this. I know you have every reason to be pissed at me, but if we are going to start this new brigade team you are going to have to be able to be trusted and to not get yourself killed.”
Shaun said, “Then I need Ellie to stay here, if and when she comes out of it.”
“Shaun if that’s the case then think about this, if you make her stay here, which you know that she’d tell you to go to hell, that you’d find someone else that needs your help, what if it is me, or Joey, or Patrick, or a hundred other people? There’s never going to be an end to who you need to take care of. That isn’t going to work if that is what we do.”
Shaun nodded slowly as he looked at Ellie. He realized he needed to look at her as a fellow survivor instead of as a responsibility. Shaun thought about if he loved her and knew that it wasn’t so much a question as a guaranteed feeling he had for her and her only, there was no one else that he loved like this woman or ever had. “I can’t make any promises Greg, but I don’t want to die, if I do then there’s not going to be anyone around to take care of your dumb ass.”
“Exactly, but we are going to need you get better, you are already skinny enough the way it is. But the new mission isn’t really why I came here to talk to you.”
“Oh no, you didn’t want to come and apologize for being a d bag did you?”
Greg said, “Well, come to think of it, I did. I know that I wasn’t supposed to lie to you or to the others, we are friends. I know that it was wrong and it wasn’t intentional.”
“What do you mean it wasn’t intentional? Of course it was, you lied. You knew that it was wrong, and that it was potentially dangerous.”
“Yeah ok, so it was intentional, but I just needed to get the hell out of here. I don’t have an excuse, ok. It was stupid. I almost got you killed, and I'm sorry. I can guarantee you it won’t ever happen again.”
“You realize if you do this again, we aren’t only done but we are going to have issues of immeasurable quantities. We have to be able to trust each other. Now I know that we aren’t allowed to only care about one person and maybe I'll be able to deal with that thought process one day, but if anything does happen to Ellie because of a lie, I'm going to hurt you or anyone that would be responsible for it. I love her Greg and it’s not acceptable, I don’t care what it is, we can’t let it happen.”
Greg went to say something but knew that he was wrong, there was little that he could say that they would agree with. He held out a hand and asked, “So are we ok?”
Shaun stared at him for a second then pulled him off balance and gave him a hug with what little strength he had left. He said, “You know I love you too man, not like in a ‘your butt looks good’ way, but you are my brother at this point. You were there and always have been. I would have gone with you even if you told me that we weren't allowed to leave but at least we would have had a better plan because of it.”
Greg pushed off of him and asked, “Really, you don’t think you would’ve told me to go to hell? That you would have just not gone?”
Shaun thought about it, not sure honestly what he would’ve done. He said, “Honestly Greg, it isn’t that easy of a question to answer given the fact that I know what the outcome was. I mean think about what happened man. This isn’t something you would wish on your worst enemy, a day like this.”
Greg stood up while grabbing Shaun’s bowl and topping it off with more soup. “I understand, and for now on if we are going to go and do anything, it’s you and me, and we make sure that each of us knows what the other is getting into. This world we have to deal with isn’t stocked with friends. We only have so many people who we can trust.”
Shaun took the soup, blowing on it and stirring it slowly. “You have to earn trust Greg, that’s what my dad said. Once you lose it, it isn’t very easy to get back. But telling the truth all the time, every time, going forward isn’t a bad way to start.”
Greg gave him a thumbs up and pulled up a seat and watched Ellie’s chest rise slowly. Shaun said, “She’ll come out of it, don’t worry man, I know she will.”
“What makes you so confident? We aren’t doctors.”
“Because she has to, or I'll probably lose my mind, man. If I'm going to lose her it needs to be immediate. I don’t think I can watch any more people slip away. My mom going through cancer and becoming frailer by the day was too much to handle. If it’s going to happen again, then I honestly don’t know what I'm going to do.”
Greg said, “I can understand that.” He took Shaun’s bowl from him and put it on the counter when Shaun held up his hands that he was full. The two of them sat quietly until Shaun started to drift off. Greg headed out of the infirmary, telling e
veryone that Shaun was resting and that they could visit with him later if they wanted to.
Chapter Twenty-five
Over the next week Shaun started to get his strength back. They were definitely some of the hardest days he had to face in quite some time. He sat by her side day and night, eating and exercising, but not leaving the room for anything that he could do there. The longer that Ellie stayed asleep, the worse Shaun got both mentally and emotionally. After the first week had passed, his hopes slowly started to wither away. The March sun had finally began to come out and the snow had begun to melt. The green grass was something that everyone was thankful and happy to see. Lou came in the room less and less; with all of his experience over the years of watching someone slowly slipping away while their loved one had to watch them, was something he did not enjoy watching, especially with kids this young. He couldn’t help but think of his own daughters and the thought of something like this happening to them.
Joey came in at the end of week two and brought Shaun food. Shaun was a shell by this point and filled with rage. Joey started off like he always did, which was with a hug, but Shaun was not receptive. He said, “Not now Joey. I’m not doing so hot today.”
“Do you want me to go get Mr. Lou and have him check you out Shaun?”
Shaun shook his head no. “There isn’t anything that he or you or anyone can do for me Joey. I just need to be alone to think please.”
Joey said, “Maybe you wanna go for a walk, it’s like forty-five degrees outside it is great. It might do you good to get some exercise.”
Shaun felt his arms; they had gotten toned from the last few weeks of doing nothing but sitting by her side and working out. “I think I'm ok Joey, you don’t need to hang around here if you got other things to do, ok?”
Joey said, “Well I could go see if Mr. Aslin or Clary needs help with anything if you want to be alone.”
Shaun nodded his head, thinking that he surely wasn’t going to be very much good to anyone under the circumstances. He could only see the Turned coming for him and Ellie pushing him out of the way and the one thing he couldn’t handle happening, which was her getting seriously injured. He took her hand kissing it and said, “I’m going to be back Ellie, I promise, but if something happens, I want you to know that I love you. I love you more than anything I ever have.” He kissed her on the lips and brushed the hair away from her forehead then resting his to hers. He grabbed his parka and headed out of the infirmary.
Chapter Twenty-six
Shaun walked to the back of the medical supply center, being careful to avoid Lou and therefore, avoid questions. He went to the blood supply center, grabbing ten bags of the thousands that they had on supply placing them into a backpack. When he had enough that he thought he would be able to keep himself busy, he left the infirmary and headed for the vehicle depot. He was careful to keep his distance from everyone, not wanting to answer questions he knew were just being asked out of respect for himself and Ellie. When he arrived it was empty. Gas was something they didn’t want to waste and therefore walking was something that everyone did unless there was a solid reason for needing a vehicle
Shaun went inside, grabbed a set of keys to a four-wheeler, much like the one that his dad owned, and one of the only things he knew that he could drive confidently. He went outside and checked it out, making sure that the tires weren’t flat and that the gas tank was full. He knew that he wanted to make it back once he was done of course, so on his next stop he made sure that he would be hurting for nothing. He knew the codes for the door and went in, keeping quiet and hoping that Clary was not inside the facility working on something as he commonly was. Clary had taken it upon himself to make sure that every single rifle and firearm on the base was in top working condition. He’d started to show many of the teens how to work on them but there was nothing that years of experience could replace.
Shaun selected what he needed, as well as a bag full of MRE’s, blankets, and a few gallons of water. He thought of how many supplies he had on him and understood that very soon he needed to learn to drive something a bit bigger. He knew the ATV was going to be optimal for today though and it was something that he could drive through horrible conditions and get moving quickly at a moment's notice. When he had everything that he thought that he needed, he drove to the base entrance where a few teens were sitting and waiting. They came out, looked at the artillery that Shaun had on him and one asked, “What are you doing with the ATV Shaun?”
Everyone knew him, which was a blessing and a curse, at the same time. He said, “Just going to drive the perimeter for Clary and Aslin. They wanted to see if there were any weak spots in the fence after winter hitting. You know with all of the trees that can fall during ice storms, it was something that they were legitimately concerned about. I think they just wanted to get me outside and doing something. You can call them and ask them if you want but Aslin has to cook this afternoon’s lunch and man is he in a shit mood.
The boys both laughed at this and asked, “When are they going to let the new people, who actually can cook, take over?”
Shaun said, “They are, I just don’t think they have the hearts to kick him out of the kitchen. He likes to make sure everything is going smoothly, no matter how much he hates it. I can’t remember what station you guys are using though.”
The kid motioned for Shaun to give him his radio and said, “After you guys went out on your own, Clary said we use channel four and we don’t use anything else. He said we can’t even take it off to look at the other channels. Man, you are lucky that you guys made it back, those things are so goddamn evil.”
Shaun nodded and climbed back onto the four-wheeler, not asking if it was ok to do it. “Hey, hit the gate for me will you? I don’t have all day to sit here and chat. You guys got it easy sitting on guard duty.”
They wanted to ask more questions but knew how Clary and Aslin didn’t want to screw around when it came to orders. Shaun waved as they let the barrier down and sped off and down the street. They watched him as he went and when he never turned to go towards the gate, they looked at each other curiously. Mark, the one in charge, asked, “You think that we should let someone know about that? You don’t think that he is going to do anything stupid do you?”
Henry, the second guard, shook his head no. He said, “Nah, he’ll be ok, Christ, he almost froze to death. He’s probably just taking one of the back roads over to the rear of the base. It’s no big deal; last thing we want to do is waste anyone's time with stupid questions, right? Just beep him on your radio.”
Mark did so and got no chatter back for his request. He looked up at the sky, thinking that there was a really good chance that he had been fooled.
“What do you want to do then? What if he’s going back to town?” asked Henry.
Mark said, “I don’t know damn it. Do we call it in or do we leave it alone?”
Clary came over the radio and said, “What are you two bothering Fox for? He’s at the infirmary, God forbid that kid is getting some shut eye and you guys are bothering him.”
Mark looked at Henry who shook his head. He said, “You’re the one in charge, you tell him what you did.”
Mark extended his middle finger and shook his head. He said, “Don’t worry I'm going to make sure that you get in just as much shit as I do, we can clean the bathrooms together you prick.”
Clary, always the patient one, snapped off on his radio, “Is there a reason you aren’t answering me son, what the hell do you want with Fox?”
Mark said, “It’s no big deal sir. We were just trying to figure out why he went the long way.”
“The long way what, who the hell put you on guard duty?”
“You did sir. I think you said that you wanted us to get some experience.”
“Well then you have a hell of a lot to learn, don’t you? Now why don’t you expand on what it is that you think you are saying makes sense.”
Mark was starting to freak out, regardless of how lo
ng the dead had been walking around, he still hated more than anything that feeling of letting someone down. He was not a fan either of it being an ex-Navy SEAL who he could tell very easily was pissed off. He yelled unexpectedly, “It isn’t my fault damn it! Shaun said that you and Aslin told him that he should go on an ATV around the perimeter of the base and make sure that there are no weak spots on the fence.”
Clary slapped his face then rubbed a hand hard down it. He said, “He told you that I asked him to do that?”
“And Aslin sir, that it was your idea. But I don’t know if he actually did that because he just kept on driving on his ATV.”
“Mark, let me ask a stupid question please.”
“Sir, aren’t there no stupid questions.”
“Yes, well that is what adults like to tell kids that don’t know shit yet. But anyways, you can see through the fence, correct? What I mean is, there are holes given there is quite an impressive span of barbed wire at the top, but either way, you can see through it right?”
Mark looked at Henry who was whispering, “I know that, this is a trick question dude. Don’t answer, just wait it out.”
Mark felt like he was suffocating on the silence and finally said, “Yes sir, you are able to see through to both sides of things. Can I ask what that has to do with anything sir?”
Clary said, “Well I was just contemplating in my mind that if you are able to see through the fence why in the hell of all things, fucking mighty and holy, you would have any reason to leave the base?!”
Henry punched him in the arm and did so hard. “See stupid, I told you that it was a trick question. You should have just shut up.”
“What do you want us to do sir?” Mark asked.
Clary said, “Nothing. That is going to help us get Shaun back here. You don’t open those gates for anyone unless they are with me or Aslin, do you understand that? Is there anything about the words coming outta my mouth that you didn’t comprehend one hundred percent?”
